Tales from Techsupport

[Melcar]

My scanner will not turn on. I have tried everything I can think of. I will not be in tomorrow nor Friday. Please, please get it back up and running. It jammed then it shut off when I opened it and it will not turn back on.

You should have thought of checking the power cord to make sure it was still plugged in.

[Melcar]

Wow, a new low:


I've got this problem with my recycle-bin - can't find it

Ok, did you hide the icon from the desktop?

No,no I permanently delete something.... but then go to the recycle-bin and the item I permanently deleted isn't in there.




Scotch please.

[Eremius]

I had a manager who would use the recycling bin to store files because "I can't get anywhere else to sort by date"

He was a gem of a structural engineer who was, to his knowledge, never wrong.

[FilanFyretracker]

I had a manager who would use the recycling bin to store files because "I can't get anywhere else to sort by date"

He was a gem of a structural engineer who was, to his knowledge, never wrong.

So he knows how to design a bridge as long as you do not expect him to use technology to do it.

[Mileron]

So it's been nearly two full months since my office moved to the new location.

I've been pretty good about not spamming this thread, simply because the people in my office are just that stupid.

I've been keeping general track though of things to share.

-- Had a user complain about her computer shutting off after her post-lunch walk... After which she would kick off her sneakers, which would fall onto her surge protector, popping the power switch.

-- Have caught more people kicking the printer when it is out of paper, since I can see it from my desk

-- People putting documents into the fax wrong-side-down (and then complaining when customers call them to say they keep receiving blank documents!)

-- One person stabbed the scan selector button on the multifunction copy/scan/printer with a pair of scissors, necessitating a special order repair due to the unit being 3+ years out of service

-- People complaining about walking an extra 10 feet to one printer as opposed to another (whether one is in use or not!)

-- People coming to me - two months later - about missing books/items from their desks, when I was TOTALLY the person who packed them

-- Several visits from the local PD because E911 was fixed and people still don't know how to use 9 to dial out (I suggested multiple times that that be changed when we moved, but both the relocation PM and Netops pushed back stating it was corporate policy to have to dial 9. WTF.)

-- Fixing the standing oscillating fan of one of the managers because it was dropped during relocation, and because it had been used "for a significant period of time for technical reasons" (cooling servers is more important than keeping stinky air from badly deodorized coworkers out of your office) my own manager told me I had to fix it.

-- People went "shopping" in other folks' cubicles for computer hardware, stealing self-purchased keyboards, or items cleaner than those they'd been using

-- All sorts of bug problems, including jumping spiders, ants in the now-enclosed trashcan (fucking designers put the kitchen trashcan in a CABINET) and hornets

-- During all this, my counterpart tells me that, since no one is including him in any of the emails for the move still, except for the weekly update meetings and followup requests, that he is just not going to be coming into the office until such time as the whole of the move (and forthcoming server migration, below) is completed.


And then we get to the server migration.
We were told during the move (the weekend of June 7th) by the network re-implementer that our aging Server 2003 box (from early 2003, seriously) would need to be decommissioned as of July 12th, "just because". (More likely it's due to the fact that there was an unpatchable SQL2000 server running, as the product it supported was no longer maintained by the vendor.)

So my process of the transition didn't start until 7/5, when the development manager got a bug up his butt to learn Powershell to "facilitate" the copying of all of the data from one server to the other.

The problem with this is two-fold:

1 - he was learning from a book teaching Powershell 3, when the server only had PS1 on it
2 - He couldn't be bothered to followup on what he created

On the plus side, DevMgr DID do a wonderful job of corralling the other managers into getting a listing of the various folders they use and, since it wasn't nicely organized before, set out guidelines for where things would end up.

So I spent several hours poring through the test scripts he wrote to then compare to the production scripts and ended up needing to debug and repair four scripts totalling over 30KB each.
(I realize that's not that big at all but when you've never seen PS scripting it gets a little tiring trying to decipher.)

So then the "big copy" took place on July 9th, and half of the To Be Decomm'ed server's resources were made unavailable. Which helped us fix a few fires.
Except no one read the email where I said "the TBDC server will be coming down on July 12th, and you MUST run the batch file from X location which will replace your drive mappings and point you to the new server and we can put out fires as they happen.

Needless to say I spent one full day remapping drives and printers, fixing shortcuts, and troubleshooting network locations for the morons, I mean other people in my office.
(I got more crap about trying to standardize drive mappings, which everyone had been informed would occur...)

