Did you tell them that no one uses AOL to receive files anymore? ;-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
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Did you tell them that no one uses AOL to receive files anymore? ;-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
It's Charter actually, 10MB is still their max size limit.(for residential customers).Quote:
Because when it's open my 10 point preference kicks in
huh - must have missed my Copy paste here... Meant to quote Mileron there obviously - not Toes.
I really can't fault my brother for this one, as he is by no means a technical person, however I do have to give him props for trying it on his own... and this isn't really a "omg so dumb" complaint so much as a "please just read" sort of thing combined with a "different manufacturers do it differently" thing.
He called me last Tuesday to find out what would need to be done to replace the ailing ATI 4850 video card in his Dell Studio XPS 435MT, and sent me a link to a cheap-ass 5450.
Proceeded to spend about an hour on and off edumacating him on video cards, most of which he probably didn't get, but he did want a better explanation than "you should just buy X for $Y."
So he ended up buying a 6750, which was only a slight step down power-wise from the 4850 (though admittedly does provide much better graphics).
He physically installed it with no problem; even downloaded the drivers from the AMD site (found it himself, I'm so proud) and installed them. He did this solo because he wanted to learn about it, and (in a rare moment of selflessness) wanted me to be able to spend as much time with my father as possible on Father's Day, instead of PC troubleshooting.
Unfortunately this was done without uninstalling the previous driver before removing the previous card...
And also this was done without reading the actual installation information in the driver package, which resulted in him installing a different, and naturally incorrect set of HDMI audio drivers which blew away the working, correct audio drivers.
It took longer to reboot the system the three times that it needed than it did to remove and reinstall the video drivers, and reinstall the correct sound drivers.
The express install part of the video drivers even mention installing HDMI audio drivers (hence the "reading is fundamental" thing).
But the other thing that gets me (the "different manufacturers are different" thing) is that Nvidia's drivers now have the ability to be installed over top of the previous version, where AMD/ATI still requires a removal.
Be nice if AMD did it the same way (sometime soon.)
Coworker in the Usage half of my department requested a customer send in a client file to us for examination.
In true Paranoid Paralegal fashion (it's usually only the paralegals who do this, as their bosses don't often care) she sent it via some kind of Cisco HTML-file packaged bundle that has the dataset archived in an XML file (No, I don't understand it either).
Paranoid me opened the HTML file in an editor and saw 350K of gibberish, so I opened it in a VPC window.
It prompted me for a password.
I email the coworker.
Me: I need the password to unlock this dataset. Did you get one from the customer?
Coworker: What password?
Me: The password to unlock the dataset received from the customer. Did she assign one to you?
Coworker: Why would she assign me a password? The only password I used today was to log into my computer.
Me: (getting frustrated) You requested a dataset from Customer.
Coworker: Yes
Me: She sent you an email with an attachment
Coworker: Yes
Me: You forwarded the attachment to me.
Coworker: Yes, I didn't recognize the attached file as a ZIP file so I didn't know what to do.
Me: I thank you for your diligence and forethought for that, however, when you spoke to the customer and told her you needed to see her client dataset, and she said she'd send it to you, did she mention anything about needing a password to unlock it?
Coworker: What password?
Setting up a laptop that sat in a box for a year. (Different laptop.)
The phone software doesn't want to run or update.
I verify all the settings are correct (it's looking at the right server and all) but I keep getting errors "This operating system does not support the version of Phone you are trying to install."
Lovely.
So I uninstall it and try to reinstall from the Corp Help Desk KB page.
The download path points me to a domain resource folder.
I double-click the installer and get "You are not authorized to make changes to this application."
Buh? I'm just installing...
So I try copying it to my computer. Same error.
Buh? I'm just copying...
So I log into one of the servers with my admin account, which is supposed to be a domain admin - same error.
Really?
So I call the Helpless Desk and tell him I'm getting domain permission problems trying to copy from a folder on the network.
HD: What software?
Me, Against my better judgement: Phone software.
HD: oh, that's Call Center ops
Me: no it's not, it's Domain ops, because it's just a folder I'm trying to copy.
HD: no, it's Call Center
Me: No, it's Domain ops, because I can't copy ANY of the installers under the "\\domain\installations" folder
So my call gets forwarded to the lead syseng for my area. Great guy.
Syseng: So I heard you have a problem installing Phone software.
Me: Yup.
Syseng: It's a Call Center problem.
Me: No, it's a domain permissions problem because I can't copy ANY of the folders under \\domain\installers, some of which I could use here in the office because we need some upgrades for Development testing
Syseng: So which folder do you need for this ticket, I'll copy it to my server
So he does, and hey I can actually run the installer... except it again says "This OS version is unsupported"
Fahk.
So I reply to him and thank him for making that available, but apparently it's an unusable version, and that I'll just email the guy who originally set up the laptop.
(Which I'm loathe to do, because the last few times I'd asked him for help, he was a real douche.)
Holy shit. That's:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
Spoiler for How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?:
in action.
Get a call from one of the administrative assistants, who was asked by a Sales Rep for help... (why, I don't know, when I sit closer to the sales rep than the AA...)
AA: SR gave me a flash drive that we received from a customer, who needed to send in data, and it won't plug into the two ports on the computer's front. (I can hear SR in the background swearing up and down her ports don't work, when I KNOW she uses her USB ports for her work-related iPad)
Me: (knowing it's a Dell Optiplex 270) Did you try turning it around?
AA: *starts laughing* Then it wouldn't plug in, silly (the SR is laughing now too)
Me: I mean, pointing the connector still at the computer, rotate it around so you're looking at the bottom, then try plugging it in.
AA: *laughing louder now, so that I can hear her across the office* OH MY GOD! You helped me put it in!
...
...
...wow...
Please tell me you recorded it and made that your new ring tone.
Might have reached a new low with this one, which is quite amazing really. I wasn't certain it was possible.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
Seeing how one of my Lusers ruined two Usb ports on one notebook by trying to push it in upside-down, ....
So, due to no payment Comcast sent a collection agent to get their equipment. The missus unhooks the cable box and what she thought was the modem. Turns out it was my router. Three weeks of fuck ups later and I'm finally on the track to getting a replacement router as mine seems to have vanished.
Comcast: Mdar, they can't find you're router. I wanted to know if you'd take a replacement router instead?
Me: As long as it's comparable, yeah.
Comcast: Ok, the tech that was there three weeks ago has one and will be at your place about an hour, is that ok?
Me: Sure!
one hour later tech shows up to my house
Tech: Hey, sorry about the mix up, but I was told that the router I brought was an upgrade to the router I took.
Me: That's ... cool. Let me just hook it up and check real fast.
Right on top of the damned thing was a "Wireless G 2.4gz" sticker, it was an old Linksys with two external atennas, I swear it was the same model that I had before I bought my Netgear wireless N router. The tech also didn't bring a power cord to the router, but I was lucky that he didn't take the netgear cord and it seemed to have worked. I was also on the phone with Comcast while this was happening.
Me: Yeah, Comcast, this isn't going to work. My router was actually better than this one.
Comcast: Really? I was told that it was an upgrade.
Me: Nope, mine was better.
Comcast: oh.. Well, okay. Sorry about that. We'll just take it back and try again.
We had to buy a new color printer for the office, because the existing Brother HL4040CDN we have keeps shitting toner all over the desk upon which it sits.
So someone decided "hey, let's go cheap" and bought a Xerox Phaser 6280DN. I set it up today. Due to the monthly network security audits I receive, I disabled all network protocols except TCP/IP, and set up manual config.
Except there was no place to set DNS or WINS.
So I reset it to factory default. Same thing.
Give it an IP, try to ping it. Destination could not be reached.
Reset it a second time - same problem.
Replace cables (printer to wall, and patch to router). Same problem.
Turn it off for 10 minutes, turn it back on, re-configure, and wow, now I can ping it.
I log into the config website and hey, look, there's the setting for DNS/WINS. WTF.
So I install printer drivers on an administrative assistant's computer running XP... and it won't print.
Then I try my W7 laptop. Still won't print.
I try the new W2008 file/print server. Same thing - printing a test page eventually pops up a message "document failed to print".
So I call Xerox and tell them all of the above.
She has me go back through a driver reinstall. Same problem.
So she's putting me on hold repeatedly while I go back and forth between two computers, and I notice that the TCP/IP port config for the printer includes a setting for Port 9100/RAW.
Me: Ma'am, I see in the port config for the TCP/IP address on the printer, that there's a setting for Port 9100.
Her: Yes.
Me: Well, I disabled that in the printer's configuration page, because my netops security locks down unfamiliar port usage.
Her: Well it should still print with that off. Let me put you on hold.
While on hold, I turn Port 9100 back on, reboot the printer, and successfully print a test page.
Her: That shouldn't have worked, I don't know why you couldn't print without that off.
At least HP printer config don't allow you to shoot yourself in the foot by disabling unwanted communication modes that include the primary communication method.
Tech: I just finished moving your programs to a new server, and need to replace my original registration information. I want to get this working for my users before the end of lunch time.
Me: Okay, then delete X.DBF file please.
Tech: Done. Now I need to go through the registration process.
Me: Okay.
Tech: I keep getting errors that the program is in use.
Me: Odd, is someone trying to use it already?
Tech: I can't tell. Ooh, now it works.
Me: *we register the first program, and are trying to work on the second, and in the background I hear someone approach the tech saying "are you trying to reregister those programs? I get put on hold for a minute*
Tech: Apparently my user came back from lunch early and was trying to do the same thing we were doing...
After the call, Coworker says: Yeah, I was talking to his user, while you were talking to the tech, and we couldn't figure out how all of the registrations were taking place when we didn't do it yet...
Coworker: I need you to call (frustrating-as-hell customer) to help him replace a client dataset.
I call the customer and he instantly requests a remote support session.
Me: I can walk you through the steps to get to the remote session.
Customer: No! I don't want you to walk me through it!
Me: Then I can send you an email with an invitation.
Customer: No! I don't want to give you my email!
(keep in mind we already have his email address which we used to send him the copy of his client dataset)
Me: Well then I could take you out to the remote session.
Customer: No! I don't want you to do a remote session?
Me: In that case, allow me to give you the instructions on how to restore your dataset.
Customer: No! I don't want instructions! I just want you do a remote session to restore this for me!
... really?
Email from Phone Ops, beginning of May: We want you to upgrade your phone software, after a period of testing, on June 9th
June 7th: We're cancelling the upgrade for now
June 25th: We're scheduling the upgrade for 6/29
June 28th: We're postponing until 7/3
July 2nd: We're postponing until 7/5
July 3rd, the email for which I didn't get until 7/5, when I'd already gotten into the office at 7am: We're postponing until 7/6
July 5th, the email for which I didn't get until 7/6, when I'd already gotten into the office at 7am: We're postponing until July 9th for some offices and July 11th for the rest
July 9th, the email for which I didn't get until 7/9, when I'd already gotten into the office at 7am: We're not doing your office today, your schedule was changed til the 11th due to the manner in which the upgrade will be delivered to you
July 11th, at 6:55am, discover our internet is totally down*.
YAY
*Not -totally-... I can disable my proxy server and get to the internet, however that's all I CAN do; I can't get email, or access the phone software, or hit any network resources...
Yesterday, Netops calls me to tell me they're sending me a special laptop overnight for new domain testing that will include (what I assume is) roaming profiles with directory sync services enabled and highly featured.
Today we have network problems.
Netops, who I have been working with to fix our network problems, and knows that I have no stable external network connection, calls to say "We see you got the new domain laptop. Did you get a chance to run the domain tests yet?"
On the plus side, that was around 10am, the network problem was fixed at 10:30 (dead DNS server), and I was able to get the testing done by 1 to ship it back out in time for overnight pickup.
Sort of like having your street torn up for repairs and having the road crew ask you why you aren't driving your new car around the block.
Coworker answers a phone call; I'm only getting half of the conversation but can't help laughing.
Her: Hi, thank you for calling System Support, this is Ladytech, how can I help you?
Her: I'm sorry sir, you need help installing what?
Her: No sir, I cannot help you install your scanner.
Her: No sir, we are installation support for Blah Blah Tax Product, we are not the company's internal tech support.
Her: No sir, I am not able to help you install your scanner. You need to contact your local help desk, or the global help desk.
Her: No sir, I cannot help you install your scanner, even if it is used to scan tax forms.
So today I got the second part of this. Luser1 complained to the Boss that the USB ports on "that stupid thing" are fucked up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronaan
Boss ofcourse comes to me and asks me if I know that.
I tell him that yes I do indeed know that Luser1 managed to ruin both USB ports and that no I don't think I can repair them (short of taking a soldering iron to the mainboard).
I also tell him, because I'm in a really bad mood, that Luser1 did not only wreck the company's presentation-notebook but also previously fucked up the display on his personal-issue notebook. He also managed to ruin the DVD drive of that one. So when it no longer worked he came and took the presentation-notebook whenever he needed one.
And to top it off he only needs the USB ports to plug in his private portable HD which is full of pirated music. Private data storage devices are not allowed to be connected to company computers. He doesn't give a shit.
OH THE HUMANITY.
Attachment 1671
In the last couple weeks, a few people in my office have decided to start using some empty space in the office for exercise reasons.
One brings in a laptop and some kind of exercise dvd, and they use an empty conference room for zumba or whatever.
However they've also taken to alternating days of that with walking around the office. There's an empty space, about 60x90, that they fast-walk around a few times during the day. Unfortunately, due to the fact that only one out of these 4 people is a call center rep, that means "whenever the hell they want to" including "when they get up to print, or pee or whatever."
I happen to sit 8 feet away from this "walking area." Unfortunately, out of the other 6 people who might be affected, 1 is one of the walkers, and 4 work from home 4-5 days a week. I'm one of the only mainstays.
So I'm on the phone with a customer who calls me out on the fading/loud/fading stomping (one of the walkers wears heavy heels) and I had to tell her that it was due to roof work...
I go up to one of the walkers and request they stop doing this at all times of the day, and instead walk, I don't know, maybe around the lake outside the office.
Walker: We're trying to get exercise.
Me: I understand and appreciate that. I ride a bicycle a few miles a week for the same goal. However, you are doing it on company time, in company space, and affecting daily business. Please stop walking for your exercise indoors.
Walker: But it's only once or twice a day.
Me: While people are on the phone with customers. I've had a couple complaints. Why not walk around the 2/3rd mile lake we have out back?
Walker: It's too hot out to do anything like that.
It's me, I know it is.
That's an easy one to handle. Tell them to stop or it goes to management. Also stop lying to cover their asses. Say it's your coworkers causing the noise and apologize loud enough for them to hear it.
I get an Email from Sales to Support: Please call Customer for issues with Product
I call the customer. "Here's one of my issues, but I don't want you to tell me exactly how to fix it (even if it is as simple as right-clicking the icon and choosing "Run As Administrator") because I'm too important as a non-technical attorney so you need to instead call the office manager who will get you in contact with our IT"
I leave a voicemail for the Office Manager.
A half hour later I get an email from a different Sales rep, stating that the office manager called her and complained that "it's extremely difficult to get in contact with our support, that she's called a dozen times, and that they're about to return their software"
First off - we only have one call record for them, 34 days ago, and they were working at that time.
Secondly - they're a demo customer, having not even paid for anything yet, and the demo is only valid for 30 days, so at that point, I wouldn't expect anything to work anyway
The second sales rep includes a phone number for the customer's IT department, so I call him. Nicest guy. Tell him about the lack of cooperation regarding troubleshooting. "Oh, yeah, I'm sorry you had to talk to him, he's our favorite user."
*snicker*
My company has an internal global news portal, that includes a lot of company-specific stuff.
I get an email from a coworker about one of the postings, regarding VPN access problems during the 2012 Olympics.
In London.
"There is a link to an article about using VPN in London during the Olympics. Is this something that could affect our VPN users here?"
On the East Coast of the US, none of whom VPN to London.
*sigh*
Get a call from an admin assistant.
"The VP is remoted into the network and when accessing a particular folder on his shared drive, he can't see it. It's empty for him, but I can see it just fine."
I check permissions, he has rights. There is a single NINE THOUSAND PAGE PDF FILE (over 1 gigabyte in size) in said folder.
I get contact information to get ahold of the VP so I can shadow his remote session and see what he sees.
As it turns out, No, he CANNOT see the pdf file, because he's navigating to his shared drive by clicking File -> Open in MOTHERFUCKING MICROSOFT WORD.
/facepalm
I should add that he KNEW it was a pdf.
I kind of want a User centered revenge thread...I'd start my own but you guys would probably pwn me. But seriously I just had my 6th employee set up with a computer since January and I have yet to have them manage to provide both access and software correctly. Of course Security Admin and Software distribution hate each other so spend all their time blaming the other unless you confront them and then they turn the acronym war onto the business unit (me).
My last conversation on this ended, "Seriously, I have 5 people - their computers have this stuff and this access. Please let my new person's be exactly like that."
My users do that a lot.Quote:
Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra
/sigh
This *just* happened this week.Quote:
Originally Posted by Backster
This is also precisely why I heavily advocate NEW USER SETUP documents.
We have a 65 page manual from the system access area (SARs requests are a running joke, especially given it's the name of the contagious disease) none of which really details anything for an end user - it's all audit and paper trail-centred. For software IT doesn't use the same language as any of the users as we have so much built over the years shit in house that asking for software results in completely random stuff being added :)
Phone call
I'm on speakerphone
Tock tick. tock tick. tock tick.
I'm trying to talk to the customer and she's got a bunch of people coming in and out of the office talking to her, trying to ask her about business things, while I'm also trying to conduct business with her and get questions answered about her problem.
Tock tick. Tock tick. Tock tick.
She keeps walking away from the phone when I need her to not, because her terminal server keeps popping up administrative logins when we're trying to do non-administrative stuff (like rename folders that aren't in use, and aren't in a protected parent) leaving me to sit and wait until she comes back
Tock tick. Tock tick. Tock tick.
And the fucking clock in the office is VERY LOUD.
Do do DO do. Do do DO do. Do do DO DO.BONG. BONG. BONG. BONG. BONG. BONG. BONG. BONG. BONG.
Tock tick. Tock tick. Tock tick.
It's been 65 minutes for what should have been a 20 minute call, and it's not looking to end any time soon.
people who call tech support should give their focus to the phone rep. doing internet tech support for the general public there are many times I was tossed onto call waiting so they could take another call, I usually had a 3-4min CW limit and then I ended the call, noted the account that the customer left me on hold and moved along. People today are generally rude when doing business with someone, They call support and then when one tells them to try and reset their modem they are gabbing with friends or answering their cell.
At PARC we all got the computer system brand we wanted, but were then responsible for setting it up and maintaining it ourselves, because hey, we were all technical tigers. There was a big fat server that people shared files on, it was accessible from Appletalk, Novell, and TCP/IP. Opting for the best of both worlds, I got a Mac with a PC Card.Quote:
Originally Posted by Backster
Wait, Ali worked at PARC? Ok, I am impressed.
And was part of the fun when we spun off the EIL to create dpiX. Flat panel patents, we farmed 'em.
Did they give all the employees PARCas for Christmas?
No, but we got the day off! And some of us even stayed out of the lab!
One of the products I support underwent a major retooling/upgrade last weekend.
5 days of downtime to activate a new SQL solution which went off without much of a hitch.
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, all of the support agents who support that product were receiving emails with status updates on the servers in a "hey look at how much better we're serving our customers" vein.
Today, my most clueless user forwards me ALL of those "SQL status" emails (she has been in the office all week) with a series of ???? as her email body.
Then she walks over to my desk and says, "Why do I keep getting these squirrel emails? I don't have any squirrels, and none of the customers I talk to have mentioned squirrels in their software. Is that like a virus, or a bug? But why squirrels?"
Quote:
After the power flickered a couple days ago and shut down my computer, I can no longer minimize screens. I logged off last night in case it would reset itself but today isn’t any different. Can someone help me out here; I’m sure it’s something obvious that I’ve missed. Thanks.
Yup, Clicking the Maximize/Restore button isn't supposed to minimize the window.
Well if you just want it resized all ya gots to do is click and Drag....
I R da rocket surgeon!
Wow... Engrish much? Noticed a sql connection issue on my website so I opened a ticket with the host, they got back to me really fast with a solution but their response made me cringe lol
Quote:
Hi xxxxxx,
We are sorry for the inconvenience. However, we has been load issues with the hosted server that was causing the issue you noticed. This has been cleared as of now and just let us know if you still having any issues.
Thank you.
Regards,
XXXXX XXxxxxxx
One week ago:
Customer: I want software to prepare Tax Form 123B
Me: Unfortunately, we don't offer that, however I know that our sister companies do, so please call 800-GETMETAX
Today:
Customer: Unfortunately, your sister companies are dumber than rocks, and I still need this software so I can file a bunch of 123B forms
Me: I'm sorry to hear that they were less than helpful. I know my office doesn't provide it. Please let me get your contact info so that I may forward it along.
I email my manager.
He forwards my email to Sister Co. #1
Sister Co. #1 emails me back to ask (I don't remember her words verbatim, but) "how big is this company"
I tell her it's a law firm that processes dozens of other Tax Filings a year using my company's products
Sister Co #1: You mean they're not a bank?
Me: No, that was indicated in the original email
Sister Co #1: Why couldn't you send me a lead that was a bank?
Me: Well, considering our parent company website doesn't indicate either the products that provide form 123B, let alone the companies that do so, and lastly that my manager forwarded the contact information to you, I don't know what to tell you other than "have a nice day"
So it goes through 3 more people (Sister Co 2-4) until I get a call from another lady
Sister Co #5: Hi, I got an email that a customer of yours wants to license my product
Me: That's correct
#5: Well, I want to know how I'm supposed to handle cross generation
Me: Excuse me?
#5: Well, how many returns are they doing?
Me: I don't know
#5: I mean, how many are they doing with your software
Me: Dozens
#5: I don't want to deal with competition in licenses with this, since we're the same company, we don't want to steal them away from you
Me: You won't, but you're the only person who's called me and tried to deal with her, instead of complaining that she's not a bank
#5: She's not?
Me (getting frustrated): No, she's one of several users from a law firm who uses our products daily to work on dozens of returns
#5 (grumbling): How can they give me such a small lead?
Me: A sale is a sale.
#5 (still grumbling): Fine, I'll call her. But first I want assurances from you that I won't get in trouble for poaching a customer.
Me: I'm not their sales rep. I just happen to be the tech support person who answered her call at 8am. Oh, look, it's after 2pm now, and she's been waiting 6 hours for a call back.
#5: I still want assurances.
Me: Call the sales manager.
I email the sales manager in advance.
SM: NO YOU CAN'T TELL HER WE DON'T SELL THE SOFTWARE
Me: We don't...
SM: But we offer the service to perform the return
Me: Without having a service list, how am I supposed to know that? We don't offer the software, so again, how am I supposed to know?
SM: Well you're supposed to send requests for service to (other sales rep)
Me: But she doesn't WANT service. She wants the software.
SM to SR: SR! Call this rep from #5 first, then call the customer!
SR: Customer doesn't want us to perform the service, as it would remove too much of her duties and put her job at risk. She really just wants the software.
SM: (pouts)
Me to SR: So can I get a list of the services?
SR: You don't have it?
It's been a looooonnnng day.
Isn't bureaucracy fun!
Just read "Before the Law" from Kafka. And that guy never even made it to the 2nd or 3rd gate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitebe
Kafka's "man from the country" should have Escalated.
Cell phones across my office today blew up as almost everyone in the office got a text message simultaneously.
S: Test Message. This is a test please ignore. To confirm, reply with 'YES' and send
So I did what any self-respecting techietype would do - I looked up the sending number, saw it is most likely spam/scam, forwarded it to my provider's spam system and deleted the text.
2 minutes later, the whole office gets an email.
Well crap, how was I supposed to know without any prior info that this would NOT be spam, and would be an actual necessary message?Quote:
Originally Posted by email
Oh, that's right, I wasn't, because there WAS NO PRIOR INFO.
Had you been a need to know individual you would have been informed. We have now marked you as a free thinking individual and thus a security threat.
actually, I am, being the primary systems contact of the office. I'm the one who would be driving around East Gebyp with the VP of the office trying to rustle up some replacement desktops/servers if our office gets sucked into the Hellmouth.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitebe
Sadly, out of the 15 or so people who got these messages, I'm the ONLY ONE who thought this was odd to not have previous knowledge.Quote:
We have now marked you as a free thinking individual and thus a security threat.
around here Verizon tested something that was supposed be like the emergency broadcast system for text messages... initially I thought it was a spam =x
First call of the day, 20 minutes for 3 seconds' worth of information to be shared.
Tech: I got an email that your website will be down Friday to Monday
Me: Yes
Tech: I need to download new software
Me: The website is down
Tech: After it's downloaded, I'll need to register it
Me: The website is down
Tech: Oh, and I need you to confirm my licenses
Me: The website is down
Tech: Can you tell me what I have previously registered? as I don't want to spend time trying to register something already registered
Me: The website is down
Tech: Odd, I'm getting an error when I try to use the program to check for its own updates
Me: We took the website offline for updates
Tech: Oh? When can I access it again?
Me: Monday
Tech: Darn. Could you check my registrations for me? I need to make sure I'm helping my user correctly
... no words
When I worked at PC support for my college, we put up huge "THE COMPUTER LABS ARE CLOSED"-signs on the glass doors leading into said labs.
These doors were monstrously heavy, steel wire reinforced glass doors.
The doors wouldn't be locked for about 2 hours after closing time, since we'd be doing routine maintenance and cleaning of the rooms.
TIME and TIME again, I'd have to kick people out of the lab with a "The labs are closed, buddy" - and the routine answer would ALWAYS be: "They're closed ?!?"
Reading comprehension is apparently not required to attend college courses. *sigh*
Haha, I transfered into University of Michigan (a BIG, ACADEMIC SCHOOL!) as a Junior in the Astronomy and Physics program for undergrad. It wasn't until I switched major's* that I realized you didn't actually have to have a brain to get into the school.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dawlin
Took GEOS1000, the class nicknamed "Rocks for Jocks" and people failed it. Not "didn't do well", flat out failed it. Nothing in this class would have been difficult for any kid in 4th grade, and people failed. "Are you smarter then a 5th grader?", these jackasses weren't, soem of them I was surprised they could figure out how to breath consistently. At that moment I reevaluated what it took to get into a major university ;)
*I did a summer internship the next summer, and boooyhowdy did I NOT want to do that crap for the rest of my life!! Thus, the switch to Geology.
Related to my last post about the "website maintenance" emails...
I couldn't come back to Graffe's at all on Friday due to my office's internet combusting* and dying shortly after lunch time, necessitating my not-being-at-my-desk.
In the 2 minutes of actual working email that I was able to access when the redundant circuit was turned on but then briefly overloaded for a while with all the people trying to reconnect** I get an email from my biggest problem user/coworker (who just so happened to be working from home Friday, and was unaffected by the outage)
Coworker: I'm trying to help a customer update her programs.
Me: The website is down.
