Reply With QuoteProcurement guy replies:
3TB of drive space for what? Internal or external?
Is this for a customer or for us? If external do you need USB or NAS?
If internal, internal to what?
Everyone proceeds to laugh their asses off.
That reminds me of one I had a few months back.Originally Posted by Mileron
An e-mail went out to the procurement guy (and the whole IT team) with the subject line "[LOL]What is the requisition process for..."
and contained the following:
...2,998,928 Terabytes of drive space?
image001.jpg
Soandso apparently needs it.
For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
http://sam.zoy.org/wtfpl/
Noone should sue or be sued ambiguously.
Procurement guy replies:
3TB of drive space for what? Internal or external?
Is this for a customer or for us? If external do you need USB or NAS?
If internal, internal to what?
Everyone proceeds to laugh their asses off.
For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
http://sam.zoy.org/wtfpl/
Noone should sue or be sued ambiguously.
Double Duh Day:
1:
Get a call from a customer who is having an issue where a certain setting isn't being saved.
I remotely connect to her computer, see the number is getting truncated. I have the same problem on my system.
Forward all appropriate logs to the developer who says "Oh, yeah, numbers that start with that combination of digits are getting stuck because the encryption model won't save this information in ASCII in a plaintext file."
I say back to him, "Good thing it's not personally identifying information, huh?
He responds back, "Why?"
2:
An important part of our web server stopped working on Monday night, just out of nowhere. Pages are being displayed that shouldn't exist.
Tuesday morning my counterpart emails development and says "This isn't right, please fix."
Development replies and says "there's nothing wrong, you can't prove anything."
We provide over a dozen screenshots and randomly poke around on the website to prove it. This was ten in the morning.
After providing this information to development, we get no response.
So I send a followup email around 4pm saying "WTF?" so in short order they provide some random and bs response about how the downloads of the program shouldn't be affected, blah blah blah... and yet they are.
The next morning (today), there's an email that says "oh yeah there was a problem with the server storing thousands of ASPX pages that it shouldn't have been, and instead of creating new ones, was backtracking and using old ones, but that's okay we restored the web folder"
Us: When will this be fixed?
Dev: Fix what?
Coworker walks up to my desk and says "When I do X Y and Z at home, it doesn't work"
Me: What doesn't work? (asking for clarification)
Coworker: X, Y, and Z
Me: Are you doing 1 before X, 2 before Y, and 3 before Z?
Coworker: How do I know?
Email to customer's tech: We need you to download X utility. Once downloaded, Unzip the file. The included EXE will fix your issue.
Tech reply: We followed your instructions. Here is the file size and icon of the utility. (file size is too small; icon is incorrect.) When we run it, we get an error, "this file is not compatible with this version of windows" This is unacceptable. We need this utility to fix this issue.
My reply: The file you are running, while the correct file, is not in a usable state. Per previous instructions, you must UNZIP the file you received before you can use it. You cannot rename it to .EXE.
Tech: Why can't I just rename it? It's still an EXE.
Seriously, the guy was a tech? Wow!
'This world may be another planet's hell.'{Aldous Huxley}
'After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.'{Aldous Huxley}
How could a tech not know to right click and extract? Hasn't windows been able to unzip since XP? Not to mention any company computer will have an unzip utility anyway.
Today we sail
On the Solar Rail
For there's much we just don't know
So farewell with a kiss
Then it's fast for the mist
Till we're sleeping in the cold below
It's definitely a full moon.
Tech: When my user prints, she get error messages saying ".NET 4 is missing and needs to be installed"
Me: It needs to be installed from Microsoft's website
Tech: Well why didn't you alert me that we needed it?
Me: That information is included in the release email, the release notes, the installer, and after successful installation the program pops up a warning box as soon as it opens, if .NET 4 is not detected, that it needs to be installed.
Tech: You expect me to read a warning box?
Here's another good one
Customer: I imported from my 2011 return, and I'm getting information duplication. When I delete the duplicate record, it removes the original record.
Me: This issue, while now rare, may occur when importing from a prior year tax program that has not been updated to its final release version.
Customer: I finished my returns, why would I update after that?
Me: Because it's necessary
Customer: Well it was never necessary before
Me: According to your records you called back in 2008 with the exact same problem
Customer: That was five years ago, how am I supposed to remember that?
Me: Be that as it may, we need you to update your programs before you can import
Customer: I think it's stupid that you release versions of the programs after people stop using them
Me: So fixing bugs and releasing further updates, one of several things your yearly payment covers, as it does this support call, is stupid?
Customer: YES!
Our support guy asked a user for a screenshot showing a problem they were reporting. What he got was a low resolution photo taken by a phone camera of their monitor...
support screen_shot.JPG
Just keep repeating to yourself. 100 is the average IQ.
Virtually all U.S. senators, and most of the representatives in the House, are members of the top 1 percent when they arrive, are kept in office by money from the top 1 percent, and know that if they serve the top 1 percent well they will be rewarded by the top 1 percent when they leave office
With the snipping tool it's even easier now for non-tech savvy employees to grab screenshots, you can grab exactly what part of the screen you want, easy as pie. I still use alt+print screen key mostly, because that plus paste to email, etc is still easier and quicker.
'This world may be another planet's hell.'{Aldous Huxley}
'After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.'{Aldous Huxley}
I use Snagit....really great tool for grabbing screen shots and adding notes, pointers, etc.
I use Greenshot because open source > *
I have 150mb of pictures and I can't email them to <the person across the hall>, can you help me?
This is what happens when you buy your 70-year old mom her first smart phone. I didn't want to, but she said she needed it.
mom text.png
So she can ask her homies "Hey where you at? Get yo Buick Imperial over here cuz it's BAZINGO NIZIGHT!"
You think her reply might be some old-people lingo us kids just don't understand?
You need to put that fucker on:
http://www.parentsshouldnttext.com/
I've got beer to drink and You guys are wasting my time.
I think I earned my pay for the week with this one issue...
Worked from home this morning (because I was a tard, and ate mashed potatoes with milk, and being lactose intolerant, that weren't too SMRT)
My internet dies at 8:30, and then again at 9:30... Just moments after I find out that one of the sales managers, who had been on vacation for the last 2 weeks, came in to find out her computer's hard drive crashed.
I spent a half hour troubleshooting it, before I got her office quiet (and empty) enough to hear the death throes of the hard drive. Shit.
So I swap the drive in from another computer - boots just fine. Except then I can't get the damn thing on the domain.
Apparently, you can't do that with Windows 7 - so I had to swap the original hardware for Drive2 with PC1. No biggie.
Went over her options - suck it up, etc - only to find out she doesn't have a recent backup of her Very Important Emails(TM) since at least 2008 and she's practically in tears.
I remember that I bought an SATA-USB Bridge a couple years ago, but misplaced it somewhere in the move... so I tell her I have one possible option left and leave it at that.
I get home, I find the bridge, connect it up, and drive still won't spin up.
I throw it in a ziploc bag with a silica packet, then into the freezer for over an hour.
Pop it in the bridge, BAM, spins right up. I copy her data off.
Of course, onto the only W7 computer I have - my own - since I was pretty sure the NTFS partition wouldn't let me put it anywhere else - but that's okay, I'll just take my own external in tomorrow.
Email from Project Manager overseeing my office's move next month:
PM: While reviewing the phone circuit setups we noticed there's no internet connection ordered for the new office.
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