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Thread: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

  1. #1
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    Merrick ap'Milandra's Avatar
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    I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    I can rage at things on the internet, but I've never been mad at a particular person.

    Ideologies, yes, but individuals, no.

    My soon-to-be ex-wife is divorcing me.

    I can't say I didn't want it, it's been a loveless marriage for years, but 6 months earlier when I presented her with an equitable option, she bawled her eyes out for an hour and swore we had to wait until our daughter was no longer a minor. (she's single digit age at the moment)

    I made the fool move of taking her at her word after five years of her disliking me actively because I wouldn't give her another kid (we couldn't afford it and she got pregnant anyway, which is something I was willing to just deal with.)

    She filed instead.

    Her initial filing involved me moving out and her taking all of my money.

    It has since been moved to no money and full custody of the house because I hired a lawyer to notice that she doesn't have a job and I'm the only income, and the second child is not mine.

    I'm the only person making money in this house.

    They're not staying here.

    I haven't seen my daughter in over a month.

    my soon-to-be ex-wife (I threatened divorce once, but we agreed to stay together until our kid was 18), who started the divorce process by filing papers is expecting I'll roll over and do... something that she wishes?

    She had a kid with someone else afterwards. Less than a year old.

    I don't hate her, I don't hate women, but what I do hate is the greed that motivated this.

    She had a job, once, and she blew it up by sending abrasive letters to everyone above her position, berating them, and then walking on the job.

    Job. Singular.

    She used to be my best friend.

    We spent hours gaming together on EQ or Lord of the Rings.

    I no longer recognize the person who is filing suit, for the sole reason that she got pregnant by someone else.

    This is, I think, a rant against self-centered narcissism.

    I'd say "fuck it" but I'm already in a potential custody dispute for someone fucking a narcissist and producing a child that is not mine.
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    This is not well-constructed and I'm having trouble keeping my thoughts together.

    Feel free to delete it.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    Sorry to hear man. I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst enemy. Sucks.
    Nerkahia
    Retired 85 Wizard of Ascentia, The Nameless

    "Maybe if the Republicanoids weren't snorting coke off oil execs dicks, we could have had less dependancy on oil by now!!" - Silverblade-T-E

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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    Quote Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra View Post
    This is not well-constructed and I'm having trouble keeping my thoughts together.

    Feel free to delete it.
    It's not even that she slept with someone else, it's that i found out later she wasn't just putting on weight, she was claiming it was mine to all of our friends.

    It wasn't until she engaged a lawyer for divorce that it was written on paper that the kid wasn't, I'm guessing because the lawyer said "you haven't had sex in how many years? That's a paternity test, drop the child support on the on that's not his".
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    Quote Originally Posted by Nerkahia View Post
    Sorry to hear man. I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst enemy. Sucks.
    We went for the initial assessment today, which was mostly the lawyers talking to the judge.

    She looked elated.

    All the judge did was take in statements from our respective lawyers.

    The person who was my best friend on the planet is now delighting in making me miserable for the sake of MONEY...It's not like we even have much of it. I'm sub-6 figures a year.

    People always told me all she wanted out of me was money and sperm and I figured they were nuts.

    Apparently not so much.

    Soo many good memories of 13 years of marriage.

    Omellete sunday mornings listening to nina simone or ella fitzgerald or frank sinatra while I cooked.

    Mixing her bloody mary's when her cramps got too bad and bringing her everything she wanted.

    Spending time cuddled up watching early supernatural and talking about it and referencing stuff like Eliphas Levi books.

    Talking about literature, her greatest passion back then.
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    The thing that hurts me the most is that I wouldn't take her back even if she asked me, which she wouldn't.

    I've had my heart broken more than a few times, and I always take it hard, (and I've broken a couple of hearts in my testosterone-fueled youth 25+ years ago, which I anguish over now that I've grown up) but this is the only time I've ever fallen out of love with someone.

    Half of me wants to never see her again, and the other half would like something else that doesn't make life feel so hostile all of the time.

    I just want peace.

