Tales from Techsupport

[valas]

I still get this one:

After some basic troubleshooting that is getting me nowhere.

Me: Have you tried to restart your computer yet?
User: All you tech guys always ask that, I'm not an idiot.
Me: But did you try it?
User: No.

We restart the system

User: Why does it work now?

[Mileron]

I still get this one:...

We restart the system

User: Why does it work now?

I still get that one too, almost daily. It's even better when I get a customer on the phone and they haven't rebooted their PC in weeks, so can't do installs, and then it takes 20 minutes to come back because it's applying Windows Updates that never got applied due to not rebooting...

User: No, all the ones I send are with names to before the @.. but thanks for checking.

This one gets better.
Me: *replying to user* Right, I understand you would send an email to "marysmith@lawoffice.com". Did you send any emails to OR receive emails from her today? And if so, were any of those emails supposed to have attachments? And if so, were those attachments still attached to the email when either you or she received them?
User: I have the emails in my folder, thanks for checking.

Where's my big green ogre when I need him? FFS.

[Mileron]

Me: Hello, thank you for calling System Support, this is (me), how may I help you?
Caller: *accented* Yes, hallo, I am trying to reach Tech-a-nical support to find out how to measure the square footage of my mirror for a 10, 50, 100 square foot project in my home.
Me: Sir, I do apologize, but you've reached System Support for a tax software company. You would need to speak to a contractor or someone in construction for that.
Caller: You mean you not help me find my square footage for my mirror? Why are you tech-a-nical support?
Me: I do apologize sir, again but you've reached the wrong number.

[Alikat Astrae]

He calls your line because the hold time is lower. Just like the guy who looks outside the theater for his wallet because it's not so dark out there.

[FilanFyretracker]

actual comcast CDV tech support call I had once.
Customer: My phone is out, I have no dialtone.
Me: ok sorry about the trouble, can you check the black box that says Arris on it, usually found by the computer if you have our internet service.
Customer:*at least a minute later* Ok I found it and the lights on it are out but I cannot see the cord as the lights in this room do not work.
Me: Ok do you know where your circuit breakers are, sometimes they can pop if you overloaded that plug at some point.
Customer: no this happens every time it rains, the breakers for that whole side of the house pop and I have to wait until the rain stops for them to work again.
Me: I suggest that you call an electrical contractor.
Customer: But the phone is through you guys you can make it work without moving the box? because that is the only room with a cable wire.

[FilanFyretracker]

*edit to above* what made me sad during that is that someone has a home that half of it shorts out during rain storms and their first instinct is to call the cable company any time that happens to complain about their telephone service going down.

[Eremius]

Why are you surprised? Your technical support is free, electricians cost money.

[Tangurena]

Did someone already include a link to http://notalwaysright.com/ yet?

[FilanFyretracker]

Did someone already include a link to http://notalwaysright.com/ yet?

I have seen it now and wow I almost would think some of those are fake but having worked in customer service as long as I have I know people really are that dumb. I have seen high levels of customer stupidity at the supermarket I ship at. they will look at a cashier standing at a register with its light on and ask "is this lane open".

back to that website I found this gem of a User calling support. looks too funny to be true but the sad thing is again people are that dumb.

Customer: “So, I bought this printer from you and set it all up. My computer keeps saying ‘printer not found’.”

Me: “Well, that doesn’t sound right. Could you tell me what you have tried so far?”

Customer: “Well, I turned the screen towards the printer, but the computer still keeps telling me that it can’t find the printer…”

[Branaman Starbinder]

they will look at a cashier standing at a register with its light on and ask "is this lane open".

Maybe experience has tought them to ask, due the amount of times that a cashier simply shuts down its station and walks away when people are offloading their stuff on the band saying they are closing.

[Mileron]

Had this one this morning as I was walking into the office from the parking lot.

User: I have a wireless mouse at my desk. It stopped working.
Me: Did you change the batteries?
User: It uses batteries?
Me: Yes, probably double or triple A. The thing that plugs into the bottom of the mouse is just for wireless communications.
User: You mean it's not the charger?

