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So, one of my LUSERS brings me their laptop -- "it died on me".
Ok, when did it die?
"Oh, the first week in January."
huh -- you realize it's now like the 4th week in January?
-- "Yeah, died right at the beginning of a meeting".
Ok, well, we'll check it out.
There's a reason step #1 is ALWAYS check to make sure it's plugged in. Oh, and devices tend to just up and "die" when their BATTERIES RUN DEAD.
I hate my life... scratch that... I hate other peoples lives... Mine is good. :evil:
I just thought of an EVEN better one from yesterday to share...
Better because this was a failure of another Tech:
Another luser had called, and was talking to one of our other techs - because the red light for her phone extension stays lit, even when it's hung up - she can pick up the phone, and still get dial tone, and still receive incoming phone calls.
(We have a Toshiba digital telephone system, with digital phones).
Anyways, other tech relays this to me -- My instant response is: Somebody else is using that phone line.
"Nope, nobody using phone line".
Ok - sure whatever, so I go upstairs, look at phone, ok sure "red light on intercom"... When you pick up the handset the next button up lights green... jeee... Somebody else is using your phone line.
Nope, nobody is using it.
"Oh yeah? Look over here, this desk -- this person sitting here on the phone, notice how her 4th button up is lit in Green? That means she's using YOUR phone line."
We've had this exact phone system in this Exact setup for 3 years, and a very similar one for the past 7 years prior to that...
HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS SHIT???????
Especially the other Tech - cause we answer each others phones down here all the time. If I pick up your line, it goes Green on my phone, RED on yours. Wow - rocket science...
Or is that Brain Surgery? whatever...
Friday - user comes to me, "My mouse doesn't work." (This is the fourth time in 2 weeks. He's got his PC as far away from his mouse as possible under his desk.)
Me: Unplug the mouse again, and re-plug it.
He waddles off and comes back 2 minutes later. "Now my keyboard doesn't work."
Me: Did you plug it back in?
Him: Yes.
Me: *walks over to his desk. Finds the keyboard unplugged. Plug it back in. Bink-bing, ta dah.*
I used to do tech support for Verizon Wireless. I once had an irate user call in about not being able to connect to the Internet or something. I quickly deduced that he was speaking of Verizon Online - a completely different company. Despite explaining that talking and yelling at me would be no different than talking with and yelling at a Boeing employee about a Microsoft problem. He stiill didnt get it! This motherfucker would not hang up. I even found Verizon Online's number for him. It took a good few minutes of the innate "I want to talk to the president of your company" idiocy that these typs pull to finally get him off the line. Yeah, so tech support makes you bitter. I no longer do that.
On the flip side, I once had a user call in whispering. She had the sexiest little whisper and I couldn't figure out why she was whispering. She needed a password change she said. We needed the old password to do it. I tell her this and ask her why she's whispering. She says its because she's in a business meeting and then she gives me the password. Sadly, I forget exactly what it was, but it was something like "Blow Job." I changed the password and told her she could call back whenever she liked LOL
I sit pretty near our support team. One of our agents was on the phone with a client. The client didn't understand how to do something in the application, so our agent emailed a script to run along with a screenshot of the tool to use to run the script. Customer calls back claiming the tool wasn't working. He'd click the textbox again and again and it wouldn't work. She connects to him using gotomeeting.com and views his desktop.
He's clicking on the fucking screenshot?!? The one embedded in the email??? Our target market consists of IT pros, A/V pros, and telecom pros. Small business owners. These things happen and you just have to wonder how much people fake their way through life.
A lot. Most people are so dumb that it seems miraculous that our society functions at all. It's as if all the direction comes from a few very active people and everyone else just provides the cash and warm bodies. Cat Herders.Quote:
Originally Posted by Grindel
Sometimes it goes the other way too! A tale from a friend, who works for a web development company that both designs web pages for clients and then offers continued maintenance and support on them:
It's right after the new year. Everyone has gone back to work. After about 10 AM, they start getting flooded with calls from customers. No one can log on to the websites they've bought from them. At first, it was being written off as users being dumb, and they try to walk them through the process of making sure they're allowing cookies and sessions and what-have-you. Still, no one can log in. Doesn't matter what browser. Doesn't matter what type of account. No one can log in. Finally, at about 2 PM, they decide that maybe the customers aren't at fault and they dive into the back end. Their first suspect is that maybe the database providers are down. Nope. Then maybe the user tables are corrupted. Nope. Maybe the web servers are not issuing sessions? Or dropping them randomly? For the entire day, they're fighting this issue. About an hour before the usual quitting time, someone finally notices something odd about the log-in code for one of the pages.
The cookie it sets is set to expire on Jan. 1, 2010. They go through the sites of everyone having this problem and on every single one of them, it's the same.
Every couple years I get to trot out this old gem:
Behold, the Chronicles of George!
Over the past few days I've been dealing with an abusive client that wanted to switch their account from accepting regular web and telephone payments across to recurring payments. No problem, I told him, we just need new details from your bank so you can continue to accept regular payments. No, he says, there is no new number. Just make the switch.
Taz: Fine, but you do realise you won't be able to take any new payments when I do this? (I.e. you business will fail because you can't bring new money in)
Idiot Trader: That's not what my bank told me, they said I can do both. Stop wasting my time and make the switch.
Taz: We will make the change, but it really will mean that you can't take new payments at all. Please speak to your bank again to confirm what they said.
Idiot Trader: You guys never know your shit, I trust my bank more than you. (Why, because I'm telling you something that could stop you going bankrupt?)
Taz: If you like I'll talk to your bank and have them clarify what they said to you.
Idiot Trader: No need, I already spoke to them. Make the damn switch.
I got rid of him at this point and called the bank.
Taz: This trader wants to double up payment types, please tell me you haven't changed how you do things after all these years.
Bank: He's nuts. Oh wait... (My heart sinks) ...seems we did give him both on one account.
Taz: Erm, what? (WTF, we've fired people for mistakes like that)
Bank: Ok, I put it right, he signed an agreement for recurring payments. I've removed the regular payments facility.
