Tales from Techsupport

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: I'm having trouble installing your software.
Me: Okay, what is happening?
Customer: Well we got new Windows 7 workstations. And I'm able to use both the OS and the program with no problem. But when I go to your website, hit "Download", then choose "Save," I pick the folder I want - on my network drive - and hit Save. It downloads quickly - under a minute for a ten MB file - but then a window comes up that indicates "Copying Program_Setup.EXE from C:\Users\Temp to X:\Downloads... with a 9+ minute estimated time.
Me: Okaaaayyy...
Customer: This just started happening Tuesday.
Me: What happened Tuesday?
Customer: I was out of the office. Maybe it missed me and got jealous.
Me: Anthropomorphizing computers aside, are you aware of any system updates?
Customer: No. However our server is ailing, and with less than 2GB free on the data drive (which has a max capacity of 60GB), we're expecting a replacement in the next 60 days.

So I remotely connect into her computer and do the downloads she needs, then try to apply them. Even with Full Control access to the destination folder, she's getting disk space warnings.
I delve into my program's structure, delete a few older installers, some unneeded temp files, that sort of thing, (freeing up about 250MB)and go about downloading all of the update installers to her local C: drive.

So I try the installer again - same issue.

I try to "backdoor" it, and instead install to her C: drive, and go about copying the executables and other files that the update included.

At this point, I discover that copying a 7.72MB file from C: to X: will take over 3 minutes. A 13MB file took over 11. Windows 7's "more details" window displays a 39KB/sec transfer rate.

Me: Well, everything's in place, however you're having a terrible problem with your server. Information is transferring at under 40KB/second, where it should be transferring at over 30 times that (probably more.) You may want to ask your tech guy to either troubleshoot the issue, or expedite the replacement, because this sort of issue is never a good thing...
Customer: Here's my tech
Tech: What's the problem now?
Me: Your gig-ethernet capable server is transferring files at 39KB/second
Tech: That doesn't sound too bad, it's gig-e after all
Me: Maybe you didn't hear me right. I said 39 KILOBYTES per second.
Tech: Yeah, that's riii... wait, what?

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That reminds me of one I had a few months back.

An e-mail went out to the procurement guy (and the whole IT team) with the subject line "[LOL]What is the requisition process for..."

and contained the following:

...2,998,928 Terabytes of drive space?

Attachment 2070

Soandso apparently needs it.

Procurement guy replies:

3TB of drive space for what? Internal or external?
Is this for a customer or for us? If external do you need USB or NAS?
If internal, internal to what?

Everyone proceeds to laugh their asses off.

Double Duh Day:

1:

Get a call from a customer who is having an issue where a certain setting isn't being saved.
I remotely connect to her computer, see the number is getting truncated. I have the same problem on my system.
Forward all appropriate logs to the developer who says "Oh, yeah, numbers that start with that combination of digits are getting stuck because the encryption model won't save this information in ASCII in a plaintext file."
I say back to him, "Good thing it's not personally identifying information, huh?
He responds back, "Why?"

2:

An important part of our web server stopped working on Monday night, just out of nowhere. Pages are being displayed that shouldn't exist.
Tuesday morning my counterpart emails development and says "This isn't right, please fix."
Development replies and says "there's nothing wrong, you can't prove anything."
We provide over a dozen screenshots and randomly poke around on the website to prove it. This was ten in the morning.
After providing this information to development, we get no response.
So I send a followup email around 4pm saying "WTF?" so in short order they provide some random and bs response about how the downloads of the program shouldn't be affected, blah blah blah... and yet they are.
The next morning (today), there's an email that says "oh yeah there was a problem with the server storing thousands of ASPX pages that it shouldn't have been, and instead of creating new ones, was backtracking and using old ones, but that's okay we restored the web folder"
Us: When will this be fixed?
Dev: Fix what?

Coworker walks up to my desk and says "When I do X Y and Z at home, it doesn't work"
Me: What doesn't work? (asking for clarification)
Coworker: X, Y, and Z
Me: Are you doing 1 before X, 2 before Y, and 3 before Z?
Coworker: How do I know?

Email to customer's tech: We need you to download X utility. Once downloaded, Unzip the file. The included EXE will fix your issue.
Tech reply: We followed your instructions. Here is the file size and icon of the utility. (file size is too small; icon is incorrect.) When we run it, we get an error, "this file is not compatible with this version of windows" This is unacceptable. We need this utility to fix this issue.

My reply: The file you are running, while the correct file, is not in a usable state. Per previous instructions, you must UNZIP the file you received before you can use it. You cannot rename it to .EXE.

Tech: Why can't I just rename it? It's still an EXE.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Email to customer's tech: We need you to download X utility. Once downloaded, Unzip the file. The included EXE will fix your issue.
Tech reply: We followed your instructions. Here is the file size and icon of the utility. (file size is too small; icon is incorrect.) When we run it, we get an error, "this file is not compatible with this version of windows" This is unacceptable. We need this utility to fix this issue.

My reply: The file you are running, while the correct file, is not in a usable state. Per previous instructions, you must UNZIP the file you received before you can use it. You cannot rename it to .EXE.

Tech: Why can't I just rename it? It's still an EXE.

---

Seriously, the guy was a tech? Wow!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Email to customer's tech: We need you to download X utility. Once downloaded, Unzip the file. The included EXE will fix your issue.
Tech reply: We followed your instructions. Here is the file size and icon of the utility. (file size is too small; icon is incorrect.) When we run it, we get an error, "this file is not compatible with this version of windows" This is unacceptable. We need this utility to fix this issue.

My reply: The file you are running, while the correct file, is not in a usable state. Per previous instructions, you must UNZIP the file you received before you can use it. You cannot rename it to .EXE.

Tech: Why can't I just rename it? It's still an EXE.

