Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

  1. #1
    Elder Arcanist
    Junior Alt-a-holic
    Mileron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    7,671
    Blog Entries
    26

    I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    It's 5 am. I've been up since a little after 2 with a stomach ache (ate something I didn't know had dairy in it) and this will be a little incoherent.

    Why do I feel I don't deserve Mojo? Because I stopped visibly sending it. You all are the nicest faceless people on the internet that I still interact with, and for a long time I would send direct messages with well-wishes, but stopped around the time my dad died. Not really a good excuse, but as me and Big G are on quieter terms I've been mostly sticking to "silent positive vibes" with a side of "I hope something good comes your way" small prayers.

    So why am I posting? I want to make sure I'm not crazy with how I'm feeling right now (and have been for the last few days).

    and so...

    On the morning of Thursday, November 15th, I received an invite to a conference call with my manager's manager, including the other two people in my department. The email subject was "Business Update".

    Well, shit.

    After being joined by an HR representative we told that as of 11/28 our positions would be eliminated. We were not the only ones affected; several hundred across the country were as well.

    We were told that we would be able to cease work before that date. Since I already had a few days off scheduled after Thanksgiving weekend (family event) I chose my last day as 11/21 (the Wednesday before Thanksgiving). The other two worked only the remainder of that day.

    I spent two and a half hours on a knowledge transfer to my "replacement" - who had only ever had maybe a few dozen calls on the primary product I supported, but was only slightly less well versed in three of the other five that I supported. Then I spent 3 days updating documentation and sending emails. And, naturally, receiving additional tickets even though no official notice was provided to the other agents everyone knew and would send "I'm so sorry, but you need to help this customer before you go" sort of messages. And I did help them.

    My "so long and thanks for all the fish" email wasn't intended to make people cry, but it apparently did, and even those men that remained mentioned feeling a certain type of way upon reading it.

    We've been through a lot together. Lightning storms, popcorn fires, burnt coffee. Building moves, longer/shorter commutes. Grilling in the rain. Grilling indoors! Frozen air conditioners, and AC that spits hornets. Hot and cold thermostat battles. Computer replacements. Email crashes. Flooded bathrooms. Product changes. Late nights. Mr. Softee ice cream days. Dark offices at 7:00am with loud music. Dark offices at 7:00pm with wedding receptions across the lake. Organic land mines and goose attacks.

    Birthdays, babies, weddings and less happy times too.

    It’s hard to distill 14 years of “family” into a few paragraphs or short sentences so I’ll stop trying.

    May you all have safe and happy winter holidays and remember three important tech tips:

    1 - Restart your computer more than once a quarter. Closing the lid does NOT count. Start – power/arrow – Restart.
    2 - The recycle bin/deleted items is NOT a safe place to store documents/emails
    3 - Tech guys appreciate you for being able to share their knowledge and be helpful to you and, like puppies, appreciate thanks and small edible treats.

    The last time I wrote something like this (September 2003) a quote from a bald man came to mind:

    Mmm, Donuts...

    oops, wait, that's the wrong bald guy.

    Seize the time... Live now! Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again. - Jean-Luc Picard
    14 years, 4 months.

    It was indescribably strange to wake up yesterday (er, Tuesday) morning and not have to clock in to work. My work-related phone was decommissioned the Friday after Thanksgiving. My desk phone stopped working Wednesday morning.

    My severance is enough to keep "my half" of the mortgage paid for a couple months. I rewrote my resume with my wife and Dale's wife's help and have over a dozen references - just no letters of recommendation (yet).

    My wife has been on my case about getting my resume out. OK fine I understand, I need to get a new job. She doesn't understand what it's like being laid off. The longest period of time that she's been without a job has never been more than 5 days because she moved from one company to another - by choice.

    As dumb as it sounds, I think I'm grieving the loss.

    I think that, in the 40-some minute initial "group" fuck-you-firing, I went through Stages 1 (Denial) and 2 (Anger), then in the subsequent two calls (one-on-two with the same manager's manager, and HR person) and a one-on-one (with my own manager) I traipsed through #3 (Bargaining) and am dead square in the middle of #4 - Depression. That's not to say I don't accept that it happened - I totally do.

    I just still feel mostly numb about it. Like, "holy shit that actually happened."

    I need to disassemble my desk to get at all the work-related hardware and ship it back to them (thankfully on their dime; there's a lot of stuff). I just can't bring myself to do it yet. I can't even sit and focus to watch TV or play video games because I feel so listless right now.