    Discussion is not necessary, but it'd be nice to walk freely about my house.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    Sorry to hear you're going through this hell, you don't deserve it. Based on your posts here it definitely seems to me you're a stand up guy and good father, I hope that you get at least 50/50 shared custody of your child. Keep fighting, though, it sure seems like she is totally in the wrong, and hopefully a judge sees that.
    'This world may be another planet's hell.'{Aldous Huxley}
    'After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.'{Aldous Huxley}

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    Banjo Duellist, 8th Dan
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    ugh
    and the kids suffer cause she's an asshole....

    at least I can understand what went on with my mum and dad and why things went wrong and it was just tragedy, not malign

    be well mate, and hopefully get custody! :/

    always haunted me as a kid, seeing my cousin's eyes every time we left, we were only ones allowed to see her once or twice a year
    as a kid I knew something was wrong, not what though, her dad was a selfish ass and his new wife was a sadistic evil bitch to my cousin.

    better a good dog on top of the blankets, than a bad woman under 'em!


    mayhap if your wife didn't have a job/career, she just let her brains kind of scramble?
    if you see what I mean
    losing friendship for some selfish or petty reason is just damn stupid
    not something your fault or cause, it's on her.

  9. #9

    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    I'm sorry to hear this, Merrick.

    About 5 years ago, coming home from work, i decided to stop by my brother's house and surprise him. His in-laws were there, and his wife was out front ranting about my brother.

    My brother enjoys smoking pot, and his wife never minded (as far as I knew), but on this occasion she was very upset that he had been smoking again. So i had a chat with him, and he said he was going to go to marriage counseling.

    So ffwd to a time after a few conversations and one more baby of theirs, and me figuring that everything was fine again.

    My mom calls me the day after my birthday to say my brother and his wife were separated. Talked to my brother about it who claims the pot is not the issue, but that she simply has told him that she no longer loves him. In addition, they are now getting a divorce.

    Apparently for the last 4 years they've not had sex and are sorting in separate rooms.


    Like you, I'm not sure how to make heads or tails of it.

    It sounds like you realize that this is not the end of the world, which it is not.

    You will get through this.

  10. #10

    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    Do you know who the father is, btw? Do you have any contact, previous or current with him?

    You and he share some common bonds. You might consider hiring a private investigator on him to assist on custody issues that will come back. If she tries to take you to the cleaners, it will be easier for her if she takes custody,especially exclusively.

  11. #11

    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    I know this is not precisely the thread for it, but rants are rants, and sometimes I do not know how I should feel, either.

    My brother feels so stubborn and beside himself over his wife. He came to visit us for Thanksgiving, with his kids, and his wife was not with us. They are still married, but they have been, since my birthday, no longer processing life as a couple.

    My brother and his wife met when they were 5 years old. They went to elementary school together, played Ninja turtles together, and when jr high came, they never saw eachother again until college, when they went to the same university.

    I played pound puppies with his wife for the year my brother went to another school, and i have to admit, she was one of my first crushes. Probably number 2. I didn't have any interest in her after my brother and I started going to the same anime club she went to at University, but my brother sure as hell did.

    He got out of a 2 or 3 year relationship, about a year before they got together, and chased her for that entire year. I do not believe he felt any hurt at the end of his, only, previous relationship.

    I modeled my own love life after him. I envisioned, in HS, the same path of meeting someone by my jr year and imagined getting a car and dying my hair (a stunt he pulled that year) as one of those keys to my own success, even as though compatibility were not an issue. Just following the same motions.

    I might very well have been homosexual, asexual, possibly bisexual. I didn't really care for the idea of the whole penis thing, but for what it was worth, I was not even sure what I might like about what pieces went where.

    I always seemed to crush on girls since preschool. Mad, deep crushes. Each of them for a year or more at a time. It never had to be an exclusive crush. Other inspirations would often come and go, and some I never recognized until time went on and I no longer did what I did. I would just be reflecting and realize some sort of mental thought blockade due to some sort of indoctrination.

    For instance. Alexis is a name of a gal I remember crushing on when I was 4. I never saw her again after preschool, but I never forgot her.

    Erin was gal I liked at Kindergarten. I often asked her to marry me. She wanted nothing to do with me. Kathleen was a girl who I loved exclusively without even knowing her from the age of 7 and second grade until, perhaps, several years after elementary school. I stalked and obsessed over her. I am probably reciting the correct telephone number in my head for her own room phone, which let me tell you, I was never supposed to know or have. I sometimes called it and just breathed into the phone, unintentionally. Unintentionally. Probably even before I ever had a conversation with her.