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How could a tech not know to right click and extract? Hasn't windows been able to unzip since XP? Not to mention any company computer will have an unzip utility anyway.

It's definitely a full moon.

Tech: When my user prints, she get error messages saying ".NET 4 is missing and needs to be installed"
Me: It needs to be installed from Microsoft's website
Tech: Well why didn't you alert me that we needed it?
Me: That information is included in the release email, the release notes, the installer, and after successful installation the program pops up a warning box as soon as it opens, if .NET 4 is not detected, that it needs to be installed.
Tech: You expect me to read a warning box?

Here's another good one

Customer: I imported from my 2011 return, and I'm getting information duplication. When I delete the duplicate record, it removes the original record.
Me: This issue, while now rare, may occur when importing from a prior year tax program that has not been updated to its final release version.
Customer: I finished my returns, why would I update after that?
Me: Because it's necessary
Customer: Well it was never necessary before
Me: According to your records you called back in 2008 with the exact same problem
Customer: That was five years ago, how am I supposed to remember that?
Me: Be that as it may, we need you to update your programs before you can import
Customer: I think it's stupid that you release versions of the programs after people stop using them
Me: So fixing bugs and releasing further updates, one of several things your yearly payment covers, as it does this support call, is stupid?
Customer: YES!

Our support guy asked a user for a screenshot showing a problem they were reporting. What he got was a low resolution photo taken by a phone camera of their monitor...

Attachment 2135

Just keep repeating to yourself. 100 is the average IQ.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Merkus

Our support guy asked a user for a screenshot showing a problem they were reporting. What he got was a low resolution photo taken by a phone camera of their monitor...

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With the snipping tool it's even easier now for non-tech savvy employees to grab screenshots, you can grab exactly what part of the screen you want, easy as pie. I still use alt+print screen key mostly, because that plus paste to email, etc is still easier and quicker.

I use Snagit....really great tool for grabbing screen shots and adding notes, pointers, etc.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Merkus

I use Snagit....really great tool for grabbing screen shots and adding notes, pointers, etc.

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I use Greenshot because open source > *

I have 150mb of pictures and I can't email them to <the person across the hall>, can you help me?

This is what happens when you buy your 70-year old mom her first smart phone. I didn't want to, but she said she needed it.
:banghead:

Attachment 2147

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Merkus

This is what happens when you buy your 70-year old mom her first smart phone. I didn't want to, but she said she needed it.

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So she can ask her homies "Hey where you at? Get yo Buick Imperial over here cuz it's BAZINGO NIZIGHT!"

You think her reply might be some old-people lingo us kids just don't understand?

You need to put that fucker on:
http://www.parentsshouldnttext.com/

I think I earned my pay for the week with this one issue...

Worked from home this morning (because I was a tard, and ate mashed potatoes with milk, and being lactose intolerant, that weren't too SMRT)
My internet dies at 8:30, and then again at 9:30... Just moments after I find out that one of the sales managers, who had been on vacation for the last 2 weeks, came in to find out her computer's hard drive crashed.

I spent a half hour troubleshooting it, before I got her office quiet (and empty) enough to hear the death throes of the hard drive. Shit.

So I swap the drive in from another computer - boots just fine. Except then I can't get the damn thing on the domain.
Apparently, you can't do that with Windows 7 - so I had to swap the original hardware for Drive2 with PC1. No biggie.

Went over her options - suck it up, etc - only to find out she doesn't have a recent backup of her Very Important Emails(TM) since at least 2008 and she's practically in tears.

I remember that I bought an SATA-USB Bridge a couple years ago, but misplaced it somewhere in the move... so I tell her I have one possible option left and leave it at that.

I get home, I find the bridge, connect it up, and drive still won't spin up.

I throw it in a ziploc bag with a silica packet, then into the freezer for over an hour.

Pop it in the bridge, BAM, spins right up. I copy her data off.

Of course, onto the only W7 computer I have - my own - since I was pretty sure the NTFS partition wouldn't let me put it anywhere else - but that's okay, I'll just take my own external in tomorrow.

Email from Project Manager overseeing my office's move next month:

PM: While reviewing the phone circuit setups we noticed there's no internet connection ordered for the new office.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Email from Project Manager overseeing my office's move next month:

PM: While reviewing the phone circuit setups we noticed there's no internet connection ordered for the new office.

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Maybe you should check the plumbing setups. They may be where they were expecting to get access to the intartubes.

I just spent 40 minutes total with one of my major problem users (a Sales rep) explaining the different between Normal/100%/96DPI fonts, and Large/150%/HUGE-DPI fonts.

I can't tell you how many times he said "Now which one's bigger?"

Quote:

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I just spent 40 minutes total with one of my major problem users (a Sales rep) explaining the different between Normal/100%/96DPI fonts, and Large/150%/HUGE-DPI fonts.

I can't tell you how many times he said "Now which one's bigger?"

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SMALL
big


Neither - they're both the same, it's all an optical illusion.

The one that's closer is bigger, everybody knows that! I can eclipse the Moon with a dime!

Email from Problem User: I've been trying to print this 58 page report for the last hour, but every time I try, nothing's coming out.
Me: Which printer are you using? Are there any errors?
PU: No errors. It says "spooling" then I see the balloon that says "Print successful on HP printer." But, my printer isn't HP, it's Lexmark. Nothing's coming out.
Me: We don't have any Lexmark printers in the office. Are you working from home?
PU: Yes.

I walk over to the printer and find a full output bin of multiple copies of the same report. More than a ream of paper's worth. So she had to print it 10 times.
I had to delete 4 additional copies of the job from the server print queue.