    So as I mentioned in my first sentence, I've been up since 2, in between trips been going on Indeed, Monster, LinkedIn (added a good number of my old coworkers, and some of my prolific customers). I'm just in a "not right now" phase which I know I shouldn't let remain so pervasive but it's tied with "numb".

    I've got a list of to-do items over and above the normal "house" stuff - like putting up the Christmas tree (which my wife oddly wants up earlier than usual this year), cleaning out my office (especially as I need to return my hardware) and making the second bedroom usable (for guests) since it's been a catch-all room after my sister-in-law moved out. I picked up a couple of games on the Steam Autumn sale for in-between-times and yet can't get invested in or focus on them.

    All I feel is "vacant", if that's a feeling. But yes, numb works too.

    tl;dr Feeling numb/depressed after being laid off from position of 14 years and need to know I'm not crazy for wanting a couple weeks to decompress/disconnect/realign and reassert myself.

  2. #2
    Ellsworth M. Toohey
    PPatty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    30,939

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    Quote Originally Posted by Mileron View Post
    My wife has been on my case about getting my resume out. OK fine I understand, I need to get a new job. She doesn't understand what it's like being laid off.
    I do understand what it's like being laid off, having been through it twice in my career. Yeah, it sucks and it feels like shit, but your wife is right -- get your stuff out there right away, especially since it sounds like your severance won't last all that long.

    In fact, treat applying for new jobs as if it is your new job, because it is until you actually get a new job. I'm not saying be desperate and settle for the first thing that comes your way, but keep sending your stuff out until you get some worthy bites. If nothing else, it will give you focus and purpose, which beats sitting around feeling numb. I actually enjoyed the process of applying and interviewing for jobs -- it gave me the chance to tout what I'd done over the years, to people who at least pretend to be interested.

    I'd wish you luck, but I'd like to think you won't need it.

  3. #3
    Chaotic Good
    Mircadius's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    1,698

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    Your positive vibes must have registered on the GraffeGeist, cause Mojo Sent!

    Part I hated about job hunting after one job relocated a few states away was that after a week or so, there were only the same handful of postings out there and I had already hit them all. So go ahead and get the resume out soon, IME you'll have time to funk about it later and then at least you'll have already sent stuff out.

  4. #4

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    Don't go for the job you need, go for your dream job. Let this severance give you a little bit of scrutiny.

    Mojo

    f6bdac92ff425ea169f4c19c6f03b4b5.jpg

  5. #5
    99% Bacon Free
    Merkus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    9,356
    Blog Entries
    11

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    I've been laid off or survived corporate reductions in force more times than I care to remember. No matter which side I was on, it was terrible to endure. People you know and care about suffer, but everyone has to pick it up and move on and you will too. Grieve and do not feel bad that you're human too. Once you're ready, you'll be recharged and ready for the next challenge in your life. You may even find that you come out better in the end.

    MAY THE MOJO BE WITH YOU!

  6. #6
    Banjo Duellist, 8th Dan
    Silverblade-T-E's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    19,601
    Blog Entries
    6

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    I don't send mojo any more cause I'm obviously cursed like something out of Indiana Jones and don't' want to spread the Creeping Pox on

    but hope you find something good to do with your life
    sucks ass as if you care about your position, it is part of yourself image, respect etc
    loss SUCKS

  7. #7
    No prison can hold me!
    Schezar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    10,321

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    If you are able to be mobile, the sky's the limit. Get your certs up to date. Get them on linkedin. Start applying to anything that sounds fun. Denver is still thirsty for experienced tech folks. If you have skills beyond the basic help desk, you can pretty much expect to be hired in days/weeks.

    Edit: Getting laid off after 11 years sucked giant floppy donkey dick. But it did help me clarify what I was good at and how to use it to get better jobs.
    ------------------------------------------
    I *AM* the Chinpokomon master!

  8. #8
    Rainbow Carrot Loves You
    Yeah!
    Wool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    14,848

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    I'm an intensely impersonal person and so usually stay out of these threads, but I agree with Ppatty. What you are feeling is normal, but it isn't going to go away. I'm all for spending a week or two just relaxing, but the truth is the longer you wait the worse that feeling is going to get.

  9. #9
    Elder Arcanist
    Bonlainy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    4,553

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    Your sense of loss is definitely normal, 14 years is a long time at one place, my longest is 17, and now 11 where I am now. Like Ppatty said, do get that resume out there, unemployment is low so there are jobs out there, and with the years of experience you have I doubt you will have to settle, the right job is there.