    Monica was a girl who I, for some reason, defined to myself as trashy and not only off limits, but disgusting trash. She was extremely cute though, and not until perhaps highschool did I realize this.

    High school. Soph year, hot horny chick dug me and wanted us to fuck. To my knowledge, a virgin. Kim something. 2 months in, she dumped me for my friend and fucked him. I was broken. First real time.

    Allison. I don't even understand her, or maybe myself. I actually see her around town these days where I live. I pseudo stalked her, similar to Kathleen. Allison was cute, but I still do not understand my fancy of her. I was strangely obsessed like other completely in the closet homosexuals which I have known. Maybe. I do not know.

    Emily, I broke her heart. Twice. I fucked her rotten. 2 years off and on. She wasn't hot enough for me.

    Catherine. Way hotter for my quota at the time. Another 2 years off and on. I had substance abuse problems back then. She minded, but I know part of that made her worship me more. Fucked her sick wicked. She dumped me because of my substance abuse problems. Drank a helll of alot more after. Stalked her for probably 2 years and in some ways more. Sometimes, even to this day.

    Val. My wife. I was still broken when I met her, but I was able to keep my shit, somewhat together. We worked on things together.

    I had scattered hither and thither between and during all of them. A cute chick crush here, and an affair/cheat there. Nothing I am proud of, but rationalized one way or another - sometimes just telling the current partner without any emotion or care.

    I gave two shits about the feelings of other girls. I felt like I was always justified, one way or another. Catherine really fucked me up. I held a torch for her just so I could burn women with a beer and a giggle. Oftentimes avoiding sex requests from multiple people at once altogether.

    My brother is beside himself. For all this time that his relationship has been in a shit hole, he has been giving more of himself to work, and shrinking when he is around my extended family and his wife has been not in attendance. Why has his wife not been around? Well, now we know in part.

    No one is certain to what extent came of it, but my mom found her with another man at a social function related to high society folk whom my parents are involved with. (my mother is self proclaimed upper class, high society type, my brother feels like he, in some ways, should also be, and in the last 4 years, I have accepted that I never wanted to be, but still maintain some of my stubborn social graces.)

    My mom was completely ignored by my brother's wife.

    My mother finally confronted her about it last week. She was upset about it still - as she should be. My brother's wife said "Thomas is better now."

    Something about him having suicidal thoughts at the time and she just helping him through it. My mom might have poisoned their future relationship with her rebuttal. Still not sure what it was.

    My brother's wife also disclosed tht she has been on Prozac the past 4 years, when my brother's relationship with her began to falter.

    I dunno.

    I realize my post is alot of random information, but it is all connected. I see the dots and the lines, but I do not understand how to explain it to others.

    Their relationship is over. My brother is putting the pieces in motion, but has not yet put them together.

    I don't feel I have the tools to help him.

  12. #12
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    Tinthalas,
    alas, we don't come with a "User's manual" not even a "Idiot's Guide to Humans"
    so...we get confused a lot and fuck up
    takes a long time ot get our head sorted and then...other shit comes along and screws us up AGAIN


    personally I always felt that if someone felt "feminine" they were female
    idea of transsexuals of intersexed "gals" has never bothered me. if they feel feminine, they are.
    different bits than usual but hey, so what?

    lass I knew since we were little was, by many standard...not very good looking, but I always liked her and we were pals
    when the skateboard craze hit Britain oh 1975?? or so, she was riding hers down the pavement down a hill...and flew straight into one of the old fashioned concrete lampposts we had...they were sort of triangular, so it smashed in the left side of her face left huge scar and she lost teeth etc.
    she suffered a lot of crap, but was tallest person in school, think 6'6"?
    biggest guy in school, as many did gave her nasty cheek, so she turned round (they were in desks 1 behind other) and KO'd him with a freakin belter of a punch, hit him so hard lifted right out of his chair and left him sprawled over deck behind him, lol
    yeah of course, a hot gal attracts ya, but to me it's about LIKING and trusting a lass
    anyway I was one of few folk who were nice to her
    twice we had a relationship and each time, after couple of months in which we got on great and had fun...she left me, wasn't even dumped in normal way, just didn't return calls etc, we were getting along fine, parted with smiles and kisses, then...nada....very odd, but I do understand she has psychological problems cause of the awful crap she went through.
    I think part of it was I hadn't fucked her, other pleasures yes, but even then this damn illness was causing me problems and I wanted to get more relaxed before that cause I see "coitus" as pretty serious cause it's so intimate. and like, what's the rush? we weren't teenagers any more!
    I love making a lass pleasured, that "floats my boat" and she had no complaints in that, rather opposite in fact.
    often thought part of the problem was because I was nice ot her, I didn't use her, like others had.
    I wonder if she was used to being their "fuck bucket" to put it bluntly and her low self esteem made anything more than that, difficult for her to cope with?
    if I had done something wrong, I wouldn't have minded so much, just...like that....eh?! what I do wrong?!
    sigh

