Reply With QuoteTech: Can you come help me, I was changing the backup tapes, and this one has a blinking orange light on it...
Me: Yeah, that little word underneath the blinking light says "clean" - you should put in the cleaning tape.
and never a wet fish at hand when you need one...Customer asks "Your white list entry says one thing, but the log says the other."
I email development. "Which one's correct?"
Developer: The whitelist entry, but it doesn't matter, because they're both the same.
I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.
Tech: Can you come help me, I was changing the backup tapes, and this one has a blinking orange light on it...
Me: Yeah, that little word underneath the blinking light says "clean" - you should put in the cleaning tape.
I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.
How do I get my sound louder?
me: Turn up the volume.
I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.
That is a joke right? I hope that is a joke.Originally Posted by Melcar
Today we sail
On the Solar Rail
For there's much we just don't know
So farewell with a kiss
Then it's fast for the mist
Till we're sleeping in the cold below
All the crazy shit we relate in this thread and you ask that?
You hold out too much hope in the user.
(Hell, I still do.)
Actual conversation.That is a joke right? I hope that is a joke.
but consider - There's about 4 different volume controls that could be involved... Application volume, Windows Mixer volumes, Amplifier volume, and she was trying to use a headphone set that had a volume control too.
"I maxxed the slider in Windows Media player - it's still not loud enough."
Ok, check Volume mixer in systray - ok that's maxxed..
So, turn up volume on speakers.
"Oh, I was trying with the volume control on my headset"...
I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.
I had this cartoon in my office for a while. Fortunately, the people I work with are cool with stuff like that.
You can replace "developer" with "techsupport" at your convenience:
Spoiler for Different worlds:
There are many, many technically challenged people out there. Even in the young segment.
"Silver bullet solutions are rare, silver bullet sales commonplace"
Its the young segment that makes me sad, They grew up with this shit and need to call tech support to reset their router.(unplug it and plug it back in)
On the other hand that view of programmers is somewhat accurate, I sometimes wonder why they change the UI of a program in a new version when the existing UI was easy, intelligent and efficient. And then someone gets the bright idea to move everything.
Today we sail
On the Solar Rail
For there's much we just don't know
So farewell with a kiss
Then it's fast for the mist
Till we're sleeping in the cold below
Tech guy: In your program and a bunch of others that you don't provide, all my dates are coming up wrong, and a few are showing expired even though they're paid for
Me: How do you mean?
Tech: The dates are coming up like 25/9/2013, when it should be 9/25/2013!
Me: You need to change your Region settings so that your dates are English-US, and if that's what they're set to, I can send you the default settings that this selection will provide.
Tech: Okay
Tech calls back: Now my other software that requires non-US dates isn't working correctly!
Me: Well, mixing programs that require different date settings isn't a good idea...
Tech: You should change your program
Me: We should change our programs that perform US tax calculations and print to US tax forms to use Non-US date notation format?
Tech: Yes.
Because technology has gotten easier to use quite frankly. There is no need for the hood to be lifted and wonder at the glory/horror beneath.
Virtually all U.S. senators, and most of the representatives in the House, are members of the top 1 percent when they arrive, are kept in office by money from the top 1 percent, and know that if they serve the top 1 percent well they will be rewarded by the top 1 percent when they leave office
Coworker: I'm trying to convert a folder of data, but cannot find the folder to convert
Me: Where did you save it?
Coworker: The standard application location
Me: What's the folder's name?
Coworker: Closed Opportunities
Me: What's the folder's name?
Coworker: Closed Opportunities
Me: (knowing this cannot be the case) The actual folder name is Closed Opportunities?
Coworker: Yes
Me: (I walk around the corner to her desk. The folder name is OpClosed) The folder name is OpClosed
Coworker: That's what I said, Closed Opportunities
Me: But the conversion looks for the folder name, not the name of what you know the contents are
Coworker: But it should still show up under Closed Opportunites?
Me: NO, it shows up under OpClosed.
Coworker: (she points to her list of folders; there are dozens of C-named folders) See, no Closed Opportunities
Me: The folder name is OpClosed. (scrolling down) Last I checked O is further along in the alphabet than C.
Coworker: It doesn't belong there! The folder name is Closed Opportunities!
Me: Riiiiiight.
/shudder...Coworker: It doesn't belong there! The folder name is Closed Opportunities!
Me: Riiiiiight.
and that right there your honor - is where I shot him.
I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.
Well, if they don't have a personal interest in the stuff and/or were not taught how to fix it, I can see why they're clueless.
I can't fix a car worth a damn, for example. Add extra oil, gas and air for the tires, sure. I can also change a flat tire.
But beyond that ? A gaping maw of I-have-no-idea-how-to-do-this. It doesn't interest me at all.
On the other hand, I've taught my son how to take apart a PC, reset routers, plug in stuff correctly etc. It's all about personal interest and investment.
"Silver bullet solutions are rare, silver bullet sales commonplace"
We've been getting "prepare for domain migration" emails for several months now, but due to our office's move back in June it was deferred til around this time.
Last month we had a rash of people (the ones still using XP) getting emails that they needed to go to a company website, fill out information about their workstation, including some applications they use, and submit it. I knew things would be coming to a head for the W7 people to start getting notifications that the domain scripts would start doing their work, so I sent an email out 2-3 weeks ago saying "Very soon we will start getting notifications that certain programs will be needed on your computer. Please ensure the installation windows state (company/domain) and follow all instructions."
