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Thread: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

  1. #1
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    Merrick ap'Milandra's Avatar
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    Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    I'm trying to find a way to explain it to people who don't have it.

    I managed to get help years ago for the psychological effects, mostly, but I still live every second thinking someone is going to start beating the shit out of me, around every corner, around every cubicle, even people I think I can trust.

    Noone *has* (edit -- since I got away from the people who abused me) but that doesn't really change the fact that my head spins faster than that of a small bird and I immediately check shoulders and hips when someone new appears within my vision or I hear them coming from somewhere I can't see (that's not so bad, it's when I don't hear them that's worse).

    Every night, before bed, I write down three good things that happened to me that day, no matter how small, just so it's the last thing on my mind before falling asleep.

    That being said, people are awkward around me in the office because the first thing I do is glance at what amounts to their chest or genitalia to make sure they're not coming in swinging or kicking.

    I don't know how to explain that the first thought is always "I'm going to get the shit kicked out of me for no reason with zero notice" without sounding like some kinda needy whiner to people who don't live like this every minute.
    Last edited by Merrick ap'Milandra; January 23rd, 2016 at 03:15 AM.
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  2. #2
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    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra View Post
    I'm trying to find a way to explain it to people who don't have it.

    I managed to get help years ago for the psychological effects, mostly, but I still live every second thinking someone is going to start beating the shit out of me, around every corner, around every cubicle, even people I think I can trust.

    Noone *has* (edit -- since I got away from the people who abused me) but that doesn't really change the fact that my head spins faster than that of a small bird and I immediately check shoulders and hips when someone new appears within my vision or I hear them coming from somewhere I can't see (that's not so bad, it's when I don't hear them that's worse).

    Every night, before bed, I write down three good things that happened to me that day, no matter how small, just so it's the last thing on my mind before falling asleep.

    That being said, people are awkward around me in the office because the first thing I do is glance at what amounts to their chest or genitalia to make sure they're not coming in swinging or kicking.

    I don't know how to explain that the first thought is always "I'm going to get the shit kicked out of me for no reason with zero notice" without sounding like some kinda needy whiner to people who don't live like this every minute.
    Wear dark sunglasses. Or learn to use peripheral vision as opposed to looking directly at the chest and genitals. Or just leer openly.
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    I *AM* the Chinpokomon master!

  3. #3

    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    I was shot at while driving about 7 or 8 years ago. It is my fault. If I didnt egg the guy on, it likely would not have happened.

    It was only the once that ive been shot at, but anytime something stupid happens on the road, my peripherals get wider, and i feel like I am no longer seeing what is going on in front of me, and everything else is about keeping track of cars in mirrors.

    It is a gross feeling. It has happened, maybe 4 or 5 times since i was shot at. Each time it does I brew a cup of holy basil in order to flush ouf the remnant adrenaline from my gut. The holy basil works, and i highly recommend it.

  4. #4
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    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris View Post
    I was shot at while driving about 7 or 8 years ago. It is my fault. If I didnt egg the guy on, it likely would not have happened.

    It was only the once that ive been shot at, but anytime something stupid happens on the road, my peripherals get wider, and i feel like I am no longer seeing what is going on in front of me, and everything else is about keeping track of cars in mirrors.

    It is a gross feeling. It has happened, maybe 4 or 5 times since i was shot at. Each time it does I brew a cup of holy basil in order to flush ouf the remnant adrenaline from my gut. The holy basil works, and i highly recommend it.
    That is bullshit. You share no responsibility for someone else's actions barring physically attacking them such that they have to respond with overwhelming force to overcome it. Road rage people are idiot children and one of the thousand reasons why I hate driving even though I have never been the cause of an accident and drive assuming all the people around me are being reckless in some manner. Fuck that person. If they are so unstable they should be an asylum not on the road.

