Tales from Techsupport

[Mileron]

I receive an email forwarded from one of my sales reps.
It's from the vp of one of our customers, ranting/irate that we haven't responded to any emails his support group has sent us in at least four weeks.
The email includes the thread of their support reps complaint and a copy of one of the messages.

She spelled the email address wrong.

Not only did she not call us to follow up, but she also was supposedly not receiving undeliverable bouncebacks.

[Melcar]

She spelled the email address wrong.

I get that one all the time! "What's wrong with the Emails... How come I'm not getting all my emails" etc etc etc... I dunno - let me check the logs. Well, that would be because the person sending to you is a moron. Next question?


"Can you come take a look at my printer?"
What's it doing?
"Well it's not printing, gives some error about can't print check blah blah blah".
"See, watch let me print".
Ok, now that I've turned the power back on let's try it again.
"Well, I just turned that off when I came to get you".
Yes, and I just turned it back on to Fix it.
"must be F.M."
Yes, applying the power is certainly magic indeed.

[Tinthalas Tigris]

TWO FUCKING THINGS BACK TO BACK.

1st: Chevy Impala, 2011. My wife's car battery is at the end of its days.

Had to remove 7 bolts (7 fucking bolts?), make 4 parts adjustments, do 2 partial part removals, and then lift the fucking battery out of an enclosure that had absolutely no room for lift. It took me just as long to physically remove the battery as it did to access it.

Then after putting the new battery in, it would not start. It didn't make any sense. Brand new battery. lights in the cabin came on. basic On features of the car came on. Tried to start and it kicked once and went out.

Came inside, my pregnant wife was pregnant livid, and made pregnant livid phone calls to the mechanics in the family, and while she was on one, I went outside to turn the car on so i could roll up the windows and the fucker decided to start. Did a couple errands afterword, and it still is working.

i ain't done shit since it wouldn't start the car. WTF motherfucker. Seriously WTF!!!!!!!!!

Then, 2 hours later, I get a phone call from my boss. The property across the street (thank god it is across the street) is having flooding. Go over, on the phone with boss, get instructed where to find street access panel (80 pounds). Open the fucker up, and I spend 1 hour turning off ball valves trying to isolate the flood. Fucking shit. Man. This job is a bitch some days. All I will get is time anda half hourly compensation. But gottdamn it doesn't feel fucking right.


For you tech support guys who take home the bat-phone for a week at a time, what is the compensation schedule for the week you have the phone? Do you get a specific amount of money while you carry it, or do you get it put in as a stipend for the schedule where you carry it? Is it only for when you get the call? I think this is a fucking abusive-to-a-human policy to be constatntly at the wary for this kind of bullshit.


fucking shit.

[HerbertDypp]

For you tech support guys who take home the bat-phone for a week at a time, what is the compensation schedule for the week you have the phone? Do you get a specific amount of money while you carry it, or do you get it put in as a stipend for the schedule where you carry it? Is it only for when you get the call? I think this is a fucking abusive-to-a-human policy to be constatntly at the wary for this kind of bullshit.

At my last job I had the bat-phone every other week. I got £400 ($650?) per week, whether I was called or not.

[FilanFyretracker]

I still find it funny that the corporate world actually uses the term Batphone. Just seems like those uptight bastards would not use a shoutout term and would instead come up with an overly complex acronym term for it.

[Mileron]

I still find it funny that the corporate world actually uses the term Batphone. Just seems like those uptight bastards would not use a shoutout term and would instead come up with an overly complex acronym term for it.

BebotheredAnywhereTroubleshootingPHONE

[Tinthalas Tigris]

At my last job I had the bat-phone every other week. I got £400 ($650?) per week, whether I was called or not.

Was that your regular salary, or was that the specific rate of pay to have it on you?

Because, i don't think it is right that i can't enjoy a beer outside of work.

[Ibdaar]

If you are required to respond within a certain amount of time and there are restrictions on your activities (such as no consumption of alcohol) then you are probably entitled to compensation, contact the labor board. You are paid hourly right?

[Tinthalas Tigris]

If you are required to respond within a certain amount of time and there are restrictions on your activities (such as no consumption of alcohol) then you are probably entitled to compensation, contact the labor board. You are paid hourly right?

Yep.

[Nerkahia]

For you tech support guys who take home the bat-phone for a week at a time, what is the compensation schedule for the week you have the phone?

When I was hourly, me and the other guys who rotated with it charged any time spent outside regular business hours as overtime, so time and a half. One hour minimum, even if it was 15 minutes.

They recently converted me and most of the other guys to salary though, which means we get bupkis.

I rarely get stuck with it anymore though as I'm on site at a different airport pretty much every week. Only the in-house guys get stuck with it.

[HerbertDypp]

Was that your regular salary, or was that the specific rate of pay to have it on you?

That was in addition to my regular salary. It didn't stop me enjoying a beer as I was never required to get to the office when called, only to login via laptop and sort issues with remote servers. Well, if the servers were inaccessible, the hosting company were responsible, I was responsible for keeping the companies custom software running on about 200 servers.

[Tinthalas Tigris]

When I was hourly, me and the other guys who rotated with it charged any time spent outside regular business hours as overtime, so time and a half. One hour minimum, even if it was 15 minutes.

They recently converted me and most of the other guys to salary though, which means we get bupkis.

I rarely get stuck with it anymore though as I'm on site at a different airport pretty much every week. Only the in-house guys get stuck with it.

That is the company's rationale. Mileage From home and TO site and Back to HOme, along with time and a half to the next hour.

I just don't think it is fucking right. Pad the damn pay from all points a total of $100 bucks per day if no calls occur.

[Mileron]

In the middle of my office move. Too many to recount. This is the only one I can remember at the moment due to migraine exhaustion.

Me (in an email to external user who no longer works for my department): Hi, we need you to ship us your company laptop. However, we're moving this week, so we need you to ship it next week so we can ensure it arrives at the new address correctly.
External User: No problem
Admin Assistant: I can email you a shipping label to save you costs
EU: But I don't want to give you my address
AA: I don't need your home address, and I already have your email
EU: No, you don't understand, I don't want you shipping me anything, so I don't want to give you my address
AA: But I'm sending the label to you in email
EU: How is my email going to ship the computer? And I'm still not giving you my address
Me: We'll take care of it, don't worry
EU: Oh, okay

AA: (later at my desk) Was she for real?
Me: Welcome to Tech Support.

[FilanFyretracker]

Also if they have company property that means they got shipped that laptop at some point so somewhere said company already has their address.

[Nerkahia]

That is the company's rationale. Mileage From home and TO site and Back to HOme, along with time and a half to the next hour.

I just don't think it is fucking right. Pad the damn pay from all points a total of $100 bucks per day if no calls occur.

Ahhhh, my bad. You were asking about any compensation received even if we didn't take any calls? Yeah, in my own experience: None. But I agree with you, there really should be.

[Tinthalas Tigris]

Ahhhh, my bad. You were asking about any compensation received even if we didn't take any calls? Yeah, in my own experience: None. But I agree with you, there really should be.

And I don't mean to talk crap on the owners/investors of the company, and companies like it. It makes sense that by having someone on call, or someone willing to answer their phone for consultation is far more sensible than someone calling an emergency service from an outside vendor - it saves EVERYONE money.

But at what recompense?

I remember when my father-in-law first started with this company, started getting bumped up, and finally made some bigger positions. Brought on a friend of his with more knowledge as a lieutenant, and they started knocking out vendors from their vendor list (a good plumber is best at charging a rate that is good enough to keep you coming back, and not stop calling).

In the first year plumbing was taken over, he saved the company portfolio over 168,000 american dollars. It might not sound like very much, but that was in the very first year.

He and his Lieutenant were thinking there, "oh man, what is the christmas bonus going to be this year? $500? $1000? No.... no, they'll appreciate the bonus. It's gotta be something like $5000."

Christmas bonus was $100.

I mean, lets let bygones be bygones, but saving a company $168,000 in vendored expenses, having a go-to man on payroll who answered his phone very near to a 24/7 schedule, and either says, "yes" or "Lemmie take at it first." and his bonus ends up being less. LESS than 1% of the savings COMPANY wide?

It ends up being insulting.


BUT HEY! We don't own the business! And that is what happens!

[Mileron]

So my office moved yesterday.

We've been sending emails for 2 weeks as a reminder saying "The site will be down permanently as the office is moving elsewhere."

10 minutes after the servers and internet/network devices were taken down on Friday, I got a call from netops saying "we monitored that your site is offline."

Today I've had four additional calls from monitoring groups in the UK and India saying the same thing.

It's a shame we don't have any kind of nearly-instantaneous communication where information could be shared to save a lot of people unnecessary frustration...

[FilanFyretracker]

So my office moved yesterday.

We've been sending emails for 2 weeks as a reminder saying "The site will be down permanently as the office is moving elsewhere."

10 minutes after the servers and internet/network devices were taken down on Friday, I got a call from netops saying "we monitored that your site is offline."

Today I've had four additional calls from monitoring groups in the UK and India saying the same thing.

It's a shame we don't have any kind of nearly-instantaneous communication where information could be shared to save a lot of people unnecessary frustration...

that shows how much people read their emails... Yet if Netops sent out an email about a server going down for a patch reset and someone called them they would bite the person's head off about not reading their emails.

[Merrick ap'Milandra]

User enters ticket:

You guys shipped me a laptop without a battery.

Okay, investigation ensues and we can't figure out who the fuck shipped that laptop.

So I try to contact the user, asking for clarification (model, who sent it, etc). Voicemail.

User does not contact me back.

I try to contact the user again. Voicemail.

User does not contact me back.

Ticket gets updated to URGENT.

I try to contact the user....AGAIN. Voicemail.

User does contact me back and leaves a voicemail.

Voicemail says:

Well, technically I don't know whether my laptop has a battery or not.

I send user pictures of a laptop with and without a battery.

User does not contact me back.

[FilanFyretracker]

id say get a tracking number for the package but this user sounds too dumb to know what that is.