Caller: Every time I open my program, I get a prompt about something, which I ignore. When I try to print, I get the same error message.
Me: Is the error message referencing installing .NET Framework 4?
Caller: Yes, how did you know?
Me: You need to get your tech to install it.
Caller: I don't want to, I just want to print.
Me: You can't without it.
Caller: I don't want your shitty software, I just want to print.
Me: This software the program requires is from Microsoft.
Caller: Oh? I love Microsoft! But I just want my fucking tax form to print!
Me: Talk to your tech.

it is honestly amazing how dumb people are still around technology. I have even come across college students who do not understand basic concepts, And today these are kids that have had technology most of their life. It is not like they grew up in the 1980s and had to start programs with a command line.(I think half would be lost if they had to do C:\games\angrybirds.exe )

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

it is honestly amazing how dumb people are still around technology. I have even come across college students who do not understand basic concepts, And today these are kids that have had technology most of their life. It is not like they grew up in the 1980s and had to start programs with a command line.(I think half would be lost if they had to do C:\games\angrybirds.exe )

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And the world would be a better place.

We used to rely on the enjoyment of a small but distinct learning-curve barrier to entry in our field, but ever since the late Nineties the tech has allowed people too lazy and stupid to remember a small handful of commands to just sort of poke and flail about until they can wriggle their way into anything, even an IT job sometimes. It's sort of like the Endless September.

Had a call from one of our users yesterday -

User - my mouse keeps sticking - the cursor kind of stops moving. Can I get a new one?
Tech - what kind of mouse is it? ball or red light type?
User (after a minute or so trying to work it out) - ball
Tech - it's probably just dirty then - you can clean it out yourself
User - (sounding VERY unsure) can you send a tech out to fix it
Tech - (with me thinking WTF? in the background) um...... ok. So we are sending a desktop support tech out to clean a ball mouse.

The effective intelligence of some of our users really scares me sometimes.

We have a new software for managing payments. Well, managing finances and everything. But it also manages payments, i.e. you enter your invoices and every now and then you let it generate a list with due payments and import that into your banking software.

Someone with at least 1.7 times my income is too dense to remember which buttons to click. I get called at home to babysit the guy through the process via teamviewer.
Not once. Not twice. Third time already and I know it's going to happen again.
This is on top of him having printouts of the screen of EVERY step he needs to take. For fucks sake, this man went to university and got a degree in finances but can't handle the software we use. WITH INSTRUCTIONS PRINTED OUT NEXT TO HIM.

Yeah it's ok I was bored anyway, let me do your job on top of mine.

I think maybe companies need to worry less about specific degrees and worry more about how competition future employees are with the tools of the job.

It seems a common theme in this thread is that lots of callers to the support line are very well educated people that have no clue how to use the tools they need.

[QUOTE=FilanFyretracker;1776859]I think maybe companies need to worry less about specific degrees and worry more about how competition future employees are with the tools of the job./QUOTE]

You meant "competent," right? Irony! :p

[QUOTE=Alikat Astrae;1776861]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

I think maybe companies need to worry less about specific degrees and worry more about how competition future employees are with the tools of the job./QUOTE]

You meant "competent," right? Irony! :p

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That is what I get for typing quickly on a phone =x I proof read much better on my big monitor.... And downside with rants is no edit button.

Yesterday morning I get an email from a tech in the NYC office of my company's NetOps group.

"We got a report from the AV system that a computer used by User_001 is infected by a virus (with included virus name). Please refer to Internal Company Document for assistance in discovering more information about this virus and for steps on how to fix this."

So I look up the name of the virus. It doesn't exist. It's not on the AV manufacturer's website. It doesn't come up on Google. The logs of the AV on the user's system don't show any reference of that virus - or any other - since it was installed.

WTH.

The user is the QA manager and is in charge of packaging my company's software, so I knew I couldn't keep it for too long.
So I take her system and run a safe mode scan on it with the AV. Still nothing. I pop the drive out and scan it via my computer. Nothing.

So I put it back together and run an online scan which over the course of 3 scans - Quick, Full (which wasn't), and Custom (whole drive), finally find pretty much everything.

Except there's one "suspicious" file that's part of the dev group's version control system. I can't delete it until she can contact their support for troubleshooting.

So I put the computer back on her desk, show her the scan log report and the name of the file that was marked as "suspicious". She doesn't recognize it.

So what does she do?

Copies the full file path to that executable, opens an Explorer window, pastes in the path AND EXE name, and hits enter.

A DOS prompt flashes up on screen and the computer shuts down.

Looks like an opening for a QA manager.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mitebe

Looks like an opening for a QA manager.

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This is exactly what I would expect a QA Manager to do - test the object in front of her. In her case, it passed the initial test - it did, in fact, break her computer, as intended.

Nice.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Yttrium

This is exactly what I would expect a QA Manager to do - test the object in front of her. In her case, it passed the initial test - it did, in fact, break her computer, as intended.

Nice.

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She had no func spec to base her actions on. She did not develop a test case and have it signed off by the necessary parties. She did not have an expected results list. She did not follow any sort of regimented QA procedure.

Fail.

How you test a button? You push it and see what happens. After that phase, you start considering if that what happened was the intended result.

But you don't push the button until you RTFM, and why push it at all without a func spec? You have no idea if the outcome is the desired one without a func spec.

For all she knew, that could have been the History Eraser Button! The shiny red button! The jolly candy-like button!

Other tech: Can you help me install firefox.


Me: glare....

Other Tech: Well, I don't know how, I've never used it before.

Me: It installs just like every other program. double-click the EXE follow the prompts.

Other Tech: Where do I ever find it.

Me: Either grab it from our applications folder on the network or Mozilla.org

Other Tech: Oh, it's out on our applications?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Melcar

Other tech: Can you help me install firefox.


Me: glare....

Other Tech: Well, I don't know how, I've never used it before.

Me: It installs just like every other program. double-click the EXE follow the prompts.

Other Tech: Where do I ever find it.

Me: Either grab it from our applications folder on the network or Mozilla.org

Other Tech: Oh, it's out on our applications?