    As for the mojo I feel that silent positive thoughts are better than simply writing Good luck, Mojo or anything else on a message board, so you did your part to help a lot of people here no matter what. And with that, my best wishes and thoughts are with you, best of luck finding that job you want to end your work career with, it will happen.
    'This world may be another planet's hell.'{Aldous Huxley}
    'After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.'{Aldous Huxley}

  10. #10

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    Is it just me or is having to transfer knowledge/train the person replacing you so the company can save a few pennies like the extra knife to the dick of being "downsized"?
    "When you name your baby Jeeves...you've pretty much set up his career for life. You don't see many Hit Men, for example, named Jeeves. "Pardon me sir, but I must wack you now."
    — Jerry Seinfeld

  11. #11
    99% Bacon Free
    Merkus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    9,356
    Blog Entries
    11

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    Quote Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker View Post
    Is it just me or is having to transfer knowledge/train the person replacing you so the company can save a few pennies like the extra knife to the dick of being "downsized"?
    Standard Operational Bullshit. Small consolation. But the meager time allotted for that purpose won't get that job done and that person will be overwhelmed for quite some time.

  12. #12
    Buckeye Wizard
    Nerkahia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    4,252

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    Very sorry to hear. Sending Mojo and positive thoughts your way.

    I've been with the same employer since 1990 and don't know what I'd do in your situation, but suspect I would be feeling exactly as you describe. I genuinely believe you won't have trouble finding another gig when you're ready.
    Nerkahia
    Retired 85 Wizard of Ascentia, The Nameless

    "Maybe if the Republicanoids weren't snorting coke off oil execs dicks, we could have had less dependancy on oil by now!!" - Silverblade-T-E

  13. #13
    Forum Sorcerer

    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    825

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    I feel your pain - I posted here back in April about being laid off after almost 17 years. I was lucky in that I found a new job after only 2 months; unusual to say the least. But the people here at Graffes were great.

    My own personal advice: Let yourself grieve; its normal. It took 5 days for me to just come to terms with things. Then, polish your resume and get them out there. Most people will tell you its a numbers game, and they are right. I sent out 30 resumes before I got a face to face interview. Don't lose hope, don't take it personal, and keep plugging away until you have an offer letter in hand.

    This setback doesn't define you - how you move forward will. Good luck and Godspeed.
    The more I learn the more I realize I have yet to learn.

  14. #14
    Ellsworth M. Toohey
    PPatty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    30,939

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    Quote Originally Posted by Arinath View Post
    Let yourself grieve; its normal. It took 5 days for me to just come to terms with things.
    It's been two weeks since he got the news. Gotta get his stuff out there ASAP.

    When I said treat applying for jobs as a job, I meant it: He should set up an office in the house if he hasn't already, then every day go through exactly the same routine that he went through to get ready for work for the past several years -- including showering, dressing for work, etc. -- and then head to that home office, sit down at the computer and get to work firing out resumes, answering emails, looking for freelance and maybe even temp work to fill in the time. Do not be aimless.

  15. #15
    Humble & proud of it!
    pseudo-intellectual elitist
    Aennyil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    4,852

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    To paraphrase Bob, "Everybody deserves [mojo]." http://www.subgenius.com/funhouse3.html

    As for the malaise, if it's lasted 2 weeks as Ppatty said, get help or kick yourself in the ass and get going. Dream job pursuit was mentioned … I endorse that idea 1000%. Visualize, network, take stock of your talents and weaknesses and decide if your dream is that, or a fantasy. Above all, be gentle with yourself in this time of crisis. You are a child of the UNIVERSE … (Desiderata reference)

    mojo mate, mucho mojo … and as regards dad and the man upstairs … sounds like ptsd bit you in the ass and you have old stuff you didn't finish that's impinging on new. A dear friend of mine lost his dad in our senior year of HS. He wound up in counseling as a junior in College because he didn't do the work he needed to his senior year.

    Believe me when I tell you the longer you linger in unresolved 'stuff' the harder it is to clean up later. Git 'er done!

  16. #16
    Formerly: Xlarge
    Forum Arcanist
    Criminal in APB

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    1,490

    Re: I Don't Deserve Mojo, but I Lost my Job

    My company is growing and hiring at breakneck speeds. I saw your post and with Nadir's help reactivated my account. Check this out and see if anything suit's you, this is my personal referral link - https://rolp.co/fvIGe
    It's a bit aggravating that my company did amazing well 3rd Qtr, but our stock still took a hit with the rest of the tech sector.
    RINGCENTRAL INC CL A
    RNG: NYSE

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •