Grindel's Lil' Midlife Crisis Online

Dear friends:

It is a good thing to experiment about with various forms of birth control if doing so is not against your religion and if you or your spouse are not up for having more rug rats. However, there are perils involved, one of which I would like to bring to your attention.

The sponge is a fancy device that's supposed to gather up your wrigglers and murder them with spermicide. Seems like a decent plan of action. But please, please heed the following warning:

Do not engage in prolonged cunnilingus when the sponge is in place. Just do not do it.

The spermicide will take great delight in numbing your tongue and quite likely your lower lip. That is a less romantic development than it sounds, and it sounds lousy. Strike 1.

Also, prolonged sexual activity can turn that motherfucker 180 degrees, right inside the vaginal canal. That may sound like some sort of high-5 kick-ass manly development, but let me tell you. There is a string you're supposed to grasp to remove the sponge, and if the thing is flipped 180 well good luck removing it without handy gynecological equipment. Steeerike 2.

So in conclusion, tread carefully. Mr. Squarepants may seem friendly at first gasp, but considering that his goal in life is to murder your potential progeny it's no surprise he's apt to be evil from time to time.