Taz: Great. Just so I'm clear on this, he's not authorised to take new payments anymore?
Bank: No, he can still take telephone payments. (I doubletake)
Taz: ...... Didn't you just said you removed it?
Bank: Yes I did. (I'm feeling like I don't want this conversation at this point)
Taz: So his number can only take recurring payments right?? How is he going to take new payments?
Bank: He can take both on the same account. (I think my ear drum just burst)
Taz: So which is it? Are you allowing his to do recurring and new payments on one number now? Why are we hearing about this first from your clients and why is this not coming through the regular channels?
Bank: Erm... He can't do it on both numbers. (it begins to dawn on me that the trader is not the only weak link)
Taz: And he'll have to sign a new agreement with you to do this? (So now I'm doing YOUR job too)
Bank: Yes he will.
I call the idiot trader back and let him know that he DOES need to get another number from the bank.
Idiot Trader: Well that's not what they told me. Thanks for nothing, you are the most obstructive person I've ever dealt with. You'll be hearing from our solicitors. (Hangs up.)
Whatever moron, it's not my problem you spoke to people who can't tell the difference between day and night. Next time you ask us to destroy your business, guess what, I'm going to follow your SIGNED instruction to the letter. Jackass.
I had a guy who dropped his unit off yesterday to another agent and wanted it to be repaired under warranty service because it wouldn't boot. The client paid to have his data backed up before we repaired the unit. No problems, so I go to open up the unit and take out the HDD to back it up since it won't even POST. As soon as I take out the HDD I noticed it was covered in red sticky liquid. Awesome, I sniffed to find it was wine. So I back the unit up and call the guy asking him to come pick up his laptop and back up, I got the VM so I didn't want to get into the wine thing. He came in to pick it up, had a huge argument saying he'd never spilled anything on his laptop. So after 10 minutes of yelling with me, and then with a manager, I opened up the unit in front of him and showed him, even let him smell the wine and told him liquid damage was not covered under the warranty. Then, ass that he is, tells me "oh well I was on vacation last month and my brother was house sitting for me, let me go make a call." He came back and apologized for yelling and he now had to go yell at his brother. Yay for dumb ass customers.
At least he apologized. That's more than I have had many of the same type of customer do.Quote:
Originally Posted by silverblaze
This. There are so many people who loose all their manners when confronted with tech support, and make all sorts of statements that they normally wouldn't.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eremius
I think it's because they feel powerless, and have to take it out on someone. We just happen to be the closest person.
Caller = tech contractor for bank
User = bank person
Caller: "I'm using X Product, which is a specialty product that wraps around yours, with custom installers and DLLs, and when it activates your product, I get Error_001 related to DLL.001."
Me: "Well I dont' support X, so here, I'll send you DLL.001 to replace on your system, and OH here's a DOS command you MUST use."
Caller emails developer of X, XDev emails my DevMgr.
DevMgr visits me. "Fix X Product."
Yeah, right.
I call Caller. Do a remote session.
Me: *types in the DOS command*
Caller: "wow, it works."
No shit, sherlock.
People who complain without even trying the suggested fixes need to have their asses whipped. Especially when they pull that shit about emailing everybody to complain how the fix they never tried isn't gonna work and they demand a fix right now dammit. It's obvious "magical thinking," that they can make anything happen if they just put enough pressure on a technician. It's the equivalent of putting a gun to a witch doctor's head and demanding immortality.
I love the ones who scream their way to the highest exec level in order to put pressure on the people doing the actual work...causing all established processed to get abandoned because of pressure from the lower managers who just want to kiss up to the president. Things get rushed, proper testing goes out the window and a bigger mess results.
Woman calls up on Monday, getting network read/write errors. We have her reboot her computer and "server" (it's not even a server, it's a repurposed workstation.) Seems OK.
She calls back Tuesday, getting memory errors. Reboot, seems OK.
Calls back later Tuesday, getting application errors that I've never seen before, only when doing certain steps. I request a copy of her workfile, as well as some local error logs.
I have no problems accessing the workfile.
The error logs indicate dozens of network errors.
Call her back. "You have network problems." Her reply: "Our network guy isn't in til Friday." Her day is done, she leaves.
Wednesday she calls back, "the problems are getting worse."
Also, one of her coworkers in the background says she's having other network-related server problems.
I remotely control her PC, and install the programs to her local C drive instead of the network drive. Guess what? No errors.
Tech guy calls me today.
Discovered that they are using a Dell Workstation T3500, w/ 3GB memory, dual 7200RPM SATA drives in RAID1... which should have no issues at all as a "repurposed server."
Running the program locally on the Dell works fine.
Set the Avast free Antivirus to exclude the program folder.
I inspected the Event and System logs. Discover that a few recent reboots have left a System log that shows the e-net controller is running HALF DUPLEX.
While he's putzing around with another issue at the same desk he discovers the "server" is connected through an ancient Linksys HUB to the network jack on the wall.
I tell him to re-set the driver to FULL DUPLEX, reboot, and get rid of the damned hub.
I should get a raise for this shit.
And fromt he other end of things I can't tell you how many times I got connected to tech services that were useless or even dangerous. One thing I learned was to hang up and call back when I had a do nothing ignorant techie who just wanted to read from a manual step by step.
Mileron that bit about full duplex instead of half is exactly what I'm talking about. And yeah, I hope your company does value your ability to think of something like that. It's that sort of knowledge and thinking that all too many companies never value in their employees.
Many is the time some techy told me I needed to do a total reinstall of my OS only to find that it was a minor setting adjustment for a new piece of hardware or some other much simpler solution.
"Help"
With what?
"I went to login to my bank website, and it gave me some certificate error"
So?
"What do I do?"
Call your bank, it's not my fucking website.
Client company bought a special server license to allow remote connections.
I send the info to Purchaser.
End-user Tech emails me "help it no worky."
I email her back, "do X Y and Z."
She follows my instructions TO THE LETTER (OMFG SHOCKER)... and it doesn't work.
So I remotely connect to her Admin workstation (with remote connections to the server and a client workstation...)
and discover that she's doing some hinky thing where:
the File server is named SERVER123
but the workstations view drives mapped to it as SERVERX.