    Anyways, @OP, I would research behavioral therapy. While I see a psychologist mostly just to vent, I don't think that in general they can be very effective for various reasons that I won't get into. Behavioral therapy is effective for a wide range of contexts, for both physical and emotional causes. They are not super common and I think your best chance at finding one is either talking to your general practictioner and asking if s/he knows of one that is reputable or asking a psychologist that you have confidence in the same thing.

    Behavioral therapy will simply provide some new tools to address the issues you are encountering and can provide long term success without the need for continued usage of those tools, so it is not a situation like a chiropractor that you will need to regularly visit. Also, a behavioral therapist should have at least some background in neuroscience so is less likely to be a bullshit artist.

    If that fails, I would research various drugs that have had success at uncovering root causes (obviously what that is is already known in your case) and allowing the person to take an external point of view of their situation, thereby better understanding it. But, that would be a last resort and if you are adversely or very sensitive to drugs I would not try that unless you are incredibly desperate to the point of contemplating suicide. And if you do try it (regardless of how you are normally affected by dosages), make sure you do it in a place where you have someone on hand to watch you and knows how to help people having a bad trip. Taking mind altering drugs that shift your physical perspective by yourself is very dangerous even if you are experienced with the drug in question before. And obviously don't do this with shady people around you that you don't have 100% confidence in their trustworthiness.

    Something that may help achieve a better state of mind in general is meditation. I was super doubtful of claims made about it, even those by medical researchers, but I have found them to bear out in practice even when starting out. Other than regular exercise, it's the most useful habit you can get into for continual self-improvement.

    I would not take any of the legal pharmaceuticals. They are all super nasty side effects, most worse than what you are trying to treat and most likely will at minimum give you horrible brain fog, something that is extremely bad give your daily work. While a healthy level of caution is good to have, when it is affecting your daily life that is something to work on addressing (as you already know).

    General advice is, be ruthless in eliminating people who are not 100% working towards what is in your best interest in achieving your goal of not having that feeling around people. If they are not acting as stewards for your health, burn that bridge to the ground and don't be afraid to tell them that they are not listening if that happens to be the case. Also, be 100% direct and brutally honest about what you are experiencing. They cannot help you if they are trying to address the problem with incorrect information. If the medical professional is always acting like they have the answer (tm) rather than iteratively trying to achieve your goal and pivoting based on new information, abandon them and seek help elsewhere.

    On my insurance's website it has reviews of medical professionals for various areas. I would see if yours has the same thing. It has been useful for finding quality persons in my network. If someone is trying to bullshit you, fuck them and eviscerate them if necessary.
    Last edited by MI Redeux; January 26th, 2016 at 07:56 PM.

  5. #5

    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    Quote Originally Posted by MI Redeux View Post
    That is bullshit. You share no responsibility for someone else's actions barring physically attacking them such that they have to respond with overwhelming force to overcome it. Road rage people are idiot children and one of the thousand reasons why I hate driving even though I have never been the cause of an accident and drive assuming all the people around me are being reckless in some manner. Fuck that person. If they are so unstable they should be an asylum not on the road.
    Don't get me wrong. That guy was a fucking idiot. But had I not stuck my thumb out at him and mad dogged him back, he'd probably never have shot at me. It was my own over confidence that egged him on, and the flashy ride that I had.

    Again, don't get me wrong. He was a fucking idiot. Its just, when dealing with idiots, and not backing down, idiots will do idiotic things - myself included. I just didn't have a gun in my car, else I might have probably shot back.

    _____

    That being said. I really do want to stress the wonders of Holy Basil. It is one of the world's original medicines for stress and anxiety, and I seldom use it, but when I do, it is such a relief. I have my urges to drink, on those really bad days, and I don't, and I only have Holy Basil about once every 6 months, these days.

    It is an amazing plant, and you just put a couple of pinches into a glass, brew it over hot water, and then strain it out and drink it up. It tastes pretty good without sweetener. The Hindi people look at it as a religious plant, but just about every other eastern religion sees it as "chinese medicine" types.