So all in all, I've spent more time in the last 2 and a half weeks (roughly) doing internal technical work than taking calls (that simply aren't coming in, because historically, July is our slowest month!) which apparently the two other primary reps in my department seem to be jealous of, because my counterpart (he's #1) has only been in the office once since 7/1 (preferring to work from home), and the other (#2) only comes in once a week instead of five days (She works 8-2, drives home, and finishes out her day from home.).

And then last week we get an email from the landlord/realty company that they are sponsoring an electronics recycling day (mandated by the township). Due to the fact that, previously, my company would not provide funding for e-recycling, the office VP and myself have been taking 1-3 PCs/monitors to our respective home county's recycling centers. So we had the moving company drag 15+ PCs and 15+ monitors to the new office with us that don't function (and probably haven't for years.)

Anyway, this recycling event would only be open from 10 to 11AM this coming Wednesday. I know we don't have the truck- or man-power to tote these all, so they also offered to send a truck for pickup. So I scheduled this, and CC'ed the DevMgr, the office VP, and my counterpart that they would be coming Wednesday, but that I had a previously-scheduled half day and wouldn't be available in the afternoon.

And then a little bit ago today, my counterpart is IMing with our compatriot-in-tech (#2) but fucks up when sending this particular message in which he says

AND this morning Mileron has the BALLS to say to me that he won't be here Weds afternoon if the guy comes to pick up all the hardware in the PM, so asked if I were going to be here... Yeah right, like I'll make a special trip.

First off, if you have a problem with me DOING MY JOB, take it up with my manager, or even better, the VP of the office and software you support.
Secondly, YOU ARE NEVER IN THE FUCKING OFFICE. How am I supposed to utilize you as my in-house desktop/network support backup if you aren't even present to do it?

Finally, the morning of July 20 I get a call around 9am from my Netops in Minnesota.
NO1: "Hi, Mileron, this is Netops. Diagnostics indicate we lost all internet connection with your office."
Me: "Hi NO, that's nice, we're not a 24*7 Office, so I'll go over when I can, because I have a wedding to go to today."
NO1: "Oh, okay, well get over there as soon as you can, we need that site up."
Me: "Again, we're not 24*7, so it can wait."

I check the electric company's site and see no outage.

I get another call at ~10 and then noon-ish and ignore both.

So the wedding AND reception is over by 2pm and I'm driving to the office. I get another call at 2:30.

NO2: "Hi Mileron, this is Netops Tech 2 -"
Me: "Hi NO2, the office is inaccessible, and I'm driving over there now"
NO2: "Yeah we need you to go over there, wait what?"
Me: "I'm driving over there now. Is there any info you need to give me?"
NO2: "No... we just needed to alert you, and you're the first on the emergency contact list that answered."
Me: "Actually I answered at 9am, and told the tech then that it would have to wait til 4pm. I'm driving now. Good bye."

I get to the office, and ALL of the power in the office is out.
However, just MY office - not the other two that are physically connected/share the same building.
I peek in the window and see no emergency lights, no surge protector lights, nothing.
And unfortunately, I cannot enter the building because
1 - I have no key
2 - The security system is electricity-based.
So I call the building maintenance emergency line.

Me: "Hi, I'm Mileron from Tax Company at 5 Thisplace Road Thistown NJ, and the power in my office is out, and I cannot get in because the security system is electrical, plus I cannot access the electric room which, while having an external door, has a key lock which I don't have access to."
Receptionist: "Well we have no control over your security system"
Me: "But the electricity is out, and I need to get into the electrical room"
Rec: "So go in"
Me: "It's locked with a key, and the key is locked in a combo box next to the door. I need that combo."
Rec: "If it's locked, just unlock it"
Me: "The lock has a combination, and I cannot get in"
Rec: "Please hold"

Maintenance Guy: "Hi, what's the problem"
Me: "I need access to the electrical room to turn the power back on in my office"
MG: "There's no outages in your area, are you sure the power's out?"
Me: "I'm crouching in the bushes next to the building, and looking inside, there are no emergency lights, there are no computer lights, nothing. No AC. No frost on the windows. I'm pretty sure it's out."
MG: "So go on into the electrical room."
Me: "The electrical room is locked by a key. That key is currently locked in a combination box outside the door. I need that combination."
MG: (fifteen minutes later) "Here's the combo."
Me: "Now that I'm inside, I see that there is definitely a main 200A breaker popped. I turned it back on and everything went on. I will check the office and get back to you."
MG: "Wait, the 200 Main popped?"
Me: "Yes."
MG: "That's not good"
Me: "No."
MG: "We'll be over Monday to look at it."

I end up calling Netops to tell them everything's back on.

