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Thread: Tales from Techsupport

  1. #1861
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Customer: I'm getting an error when I access my data
    Me: That error is usually preceded by a different error, did it come up?
    Customer: No, but some other error occurred when I opened the program. I just click OK through it. Is it important?

  2. #1862

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Seems like the right place to link this. A good reason why computers should not be allowed to operate unchecked. What seems odd is no other management could halt it.

    The man who was fired by a machine http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-44561838
    "When you name your baby Jeeves...you've pretty much set up his career for life. You don't see many Hit Men, for example, named Jeeves. "Pardon me sir, but I must wack you now."
    — Jerry Seinfeld

  3. #1863

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Mileron View Post
    Customer: I'm getting an error when I access my data
    Me: That error is usually preceded by a different error, did it come up?
    Customer: No, but some other error occurred when I opened the program. I just click OK through it. Is it important?
    I fucking love this bull shit. This is like people who drive with the engine light on, to me.

  4. #1864

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris View Post
    I fucking love this bull shit. This is like people who drive with the engine light on, to me.
    I had a friend do the CEL thing for awhile, But it was only the gas cap?
    "When you name your baby Jeeves...you've pretty much set up his career for life. You don't see many Hit Men, for example, named Jeeves. "Pardon me sir, but I must wack you now."
    — Jerry Seinfeld

  5. #1865

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Ha did not mean a question mark damn mobile
    "When you name your baby Jeeves...you've pretty much set up his career for life. You don't see many Hit Men, for example, named Jeeves. "Pardon me sir, but I must wack you now."
    — Jerry Seinfeld

  6. #1866
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Coworker: Hello Mileron. Can you set me up for (product A) and (product B) software? I spoke to (manager's manager) and he stated I should have the application.
    Me: The emails I sent two weeks ago with the (product B) information have everything you need to get to the website and install the software.
    Coworker: Okay, thanks!
    Me: However for (product A) it's best if you talk to (other rep). While I can help you with the basic installs, she's really the guru and is better equipped for the full shpiel.
    Coworker: Okay, cool
    Coworker an hour later: Mileron, I do not see the email
    Me: Two emails, (product B) System Training, 6/6
    Coworker: Oh okay, will they contact me?
    Me: I forwarded two emails with a buttload (technical term) of documents to you
    Coworker: Okay cool I have all afternoon
    Me: On 6/6
    Coworker: Really

    62324017.jpg

  7. #1867
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Customer: I'm not in front of my computer, and I can't tell you exactly what's wrong, but let's try to figure it out anyway

  8. #1868
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by Mileron View Post
    Customer: I'm not in front of my computer, and I can't tell you exactly what's wrong, but let's try to figure it out anyway
    I love those . Again back to the car analogy
    Customer: my car is not working
    Mechanic: let's take a look, where is your car? at home.

    I've had people ask me to help then with computer problems while they were driving(you can hear traffic noises car accelerating /decelerating.
    or Well I'm at such and such place my computer is at home. fix it
    Me : WTH?
    Greed is for amateurs. Chaos, disorder, anarchy...now that's FUN!

    Kirin Tor:
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    Shlemm-Rogue of grand mischief(retired)
    Dorra - High Priestest of Iron Forge (RIP)

  9. #1869
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Quote Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker View Post
    Seems like the right place to link this. A good reason why computers should not be allowed to operate unchecked. What seems odd is no other management could halt it.

    The man who was fired by a machine http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-44561838
    Actually I was half fired from my last job.
    Company A acquired Company B. I was with Company A first.
    They gave us a manager for company B so we could access there systems( no authority over us) a year later Manager B terminated me in the system. I got locked out of the building during my lunch break. And lost all access to company B resources. I still had company A resources and my Direct manager was not amused I had been "terminated" without her permission.

    Took me 4 weeks to get back my access to company B. Fortunately Most of our systems had been integrated enough (or I was able to ask people to do things)I was able to fake assistance with callers from company B.
    Greed is for amateurs. Chaos, disorder, anarchy...now that's FUN!

    Kirin Tor:
    Toccke- Archmage of Gnomeregan (retired)
    Shlemm-Rogue of grand mischief(retired)
    Dorra - High Priestest of Iron Forge (RIP)

  10. #1870
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Coworker#1: I need help with this issue
    Me: I'm on a scheduled call
    Coworker#1: Okay, I'll grab Coworker#2
    Coworker#2: How could you do this to me?
    Three hours later
    Coworker#1: We don't know why this won't work, so we recorded the remote troubleshooting
    Me: reviews the recording. I notice in the first 10 seconds that the program folder structure is missing some important files - the database engine DLLs
    Me: calls the Tech who starts rehashing the whole thing Actually, I viewed your recording, and I could see pretty quickly that the folder structure was incomplete
    Tech: Incomplete how?
    Me: All of the necessary database engine DLLs are missing. They're dated 2007. Did you recently update Antivirus or Antimalware and see that they removed DLLs unexpectedly?
    Tech: No
    Tech: Wait
    Tech: Did you say 2007?
    Me: Yes
    Tech: I have a script that runs on my server that moves files older than 7 years out to a special repository to allow data storage to not get stale
    Me: And that includes DLL files, executables, and all?
    Tech: Why wouldn't it?