---

ouch what kinda tech does not know about getfirefox.com

Sounds like I could be a better field tech than some of these people without having a CPNA and A+ cert just by using common sense to analyze a situation.

an idiot one who needs to retire.
She is our AS/400 specialist, but still...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Melcar

She is our AS/400 specialist,

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Although it holds true I just don't understand why AS/400 people tend to be the special needs segment of the IT field. Did IBM just dumb-down the system too much?

Or IBM made it so complex that the AS/400 people never have time to poke their head up from the IBM manual to learn about what operates on the desktops in the office.

You have clearly never met any RPG programmers.

Never knew RPG took much to do, Point at target, pull trigger, duck and wait for the kaboom. JK JK

You forgot "Check your six to see if your buddy is in the exhaust path."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

You forgot "Check your six to see if your buddy is in the exhaust path."

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Details, details

Pretty sure the insurgents forget that one a lot.

One of my problem users (PU) has an important deadline to meet.
Her computer has been experiencing some odd bootup/ login times, and has been blue screening for unknown reasons (because she's too fucking lazy to take a picture of the blue screen when it happens, and instead reboots her computer when it does happen and tells me after the fact)

So she comes to me yesterday and says that her computer has taken her 28 minutes to log in.

It gets busy - hey, it was Tax Day - so every time she came over to my desk (for "I want help" reasons and not "my computer is fucked" reasons) I was on the phone.
She grabbed my counterpart, who eventually told me that she kept rebooting (voluntarily) and CHKDSK would get stuck at 14%. He canceled the scan, and she was able to work all day.

This morning she comes to me and says "My computer won't start up."

Me: You shut it down?
PU: Yes
Me: WHY would you do that, when you KNOW you're having problems starting it up?
PU: I was told we had to shut our computers down every night!
Me: Even if that were the case (which it's not) WHY would you shut a computer down that's having your problems?
PU: Because I was told to shut my computer down every night!

I had to sit at my desk for 30 seconds before I could get up to go over to her desk, and all I did was reboot it, cancel the CHKDSK, and walk away.

And I'm not allowed to replace the computer until after this deadline passes, which is now coinciding with our office move :(

I told her to definitely NOT shut the computer down overnight, and to simply reboot it when she leaves for the day on Fridays and make sure she hits the Spacebar when CHKDSK comes up.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

One of my problem users (PU) has an important deadline to meet.
Her computer has been experiencing some odd bootup/ login times, and has been blue screening for unknown reasons (because she's too fucking lazy to take a picture of the blue screen when it happens, and instead reboots her computer when it does happen and tells me after the fact)

So she comes to me yesterday and says that her computer has taken her 28 minutes to log in.

It gets busy - hey, it was Tax Day - so every time she came over to my desk (for "I want help" reasons and not "my computer is fucked" reasons) I was on the phone.
She grabbed my counterpart, who eventually told me that she kept rebooting (voluntarily) and CHKDSK would get stuck at 14%. He canceled the scan, and she was able to work all day.

This morning she comes to me and says "My computer won't start up."

Me: You shut it down?
PU: Yes
Me: WHY would you do that, when you KNOW you're having problems starting it up?
PU: I was told we had to shut our computers down every night!
Me: Even if that were the case (which it's not) WHY would you shut a computer down that's having your problems?
PU: Because I was told to shut my computer down every night!

I had to sit at my desk for 30 seconds before I could get up to go over to her desk, and all I did was reboot it, cancel the CHKDSK, and walk away.

And I'm not allowed to replace the computer until after this deadline passes, which is now coinciding with our office move :(

I told her to definitely NOT shut the computer down overnight, and to simply reboot it when she leaves for the day on Fridays and make sure she hits the Spacebar when CHKDSK comes up.

---

Any chance you guys are using Kaspersky for antivirus?

If so, try removing windows update 2823324.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra

Any chance you guys are using Kaspersky for antivirus?

If so, try removing windows update 2823324.

---

No, Trend, but after looking it up, this user's actually on XP. I'll keep it in mind for my other users, but I think with our NetOps-supplied SMS-style update pushes, this one hasn't been delivered yet, as it's not on my computer, and due to my position I'm the first to get everything as a test. (Lucky me, right.)

Me: Yes, hi, I use your Notepad app on Android. I didn't discover the Backup feature until after I updated my phone's OS, so I know I missed out on an easy answer here. However I'm trying to find my previous data in one of several backups I have performed of the phone, all prior to my update of the OS. Could you please tell me where your app stores its data so that I can recover what I need?

Dev: You need to check /data/data/com.android.app.notepadapp/databases/data. Then you place it in a folder you can access on the new phone. Then you use the Restore capability of the application.

Me: That folder doesn't exist on the path of the phone. Any other suggestions?

...

That was 8 days ago.

Coworker technology education win:
Coworker: I updated my Flash as prompted by my computer, but a bunch of additional software and toolbars got installed that I didn't authorize, so I'm uninstalling them.
Me: Okay, so what can I help you with?
Coworker: Nothing, I just wanted to let you know.


Customer call WTF:

Customer: You can't be as calm as you are without being hopped up on Vicodin.

Who the fuck says that?

Someone with experience?

That's the big drug problem in America right now: Pillheads. Millions upon millions of otherwise-ordinary Americans who can no longer get through their day without psychoactive chemicals, but who would be appalled to find that someone similarly addicted to heroin or cocaine had moved in next door. Rush Limbaugh and his Oxycontin spring readily to mind. Or Bush and his Halcyon.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Coworker technology education win:
Coworker: I updated my Flash as prompted by my computer, but a bunch of additional software and toolbars got installed that I didn't authorize, so I'm uninstalling them.
Me: Okay, so what can I help you with?
Coworker: Nothing, I just wanted to let you know.


Customer call WTF:

Customer: You can't be as calm as you are without being hopped up on Vicodin.

Who the fuck says that?