Turns out that the 200A main popped because two of the 7-ton AC units on the roof are going bad, and one of the 5-ton units they recently installed just for our office has a hornet nest in it the size of a basketball (which explains the hornets in the office.) Thankfully, they were able to clean that out, but the two 7-tonners need to be replaced, which requires removing part of the roof and a crane, which will take two days, and which cannot be done if it rains, which it has, every single day, for the last 3 weeks.

So yeah. Fun summer.

[Yttrium]

So it's been nearly two full months since my office moved to the new location.
...
So yeah. Fun summer.

I was going to reply with "It could be worse - it could be raining!"
But it is.

I'm so sorry, man. Perhaps your counterpart needs a basketball-sized hornet's nest? In his car?

[Eremius]

Stuff

Wow. I didn't think there would be anything that could make me feel better about my idiot users. Well played!

[Dawlin]

*flabbergasted*
Wow. No way to top that. HellDesk, indeed.

[Mileron]

Other Department Manager: None of my network resources are working
Me: *walks over to her desk. IE launches, but gets a login page for Sharepoint. The login doesn't work. Try yahoo. works just fine.*
Me: Did Sharepoint work yesterday?
Mgr: Yes
Me: *tries a few other things, like Outlook. Strange access violation. Tried a few other programs because certain network resources are housed in-office or externally. Only in-office and plain web apps work.*
Me: Did you reboot?
Mgr: No, I haven't rebooted since you told us to back on 7/10.
Me: *sigh* Please reboot.
Mgr: Oh, look, it says my domain password (credentials for which allow access to Sharepoint and Outlook, and more) has expired. Could that be it?

I knew I wanted to stay in bed today for a reason.

Me: Weren't you getting the email warnings? (Email warnings about password expiration starts 2 weeks prior to.)
Mgr: No. Well, maybe. I deleted them thinking that deleting the emails wouldn't cause my password to expire.

... ... ... ... ...

[Eremius]

I deleted them thinking that deleting the emails wouldn't cause my password to expire.

You should get that made into a plaque to put on your desk.

[Bonlainy]

Mgr: No. Well, maybe. I deleted them thinking that deleting the emails wouldn't cause my password to expire.

That is freaking hilarious.

[FilanFyretracker]

How can someone so dumb get a management position?

[Alikat Astrae]

Management is the home for dumb. These are people who can't do anything, but believe they can tell people who know how to do things how to do the things that they do better than they can figure out for themselves. It's practically a definition of stupidity. These are the guys who can't even remove a splinter, who tell thoracic surgeons how to perform major surgery. These are the guys who can't even figure out how to get to their own email, who tell engineers how to engineer. These are the guys with compromised ethics, who try to tell us how the "real world" works.

There aren't enough trees in the world to hang all the fuckers in Management who deserve hanging. That's because we put a management type in charge of Forestry!

[FilanFyretracker]

There aren't enough trees in the world to hang all the fuckers in Management who deserve hanging. That's because we put a management type in charge of Forestry!

they sold them off for processing... oddly enough they went to a wood fiber plant that makes rope. So we have plenty of rope to do hanging but they used the good hanging trees to make the rope.

[Alikat Astrae]

And they shipped defective rope to make quota for the Quarter.

[Yttrium]

And the managers usually end up being paid more

./no_justice

[FilanFyretracker]

And they shipped defective rope to make quota for the Quarter.

well that is because they laid off the QA guys to prove to the shareholders they could save money too! They got a bonus for that.

[Mileron]

User: My program's reports are taking hours to run, longer than overnight, and often crashing
Tech: Yeah, it's only a 105MB file
Me: (remotely access their PC, no issues on local system, examine a few settings)
Me: Your network setting is running 10Mbps Full Duplex
Tech: So? That's good, isn't it? Duplexing is for my printing.
Me: (I ignore the duplexing crack) No... that's like being forced to drive 15 miles an hour in a 65-mph zone
Tech: So fix it
Me: I can't. It's autonegotiated. If I force it higher, it'll just reset itself lower.
Tech: Well fix it.
Me: It's not my program. It's your environment. I bet you'll find all 7 of your users who are having this problem have the same setting.
Tech: Well if it's set to this, it's probably set to this for a reason
Me: I haven't seen it set this low in 10 years on purpose. You must have a network admin check out the server or the network environment because this isn't my problem.
Tech: Your computer broke my network speed, NOW FIX IT
Me: I've proved it's not my software. You need to talk to your tech people.

[FilanFyretracker]

Of course they blame your software, typical user mentality. It is never the fault of their stuff.

[Branaman Starbinder]

It is in the procedure. Speed to be set at 10 Mbs for all network connections, and we have been using this same manual for 20 years now, so no reason to change our procedures because they always worked.