Tales from Techsupport

[Schezar]

Maybe we should sue the KKK for magic rights infringement. Clearly their wizard is false advertising!

They had the wardrobe, but no fappy. And they were clearly too fat to quad kite anything.

[Mileron]

Product Manager: We need you to fix an issue with a customer.
Me: OK
PM: It'll require a few remote sessions
Me: OK
PM: Unfortunately we were not able to come to an arrangement with your manager to get you off the phone to do it, so you'll need to do it among your other call volume (in the middle of one of the busiest tax seasons of late)
Me: Um... ok
PM: Here's the license information
Me: Um... they have 152 licenses
PM: All of them are having problems
Me: Wait, you want me to fix 152 computers?
PM: Yes



I don't know whether to use the big wtf dude or the Pakled at this point.

[Schezar]

Product Manager: We need you to fix an issue with a customer.
Me: OK
PM: It'll require a few remote sessions
Me: OK
PM: Unfortunately we were not able to come to an arrangement with your manager to get you off the phone to do it, so you'll need to do it among your other call volume (in the middle of one of the busiest tax seasons of late)
Me: Um... ok
PM: Here's the license information
Me: Um... they have 152 licenses
PM: All of them are having problems
Me: Wait, you want me to fix 152 computers?
PM: Yes



I don't know whether to use the big wtf dude or the Pakled at this point.

Tell them to fuck off or get it approved through your manager properly?

[FilanFyretracker]

Product Manager: We need you to fix an issue with a customer.
Me: OK
PM: It'll require a few remote sessions
Me: OK
PM: Unfortunately we were not able to come to an arrangement with your manager to get you off the phone to do it, so you'll need to do it among your other call volume (in the middle of one of the busiest tax seasons of late)
Me: Um... ok
PM: Here's the license information
Me: Um... they have 152 licenses
PM: All of them are having problems
Me: Wait, you want me to fix 152 computers?
PM: Yes



I don't know whether to use the big wtf dude or the Pakled at this point.

does the PM have authority to require you to do something? If not id forward that to your manager, Let them know another department is attempting to steal call time from his department.

[Mileron]

[b]Manager: you were out 3 days last week/this week, you missed the time sheet submission cut off, you need to fill out a form and submit your timesheet via fax
Me: I don't have a fax machine
Manager: go buy one
Me: You want me to spend a hundred bucks for a fax machine that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year?
Manager: get an e-fax service
Me: You want me to subscribe to an e-fax service for 15 bucks to even open an account, let alone a 7-10 dollar monthly fee, that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year? Sure, I can cancel it but still
Manager: Go out on your lunch break and find a mail store to fax
Me: May I take an extended lunch for this?
Manager: No

[Woodja]

[b]Manager: you were out 3 days last week/this week, you missed the time sheet submission cut off, you need to fill out a form and submit your timesheet via fax
Me: I don't have a fax machine
Manager: go buy one
Me: You want me to spend a hundred bucks for a fax machine that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year?
Manager: get an e-fax service
Me: You want me to subscribe to an e-fax service for 15 bucks to even open an account, let alone a 7-10 dollar monthly fee, that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year? Sure, I can cancel it but still
Manager: Go out on your lunch break and find a mail store to fax
Me: May I take an extended lunch for this?
Manager: No

This is why we have proxies set up for our time sheet system so folks don't get screwed around by the management.

[Tinthalas Tigris]

I would go while i was getting paid

[FilanFyretracker]

[b]Manager: you were out 3 days last week/this week, you missed the time sheet submission cut off, you need to fill out a form and submit your timesheet via fax
Me: I don't have a fax machine
Manager: go buy one
Me: You want me to spend a hundred bucks for a fax machine that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year?
Manager: get an e-fax service
Me: You want me to subscribe to an e-fax service for 15 bucks to even open an account, let alone a 7-10 dollar monthly fee, that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year? Sure, I can cancel it but still
Manager: Go out on your lunch break and find a mail store to fax
Me: May I take an extended lunch for this?
Manager: No

Use the company fax on company time. If they expect an employee to fax for work they should provide the fax machine.

[Mileron]

On March 28th, I got an email stating that my ticket related to my prior VPN-like problems will be closed as "Resolved" in ten days. I wait a few days (because busy as fuck) but start testing on 4/2 and find out it's actually not.

On 4/5, I reopen the ticket.

I log in this morning and find an email stating that the ticket has been permanently closed.

Oh HELL NAW.

So I call the Help Desk.