---

Someone who has never worked a customer facing job in their whole life and does not know eventually one becomes numb to the whole thing because they have seen/heard everything from the weird to the dumb from their customers 1000x over.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

That's the big drug problem in America right now: Pillheads. Millions upon millions of otherwise-ordinary Americans who can no longer get through their day without psychoactive chemicals, but who would be appalled to find that someone similarly addicted to heroin or cocaine had moved in next door. Rush Limbaugh and his Oxycontin spring readily to mind. Or Bush and his Halcyon.

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Has to do with Taxation and who makes money of it. It is ok to pay for drugs provided by big pharma corps that sustain lobbyists and fatten politician wallets, but not ok to get drugs from unregistered dealers that do not pay taxes or fatten politician wallets.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

That's the big drug problem in America right now: Pillheads. Millions upon millions of otherwise-ordinary Americans who can no longer get through their day without psychoactive chemicals, but who would be appalled to find that someone similarly addicted to heroin or cocaine had moved in next door. Rush Limbaugh and his Oxycontin spring readily to mind. Or Bush and his Halcyon.

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And a number of people who are ON those drugs push them HARD.

"Oh, you should really talk to your doctor about getting on some! (Insert 30 minute ramble about how much better life is now)"

I get that some people legitimately need such drugs for a variety of reasons, but the pharma companies start pushing them and then just let the general populace do their work.

never mind the pharma ads that constantly are on TV and out number just about every other ad type. I feel sorry for parents today who want to watch sports with their kids, Rather than having to deal with a kids imitating the budweiser frogs they now have to explain what erectile dysfunction is.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

never mind the pharma ads that constantly are on TV and out number just about every other ad type. I feel sorry for parents today who want to watch sports with their kids, Rather than having to deal with a kids imitating the budweiser frogs they now have to explain what erectile dysfunction is.

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Very true.
The ad series of the gecko trying to assassinate the Budweiser frogs is still the pinnacle of Super Bowl ads for me. There has to be a YouTube compilation of those somewhere, I'll find it when I get on a computer... :grinyes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lCku52Y_YE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcxcGwg1_ac
There are a couple of missing ads, but it's pretty close to the full set. :grinyes:

No edits in rants - here's a better version of the commercials:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2ffAPN4h0Y
"You know Frankie, sooner or later, every frog has to croak!"
"That's not funny!"
"Eh, I laugh when I'm sad"
:rofl:

My office's move is almost here.
We've got temporary work surfaces, packing crates, no supplies, and moving labels everywhere.

I'm on the phone with a customer.

One of my problem users is hovering 25 feet away waiting for my attention.
I get off the phone.
PU: My mouse won't move.
Me: How so?
PU: The pointer doesn't move. I tried disconnecting it and reconnecting it but it still won't move. (Props to him.)

I go over to his desk.
Sure enough, the mouse pointer won't move.
I turn over to check the laser, make sure it's lit up.
Oh, the laser's lit up alright.

BUT COVERED BY A MOVING LABEL WITH THE GUY'S NAME ON IT.

Now that's just funny.

:rofl:

Jebus, when did my role move from support to strategic policy!? I'm kinda 2nd / 3rd line support or Project Management atm, depending on which way you look at my role. Sorry I'm not posting something humorous, but I gotta vent somewhere and I know you guys will know where this comes from:

I've got a meeting tomorrow where the whole leadership team are AWOL even though they are responsible for the money we spend and how. I'm the only sod in the business available to attend a crucial meeting where our company puts a stupid amount of money down for a hubris project that isn't going to deliver and will potentially put our client so far north of PCI DSS that they'll not even see the smackdown that puts them out of business...

If it's my call I'm having this shitstorm canned 2 months ago when it was obvious that what we want can't be delivered. But here we are and I'm representing people too busy to give a f*** about the amount of money we are pouring away for no value. I have already pointed out them and offered a compromise solution that they hate because the platform the client insists to use refuses to put us on their core roadmap for 24 months. At best we pay £££ for effectively an tertiary layer that we could have written and distributed ourselves 6 months ago...

After that meeting I have to help an idiot development company reset password credentials because they are too thick or full of themselves to speak to our 1st line people and then I talk to another about why their coding isn't working with Pay Pal through our platform for 3 months since they migrated to a new server cluster and Pay Pal account but didn't bother to tell us. Without even talking to them yet I know exactly how this wil play out and how they will apportion blame to all but themselves...

Either I'm dramatically overreaching my responsibilities or not getting paid enough. Roll a d4 and let me know...

Both probably. If you're doing management's job for them tell them it's time for a raise or let the chips fall where they may.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Taziir

Jebus, when did my role move from support to strategic policy!? I'm kinda 2nd / 3rd line support or Project Management atm, depending on which way you look at my role. Sorry I'm not posting something humorous, but I gotta vent somewhere and I know you guys will know where this comes from:

I've got a meeting tomorrow where the whole leadership team are AWOL even though they are responsible for the money we spend and how. I'm the only sod in the business available to attend a crucial meeting where our company puts a stupid amount of money down for a hubris project that isn't going to deliver and will potentially put our client so far north of PCI DSS that they'll not even see the smackdown that puts them out of business...

If it's my call I'm having this shitstorm canned 2 months ago when it was obvious that what we want can't be delivered. But here we are and I'm representing people too busy to give a f*** about the amount of money we are pouring away for no value. I have already pointed out them and offered a compromise solution that they hate because the platform the client insists to use refuses to put us on their core roadmap for 24 months. At best we pay £££ for effectively an tertiary layer that we could have written and distributed ourselves 6 months ago...

After that meeting I have to help an idiot development company reset password credentials because they are too thick or full of themselves to speak to our 1st line people and then I talk to another about why their coding isn't working with Pay Pal through our platform for 3 months since they migrated to a new server cluster and Pay Pal account but didn't bother to tell us. Without even talking to them yet I know exactly how this wil play out and how they will apportion blame to all but themselves...