And in my instructions, I had indicated for step Z that she needs to add some lines to an INI file that included [SERVERNAME] where "servername" should be the name of the server...
But it turns out that only made the problem -worse- and when I changed [SERVER123] to [SERVERX]... it worked flawlessly.
She wouldn't explain at all how her users are viewing the server with a different name, and didn't care to try, since the issue was resolved.
F'ing techs!
users tend to be dumb 90% of the time, cable tech support gets real gems like "why did you shut off my internet", "your account shows as fully active". customer: "you guys always lie, after every power outage my screen tells me no signal when i turn the screen back on".
I think I was just on the most unprofessional phone call ever... the tech guy who called me kept putting me on hold and answering other calls instead of addressing the problem. 80 minute call, 15 minutes of actual troubleshooting.
Win7 workstation, 2003 server.
Drive letter F is mapped through login scripts, and is accessible via My Computer.
When installing the product, the program doesn't recognize the network mapped drive. Says "media disconnected."
When running my product, the program doesn't recognize the network mapped drive. Various errors saying UNC path errors or "media disconnected."
The user who is logged in is not in the system's user group.
When logging out then back in as local system admin, the program doesn't recognize the network mapped drive.
Not my problem!
Seriously? How can you be so clueless about an essential part of a business you own?Quote:
Support:
I have an consultent working with me on the custom software being built for <a domain>.com. He doesn't what to ssh or ftp the server, he just want's a website to show him what is working and what pages are on the server.
Is there a link I could give him? Like a directory link?
The email from the consultent:
I want to see what he has that works. I don't need to see the files. Something should be at <servername>.<host>.com/name_you_can_access
Thank you for your help!
<Clueless User>
<Company Name>
Dammit--would a mod fix my closing quote?Quote:
Originally Posted by Eremius
Thursday - one of my company's web providers decides to migrate a website to a new server - without telling us - and also breaking DNS on it for more than 2 days.
Monday - DNS now resolves back to the website, however, the ISP decides to enforce a service-wide password change - again without telling us.
Monday afternoon - our webmistress decides to update information on the website, and screws that up, whereby instead of having the correct URL paths for the documents/downloads, she instead leaves her in-office network path (ie file: info) and breaks the website for a further 45-50 minutes.
And considering this company deals in TAX SOFTWARE during TAX SEASON at the beginning of TAX WEEK... you can imagine the number of frustrated people we talked to.
I had a customer who owns an out-of-home tax business complain to me that her DSL was down. I explained to her that I was not equipped to handle residential services on the weekends (company policy), at which point she yelled, bitched, screamed at me that the line serves a business, and since it is tax season, she's working around the clock and needs her line up right now. Queue the 10 minute conversation with irate customer about the differences of paying for a business class service and using a residential class service for business purposes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
In the end, turns out she was two months behind on her 15 dollar a month bill, and we had shut her off for non-payment.
My favourite though, is as follows:
Customer:
Hi, I need help using your service that I just bought.
Me:
Of course. What service do you have through us? Or, you can give me the Customer ID or business name that you're calling under and I can look you up.
Customer:
It's this 'work at home' thing I downloaded off your website. I'm just a housewife, no business. I just wanted to make some money using your program.
Me:
Ma'am, we don't sell services off our website, and we certainly don't have any 'work-from-home' deals.
Customer:
Bullshit, I downloaded this free trial and it told me to contact you for support, and here I am.
Me:
Okay, but what I'm telling you is that we don't offer that service. We are a managed services and colocation facility; we don't do sell gimmick products over our website.
Customer:
Fine, whatever, if you don't want to help me, just refund my money.
Me:
Excuse me, but what money?
Customer:
I paid a $1.30 to download your free trial. I want it refunded to the credit card I used.
Me:
So... wait... you paid for a free trial?
Customer:
That's right, and I want my money back!
Me:
Ma'am, at this point I have to suggest that you contact your bank and look for any fraudulent charges on your account. I guarantee you that my company has nothing to do with your program, and highly suspect you were caught by a scam. I'll look further into it, but can tell you right here and now that you will not get any money from us, since we never charged you.
That kind call happened about five times over the course of a single weekend. Some were more willing to believe they were scammed, a couple truly thought I simply did not want to refund their one dollar, thirty cents back to them. A bit later, we found out that some scammers set up a bogus 'make-money-at-home!' site and used my company's contact information for support. We fielded those calls for about two weeks before the bogus site was finally taken down.
"There is never a good reason to hang up on customers, no matter how abusive they are." -- The Management
Old men with estrogen poisoning, who want to rant and rave about some relatively minor aspect of the service, instead of focusing on troubleshooting the root problem.
Cable TV customers who can't understand the concept of being on the correct input, and call at least once a month to have a tech walk them through the "source / input" button, or point them in the general direction of channel 3.
Idiots all around me. Two "experts" working on an e-mail for 10 minutes, trying to send it, failing. One of them (my old fart co-worker, I'm sure I've ranted about him before) says "oh I think we need to change transmission protocol for this to work... right Mr. Ronaan?
I blink a few times, say "uuuhhh no. let me have a look at that". Meanwhile the other person, who doesn't even work for our company, tries to click around on the computer. bad mistake.
Me: "EXcuse me, mind if I take a look at that?"
Her: "Oh no need to get so aggressive..."
I look at the open outlook "new mail" window and first thing jumping into my face is that the e-mail-adress contains no @ sign... but a € instead.
Fuckssake some people should stick to letters. On paper.
It wouldn't be that bad if they just admitted to not having any clue, but "oh hey we have to change transmission protocol for this one" is just wtf all over.
I love that "aggressive" accusation, like "yeah, lady, I'm protecting my client's property, if I was a bank security guard you'd be rinsing pepper spray out of your bangs about now."
I got the backlash of it today... the recipient of said mail called and stated he couldn't read the attached .docx file.
Yeah no shit, it's word 2007 ... update your system.