    back around when I was 18?? or so a friend at the time was going out with this 15 year old lass, damn she was awesome, guts and brains with sass and good nature, fantastic gal, sigh but she was hooked on this guy...who I learned later was a piece of shit
    took me a while to realize what a using deceitful cunt this guy was
    he knew better but chose to be selfish he could be a decent guy but he kept getting nastier, cheated on her and did lot of deliberately cruel stuff
    took a few years to realize this cause hey at time I was na´ve and more used to the more overtly evil bastards, not this
    so of course that gal dumped him...cretin, even he admitted it was stupid loss, but he got worse
    he did stuff got me so mad had to not merely end friendship but damn near killed him, so I walked before I did
    and the gals still threw themselves at him?!

    on other hand, another pal I felt kept choosing to be childish and in a bad way (hey I'm a big kid and I know it but there is a difference between embracing silliness/inner child and just refusing to do the right thing when it's needed)
    once he had was it 13?? gf's on the go at the SAME TIME!?!
    one night most of them showed up a this door...fortunately for his ass, spaced out and no kidding he was hiding behind the sofa, scared shitless, even though he was a hard ass, lol
    but one thing he did I never got over
    his then gf was complaining she was going on holiday with her family, and didn't want to go, she wanted to stay with him
    they were at the roller skating at this moment, so she said if she had a broken leg, she wouldn't have to go!
    so he asked her if she did want a broken leg, and she said yes...so he jumped on her leg with the roller skates on..., quickly, not all planned out, just quick return from her stupid wish
    ye GODS!! badly broken leg resulted
    WTF?! she was happy he did it, after she recovered a bit
    then he dumped her a while later
    like, da fuck?!

    I love women, but they confuse the FUCK out of me though when it comes to romance

    sorry for digression form Merrick's problems but, well yeah, relationships..?! yikes!
    for sex one is best to stick to Palm and her 5 Sisters, and then have a dog or cat for a beloved friend you can trust!

  13. #13
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    Merrick ap'Milandra's Avatar
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    okay, I'll read all that when it's not 4am Silver because I really love talking with you and reading what you post, but What do you think about a deadpool for my marriage?

    Crap,we don't award Graffies anymore.

    Too bad Beli/Pedi isn't here. I think she wins for doing those, but the last unofficial one awarded that I know of was Jonas and I always preferred the positive ones. Like rants going to grindel and random going to.. someone.. zedd? zurren? most dramatic (we could lose that category) I forget all of them honestly


    An arbitrary useless award of guessing might be fun for me without me spawning boatloads of legally identifiable information from my perspective though.

    Life marches on.

    The internet is paid up and nobody shuts the gas, water, and power off in minnesota regularly when it's below zero (still trying to get bills and payment sign ins).

    Not sure about the mortgage either.

    I should have been less of a pushover and just demanded finance information.

    NO wait, that's wrong, I should have not married the person I did.

    Not my fault for asking and just laying down and obeying because I was raised with psychological abuse.

    Her parents are busted in the head too.

    I just want to get through this without any more sabotage on their parts.

    I will never understand greed in people.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  14. #14
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    Merrick ap'Milandra's Avatar
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    oh, i mean not the guy in the mask who rocks as a superhero, I mean like the death pool in general, only since it's darker, in rants. I don't know what anyone would gain or win aside from participation.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
    http://sam.zoy.org/wtfpl/
    Noone should sue or be sued ambiguously.

  15. #15
    Banjo Duellist, 8th Dan
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    Re: I'm finally slightly angry and I dont know how to deal with it

    Merrick

    no worries bud
    yer hurting :/
    hope you recover soon.
    listening to good music and love of pets and yer kid is best help I think

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