Either I'm dramatically overreaching my responsibilities or not getting paid enough. Roll a d4 and let me know...

---

Sounds like management may be getting wind of this stinking turd and are doing their best to distance themselves from it. Start documenting so the turd doesn't end up hung around your neck.

Yeah, it seems like management is running like scared little babies. I would probably call in sick that day. It sounds like they are setting you up for the don't kill the messenger role.

Have you been given any direction from management on what they expect? If not, get it, in writing and as was stated above start documenting this so you have something to refer to should they try to pin this on you.

Attachment 2371

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Taziir

Jebus, when did my role move from support to strategic policy!? I'm kinda 2nd / 3rd line support or Project Management atm, depending on which way you look at my role. Sorry I'm not posting something humorous, but I gotta vent somewhere and I know you guys will know where this comes from:

I've got a meeting tomorrow where the whole leadership team are AWOL even though they are responsible for the money we spend and how. I'm the only sod in the business available to attend a crucial meeting where our company puts a stupid amount of money down for a hubris project that isn't going to deliver and will potentially put our client so far north of PCI DSS that they'll not even see the smackdown that puts them out of business...

If it's my call I'm having this shitstorm canned 2 months ago when it was obvious that what we want can't be delivered. But here we are and I'm representing people too busy to give a f*** about the amount of money we are pouring away for no value. I have already pointed out them and offered a compromise solution that they hate because the platform the client insists to use refuses to put us on their core roadmap for 24 months. At best we pay £££ for effectively an tertiary layer that we could have written and distributed ourselves 6 months ago...

After that meeting I have to help an idiot development company reset password credentials because they are too thick or full of themselves to speak to our 1st line people and then I talk to another about why their coding isn't working with Pay Pal through our platform for 3 months since they migrated to a new server cluster and Pay Pal account but didn't bother to tell us. Without even talking to them yet I know exactly how this wil play out and how they will apportion blame to all but themselves...

Either I'm dramatically overreaching my responsibilities or not getting paid enough. Roll a d4 and let me know...

---

Well that is the point of this thread and where much of the humor comes from. When customers fail to provide complete incompetence, You can always rely on upper management to take up the slack.


But I agree with the other posters, get as much in writing as possible so you have something to throw back if they decide to promote you to captain just as the Titanic sinks.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Taziir

and will potentially put our client so far north of PCI DSS that they'll not even see the smackdown that puts them out of business...

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That's fucking scary.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Taziir

Without even talking to them yet I know exactly how this wil play out and how they will apportion blame to all but themselves...

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I remember reading a study once that showed people are often promoted to upper management not only for what they have accomplished but due to the fact that they have successfully avoided any blame.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by valas

I remember reading a study once that showed people are often promoted to upper management not only for what they have accomplished but due to the fact that they have successfully avoided any blame.

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That's because excessive stratification means that people have the ability to place blame on those underneath them without anything getting recognized by those above them.

I'm a team lead under a team supervisor and it continually amazes me how much my supervisor does NOT know about what is going on.

I'll casually mention some team dynamic that EVERYONE on his team has known about for months and he'll be shocked and wonder why he hasn't heard anything. I should add that he's in the cubicle area EVERY DAY.

I blame the fact that, typically, the higher up you go, the more meetings you end up in so, as a result, you see less in the way of failures OR successes.

I have actually seen junior managers get promoted simply because it was believed they could do less damage in a different department. But when the stock market dips, they fire the last 20% of the people hired. Same company!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

I have actually seen junior managers get promoted simply because it was believed they could do less damage in a different department. But when the stock market dips, they fire the last 20% of the people hired. Same company!

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I believe that's called "The Dilbert Principle". (Companies tend to systematically promote their least-competent employees to management (generally middle management), in order to limit the amount of damage they are capable of doing)

http://dilbert.com/fast/1995-02-05/

A slight, yet poignant difference from "The Peter Principle". (Instead of being promoted beyond their ability (peter principle) they're promoted to where they can do the least harm (dilbert principle).

Now I try to grok the Zen of Wally.

Quote:

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My scanner will not turn on. I have tried everything I can think of. I will not be in tomorrow nor Friday. Please, please get it back up and running. It jammed then it shut off when I opened it and it will not turn back on.

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You should have thought of checking the power cord to make sure it was still plugged in.

Wow, a new low:


I've got this problem with my recycle-bin - can't find it

Ok, did you hide the icon from the desktop?

No,no I permanently delete something.... but then go to the recycle-bin and the item I permanently deleted isn't in there.




Scotch please.

I had a manager who would use the recycling bin to store files because "I can't get anywhere else to sort by date"

He was a gem of a structural engineer who was, to his knowledge, never wrong.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Eremius

I had a manager who would use the recycling bin to store files because "I can't get anywhere else to sort by date"

He was a gem of a structural engineer who was, to his knowledge, never wrong.

---

So he knows how to design a bridge as long as you do not expect him to use technology to do it.

So it's been nearly two full months since my office moved to the new location.

I've been pretty good about not spamming this thread, simply because the people in my office are just that stupid.

I've been keeping general track though of things to share.

-- Had a user complain about her computer shutting off after her post-lunch walk... After which she would kick off her sneakers, which would fall onto her surge protector, popping the power switch.

-- Have caught more people kicking the printer when it is out of paper, since I can see it from my desk

-- People putting documents into the fax wrong-side-down (and then complaining when customers call them to say they keep receiving blank documents!)

-- One person stabbed the scan selector button on the multifunction copy/scan/printer with a pair of scissors, necessitating a special order repair due to the unit being 3+ years out of service

-- People complaining about walking an extra 10 feet to one printer as opposed to another (whether one is in use or not!)