I won't even TRY to teach Mr. "oh these newfangled computer things make office work so hard" how to change it to a standard .doc, or, what would be the smart thing to do, .pdf
I just sit there and do the work myself, happily humming the tetris soundtrack to myself.
He could also install the Office Compatibility Pack if he doesn't want to fork out the moola.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronaan
Yeah that's what I had in mind. I think it's even among the recommended updateds once you have office below 2007 installed anyway...Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
I notice far too often people don't even read what the computer is trying to tell them.
"My computer won't work"
"So what does it say?"
"Nothing"
"Why doesn't it work then?"
"Well there's a box asking me to talk to my administrator"
"What were you trying to do?"
"Oh nothing"
right...
usually by then they get to the issue... "oh I was trying to install (random software they shouldn't be installing)"
asshats, the bunch of them. If you want me to help you, at least give me as much information as possible. You can read, right?
I actually think that job might be fun.
For one day, give or take 23 hours.
Oh it's fun most of the time, but sometimes it's just that time of the month where the moon aligns wrong and everyone switches to stupid-mode.
Some guy got a new machine yesterday, got 2 calls already, "oh I wanted to install VLC" and "I wanted to install OpenOffice", both stuff we don't use, or else I would have installed it when preparing the machine...
And lately viruses (virii?) have started to pop up. Fuck people bringing their damned trojan-riddled $15 mp3-players from home. Fuck them. With a Primal Velium Brawlstick.
(our managed antivirus catches them, but whenever one of their machines goes from green to red I go from normal to green... hulk smash!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charbok
Oh.
My.
God.
That is mothereffing BRILLIANT.
The next app I write for anything is going to include a module that checks external IP to a geolocation service, obtains the ISP info and outputs their contact information under the "Help and Support" info.
:evil:
"Yeah, my computer doesn't work... won't do anything - came up this morning just fine, I logged in, but now I can't do anything...
So, I shut it down, and it's just been sitting here on this "saving your settings" thing for 15 minutes now."
Ok.. so, I head over there, no HDD activity sitting at saving your settings... I press and hold the power button.
"That doesn't work either"...
BEUMP! computer off... "well, it didn't work for me".
You didn't hold the button long enough.
So, get the computer rebooted - get it up to the login prompt, ask my user to login. She sits down - types her password... "your account has been locked... see your administrator".
Well, fortunately, I was right there - so I login as an admin account - pull up the Active Directory tools, unlock the account... log out -
ask the user to login again.
"oh no, you took my user name out of there -- now I never remember what it is."
firstname.lastname
"Oh, that never works"
first.last
"no, it's got something with my middle initial in there"
why are you arguing with me on this... EVERYBODY is firstname.lastname -- yours is janet.stupidhead
"Ok, I'm just saying that doesn't work"
TADA! It worky!
---
OK - so we run the Phone system too - We have a Toshiba Strata CIX 670 Digital telephone system, our trunks are 2 24 channel PRI T-1's
Our Toshiba Strategy Voicemail system is also digital, and has a "call record" feature - for when you deal with Unruly people, you press the little button - it records direct into your voicemail.
So, one of the Reception desks has been complaining about the call treatment - They would have calls come in, nobody would answer, or 8-10 calls would come in all at once, and then call would go to voicemail.
"Well, we can't have that, because it goes to MY voicemail, and if I'm not there, nobody checks it" --
Your kidding me right? Well, I can shutdown the call forwarding during the day, which means it will ring, and ring and ring and ring - until either you answer it, or they get tired of the ringing in their ears.
"Ok - lets do that".
That conversation happened Thursday...
Friday now, I get "oh, we've got to put it back the way it was!" -- Because calls come in, and I'm trying to play voicemails back into my little white thing, and the ringing interrupts them.
What little white thing? --
"Well, I have this little white thing that I plug into the phone, and then plug the other end into the tape recorder I play the voicemail, and record to tape, then I can playback the tape - to transcribe it."
Are you fucking kidding me? Why do you people not ask us how we can do things? No, we'll just go out and buy things, and plug them in - and sure they'll work. but still really????
So, we take a digital recording, convert it to analog, playback at normal speed recording to another analog format - play back again this time listening to it and transcribe it... wow...
Here's what we gonna do... How would you like to get an email with the voicemail as a .wav file attachment - (by the way, they do do Digital transcription too) -- and then we load that .wav file up in your other transcription software -- and then you can just type it straight there --
Know what that means? YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLAY IT multiple times to listen to it ONCE! WOWZERS!
and all it would have taken would have been a simple phone call saying "This is how we do things -- Is there a better way"?
Customer: I was just on hold with the most horrible hold music after one of your comrades put me there...
Me: I'm sorry if your transfer was unannounced, how can I help you?
Customer: I just want to put your software on my new computer, and the last person told me I couldn't
Me: Well, if you'll give me a moment I'll look up your info
(a few botched attempts at getting her to speak English later, so I can look up her info. There's a call time-stamped 2 minutes before mine)
Me: Well ma'am, it looks like your licenses were cancelled over the past few years... One product in April 2007, the other in October 2009. At the time of cancellation (I read according to the notes) you were informed that reinstallation, support, registration, and updates would not be allowed.
Customer: But I paid for the damn software!
Me: Yes, but you are not paying for support or updates, which includes reinstallation on a new system...
Customer: Your damn program might have changed, but the laws haven't, so I didn't pay for it! I just want it on a new system!
(back and forth for 4 minutes about this, her not paying, etc)
Me: Ma'am, I'm going to get you in contact with Sales, as this is no longer a Support issue. Please give me a moment to find the correct number for you...
(I can't find the transfer queue in the phone directory, so I pick the next closest one. Meanwhile, she's ranting about how this is BS, she paid for her software, she hates dealing with this F-in company that keeps buying out all the good software, etc)
Me: Ma'am, I can hear you
(customer continues to rant)
Me: Ma'am, I can hear you. Please hold.
(So I finally put her on hold and get her off my phone.)
Yeesh.
Wait, she bought software from your company and your license requires them to pay continuously for "updates," which also just happens to encompass the mere reinstallation of the original package? You guys are monsters, I hope she sues your company into oblivion, your company deserves to die a slow and painful death for having such a shitty shitty license. I am fairly certain that in California, a customer could legally own your testicles after you pulled that.