Coworker: Yes, but I need to update my programs too. Can't you help me update?
Me: No, the website is down.
Coworker: Then how am I supposed to help the customer?
Me: Tell her the website is down, and to wait until Monday.
Coworker: So I can't help her?
... le sigh
Come to find out that she'd even emailed her manager to find out why she couldn't work - I have no idea if he ever responded to her.
*So shortly after lunch, I start getting a rash of "Outlook is trying to access Exchange" messages, coupled with practically non-existent internet connection, and continuous phone drops. (Since our phones are all now VOIP, if the internet goes down, the phones go down. Terrible setup if you ask me, but then again no one did, natch.)
It drops for ~3 minutes, is up for 5, down for 5, up for 3, etc/rinse/repeat 9 times over a half hour. I'm on the phone with the help(less) desk just as the third starts, using my cell phone.
Me: Hi, I'm Me from Office, here's my ID number
HD: Hi, what seems to be the trouble
Me: I'm the local systems rep, and I need a 30 minute ticket submitted, because all of the internet in my office has died, including phones, and this is a call center and more than 30 people are unable to work.
HD: Have you tried rebooting:
Me: The internet is down for 30 plus people, including my four servers. This is beyond a simple reboot. I need your highest escalation please.
HD: Did you ask everyone to reboot?
Me: How about you put in the escalation, and let me deal with whomever calls me back.
Turns out several of our T1 circuits died/got flaky, and combined with a suddenly dead fan in one of the circuit routers made for a very nice cascade failure of our connection.
**It took more time to get Netops to "approve" turning on our redundant connection - over an hour - than it did to diagnose the problem.
So as soon as the redundant connection comes up, all the people who didn't listen to me (everybody) tell them to shut down all internet programs, email, etc, trying to automatically reconnect knocks the redundant circuit offline for a further 15 minutes before I could get them to go back online in phases
Yeah, it was a fun, fun Friday. Not.
I SO want to do this to the guy in my office who otherwise pollutes his keyboard with popcorn bits and butter.
http://imgur.com/a/WhTtN/noscript
Hell why didn't I come up with that...
Wouldn't have needed extra soil too with the keyboard my stinky old coworker had. Too bad he's gone now.
That's awesome!
hahahahah That's awesome
User: My computer has a weird problem
Me: What is it?
User: You've gotta come see this
Spoiler for WithoutWords:
A reboot fixed it, but still, WTF
Wow, I thought I opened alot of windows...Quote:
A reboot fixed it, but still, WTF
I will direct your attention to the 19(!!!!) copies of Outlook open (not counting everything else) and suggest that is the fuck.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
Clarification: Not ragging on Outlook but NINETEEN FUCKING COPIES
That can show like that even with "Outlook Windows" open... for example that could be 1 main window, & 18 overdue reminders or individual emails opened. So, it's not necessarily 19 copies of outlook running in fact probably isn't.Quote:
Clarification: Not ragging on Outlook but NINETEEN FUCKING COPIES
I bet they accidentally tiled their windows.
By itself, I would tend to agree. Taken in the context of the rest of their taskbar I have my doubts.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Actually, there was only one iteration of the OUTLOOK.EXE running in task manager. There were only 1 of all the affected apps.
Hovering over the task button for the respective program instead displayed what I (who is not a programmer) could only describe as class modules for various programs, like "sysfader", "dde server", "TNOTIFThisThreadSink", "ClientAppLog", and stuff like that.
I had a laptop that would flip out every so often and do that. Seemed to happen when I had a lot of memory intense programs running and switching around between then fast. But I could never get it to reoccur on demand. Just one of those random events you give a "WTF?" reboot and continue on.
"can you help us set the pones so they ring 5 times before going to voicemail"?
The system call timer is 20 seconds... which equals about 5 rings... So, yeah - sure, done.
Coworker asked me a few weeks ago what she needs to get an extra display for her personal laptop.
Um... buy a monitor.
Today:
Coworker: I bought the monitor for my laptop
Me: Okay
Coworker: But the laptop is in the way
Me: ... Pardon me?
Coworker: The laptop is in the way, the laptop screen is too high
Me: So move the laptop?
Coworker: But the laptop is in the way
Me: So move the laptop to one side
Coworker: But the laptop is in the way
Me: *annoyed at this point, I get up from my seat, walk to an empty desk and demonstrate* Simply move the laptop to the left or the right of the monitor. Or move the monitor to the left or the right of the laptop.
Coworker: But the printer's in the way.
Me: Of what?
Coworker: Moving the laptop. The laptop is in the way.
Me: So raise the monitor a few inches.
Coworker: It's already as high as it'll go.
Me: Put it on a stand! Put it on phone books! A milk crate! Elevate it!
Coworker: But the laptop is in the way.
I don't drink, but conversations like this make me realize why so many people do.
I sometimes got Mileron and Milaru mixed up but now they are clear in my head as if that was Milaru he would have set that person on fire already or raised the monitor up a couple inches on her lifeless corpse.
Seriously that is when I would want to set the person on fire.
Sounds like the kind of person who gets stuck while trying to operate the self checkout at the supermarket even though it tells you what to do in plain english.
I wonder if Windowkey+D would have worked.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
No way, THAT LAPTOP WAS IN THE WAY!Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitebe
/meme
Got an email Monday, forwarded from one of our AAs.
"Alert: all tenants must be aware there MAY be a power outage of a minimum of two hours in the next few weeks due to electrical work being performed by our electric company. This outage will occur during business hours."