    Me: Well, that script broke this program. You need to reinstall the programs and exempt this folder structure from that script.
    Tech: But what if I run low on hard drive space?
    Me: My DLLs are 2.3MB total for the three files. While they happen to exist in 3 different places due to being required by three different executables, if you're worried about that 7MB causing problems, then there might be some other file cleanup that might be necessary. In any case, please exclude this folder from your script.
    Tech: But what if I run low on hard drive space?

    Where's my Pakled when I need him?
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  11. #1871
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    My last employer and current have me work with internal employee support.

    This is a common call for me from both places:

    User: My account keep getting locked out!.
    Me: *starts to clear saved passwords*
    User: Don't you dare delete my saved passwords!
    Me: That what is causing your lockouts sir/ma'm. The technical user agreement you signed, stated you would not save passwords to your computer; therefore we wipe all saved passwords.
    User: Can't you leave my password alone? <insert favored location here>
    Me: Not if you don't want to experience repeat lockouts.
    Me: the choice is yours......
    Greed is for amateurs. Chaos, disorder, anarchy...now that's FUN!

    Kirin Tor:
    Toccke- Archmage of Gnomeregan (retired)
    Shlemm-Rogue of grand mischief(retired)
    Dorra - High Priestest of Iron Forge (RIP)

  12. #1872
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    I was on the phone with an ISP today for 3.5 hours. The overall issue was known to me due to some shitty cabling work a contractor did today. The result was a coaxial cable that has too much noise to pass a signal to the phone modem in a remote sales office. I just needed the ISP to forward the number to the sales agent's cell phone to get me through the weekend. The insanity is too vivid to recount in all its glory here, but I will summarize some of the points that make this noteworthy.

    At one point the escalated supervisor I am speaking with is trying to dump me off the phone and tells me I am not an authorized user on the account to discuss things with (this is after they've already spent 2 hours talking to me about it). We spend the next hour trying to "confirm" the account. Finally a local contact hits up his work email and sees the insanity and contacts both him and me and "adds" me to the account. Come find out there was no information whatsoever tied to the account. No business name, no contact name, phone number, tax ID, nothing. He knew there was nothing there and we spent an hour trying to "confirm" the account when I had no way of doing so. Insane. Get past that and I talk them into an early morning bit tomorrow to fix the whole thing since they apparently can't forward a phone number without the modem being online even though I've done so dozens of times over the past decade of dealing with it (some oddness of residential vs commercial accounts on their end - it is technically a residential account given to us for free by the ISP for reasons - although it has never been issue before).

    Now I wish the insanity ended there, but it is me, so that is not really how it plays out. You also have to look at my "Work Crazy" thread in the main forum to understand this week has been a big bag of "fuck you" before this started.....

    Anyhow, I get off the phone with the ISP and call the sales agent to let him know the ISP will be out first thing in the morning and they will call him. He tells me thanks for working on it and the phone started working 10 minutes ago......................................(*@#$&%(* @#&%(*@#&)R(%@#*%)(@#^T)(*@#&_^t)_@(#_%^*t&)@!(#*% )(@#*u$)#@!&$(*@#&%(*@#&%)@#*$(@#*_

    That one statement rendered my 3.5 hour ordeal meaningless..........

    The perfect end to the week. If anyone needs me I'll be recovering from alcohol poisoning for the next month.
    If I wanted to be ignored I'd go to work.

  13. #1873
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Caller: I'm calling you about X ticket I have with you
    me: I sent you an email about it last week and hadn't heard back; I was about to close the ticket for lack of response
    Caller: oh, that was to my coworker then
    me: oh, I'm sorry, you didn't introduce yourself
    caller: it's okay, that rat bastard is in Hawaii right now, so no worries

  14. #1874
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Customer: I'm having install problems
    System uptime: 54 days, 23 hours, 57 minutes

  15. #1875
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Tech: I'm getting smartscreen errors when trying to download your software
    Me: Those are false reports. Please disable Smartscreen.
    Tech: What else can I do?
    Me: Use Firefox or Chrome.
    Tech: But I'm getting errors in IE
    Me: Use Chrome or Firefox
    Tech: How can I use IE?
    Me: Disable Smartscreen
    Tech: I don't want to do that, can I use Chrome?

  16. #1876

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Found this gif on imgur, I would love to see the trouble ticket for this

    https://i.imgur.com/H6JmeHw.mp4
    "When you name your baby Jeeves...you've pretty much set up his career for life. You don't see many Hit Men, for example, named Jeeves. "Pardon me sir, but I must wack you now."
    — Jerry Seinfeld

  17. #1877

    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    The irony is that where this ticket is a problem will not end up with its solution outsourced.

  18. #1878
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Ticket subjects from the last 24 hours:

    • HELP
    • PASSWORD
    • NOT OPENING
    • TAX
    • ERROR
    • DIAGNOSTIC
    • CONTACT ME
    • ONE QUESTION (which had 6 inside)
    • CONSULT



    Coworker had
    • HOLDING FOR SUPPORT

    My personal favorite
    • -


    Yes, just a single hyphen as the subject.

  19. #1879
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Isn't it nice when you can send them all back for being shit tickets?
    ------------------------------------------
    I *AM* the Chinpokomon master!

  20. #1880
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    Re: Tales from Techsupport

    Are these self-service tickets raised by the user or something that has been entered (I dare say - investigated?) by your first line team?

    Either way - Boing! said zebedee

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