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Thread: The one liners thread!

  1. #101

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Maybe the hands behind Fyre Festival should each have been holding a Pepsi


    Sent from my 1+3t

  2. #102

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Possession of ferrets in California is a crime.

    I think they should be legalized for medicinal use.

    I would advocate for their possession for recreational purposes, but I find the idea of playing with my food appalling.

  3. #103

    Re: The one liners thread!

    I'm getting upset about the rage with the paleo diet.

    Real cavemen have tapeworms.

  4. #104

    Re: The one liners thread!

    When I was 3, i asked my mom for a sister.
    She told me that my mom and dad didn't do that anymore.

    When I was 9, i found a copy of Penthouse variations dated May 1985!

    That's bullshit! They didn't stop!
    They did it at least for another year after that conversation!

    And no, i didn't tell my mom that i found her stash! The Internet was not going to be invented for another 5 or 6 years!

    Sent from my 1+3t

  5. #105

    Re: The one liners thread!

    No one ever comes back from war and says "i acquired both my legs."

  6. #106

    Re: The one liners thread!

    I feel like calling Marijuana a gateway drug is a crock of shit.

    It took LSD for me to go traveling through dimensional doorways.

    Sent from my 1+3t

  7. #107

    Re: The one liners thread!

    I'm a botanist now. I should have gone to Plant Parenthood earlier.

  8. #108
    Chair warmer, Sector 7G
    Alikat Astrae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    44,189

    Re: The one liners thread!

    You scratch my back, and I'll scratch an itchy back off my list.

  9. #109
    El Diablo Blanco
    Logan Lightfoot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    1,793

    Re: The one liners thread!

    Got some good one liners in here.

    A short fortune teller who escapes from prison is considered a small medium at large.

  10. #110

    Re: The one liners thread!

    It's always wise to know where the shitter is before you start eating at the buffet.

  11. #111

    Re: The one liners thread!

    If orange is the new black, then why is Donald Trump not in prison?

  12. #112

    Re: The one liners thread!

    I wonder if the inventor of the fleshlight received a whispered message from a ghost like kevin costner in field of dreams.

  13. #113

    Re: The one liners thread!

    I poop a shit ton.

  14. #114

    Re: The one liners thread!

    "hey google. Please send me search results for a Volvo with a rebuilt tranny."
    Google:"i do not want to understand that search request."
    ....

    "hey Google. Please send my Samsung tablet search results for a Volvo with a rebuilt tranny."
    .... *lights*.....

    Google: "i hope this is what you were looking for on your Samsung tablet."
    ..... "oh dear God."

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