    Make sure you get the dried stuff, and not the capsule stuff. If you have trouble finding it, PM me your home address and I'll mail you some. It is a little expensive, but I don't use it that much, and I don't mind sending you a good amount, knowing it'll just go bad for me, otherwise.

  6. #6
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    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris View Post
    Don't get me wrong. That guy was a fucking idiot. But had I not stuck my thumb out at him and mad dogged him back, he'd probably never have shot at me. It was my own over confidence that egged him on, and the flashy ride that I had.

    Again, don't get me wrong. He was a fucking idiot. Its just, when dealing with idiots, and not backing down, idiots will do idiotic things - myself included. I just didn't have a gun in my car, else I might have probably shot back.

    _____

    That being said. I really do want to stress the wonders of Holy Basil. It is one of the world's original medicines for stress and anxiety, and I seldom use it, but when I do, it is such a relief. I have my urges to drink, on those really bad days, and I don't, and I only have Holy Basil about once every 6 months, these days.

    It is an amazing plant, and you just put a couple of pinches into a glass, brew it over hot water, and then strain it out and drink it up. It tastes pretty good without sweetener. The Hindi people look at it as a religious plant, but just about every other eastern religion sees it as "chinese medicine" types.

    Make sure you get the dried stuff, and not the capsule stuff. If you have trouble finding it, PM me your home address and I'll mail you some. It is a little expensive, but I don't use it that much, and I don't mind sending you a good amount, knowing it'll just go bad for me, otherwise.
    Where are you sourcing it from? That is the main issue I have with deregulated compounds since the incompetent FDA declared herbal remedies effectively a free for all and the cuckolded republic refuses to address con artists and charletans in that domain with overwhelming vengeance exceeding Sherman's March to the Sea. [1] As mentioned in an unrelated thread, the lack of available credible data on the persons either manufacturing or distributing these products makes having confidence in selection impossible before widespread usage has already occurred, very inefficient and encourages negative behavior on everyone's part as they will always benefit more than they do not benefit from that behavior, even simply changing how easy creating new companies is or making piercing the corporate veil significantly easier would go a long ways to discouraging people from behaving that way. [4]

    When any idiot with a graph can prove homeopathy fraudulent and demonstrate harm resulting from that, for the state to not provide restorative justice [2] and rewarding intentional malevolence with the dogs of war is unacceptable; further that state representatives spew nonsense in support of that regardless of overwhelming counterevidence is indicative of how broken the republic's design is in that impeachment is difficult to the point of being a negative influence on its own operation.

    Anyways, back to the main point you are making, I don't disagree that you should have handled that situation much differently, and in general escalating a situation like that is not something that should be pursued, but that he behaved violently towards you over school yard antics is not something that you can put on your own head. It is equivalent to claiming a woman deserved to get raped because she was wearing pants or in earlier times, displaying her naked ankles ala the 1890s bloomers. [3]

    Still, like you believe, as we are surrounded by adult children whom we cannot eliminate as their immaturity emerges (I am for quarantining them on an island until they learn their lesson, a kind of Lord of the Flies time out available on public access television), behaving that way is going to eventually result in a bad time (as you found out).

    If we lived in a different kind of society where people 'be like water' [5] such joccular retorts would be occur without issue, but we don't live in a society like that so it doesn't.

    [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sherma...rch_to_the_Sea Sherman is one of my personal heroes for his scorched earth approach to forcing resolution in the Civil War and bringing the South to its knees despite his own admittance that it was excessive. Still, emotionally it is delicious to see such exacting retribution take place.

    [2] http://changingminds.org/explanation...ur_justice.htm

    [3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histor..._bicycle_craze It would be nice if we could claim similarly absurd declarations and scaremongering were not continually occurring in the US still. Self-policing and patriarchal mimicry by women in particular is disappointing.

    [4] https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/pier...corporate_veil mirrors benefits that exist for making impeachment easier as well

    [5] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiPj113eka0 Cowboy Bebop greatest or bestedest of all-time? I did not realize how much that show influenced me until I was digging up that clip.
    Last edited by MI Redeux; January 26th, 2016 at 09:37 PM.