The mouse she was talking about was provided by the company, but it was a branded, mis-shapen piece of crap that would crash the mouse driver. I never used mine.
Thinking back, I'm recognizing now this might be why so many of the users threw theirs out - the batteries must have died.

[Merrick ap'Milandra]

back to that website I found this gem of a User calling support. looks too funny to be true but the sad thing is again people are that dumb.

I first heard that one 12 years ago. I honestly believe it once happened somewhere, only because I've heard stories like this one, from an old coworker of mine who did phone support for Gateway years and years ago:

So an obviously older lady calls up complaining that her computer "won't go fast". I talk with her to try and determine the exact problem and find out that apparently her grand-daughter bought her a computer and set the whole thing up without showing her ANYTHING but it "won't go fast". That's all I can get out of her, so I get her calmed down and she finally blurts out "No, I've got the pedal on the floor and I'm pumping it, but it won't go fast. It doesn't DO ANYTHING."

Yup, she was using the Mouse like an old sewing machine pedal. The computer wasn't even turned on.

[Mileron]

My brother tried to update Star Trek Online last night.

Bro: I log in, it starts to patch, then it blinks and stops and doesn't do anything.
Me: *knowing that I successfully patched it the night before on my own PC* There's no error or message at the bottom left?
Bro: No
Me: *I go look at it; there's a message at the bottom, account disallowed updating, please log into your account site for more information*. Dude, your account's cancelled.

[Mileron]

User: My computer tells me I'm locked out.
Me: Did you change your password recently?
User: No. I know that you've been working on my new computer, did you have any problems?
Me: Yes, it told me your password of 'password2011' was incorrect, so I waited for you to get in to help me.
User: well of course that password is incorrect, I changed it yesterday.

[Nerkahia]

New one for me today.

Customer: My <Unit> works manually fine, but doesn't work in <Local Operation>.
Me: Can you verify the control signals are present at <Location>?
Customer: Yes, they're there.
Me: OK then its most likely the <Control Board>.
Customer: Well, I have an identical unit right next to this one, and I already tried taking the <Control Board> out of it and put it in this one, and that seemed to fix it.
Me: Uhhhh.....*Thinking WHAT IN THE FUCK are you calling me for then?!* -Sounds like that was it then!

/boggle

Although I kinda wish more were like that lol.

[Melcar]

"HELP!

I'm trying to run this meeting and my laptop says "low Battery" what do I do?????'

Plug it in.

"IT IS!"

Pretty sure it's not.

"No it is plugged in. "

Is the little light on?

"No."

Then it's not plugged in.

"It is!"

I'll come over... --- Yeah, you have to plug in this end too.

[FilanFyretracker]

lol so they didnt know it had to be plugged into the wall? and yet these people can hold jobs in major companies...

Then again if they are an MBA they likely only took a very basic class that told them how to find the big blue E on their desktop and that MS office is in the start menu.

[Melcar]

lol so they didnt know it had to be plugged into the wall? and yet these people can hold jobs in major companies...

Then again if they are an MBA they likely only took a very basic class that told them how to find the big blue E on their desktop and that MS office is in the start menu.

Well, she knew it needed to be plugged in -- it was more of it got jumbled with all the other cables and then she panicked and her brain froze.

[Mileron]

Coworker: I'm building a new system with a 64-bit processor and 12GB of memory, a high-end video card with 1.5GB RAM, multiple 2 terabyte hard drives for storage and an SSD for the OS.
Me: Okay...
Coworker: Is 90 bucks too much for Win7 32-bit?
Me: Why would you cripple that system with 32-bit windows?
Coworker: Because I'm worried about my games (Sims 3) not running under 64-bit.
Me: The only game I've had problems with under 64bit versus 32bit was Minecraft, but th...
Coworker: Oh, I know all about Minecraft. Blizzard being the biggest fish in the gaming sea right now though, I'm sure they worked out all the kinks. Why I remember back in the day we used to play Skycraft on the netlan...

[FilanFyretracker]

that coworker sounds like someone that should not be building a computer but should instead order one from a system builder.

I just hope they intend to do more than the Sims with a monster system like that