-- People coming to me - two months later - about missing books/items from their desks, when I was TOTALLY the person who packed them

-- Several visits from the local PD because E911 was fixed and people still don't know how to use 9 to dial out (I suggested multiple times that that be changed when we moved, but both the relocation PM and Netops pushed back stating it was corporate policy to have to dial 9. WTF.)

-- Fixing the standing oscillating fan of one of the managers because it was dropped during relocation, and because it had been used "for a significant period of time for technical reasons" (cooling servers is more important than keeping stinky air from badly deodorized coworkers out of your office) my own manager told me I had to fix it.

-- People went "shopping" in other folks' cubicles for computer hardware, stealing self-purchased keyboards, or items cleaner than those they'd been using

-- All sorts of bug problems, including jumping spiders, ants in the now-enclosed trashcan (fucking designers put the kitchen trashcan in a CABINET) and hornets

-- During all this, my counterpart tells me that, since no one is including him in any of the emails for the move still, except for the weekly update meetings and followup requests, that he is just not going to be coming into the office until such time as the whole of the move (and forthcoming server migration, below) is completed.


And then we get to the server migration.
We were told during the move (the weekend of June 7th) by the network re-implementer that our aging Server 2003 box (from early 2003, seriously) would need to be decommissioned as of July 12th, "just because". (More likely it's due to the fact that there was an unpatchable SQL2000 server running, as the product it supported was no longer maintained by the vendor.)

So my process of the transition didn't start until 7/5, when the development manager got a bug up his butt to learn Powershell to "facilitate" the copying of all of the data from one server to the other.

The problem with this is two-fold:

1 - he was learning from a book teaching Powershell 3, when the server only had PS1 on it
2 - He couldn't be bothered to followup on what he created

On the plus side, DevMgr DID do a wonderful job of corralling the other managers into getting a listing of the various folders they use and, since it wasn't nicely organized before, set out guidelines for where things would end up.

So I spent several hours poring through the test scripts he wrote to then compare to the production scripts and ended up needing to debug and repair four scripts totalling over 30KB each.
(I realize that's not that big at all but when you've never seen PS scripting it gets a little tiring trying to decipher.)

So then the "big copy" took place on July 9th, and half of the To Be Decomm'ed server's resources were made unavailable. Which helped us fix a few fires.
Except no one read the email where I said "the TBDC server will be coming down on July 12th, and you MUST run the batch file from X location which will replace your drive mappings and point you to the new server and we can put out fires as they happen.

Needless to say I spent one full day remapping drives and printers, fixing shortcuts, and troubleshooting network locations for the morons, I mean other people in my office.
(I got more crap about trying to standardize drive mappings, which everyone had been informed would occur...)

So all in all, I've spent more time in the last 2 and a half weeks (roughly) doing internal technical work than taking calls (that simply aren't coming in, because historically, July is our slowest month!) which apparently the two other primary reps in my department seem to be jealous of, because my counterpart (he's #1) has only been in the office once since 7/1 (preferring to work from home), and the other (#2) only comes in once a week instead of five days (She works 8-2, drives home, and finishes out her day from home.).

And then last week we get an email from the landlord/realty company that they are sponsoring an electronics recycling day (mandated by the township). Due to the fact that, previously, my company would not provide funding for e-recycling, the office VP and myself have been taking 1-3 PCs/monitors to our respective home county's recycling centers. So we had the moving company drag 15+ PCs and 15+ monitors to the new office with us that don't function (and probably haven't for years.)

Anyway, this recycling event would only be open from 10 to 11AM this coming Wednesday. I know we don't have the truck- or man-power to tote these all, so they also offered to send a truck for pickup. So I scheduled this, and CC'ed the DevMgr, the office VP, and my counterpart that they would be coming Wednesday, but that I had a previously-scheduled half day and wouldn't be available in the afternoon.

And then a little bit ago today, my counterpart is IMing with our compatriot-in-tech (#2) but fucks up when sending this particular message in which he says

Quote:

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AND this morning Mileron has the BALLS to say to me that he won't be here Weds afternoon if the guy comes to pick up all the hardware in the PM, so asked if I were going to be here... Yeah right, like I'll make a special trip.

---

First off, if you have a problem with me DOING MY JOB, take it up with my manager, or even better, the VP of the office and software you support.
Secondly, YOU ARE NEVER IN THE FUCKING OFFICE. How am I supposed to utilize you as my in-house desktop/network support backup if you aren't even present to do it?

Finally, the morning of July 20 I get a call around 9am from my Netops in Minnesota.
NO1: "Hi, Mileron, this is Netops. Diagnostics indicate we lost all internet connection with your office."
Me: "Hi NO, that's nice, we're not a 24*7 Office, so I'll go over when I can, because I have a wedding to go to today."
NO1: "Oh, okay, well get over there as soon as you can, we need that site up."
Me: "Again, we're not 24*7, so it can wait."

I check the electric company's site and see no outage.

I get another call at ~10 and then noon-ish and ignore both.

So the wedding AND reception is over by 2pm and I'm driving to the office. I get another call at 2:30.

NO2: "Hi Mileron, this is Netops Tech 2 -"
Me: "Hi NO2, the office is inaccessible, and I'm driving over there now"
NO2: "Yeah we need you to go over there, wait what?"
Me: "I'm driving over there now. Is there any info you need to give me?"
NO2: "No... we just needed to alert you, and you're the first on the emergency contact list that answered."
Me: "Actually I answered at 9am, and told the tech then that it would have to wait til 4pm. I'm driving now. Good bye."

I get to the office, and ALL of the power in the office is out.
However, just MY office - not the other two that are physically connected/share the same building.
I peek in the window and see no emergency lights, no surge protector lights, nothing.
And unfortunately, I cannot enter the building because
1 - I have no key
2 - The security system is electricity-based.
So I call the building maintenance emergency line.