  7. #7
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    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    You need to write some fiction. Sounds like a great intro to a whoadunit. (Not saying what you're saying is fiction mind you.)

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    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    As an example of behavioral therapy having bizarre applications with credible outcomes is in tinnitus and hyperacusis (excessive sensitivity to sound, everything sounds very boosted and while not actually damaging hearing because it is at normal volumes, it feels like a speakerphone is being spoken through at all or some frequencies, for me it is primarily incited by deeper male voices and not noticeable with higher pitched voices often associated with women, reverb distortion is painful at all frequencies though... it's incredibly strange).

    A research paper that I think is fairly understandable is this one: https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01321814
    ====================

    Thinking on it Merrick, I can relate in a very minor way in that most people standing right beside me outside my vision or slightly within my peripheral vision or standing anywhere behind me increases my 'alertedness' significantly to their presence until they move away or move in more in front of me to the point it is my primary focus instead of whatever I was doing.

    I found a pretty good website from the VA on cognitive behavior therapy and PTSD: http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/treatm...tment-ptsd.asp

    I would verify that you actually have PTSD first though. There may be something else at play and going down the wrong chute would waste available resources.

    On the utility of treating PTSD with illicit drugs, read this paper made available through the NIH [1]: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23727882

    It is pretty easy to source psilocybin if it comes to that, and for someone with no prior history of mental instability its negative health outcomes are nonexistent given reasonable precautions are taken in a controlled environment. While not advocating this approach, given a faustian choice between the local drug dealer or the dark web I would source it through the dark web as some kind of credibility data is available.

    Crowdsourced info worth reading beforehand is here: https://erowid.org/search.php?q=psilocybin
    Erowid's trip reports are the most valuable to me to provide a barometer on the range of potential experiences that may occur while some drug is within the effective dosage in your body still. The LD50 for psilocybin is heroic amounts and not a realistic dosage taken all at once. [2]

    Which in animals is
    85 mg/kg (mouse, i.v.)
    280 mg/kg (rat, i.v.)
    12.5 mg/kg (rabbit, i.v.)[2]


    So, likelihood of overdosing is minor compared to licit alternatives with a swathe of mentally hamstringing side effects that have poorer outcomes than behavioral therapy or psilocybin, a drug which falls under the short list of drugs that are nonsensically restricted (DMT, LSD, Ketamine, Modafinil, Nicotine in its isolated form with vaporizing or dilluted water solution delivery mechanisms [3] and orally delivered THC forms most of the short list, there are a large number of drugs I would restrict if there was any reason to expect it to have the intended effect, mostly opiates and similar in vein drugs, MDMA should be readily available for medical research purposes though with the intent to synthesize a variant with minimal side effects even with habitual usage however).

    [1] always mandatory fuck you if you only publish on non-open journals. no excuses. impacting society through research is bigger than your ego or immediate career consequences.

    [2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybin

    [3] In case it is unclear, Nicotine by itself only, not Nicotine present in tobacco whose delivery mechanism is combustion i.e. cigarettes or orally in the form of dip/chaw/etc. all of those are terrible delivery mechanisms and should be reasonably avoided entirely
    Last edited by MI Redeux; January 26th, 2016 at 10:30 PM.

  9. #9
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    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    Never been officially diagnosed but, had to deal with fear/anxiety ever since I was a kid and then other stuff later so I get as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full or rocking chairs
    didn't use to bother me as bad, fishing, walks etc kept it down. but yeah one was always damn wary, but that did have it's benefits in evading crap.

    but with this shit I have now, fear bloody gnaws at you at times. real terrifying dread. like being in a fekkin B&W horror movie as a kid :P

    music and cuddling my dog's about the best help from my experience

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    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    That is bullshit. You share no responsibility for someone else's actions barring physically attacking them such that they have to respond with overwhelming force to overcome it. Road rage people are idiot children and one of the thousand reasons why I hate driving even though I have never been the cause of an accident and drive assuming all the people around me are being reckless in some manner. Fuck that person. If they are so unstable they should be an asylum not on the road.
    I beg to differ. It's shared responsibility. If 90% of an interpersonal issue is the other person's responsibility and 10% is mine. I work on the 10% first because that's something I have control over. Yes the person who fired off a round is a dipshit who ought to be on an island a la' Lord of the Flies. It's still possible to minimize your exposure to such people in many ways.