My thought was "wow, if she has the software and just needs a code to put it on a new machine, give her the code." Are you guys worried she'll have two instances of the software running on two different machines or something?
From Mileron's earlier comment about working for a company that sells tax software and the customer's complaint that "the laws haven't changed" I'm guessing we're talking about an income tax code, accounting standards, or possibly a legal library service subscription, and not your typical EULA and software license arrangement.
It is standard to sell concurrent user licenses limiiting how many individual users can research online the materials. It often is a bit more than a simple regurgitation of the raw IRC or FASB or state laws. The companies are marketing the search functions, editorial content, and continous and timely updates to these professional materials.
You're not paying for a one-shot software arrangement. You're paying for the maintenance of a library's worth of reference materials.
Dunno if that is truly the case here, or if that affects certain viewpoints about 'legality' expressed here...
Basically, yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gidizlo
It's even in the EULA.
Spoiler for license:
Spoiler for deliverables:
Spoiler for term:
The woman had licenses for Product #1 through 2007, which she canceled (per Term.)
She had licenses for Product #2 through October 2009, which she canceled (per Term.)
At that point, I'm no longer obligated to provide support.
It's similar to buying Turbotax. You get one year's worth of filings/forms, then need to rebuy a new version of the software next year.
The difference is, Turbotax is a one-shot, generally single-return program. Ours are not.
The purchase price for Product #1, let's say, is $1000 for the initial purchase.
The annual renewal is more like 60-75% of the initial purchase price, depending on the specific product.
From what I understand from the EULA, my company could go after HER ass for continuing to use the software after her licensed period.
I see, you get to shirk most of your responsibilities as a service company to do anything more than help customers over the phone to self-guide themselves while performing their OWN services and still pretend to have an actual product you're selling instead of a semi-automated service. Why pay you for half-assed software when just sending their paper to an accountant for the full-service treatment is probably cheaper and more reliable?
She was the accountant. She shirked her duties to continue to pay for her subscription (which includes support and reinstallation).Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
It's like car insurance. If I were to stop paying for my insurance, I wouldn't expect to be covered if I got in an accident.
but your car still starts?
You may not like it, but that kind of EULA is pretty common in professional grade high end software. Just off the top of my head I know it exists for stock systems, real estate, legal references, medicine, and architecture. Pretty much any field that has a library of data coming out every year. The alternative is to hire a group of minions and lease a large enough space to have your own library on hand.
Right. Currently we have no capability to cause software to cease working when the subscription period has expired.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
So the software still works. Great - it needs to (IRS regs I think? I'm not sure.).
There have been situations where users have moved over to a competitor (or have moved from a competitor to us) and have needed to access older returns for audits, and (I think by law, I'm not sure) we have needed to grant access to an expired license (especially in the case of moving the software to a functioning system.). Typically there is a nominal fee, but there's this long legalese contract that states something like "you are going to use this temporary re-initialization of your license for the single purpose of auditing X client file".
I remember getting a call from one company who paid that fee, we helped them get set up to access the old data, they called back 3 months later having still used the software to generate further returns (separate from the original, contracted client data) and they were charged retroactively.
With tax software, isn't that "library" essentially the federal and state tax codes themselves? As with my current company's financial data services, we provide them using datasets such as FDHA databases supplied by the federal government on disc for a nominal fee. But then again, we don't rip people off by offering our service as do-it-yourself software, we provide our customers with accounts to access secure web front ends and we also supply large arrays of computers to run their queries on, invisibly to our customers at the back end. All they know is that they input their question's parameters and they get their answer right away, or else one of us WILL be awoken from our beds at any hour by cell phone to repair whatever needs repairing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Schezar
But what you guys seem to provide is a tiny part of that service, and a load of expectations that your customers will pick up your slack. Lousy service, dude. Your company's business model sucks donkey balls.
Well, my company doesn't sell software so I'll assume you mean Mileron there. I was just pointing out that for quite a few fields that kind of software with that kind of EULA is the norm. Hell, if you call Microsoft's tech support for any reason whatsoever you better have a paid contract or a credit card handy.
Back on topic:
Seriously?? You are too fucking stupid to google this?Quote:
hi there,
i have a favicon to add to domainiamtoostupidtomanage.com and the subdomains. how do i go about this?
thanks
brett
And fuck you Ali for bring lmgtfy.com to my attention. Now it is a constant temptation.
Yeah, I did. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Schezar
And I am not talking about providing free tech support on the phone, I am talking about not locking you out of a reinstallation of some software you probably paid thousands for.
Muhuhahahahaha! EVILE!Quote:
Originally Posted by Eremius
Yes, however, you have a choice - you can reference a dozen or more books to get the information you need, or you can use our software to do a lot of it for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
You still need to do the entries of stocks/bonds/securities/etc to get the shit onto the form, though.
I'm not going to argue about it with you. Your opinion is your own. Your assumptions about what my immediate company does or the products it provides are incorrect.Quote:
But what you guys seem to provide is a tiny part of that service, and a load of expectations that your customers will pick up your slack. Lousy service, dude. Your company's business model sucks donkey balls.
And I'm not going to give more specific examples because I don't want to identify my parent company any more than I already have. It's just that big.
Just take my posts to this thread as all the others - stupid customers not listening to the tech who knows what he's doing - and leave it that.
Thanks.
I'm getting the feeling that Mileron works for the company that bought mine out and canned us all, sending me to grad school!
I worked for a company that did that *and* had the ability to lock the software entirely *AND* the only person that could re-activate the license was the single head developer *~AND~* it regularly broke it's own licensing scheme and stopped working when you had a valid, current, paid-up license *~*AND*~* when it quit working the single major most-important function for every company that had the software was completely unavailable until the developer got around to dialing in or getting someone over there with an internet connection.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
As you can imagine, this was a severe pain, especially as some of the clients who purchased the software had contracts with the U.S. Government and couldn't let any of their machines with this data on it have access to the WAN.