I immediately go to our office VP and explain that 90+% of my office would not be able to work from home due to the way our custom program infrastructure works, which runs off our file server.
He asks for some suggestions/comments, then sends an email to the landlord.
Meanwhile, our neighboring office, which is actually smaller than ours, and is the only other occupied office out of 11? suites in this building, sends the landlord an email saying "You can't do that, we have no generator."
Come to find out that the landlord had no idea that, after their biggest tenant moved out 18 months ago, the nearly-school-bus-sized generator they leased wasn't patched into the rest of the electric system for the building. To do so would take weeks of reconfiguring a 25 foot electrical panel (or so the maintenance manager states) so the landlord is "going into negotiations with the electricity vendor" to try to get our window of downtime moved outside of business hours.
However, naturally, I would need to be present at the start and end of this window, to shut servers down gracefully and bring everything back on once it's possible.
But upon informing Netops of the downtime, they still don't understand why we don't just leave everything alone - because they still have not absorbed/learned that the generator isn't connected, and that our aging APC Backups units will only power one server for 20 minutes (and I have 4, plus 7 routers and switches).
It gets better in an unrelated way:
Due to an offhand comment I made during my report to the office VP about the uselessness of most of our tools from a remote location that has no access to the internal server, I start getting a bunch of emails from the development manager and my manager asking for timing, speedtests, etc.
I tell them that I haven't worked from home since one of the tools was last updated, because it's slower than cold molasses in Siberia in January.
In-office, it takes ~18 seconds for the program to load and log in.
Out-office, it takes ~3 minutes. And that's not even going into searching, data edits, etc.
So the dev manager replies to me and says "Why don't you just copy the EXE folder for the tool to your PC and run it direct? It doesn't need to access the server."
*facepalm*
Well, considering none of our other tools in the last 8 years have had that capability, why would I suddenly hope that a new one would suddenly gain a level and be, you know, useful?
Place I work has hundreds of servers set up in arrays, and one array has over 100 desktop-design servers running off of about 50 APC shoebox-style UPS units. Well, I wanted to set up a time when that array is being used the least to take it down gently and run a UPS test on all 50 APC's and swap out the ones that have weak batteries (I refurb the ones that are removed with new batteries later on). But for the past several months, the golden boy of our Dev team has insisted on using the array during our maintenance time. So we haven't swapped out a unit in several months unless it catastrophically failed due to a battery short. Nobody seemed to care about regular maintenance, and my requests for a little down time were dismissed out of hand.
A week ago this past Sunday, there was a power failure that lasted about an hour. Naturally, all the units went down completely. I bet some of them, the ones that needed new batteries, lasted 10 minutes tops. So the entire array crashed instead of shutting down gracefully. Our awesome Dev team appears to have never closed a record in their lives, because they'll just have to re-open it later I guess is the rationale. So a graceful shutdown is kinda NECESSARY considering their shitty programming skillz.
Anyway, after the blackout and the entire Sunday spent fixing the boo-boos, it was *I* who got yelled at, because the UPS units "failed." Let's see, not allowed to do maintenance for 3-4 months, the power outage lasted about an hour, and we had two servers per UPS because $$$, but it's all my fault because I'm apparently the magical computer fairy and I should have brought along more pixie dust or something!
so today this guy walks into my office again and has the nerve to ask if his new laptop is due anytime soon. I truthfully respond with a polite "nope" and think to myself "not in this lifetime asshole". He of course whines about his personal machine having the broken screen and dvd drive, and the public one having broken usb ports.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronaan
I have a feeling this isn't over yet.
Somebody has to be the scapegoat. Hopefully you saved all those emails (and hopefully they were emails) you sent requesting maintenance and the replies that there was no way. Although it just sounds like somebody wanted someone else to blame when someone much higher came to find out why this happened.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
Additionally, I bet you get your maintenance time for a little while now.
Yeah, I did a swapout of several UPS units Monday night. :)
is it possible to just tell the dev guys "Too fucking bad, there WILL be maintenance this weekend. Save your work on friday"
Apparently not, though that's what I kept telling my boss for months that we should tell the devs before this last blackout. He would just smile and ignore it.
Did you CYA with a paper trail a mile long?
I vill just vithhold ze antidote.
/evillaugh
Well that's your problem right there. You don't spread pixie dust on computers, you shove it up the ass of anyone stupid and incompetent enough to have such ridiculous expectations!Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
OMFG Shitty Enterprise Developers for the LOSE.
So I get an escalated ticket, because I'm one of two people who are the highest helpdesk escalation points that doesn't also have the title "Manager" or get deployed into the field. I'm apparently becoming something of a favored child for orphaned tickets that noone else wants to deal with. Okay by me, I signed up for this.
A client has an issue with a piece of software someone sold them. Nobody seems to know who sold it to them, they vendor has probably been bought out once and had their subsequent parent company bought out as well since this was originally installed but I get assigned to work on it because noone else, not even one of the engineers who is more knowledgeable than I am, can figure it out. I'm the "last ditch" guy but it's been 14 hours and I'm still sitting here, mouth agape due to the amazing levels of fail.
This app allows viewing of some sorts of scanned somethings on a remote server. I'm not fully clear on what exactly it does because you have to sign in to see it work. My job was just to get them to the point where they COULD sign in.
This is a java app. Noone on site knows anything about it except that it's absolutely necessary for THEIR clients and that it's not working.
So I remote in.
Begin troubleshooting.
Check the shortcut properties (no icon, mind you, just the blank "broken image" icon that windows 7 gives).
Suddenly, a shortcut target line that's so long it word-wraps to two lines (almost 3) if you paste it into notepad appears.