    As for the homeopathic and etc. rant. My experience differs. Since I've been living in Lancaster, PA I've been seeing a 'naturopath.' There's one issue where he helped me that western medicine failed me for almost 40 years now. I'll never forget the evening where he walked me through taking what he'd recommended till it worked . (PTSD similar to Merrick only I was triggered rather than being chronically hyper vigilant.)

    There came a point where I felt the sense of well being I had not since I was three years old! (I'm unusual I guess in that I have vivid memories of my life from ~the age of 1+)

    An uncle of my mothers was a licensed homeopath in NY state. My grandfather and my mother benefitted from much of his wisdom. There's homeopathy that's crap and there's other stuff that's not. I tried a homeopath in MA in the 80's who was all about the money and he was shit. Landed me in huge difficulty for trusting him. YMMV

    When I was 3-4 years of age I drove my mom batty with my fussy eating. On the advise of the homeopath she got me spinach noodles since spaghetti was something I liked. The principle being that a small amount of what I disliked would help deal with what in my body reacted badly to spinach itself. Soon after I came to love spinach. That's a core principle of homeopathy and it worked on me! I know of a number of parents that used that strategy successfully. The caveat of course is allergies like peanut where small amounts can actually be MORE damaging and incite a hidden allergy.

    Any good healer will tell you medicine is as much art as science frankly.

    As for herbs and etc. it takes an effort to find the companies that use good process and materials. It takes an effort and some vigilance to be sure your sources do not sell out to the almighty dollar.

  11. #11
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    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    Merrick I have PTSD issues but no where near as bad as what you describe. Still I can relate since there are times I become hyper vigilant and yes it sets others on edge. A therapist in the 90's who was forensically trained and licensed told me she felt the doctors had totally misdiagnosed me and that my global issue was some sort of ptsd. Sadly, I had to move away from that area and could not continue to explore that with her.

    Attempts to get other professionals to acknowledge that has been the equivalent of beating my head against a brick wall.

  12. #12

    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    Offer still stands, anyone interested in a bag full of Holy basil, ready for brewing into a cup of tea, please PM me. I have plenty, and will not be able to use it up before it goes bad and will need to buy more.

    http://www.medicinehunter.com/holy-basil

    Works, essentially, by flushing adrenaline and corticosterone brought about by stress and anxiety out of your body, very quickly. No narcotic effects whatsoever.
    Last edited by Tinthalas Tigris; May 28th, 2016 at 09:40 AM.

  13. #13
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    Re: Anyone here have PTSD from abuse?

    Quote Originally Posted by MI Redeux View Post

    [5] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiPj113eka0 Cowboy Bebop greatest or bestedest of all-time? I did not realize how much that show influenced me until I was digging up that clip.
    I only saw clips of it here and there. It really wasn't my thing at the time.

    It was on occasionally when I was playing EQ and watching [adult swim], but I mostly ignored it, much like Harvey Birdman, Home Movies, ...you know, come to think of it, I only really had that on for the Looney Tunes (The Bob Clampett Show), Sealab 2021, and Space Ghost. I guess I enjoyed roughly half of the content. *shrug*.

    The clip I find amusing because that's generally how I go about my day, voluntary-mood-wise. I watched a lot of "Kung Fu" as a kid and then "Kung Fu: The Legend Continues" as a teen, so that certainly contributed to me not ending up violent and abusive like those who contributed to my genetic makeup.

    Also, I can't think of Cowboy Bebop without thinking of this gem from that old "You're the man now, dog" website.

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