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Thread: The one liners thread!

  1. #81

    Re: The one liners thread!

    There is one place in modern society where prejudice is not only accepted, but also expected.

    Pornography makes it okay to say that the only people you want to rise to the top of your expectations are young, untrained, Asian women, and that you have no interest in a single white, black, old or male person to fulfill the role of your interests, and that is absolutely, A-O-K.

  2. #82
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Eh. I dunno.

    My porn preferences change from day to day and hour to hour, but always lean heavily towards still photography.

    There are also times when I'll click on a single thumbnail, get over to the set of photos and go "Well, I can see why they picked that one as the link, she looks like she's pilled/stoned out of her gourd in all of the others. Probably was just to get through it, poor woman." which is a massive turn-off for me.

    I much prefer the "I'm doing this because I LOVE IT" look, but that'll typically transcend skin color, breast size, a fair degree of weight, and quite a bit of age for me, and just be dependent on what strikes my eye at the time.

    Over the past few years I've been drooling more at blondes more for some reason. Prior to that it was mostly brunettes, and waaay back in my junior high/high school years it was mostly redheads, for example, but of course back that far it was basically the Sears Catalog.

    Maybe it's like music.

    Some people really have a particular preference and others don't.
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  3. #83
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    So someone said something that briefly reminded me of some ACTUAL one-liners I've heard over the years.

    Juvenile though they are (due to the fact that they're all about how often someone gets sexual pleasure of some kind) I thought I might share all of the ones I could remember.

    Insert gender pronoun of your preference at "*"

    * Gets more box than the Memphis FedeX Hub

    * Crashes the Crease more often than Gordie Howe

    * Tosses more salad than an Olive Garden Waitress

    * Pulls more tail than special needs kids at a petting zoo

    * Ploughs more beaver than a drunk riverboat captain

    * Spends more time on the mound than Rafael Betancourt

    * Taps more ass than an inquisitive midget

    * Gets more head than Michael J. Fox pouring a Guinness

    * Ploughs more fields than John Deere

    * Goes through more chocolate stars than Palmer's at Christmas

    That's all I can remember for now.
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  4. #84

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Sit on the toilet for 10 minutes before getting in the shower, and nothing happens. Get out of the shower, and ten minutes later, I have to go sit on the toilet. TF is wrong with you asshole?

  5. #85

    Re: The one liners thread!

    I saw my mechanic at Starbucks, today. He gave me a pondering expression and asked me, "White Tundra, dinged passenger mirror?" a little embarrassed by that information, but he was right.

    Then my proctologist walk in behind him, and before he could recognize me, I poured hot coffee all over my face.

  6. #86

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Immediately after the moments of "The Last Supper," the term "Dinner" was invented, thus marking a final moment in history.

  7. #87
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Coffee gives me that "can do" feeling in the morning, like I'd better get to the can fast so I can go do.

  8. #88

    Re: The one liners thread!

    I wonder if The Cambodian version of alphabet soup is higher in calories than the one we have in the states.

  9. #89
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Not mine, so I'm not taking credit for it, but I read it and really liked it:

    "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
    'This world may be another planet's hell.'{Aldous Huxley}
    'After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.'{Aldous Huxley}

  10. #90
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Good one.

    Reminds me of a frequent one I used to hear in Detroit for years:

    "I sucked nineteen yards of cock to get to where I'm at right now; I'm not about to fuck that up now!"
    Nerkahia
    Retired 85 Wizard of Ascentia, The Nameless

    "Maybe if the Republicanoids weren't snorting coke off oil execs dicks, we could have had less dependancy on oil by now!!" - Silverblade-T-E

  11. #91
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    They say, "you are what you eat." I'm a humanitarian.

  12. #92
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    OMFG IT'S CHESS!!!!!!


    HI!!!!

    You should hang out more. There aren't a whole ton of old-schoolers left, but there are still a few handfuls of pre-WoW-Launch former EQ players hanging about in OT.
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  13. #93
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Oh, I drop in every half-decade or so - kind of feels like I'm the only one who hasn't grown out of MMORPGs. Then again, at my age I'm not required to grow out of things any more. Nice to see a few old familiar names, though!

  14. #94
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    So what do you do with your free time now that you're all grown out of the vidja games? Knitting exciting underwear? I record stuff in my music studio, and I build and repair musical instruments. My latest obsession is karaoke, it's amazing how much musical data the brain can absorb over a lifetime of listening to music. I'll hear the first few bars of an old popular song and suddenly I have the phrasing and melody line down pat.

    Just the other day I recorded an old American literature short story in audio book form for public domain release. I've been meaning to try that for a while, it's another way of digitizing our cultural material that can make this material accessible to people who would otherwise not be able to enjoy it.

  15. #95

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae View Post
    Just the other day I recorded an old American literature short story in audio book form for public domain release. I've been meaning to try that for a while, it's another way of digitizing our cultural material that can make this material accessible to people who would otherwise not be able to enjoy it.
    I have been meaning to do this.

    If my new job pans out, I might have weeks of time spent in hotel rooms which will make it an ideal environment in order to.

    Sent from my 1+3t

  16. #96
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chess View Post
    Oh, I drop in every half-decade or so - kind of feels like I'm the only one who hasn't grown out of MMORPGs. Then again, at my age I'm not required to grow out of things any more. Nice to see a few old familiar names, though!
    I just started playing Elder Scrolls Online, and have been playing MMORPGs non-stop since I quit EQ in 2008.

    Lord of the Rings Online, Star Trek Online, Star Wars: The Old Republic, DC Universe Online, Marvel Heroes, the list goes on and on.
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
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  17. #97
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris View Post
    I have been meaning to do this.

    If my new job pans out, I might have weeks of time spent in hotel rooms which will make it an ideal environment in order to.

    Sent from my 1+3t
    This might help: https://librivox.org/

  18. #98

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Yep. Same service i was interested in.

    Sent from my 1+3t

  19. #99
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    Re: The one liners thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae View Post
    This might help: https://librivox.org/
    Librivox is awesome.

    It introduced me to Lewis Carroll's "The Hunting of the Snark".
    For copyright purposes, all of my posts are covered under the "Do What The Fuck You Want To Public License"
    http://sam.zoy.org/wtfpl/
    Noone should sue or be sued ambiguously.

  20. #100

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Does Rogaine work?
    If the "most powerful man in America" sports a combover, i think it is fair to say, no. Rogaine does not work.

    Sent from my 1+3t

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