Yesterday they apparently started to roll these scripts out to my office based on employee ID.
I get an IM from a woman in my department (Departmental Coworker) and tell her yes, this is legit, and that she must close all apps then just let the script restart her computer.
Not 5 minutes later I get a personal desk visit from one of my problem children asking the same thing.
Seeing as how it's barely 9am and most of the office hasn't arrived yet, I proactively send an email.
Around 11am I get an email from a woman in the other Support department (who primarily works from home.)
Her: How long am I supposed to wait for the computer to restart?
Me: It'll probably take a few minutes, but make sure you don't do anything with your computer, just let it do its thing
Her: How will I know when it's done?
Me: Your computer will automatically restart.
Her: How long is it supposed to take?
Me: I don't know, but only a few minutes.
Her: And I can't work during this?
Me: No
At 3:55pm I get an IM from Departmental Coworker (DC).
DC: You have GOT to call me when you get off that support call
Me: (I call her)
DC: Yo, have you talked to (Other Support Department Lady) recently?
Me: She emailed me around 11am asking about my domain migration email
DC: Oh, she got it alright (she can barely keep herself from laughing)
DC: She called the Support 800 number.
DC: Apparently (laughing) when she received your email, she closed all her programs
Me: Okay
DC: No, no. (laughing) She never got the warning about the domain migration. (Laughing) She closed all her programs. (laughing) and shut down her computer.
Me: (by now I'm laughing too)
DC: (laughing) AND! AND! she said she was waiting for you to call her back to tell her she could turn her computer back on
Me: (Laughing) Wait, what?
DC: YES! Holy crap! She's been waiting FOUR AND A HALF HOURS for you to call her to tell her that her domain prep was finished and to turn her computer back on
Me: (semi-sobering) So she never got the warning, but instead used my email as if they were instructions to shut her computer down and, instead of calling back within 30 minutes, waited ALL DAY to find out if something that needed to be done on her computer, which cannot be done because its shut down, was in fact actually taking place?
DC: YES!
Wow, that person clearly believes in FM wireless transmission. And yes the FM stands for Fucking Magic.
Virtually all U.S. senators, and most of the representatives in the House, are members of the top 1 percent when they arrive, are kept in office by money from the top 1 percent, and know that if they serve the top 1 percent well they will be rewarded by the top 1 percent when they leave office
Tuesday: Email from landlord, stating electrical work will be done Saturday, requiring office to be powered down.
Wednesday: Email Net Ops stating my office network will be offline Saturday for a period of possibly 4 hours or more; also inform users
Friday: Send email with reminders to both users and Net Ops
Saturday: Arrive at office at 7:35. Power everything down by 8:05. 8:21, get a call from Net Ops saying "We monitored your network is offline..."
Goes to show NetOps does not read their emails.
However I bet they would be throwing a shit storm if you failed to read one of theirs and called them about something mentioned in the email.
Today we sail
On the Solar Rail
For there's much we just don't know
So farewell with a kiss
Then it's fast for the mist
Till we're sleeping in the cold below
How do these people function...
The other day I had to do a server reboot in the middle of the day, VSS service was fucking up which was negatively impacting our nightly backups.
So, I dutifully send out the email this server be down, 2pm SHARP downtime 30-60 minutes, these resources will be impacted.
2:05 - did we need to get out of "program X" before the shutdown?
well, since it went down 5 minutes ago kind of a moot point now don't ya think?
Today I get a reply to my email "emergency server maintenance"
"Yeah, Get some weird error when I login to my VPN now."
Great - that has nothing to do with my maintenance. but whatever, what's the error.
"I dunno something about authentication."
Ok I will need the Exact error message please.
Well, I happened to be watching my console for something unrelated the next time this person tried to login.
our usernames are quite complicated - so maybe some forgiveness is due. It is awfully tough to remember how to spell your "fistname.lastname"
I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.
2:30p Saturday - phone call from boss: "Why aren't you answering your phone? You're on call this weekend?"
me: "I just answered it." (Voicemail alertt chimes)
"I got a phone call from _____ saying she called you half an hour ago and you didn't answer or call her back."
me: "My voice mail literally just went off right now. I must have been through a dead zone. I'll take care of it."
Voicemail: "Phone call from _____ at 2:25pm."
R U F ing Kidding me.
_____________
3:00pm, Responding to call, backed up main-line from unit to street - not an emergency, but I'm already logging time. Go to first station to grab street snake. Not there. Go to second station to grab street snake. Not there. Go to 3rd station to grab street snake. Not there. None of the 3 primary stations in the area - the only primary stations in the area have their street snakes, which means someone from a secondary station took it and left it at their secondary station. In all 3 cases. If this was my primary call area, I would be chewing people OUT right now. But I'll just wait until Monday when corporate finds out about it, especially if the culprit(s) have no plans to correct it by Monday.
Had to drive 30 miles to go pickup a street snake from my Primary Call Area, after the 8 or so miles of driving around back and forth in my on-call area between Primary Stations. Time now, upon return with street snake: 6:18
Mainline cleared at 6:25.
Time actually worked? 7 minutes.
Time billed? 3 hours, 30 minutes
Mileage involved station to site and return? 1.5
Mileage billed? 38
That lying asshole. God I hate people like her.
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