HD: Help Desk tickets close automatically after 3 days. When they are marked as resolved and are automatically closed, they cannot be reopened.
Me: The email states that they automatically close after 10. However, I triggered the "reopen" and apparently it didn't reopen.
HD: You didn't do it within three days.
Me: The email says 10.
HD: You must do it within three days.
Me: Whatever. In any case, this issue isn't resolved.
HD: I'm seeing here you should have received information
Me: Well I didn't. I read him the last six emails I got from anyone related to the ticket on 3/28. Four were automated "this ticket will be closed, here is the last note added"
HD: What was the last note that was added?
Me: Ticket resolved
HD: Is that all it says?
Me: Yes
HD: Oh well that's a problem there
Me: Outside of the fact that the issue's not actually resolved?
HD: Well the last note that I can see indicates that it was suggested by the vendor to replace the hardware you're having a problem with.
Me: Yeah, I can't see that.
HD: You don't have the correct privileges to read the ticket system
Me: Well that's frustrating
HD: So you should be contacting them to receive the new hardware
Me: Contacting whom?
HD: The people in the ticket
Me: The people listed in the ticket that I don't have the permissions to read?
HD: Yes
Me: Would you be able to email that to me?
HD: ... ... Oh.
HD: Hold on, please - this indicates your issue must be troubleshooted separately to determine whether or not you qualify for the replacement hardware.
Me: You mean I need to undergo another two months of troubleshooting? Are you kidding me? This ticket has been open since January 28th.
HD: Since all of the notes are in this original ticket, they may be able to reduce some of the work necessary
Me: You and I both know that probably won't happen
HD: mutters Probably not
Me: Thank you

[Mileron]

2am:
Vendor Rep: We need you to run these troubleshooting steps

6am:
Vendor Rep: Are these steps done yet?

I start at 8am. I log in around 7:50 and see the emails.
Me: Due to my business hours being 8am eastern to 5pm, I did not see the initial email 6 hours prior to my start time. As this is the case, I will not be able to troubleshoot until after 5pm Eastern.

3pm:
Vendor rep: Are these steps done yet?
Me: I will endeavor to complete the requested steps as my business requirements allow within my allotted time in the next 3 business days.

I wonder how many more emails I'll get.

[Bonlainy]

I wonder how many more emails I'll get.

Most likely, a bunch!

[Mileron]

Most likely, a bunch!

Three, again from 1am to 6am on the 12th. I sent the response with an exact description of the problem and "please see prior ticket for serial number and other troubleshooting done"

The next email, naturally, from 2am Sunday was, "What is the serial number of the device". Three more emails, "we have not received the necessary to do the needful". Also on Monday, before 6am Eastern.



I resent it with a reminder, "prior troubleshooting all present in prior ticket".

-==--==-

Customer: So I'm having this issue. Certain information has disappeared from my return.
Me: Information that critical doesn't just disappear. It had to have been deleted.
Customer: THERE'S NO WAY IT WAS DELETED
Me: Okay, That's fine, we can work on it. Can I remote onto your computer for examination or can you send me a copy of the dataset?
Customer: I really need this today so I can submit it, how long is this going to take?
Me: I don't know what the problem is
Customer: Your program is LOSING DATA, how can you fucking NOT understand that
Me: Because you're the only person reporting the problem since it was released
Customer: FINE. I refuse to do a remote session. How do I send this to you?
Me: walk her through the steps and receive the file I can see here that the dataset was created and is being worked on in an older version of the software. What version are you running?
Customer: reports a version from mid-2016 See!
Me: See... what?
Customer: It's because this version is dated 2016! It has to be a problem with the program!
Me: as I'm continuing to examine her data Actually ma'am, if that were the case, we'd have been having calls about it for the last two years, which has not happened. And thanks to your verifying the version information, that lets me doublecheck something... Ah, yes, here we go. The information was in fact deleted manually.
Customer: Wait, what?
Me: Someone deleted it. Perhaps they didn't like the spelling of the name. Or maybe they didn't like the coding of the data. But speculation aside, it was in fact deleted manually. I can restore it, it'll just take me a few minutes.
Customer: I don't see anything happening...
Me: We're not in the midst of a remote session. All changes I'm making are on my copy of the client data. Please give me a few minutes while I finish this up.
Customer: I still don't see why this was deleted...
Me: As best as I can tell, this exact data that I've restored was re-entered. The original name was misspelled, the data was coded incorrectly, and if the person working on it didn't know they could edit it without affecting everything down the line, they must have deleted the whole thing and started over.
Customer: Why?
Me: You'll have to ask whomever worked on this file back in March 2016
Customer: I'm her replacement
Me: I'm glad we're getting this fixed for you going forward
Customer: Me too!