It got to the point where every one of the on-site IT Techs and the software support people had individual lists of unique keys that they had to try one-by-one (255 character string - hand entering only) until one of them worked, then manually update a master list via e-mail or ftp.
The reason the app broke it's own licenses so often (we're talking multiple times a week here)? The database storing the information for each copy of the application (local to each application server) had NO PRIMARY KEYS AND NO TABLE RELATIONSHIPS. The developer decided to let the binary handle it all and then left the sa username and password as cleartext in the registry.
:angry:
God, I got out of that place SO FREAKING FAST that I almost lit the floor on fire when the official notification came out that the licensing scheme was "complete" and "no further changes to the licensing system were slated at this time.".
$3,000 a license and it had to run on quad core servers with at least 3 gigs of ram but would NOT run on a 64 bit OS and each location needed at least one copy for each device managed by it and the devices ran from $20,000 to $100,000 a pop.
:grinno:Quote:
The SMTP server “<domain.com>” rejected the password for user “(null)” Please re-enter your password, or cancel.
my computer is requesting the above.... what is the password for this?
Friday night! Time for stupid to rear its ugly head!
Oh, the password for the "(NULL)" account is the square root of negative one.
Passwords must be more than one character so i doesn't qualify.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
Express i in binary then. There are 10 kinds of people, those who express their numbers in binary, and those who don't.
No. :grinno:Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
1101001Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
When I want something from a character table, I'll ASCII!
:p
Boooo !
Newbie here.
I love this forum. I was having a bad day, found this forum. This is perfect.
Let's just say I will be here daily b/c these users here are golden ridiculous...seriously. I've got the type of user that will go all out to learn how to work the iphone, Ipad and any other toy but when it comes to work related applications, hardware capabilities..etc..their brains seem to go in the off position.
Welcome to graffes. There are some turds in the field here, but kicking them can be strangely satisfying.
thanks for the welcome.Quote:
Originally Posted by Grindel
Day already started. I just had several user set up with desktop scanners. Scanners mind you. This one user who is a complete air headed asks me "does the scanner PRINT in color?"
me: "what?" {yes i've lost all customer service skills and don't even care how I reply to users now which is bad}
her: "when I scan, will it print in color?"
me: "it's a scanner" "it scans, it doesn't print!"
her: "if I scan this document, will it print in color?"
me: "if you scan a blk/wht document and try to print to our color laser printer..NO I WON"T PRINT IN COLOR!"
her: "so if I scan it, it won't?"
me: {thinking about my resume..etc}
I am not making this sh*t up either. This is real guys. I've come to the conclusion I've done all I can here and I'm really holding myself back. It's time to go federal job where at least I have ONE title and ONE hat to put on instead of 5 plus dealing with this non sense. Seriously IamTired.
Ok... somebody's never worked for the Government before...Quote:
federal job where at least I have ONE title and ONE hat
I have. It's a long story.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
I'm exp enough to know there will always be dumb issues, users..etc. my thing is structure and organization. I'm not a control freak, but I realize there I at least was able to enforce and deploy just that.
Out here for 10 years...nope. All politics and "culture" "atmosphere"..etc. I've noticed between the two both can be complete disasters, but like I said..at least I called the shots.
I'm talking from a top management level...director/ CISO level
LMAO. This is hilarious. lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Install Snagit and remove every other printer on their PC. "See, it's printing in color! I'm sorry, but we're paperless these days. If you want a paper copy of your printout it will require additional hardware."Quote:
Originally Posted by IamTired
I love snag it. Great tool. I have them all set to scan to folder on the network. That was like pulling teeth.Quote:
Originally Posted by Grindel
I had a fun call today
her: I need 60 comma 60-xl ink. It's for an HP printer. I need to know the price.
me: Ma'am we don't care 60-xl ink.
her: it's 60 comma 60-xl!
me: We don't carry the 60-xl ink, but give me a moment and i'll get a price check on the 60 ink cartridges
I go check, black is 13.86 and colour is around 18.
me: Black is 14 and colour is 18.
her: but I need 60 comma 60-XL
me: Ma'am, those are two different printer cartridges. The 60-XL is meant for quality pictures while the 60 is meant for more general use.
her: Well, what's the comma for?
me: to let you know you can use either/or.
her: oh.
The Managing Director of an affiliated firm sent someone in our company a mail today, with a letter attached.
Or so it seemed.
The mail proxy filtered the attachment and informed the recipient about it.
Upon closer inspection, the file removed was named "whatever_name.LNK"
lrn2attach...
Ah yes - Email the Bane of my existence, this is the email I received this morning:
Immediately following - I received an email from <name redacted to protect the stupid>.Quote:
I received this email this morning, When I talked to <Name redacted to protect the stupid> about it she indicated that she had sent it yesterday morning. Can you investigate and find out why it took so long?
Signed, Pointy Haired Boss
And you couldn't have told the Boss that? Instead he has to email me to "investigate" a non-problem you already know about????Quote:
This was the last message I sent before shutting down my system yesterday morning blah blah, irrelevant garbage telling me why somebody was in a hurry to leave so they shutdown outlook before the message transmitted from the Outbox to the server...
Few Gems from the last few day.
(I was receiving and error on exchange regarding activesync and one user, so I called him to re sync his phone)
User: I got your vmail, what's the problem?
Me: I'm getting an error on email server. I need you to delete your account on your phone and add it again to troubleshoot!
User: Why is it giving an error?
Me: I don't know, that's why I need to blow away your account on phone and add it again to see if it stops
User: What does the error on the server say?
Me: {thinking to myself} ..."there is no way in hell you will understand this" ..I read the error in technical fashion
User: I don't know what that means
Me: {thinking} no sh*t sherlock.
Another Gem ( I deal with a lot of remote sites/users here)
User calls in: my laptop is slow, I'm busy, I can't have this happen to me, I'm important...yadda ,yadda
Me: {I waste no time} what did you install on it?
User: I didn't install anything. It's just slow, I can't work under these conditions..etc
Me: {thinking} where is my support rep? Oh he's out today.
User: I'll be flying in tomorrow so you guys can take a look at it then.