Me: "Hi, I'm Mileron from Tax Company at 5 Thisplace Road Thistown NJ, and the power in my office is out, and I cannot get in because the security system is electrical, plus I cannot access the electric room which, while having an external door, has a key lock which I don't have access to."
Receptionist: "Well we have no control over your security system"
Me: "But the electricity is out, and I need to get into the electrical room"
Rec: "So go in"
Me: "It's locked with a key, and the key is locked in a combo box next to the door. I need that combo."
Rec: "If it's locked, just unlock it"
Me: "The lock has a combination, and I cannot get in"
Rec: "Please hold"

Maintenance Guy: "Hi, what's the problem"
Me: "I need access to the electrical room to turn the power back on in my office"
MG: "There's no outages in your area, are you sure the power's out?"
Me: "I'm crouching in the bushes next to the building, and looking inside, there are no emergency lights, there are no computer lights, nothing. No AC. No frost on the windows. I'm pretty sure it's out."
MG: "So go on into the electrical room."
Me: "The electrical room is locked by a key. That key is currently locked in a combination box outside the door. I need that combination."
MG: (fifteen minutes later) "Here's the combo."
Me: "Now that I'm inside, I see that there is definitely a main 200A breaker popped. I turned it back on and everything went on. I will check the office and get back to you."
MG: "Wait, the 200 Main popped?"
Me: "Yes."
MG: "That's not good"
Me: "No."
MG: "We'll be over Monday to look at it."

I end up calling Netops to tell them everything's back on.

Turns out that the 200A main popped because two of the 7-ton AC units on the roof are going bad, and one of the 5-ton units they recently installed just for our office has a hornet nest in it the size of a basketball (which explains the hornets in the office.) Thankfully, they were able to clean that out, but the two 7-tonners need to be replaced, which requires removing part of the roof and a crane, which will take two days, and which cannot be done if it rains, which it has, every single day, for the last 3 weeks.

So yeah. Fun summer.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

So it's been nearly two full months since my office moved to the new location.
...
So yeah. Fun summer.

---

I was going to reply with "It could be worse - it could be raining!"
But it is.

I'm so sorry, man. Perhaps your counterpart needs a basketball-sized hornet's nest? In his car?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Stuff

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Wow. I didn't think there would be anything that could make me feel better about my idiot users. Well played!

*flabbergasted*
Wow. No way to top that. HellDesk, indeed.

Other Department Manager: None of my network resources are working
Me: *walks over to her desk. IE launches, but gets a login page for Sharepoint. The login doesn't work. Try yahoo. works just fine.*
Me: Did Sharepoint work yesterday?
Mgr: Yes
Me: *tries a few other things, like Outlook. Strange access violation. Tried a few other programs because certain network resources are housed in-office or externally. Only in-office and plain web apps work.*
Me: Did you reboot?
Mgr: No, I haven't rebooted since you told us to back on 7/10.
Me: *sigh* Please reboot.
Mgr: Oh, look, it says my domain password (credentials for which allow access to Sharepoint and Outlook, and more) has expired. Could that be it?

I knew I wanted to stay in bed today for a reason.

Me: Weren't you getting the email warnings? (Email warnings about password expiration starts 2 weeks prior to.)
Mgr: No. Well, maybe. I deleted them thinking that deleting the emails wouldn't cause my password to expire.

... ... ... ... ...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

I deleted them thinking that deleting the emails wouldn't cause my password to expire.

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You should get that made into a plaque to put on your desk.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Mgr: No. Well, maybe. I deleted them thinking that deleting the emails wouldn't cause my password to expire.

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That is freaking hilarious.

How can someone so dumb get a management position?

Management is the home for dumb. These are people who can't do anything, but believe they can tell people who know how to do things how to do the things that they do better than they can figure out for themselves. It's practically a definition of stupidity. These are the guys who can't even remove a splinter, who tell thoracic surgeons how to perform major surgery. These are the guys who can't even figure out how to get to their own email, who tell engineers how to engineer. These are the guys with compromised ethics, who try to tell us how the "real world" works.

There aren't enough trees in the world to hang all the fuckers in Management who deserve hanging. That's because we put a management type in charge of Forestry!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

There aren't enough trees in the world to hang all the fuckers in Management who deserve hanging. That's because we put a management type in charge of Forestry!

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they sold them off for processing... oddly enough they went to a wood fiber plant that makes rope. So we have plenty of rope to do hanging but they used the good hanging trees to make the rope.

And they shipped defective rope to make quota for the Quarter.

And the managers usually end up being paid more :(

./no_justice

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

And they shipped defective rope to make quota for the Quarter.

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well that is because they laid off the QA guys to prove to the shareholders they could save money too! They got a bonus for that.

User: My program's reports are taking hours to run, longer than overnight, and often crashing
Tech: Yeah, it's only a 105MB file
Me: (remotely access their PC, no issues on local system, examine a few settings)
Me: Your network setting is running 10Mbps Full Duplex
Tech: So? That's good, isn't it? Duplexing is for my printing.
Me: (I ignore the duplexing crack) No... that's like being forced to drive 15 miles an hour in a 65-mph zone
Tech: So fix it
Me: I can't. It's autonegotiated. If I force it higher, it'll just reset itself lower.
Tech: Well fix it.
Me: It's not my program. It's your environment. I bet you'll find all 7 of your users who are having this problem have the same setting.
Tech: Well if it's set to this, it's probably set to this for a reason
Me: I haven't seen it set this low in 10 years on purpose. You must have a network admin check out the server or the network environment because this isn't my problem.
Tech: Your computer broke my network speed, NOW FIX IT
Me: I've proved it's not my software. You need to talk to your tech people.

Of course they blame your software, typical user mentality. It is never the fault of their stuff.

It is in the procedure. Speed to be set at 10 Mbs for all network connections, and we have been using this same manual for 20 years now, so no reason to change our procedures because they always worked.