It's calling (Path to javaws.exe) -longswitchname (path to file).
Pretty straightforward, you'd think. Just edit the shortcut properties to match the extant setup and everything should work!
Nope. Chuck Testa.
Am I upset yet?
Not so, my lord. I am too much i' the sun.
As it turns out, each and every individual install has SIXTY FUCKING FOLDERS in C:\%userprofile%\Application Data\Sun\Java\Deployment\cache\6.0
and they ALL contain various patches of the same fucking program (Which I might add will not launch directly.)*AND* each of the computers has multiple users logging into it *AND* they use an antivirus solution that has it's own firewall (rant for another time).
The shortcut path calls, at the end of the excessively long string, a 16 character hexadecimal extension-less file, of which there are multiples in each of said 60 folders, in order to launch the actual application.
Chose the wrong one?
Fail with non-descript java error.
On the wrong java version?
Fails faster with non-descript java error.
ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING DOCUMENTATION.
I banged my head against the desk for about an hour, made it work on one machine, and then find out that that hexadecimal-named extension-less file?
Unique hexadecimal name for EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MACHINE even if it's in the same one of the aforementioned 60 folders. No porting shortcuts from machine to machine with group policy or folder redirection, just hunting down files without extensions (literally, I had show file extensions for known file types turned on) and trying them one at a time until java stopped throwing errors FOR EVERY SINGLE COMPUTER AND EVERY SINGLE USER ON THAT COMPUTER.
The program also only works when you have a particular version of java installed and ONLY if you have no OTHER versions installed so there was all sorts of rebooting fun figuring that out.
I got it all working in the end, but I really wanted to beat the shit out of whichever project manager or developer came up with THAT particular software licensing concept, all for an app that used a several hundred kb file to connect to the internet.
I fucking hate "enterprise" software.
Oh wow and I thought I had it bad this week, failing to install Windows 7 at home. Had two different dvds, one even an original oem, the other burned from iso. Didn't get anywhere with either.
Resin for the fresh install was a new ssd for windows so there was another possible source for failure.
Gave up after 5 hours. Found out that the "missing dvd drivers" message means "your install medium is fuxxed" instead. New dvd yesyerday, no issues.
I've run into that a ton of times with poor writers/writer software.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronaan
I usually solve it by finding something else to do and burning stuff at x1 speed and pretending I'm at "I'm going to go make a sandwich" levels of dial-up internet.
Some things just try to optimize beyond their capabilities.
funny part: I burned the nonfunctional disk at work, so I had enough time to burn it at 0.1x speed ;-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra
(and the other non-working disk was an original recovery disk, heh)
We have some devs like that too. However the network nazi pushes reboots and makes the machines reboot with unsaved work. Makes for entertaining status meetings "waaah, my machine rebooted and lost my work". And the silly thing is that they're the productive devs.Quote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
heh wow, outside of crashes even SOE warned about reboots and gave a window to get to safety and that was a video game and not someone's workstation with work critical stuff to save.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tangurena
Yeah, I'm no Mordac, Preventer of Information Services.
Give them an inch and they will take a mile. Big boys and girls don't need to have their hands held. :evil:
I'll lower the Dev team slowly on a rope while they're dangling over an immense CPU cooling fan, and when they beg me for mercy, I'll say "File not found."
Coworker: I got an email from EFax
Me: Okay
Coworker: I don't use EFax and never heard of it
Me: So delete it, it's spam
Coworker: But it got sent to a bunch of people in one of the legal departments, and a couple managers, and even CC'ed to a few guys a couple times each
Me: It's spam, delete it
Coworker: But we were looking at an electronic fax service
Me: Was it EFax?
Coworker: No
Me: Delete it, it's spam
Coworker: If we lose business because you made me delete this EFax email, I'm blaming you
Me: If it gets sent to two people twice, it's spam
Coworker: But it was sent to legal!
...
Monday night I call my immediate boss and ask him if I should drive in so we can run our routine test & Maintenance on the systems that had the power backup issues recently, and he got back to me an hour later and said no, the Dev team lead was using the array. So the power failed Tuesday morning, and the targeted systems went down hard, and when my immediate boss tried to point out to the main boss that we'd been ready to prevent that the night before, he replied "I thought you'd use that excuse."
I hope you keep track of every request to do proper system checks. Every time they say no so that you can point out that the dev team is why the system crashed.
How the fuck is the TRUTH an "excuse"?Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
Your "main boss" is a shithead who has no business managing anything.
That is true about quite a few "main bosses", though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra
Those mandatory patch/reboots happen in the middle of the night. The guys go home with unsaved work.Quote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
How does a power outage ever cost more than a few hours of work? People suddenly forget the basics of source control systems?Quote:
Originally Posted by Tangurena
Because they run a gigantic batch-style operation running across a network consisting of hundreds of CPU's and they are doing it in some shitty older version of Fedora Core in such a sloppy fashion that if multiple units in the network crash they wind up losing hours of work output. We can't even perform maintenance on these units without what they call "a graceful shutdown." I believe deep down that these yahoos are such lazy sloppy programmers that they leave records open between file operations just to save time by not properly closing after each transaction. Otherwise we wouldn't see so much havoc arising from every crashed raid array and nearly every forced restart.
its too bad their processing software does not work like Luxrender. When I do something complex in my modeling and render it over my network. The software Luxrender every 20min saves what is called an FLM file that contains everything done to that point Pretty much if the power goes off and I come home and boot everything back up, It will pick up from that progress point. Naturally computer rendering is far different than what your devs are doing though.