Next day the user clearly avoids me and hands it off to my support specialist to look at.
I see the exec with the issue finally that day.
Me: where is your laptop?
User: I handed it off to {tech}
Me: ok
I go find the tech and he's running malware and doing everything else on it
Me to tech: Go to my computer, then C: then properties, I want to see something
we look at the C drive, user has 400MB free on a 250 Gb hd system that wasn't even a year old.
Me: check music, video's..etc
exec downloaded all the series of some tv show ..etc on the system. Around 150GB worth and another 50+ in music.
I deleted it all. I was later admonished for doing it by the "boss man" here. This is after I explained how this is the reason your exec couldn't get anything done. His own doing..not our systems. I was later told "well you don't understand what it's like to work on the road/travel..etc"
See the sh*t I deal with here. Want me to run the I.T.program , have policies and procedures ..etc in place and enforce them but DON"T at the same time. I was actually told by the "leader" "I feel you are trying to run your own program here" ....I'm thinking to myself "now I see exactly why it took you guys SO LONG to find an IT manager...wow"
IamTired
My company, amongst other services, does colocation. A representative for a vendor of ours (they sell electronic vaulting services) calls and informs us that they had lost connection to a colocation server, and he'd like for us to reboot it.
We have fairly strict policies (SAS 70 certified, yay!), so I inform the vendor that he's not qualified to ask for that. I get no flak, he understands, but is good friends with the customer and he's on vacation. I say that I can look at the cabinet, see if I can physically spot anything wrong, but can't even so much as hook up a monitor without authorization from the customer. Cool beans so far.
I look at the lone server in their cabinet, and it's obviously power cycling itself. Every 45 seconds or so it simply reboots. Neat.
We manage to get a hold of the customer, and explain the situation to him.
Cust: "Well, I'm out of state right now, could you reboot the server for me so our vaulting services are restored?"
Me: "I think you have bigger issues than your backups. Your server is already rebooting itself. I'll need to hook up a monitor to see exactly why."
Cust: "Okay, do that please."
So I do so, disable the Windows Auto-reboot Upon Failure setting, and find out that the hard drive is probably corrupted and Windows refuses to load to "preserve the integrity of the data". I call back the customer and inform him that the server requires, at the very least, a chkdsk, and possibly something a bit more extensive, and he should get a tech down here. His reply?
Cust: "Sure. In the mean time, could you reboot the machine?"
Me: "Well, I could, but it's been doing that constantly for the past hour. One more time isn't going to help."
Cust: "I really need Windows to load."
Me: "That's why you need to get a tech down here."
Cust: [pause] "So a reboot isn't going to help?"
Wowzers... Yeah, some people seem to think if they reboot enough times it'll auto-majikally fix itself...Quote:
Cust: [pause] "So a reboot isn't going to help?"
I've had some of our users call up "Yeah, I'm getting this error, so I rebooted, got the error again, so I shut it down again, and I've done that 6 times, and it's still not working...
Ok yeah - Sure Reboots, can fix alot of minor errors, and it never hurts to reboot... But serious? 6 times? Ok once, is an aberration - twice is a pattern, 3 times is a Trend..
Sure, if you get an error - make note of the error & what you were doing -- and reboot -- if that fixes the problem, Great... If it doesn't call us... don't keep rebooting time after time after time hoping your "stuck bit" is going to miraculously go away after rebooting that magic number of 18 times.
The magic number is 42 of course.
Another Gem, {sometimes I do get a laugh here and there}
Remote rep: "hey, can I have my emails forwarded to another email address while i'm on vacation?"
me: "no!" "that is why we have it on the web, so you can go to any browser to access it anywhere!"
Remote rep: "I know, but it's a lot easier if I just had it forwarded to another email, so I can see them all there instead of logging in everything."
me: {silence}
Remote rep: "hello?"
me: "I'm still here"
Remote rep: "I don't understand why you can't do this, the other place I worked at...{me cutting user completely off now}
me: "have you read the email policy that I sent you when I set up your email box?"
Remote rep: "yes I understand the...{me cutting user off again}
me: {in my robot I.T. automated response voice that everybody NONE I.T. hates} "you can check your email online using our web link anywhere...etc" LOL
Remote rep: "thanks..no problem!"
me: "have a nice day!" LMAO
"So, who's the expert on this program"?
me: Nobody.
"Well, who do I need to talk to then?"
Me: about what?
"well, I'm having this problem..."
me: Ok, so, what is the nature of the problem?
"Well, I've got this audio file, and you know how we record our meeting every week, and then I have to move it from the computer to the Network drive, and then I have to convert it to a .wav so I can burn it to an audio CD".
Me: Yeah, so, what's the problem?
"Well, I've tried that conversion 5 or 6 times, and each time it gets like 90% done, and then gives me this error, can you come take a look at it"?
me: What's the Error?
"Oh, network location\blah\blah\blah out of disk space. -- What does that even mean"?
Me: It means your server is out of Disk space...
"Well, how in the hell does that happen"?
me: We have a finite resource, disk space... You have used all of this finite resource. You've got 5 years of recordings, thousands of digital pictures. 10's of thousands of word documents, Random databases, and who knows what other shit. You are out of room.
"I don't understand".
me: How long are you required by law to keep those recordings?
"I don't know".
me: Is there any OLD data you don't use we can remove?
"I don't know".
You have to talk to technically-illiterate people in simple analogies. Tell him that the server is like a filing cabinet and theirs is stuffed so full of files they can't cram another one in, so they will have to choose some of the files to take out of the cabinet and put into a sort of file storage box like the ones Iron Mountain provides. If he has trouble understanding THAT, then ask him if his Mommy or Daddy are available to speak on the phone...
It boggles my mind on how 80% of my support calls are from the same 20% of the users. I have the same users call me practically everyday for the last 10 years. My most frustrating one is the woman who forwards me her emails every time she gets a PDF attachment and asks me to print it because she can't open it when I showed her yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and the day before that how to open them herself.
User call: When I print this report, 95% of the tax forms come out as completely blank sheets of paper. Certain continuation schedules (which are ascii-generated) print fine.
Me: Let me talk to your tech.
Tech: What's wrong?
Me: Explains. I need you to reinstall the app.
They call back 45 minutes later. Problem's still happening.
Tech: I removed the user's shortcut and recreated it.
Me: Um... (I said to REINSTALL) You need to reinstall the application from the website to replace what sounds like broken form files.
Tech: Okay, I'll uninstall...
Me: NO. Just reinstall. Do not remove anything.
Tech: I'll call back if there's problems...
Now, I wish I could share the last 2 years of calls with this guy. We've provided him with documentation, screenshots, we've remoted into his environment and repaired multiple nested installs including finding missing client data... We've done everything short of sending a tech to his office to fix his setup, but the problem is, he's clueless and doesn't do what we tell him.
So in between these two calls, one of our App support ladies "loses" her phone app setup info. I go over to her desk, and basically all she needs to do is reinsert her phone credentials.
They're printed RIGHT ON THE PHONE. She can't find them. (wtf.)
And a cooling unit in our server room decided to solidly frost over, causing the fan to seize and the temps to crest 80 degrees. I shut it down, defrosted it, and sent yet another round of pictures - 3 seizes in 7 weeks - to the office VP... but nothing'll happen because the last 11 times the HVAC group was out here to fix it, all they do is charge the freon and won't repair "a microscopic hole in the coolant line."
And this was all between 7:45 and 10:30.
Damn..that sucks.....sounds like one of those days. I had a tech employed here that was just like the one you described. Literally had A-Z troubleshooting steps with snag it captures and all yet he somehow would still not be able to resolve issues simply because he didn't refer back to the archives where pretty much all these issues were logged and resolved with A-Z CLEAR AS DAY notes. wow.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
I'm literally sitting here staring at my screen blown away by the latest request thrown my way via the ceo.
One of those "I already told you why we can't (insert latest request here) because you guys always want to take the cheap way out BUT want a space shuttle built anyway!" deals.
You guys ever get to the point where you understand your position and role in the I.T. world....meaning you know people aren't too savvy with technology...etc...yet someway, somehow, no matter what your past, experiences, titles...etc that there are just some places (this is that place) that are simply a lost cause?
I'm just rambling now. May the LORD be with me though, for I applied for an opportunity just recently where I'd cry if I got offered the role. Literally I'd cry tears of joy.
I just feel my time here is up guys. Time to bigger and better
Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed... :banghead:
Knock man page (for the uninformed)Quote:
Originally Posted by clueless client
[QUOTE=Eremius;1612409]Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed... :banghead:
Quote:
Originally Posted by clueless client
Very sure as we are discussing FTP access.Quote:
Originally Posted by Filthy
People who can't even read their own email without having someone print it out on paper for them are always certain that they know better about how the technical side of things works than you're giving them credit for, and are sure that you're just being obstructive when you tell them that they're insane and that they should come back with their stupid requests when we have phasers and transporters.Quote:
Originally Posted by IamTired
You know, calling someone who can't work his own phone and who, while having the best computer in the company, has never used it for anything other than web surfing, STUPID like that under your breath is SO HURTFUL. It makes those guys feel stupid. Even if they just imagined you saying it through those clenched teeth of yours, Mister Smarty Brainiac Who Can Set His Own Tivo!
MOD ABUSE!Quote:
This message has been deleted by Grindel.
Reason
Eremius asked me to in a PM
Today, PDF user called me a genius. She called me because she turned on "Track Changes" in Excel yesterday and today all her changes are gone. Hours and hours of work.
Me: Do you see next to where it says Track Changes.
PDF User: yes.
Me: ok, change it from Original version to Final Version.
PDF User: OMG you are a genius.
Who says IT workers don't get recognition? :\
Don't you wish they could all be that easy and rewarding?
I had a co-worker in training put an IT ticket in for the following...
Asked them to install the new version of a shipping software off a cd. Went about doing some other things to come back to the person questioning why the cd wasn't working. Well... they put the cd in the computer. Literally. Right between the disc drive and the case. Thought it was like an in dash cd system for a car. ~.~
The IT folks never bothered to close the ticket, every now and again I go back and look at it for a laugh. ^^
I had a user that mashed a 3,5" disc halfway into a 5 1/4" drive - ruining the drive and the disc in the process. I asked him, politely if he didn't think something was wrong since he had to use so much force to get it in there. He didn't.Quote:
Originally Posted by Advent
You REALLY have to smash a disc to get it that far in :rofl:
Had a user who regularly would use her PC as a footstool... And she broke the CD tray, trying to install some training material, so when the tray snapped off, she threw it out, and popped off the bay cover below it, thinking there was another CD drive "hidden there" (her: "well the door folds down on the one on top, why wouldn't the bottom one too?" me: what bottom one? her: "the bottom CD"...) and she put a CD in there, which just fell inside and rested inside the empty drive bay...Quote:
Originally Posted by Advent
I once bumped my head on someone's open CD drive at a LAN party. Thankfully I didn't break it, but there were a couple tense moments of panic.
I had a couple customers do that with a lap top they wanted to return. The CD had gotten wedged between the drive and the laptop, all the way in there. Using a screw driver I was able to take it out. Keep in mind, I work at a retail outlet and computer repair is not one of our services.Quote:
Originally Posted by Advent
From the relative positioning of your head and the CD tray, it sounds suspiciously like a LAN ORGY! :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Sehra
It's true: I give good ethernet cable.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
Recommendation: Once you've inserted the connector, leave it connected for a little while before you go unplugging it again!
:rofl:Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
Ok, so none of your FTP accounts are working, on any of your servers. Definitely seems likely that each of them is having *exactly* the same problem instead of the problem being with the one commonality they have, you. Yep, very likely.Quote:
In fact all servers seem to have this problem now.. Dreamweaver cant connect to any of the servers now. Something must have changed at <your company>
Yeah, it's really fucking weird that giving an ftp site more than TWO FUCKING SECONDS to connect from Holland to Miami MIGHT help the situation. :hulk:Quote:
Originally Posted by much stupidity later