Tales from Techsupport

So I get a call mid-week last week from the vendor rep.
VR: So, how is the status?
Me: It still sucked as of our conversation. So on 3/15, I bypassed the company-supplied hardware and connected the laptop directly to my modem. Then I used VPN to get access to the office network.
VR: And?
Me: Turns out the VPN runs more than 10 times faster than the company hardware. Where it would take me 20+ minutes to download a 20MB file while using the CH box, I can get it in under 2 minutes using the VPN.
VR: Really?

Attachment 5717

VR: We have run the tests and cannot determine speed issues with CH. But you say it is that much faster
Me: I can take screenshots and speedtests if you need
VR: hesitates I believe you. I will also follow up because I do not think it will be cost effective to replace your unit unless actual defecture is discovered.
Me: Understood and thank you.
VR: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Me: Yeah, can you PLEASE put a note in the file for troubleshooting to stop occurring during my working hours? I've had several calls disconnected due to the CH and phone spontaneously restarting itself.
VR: I will do so

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

December (2016):
Customer's Project Leader: We're starting a Disaster Recovery scenario soon

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So I get an email from CPL this morning

CPL: We need someone to be available for this year's Disaster Recovery test at 2am on Sunday, March 25th

Attachment 5718

"re: DRT"
"this is double time hazard pay, right?"

The customer also CC'ed her sales rep. He asked me about it. I told him that if anyone thought it was going to be approved I want triple time. Not only is it a weekend, it's 2 in the fucking morning.

Disaster = hazard. Hazard = triple. Unsched ot = double.

Sounds to me like 6x is in order.

Two weeks ago:

Customer: I keep having problems with my database getting locked
Me: watching while he uses the software via remote session Well I see that, when you close the database, you keep doing Y then X. You need to do X then Y
Customer: Since when?
Me: Since 2010 if not earlier
Customer: Why is it letting me do it then?
Me: You're clicking faster than the program is processing and you need to wait a second or two
Customer: If I had a penny for every time I heard that I needed to work slower, I'd have two to rub together
Me: Just the same, this is the cause of your problem
Customer: Fine, I'll take it under advisement

This week:

Customer: So that problem you helped me with recently, I'm still having it, and now even more of my database files are locked
Me: Okay, did you create a new ticket? They need to be handled as a new issue. This ticket is two weeks old.
Customer: The woman I talked to spoke terrible English, and I don't think she understood me
Me: Let me look up the new ticket. a moment later I see that she escalated the issue to development due to the fact that so many of your databases are getting locked. Did you try accessing them and closing them in the way that I described?
Customer: Do what now?
Me: redescribes what is necessary
Customer: oh.... work slower. Got it. I remember now. So can you fix it?
Me: Give me some time to examine them.

I dig into his databases and find that I'm getting errors due to their being locked. I try a few things and am able to get access to them. I finish the repairs and send an email to the customer to try to access them no later than 10am this morning.

By 2pm I'm going back through my emails and find he'd immediately responded that those databases are working again. I access the newer ticket and the development escalation (which looks like it hasn't been touched in 2 days by anyone in development) and state that I resolved the problem by doing ABC123. Then I send an IM to the originating rep.

Me: Hi, you can close your ticket T12345, because I resolved the problem. See my notes in that ticket.
Rep: Thanks
Rep: You did it wrong
Rep: I emailed client already telling him we need more time to resolve
Rep: I sent this just 20 minutes ago
Me: I sent it two hours ago and just saw the ticket was still open
Rep: No, dev looked at it
Rep: Oh, I see. Thank you

:wtf: holy shit she said thank you

Customer: I need X tax form implemented into your program because I'm too lazy to do the calculations by hand with the version provided by the IRS
Me: Product enhancement requests are examined on several levels and can take months to research, test, and implement. We are not able to report if specific product enhancement requests will in fact be added to the program, or provide a date of release.
Customer: So you'll have it done by April 15th then?

:wtf:

He was being totally serious, too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: I need X tax form implemented into your program because I'm too lazy to do the calculations by hand with the version provided by the IRS
Me: Product enhancement requests are examined on several levels and can take months to research, test, and implement. We are not able to report if specific product enhancement requests will in fact be added to the program, or provide a date of release.
Customer: So you'll have it done by April 15th then?

:wtf:

He was being totally serious, too.

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2024? Maybe. Good luck with your taxes this year!

Receive a transfer of a call I shouldn't have
Customer: I am SO tired of being transferred around when you people can't fix my problem
Me: Well sir, I apologize that you are frustrated, but when certain issues occur we need to document everything, duplicate steps if possible, for escalation
Customer: I get that, but the first person duplicated it, so why am I talking to you?
Me: I ... am not sure

I review the ticket, duplicate the issue, and am starting to document, and get errors that the ticket has been re-assigned to a third person.

I give that third person a call.

Three: Hi, what?
Me: Um, hi, this is Mileron in Systems, we are both working on the same issue, ticket X3456
Three: I'm not working on that
Me: I can see you've edited it several times in the last minute
Three: What is the issue?
Me: describes the problem
Three: Oh. Well why are you working on it? It's not a systems problem
Me: Because the first rep transferred the customer to me
Three: Why did he do that? It's not a systems problem
Me: You'd have to ask him. I'm just calling because I was about to get this escalated and didn't want to overwrite your efforts
Three: That's what I'm working on
Me: Thank you, I'll let you go
Three: I don't know why this was transferred to systems, it's not a systems problem

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Receive a transfer of a call I shouldn't have
Customer: I am SO tired of being transferred around when you people can't fix my problem
Me: Well sir, I apologize that you are frustrated, but when certain issues occur we need to document everything, duplicate steps if possible, for escalation
Customer: I get that, but the first person duplicated it, so why am I talking to you?
Me: I ... am not sure

I review the ticket, duplicate the issue, and am starting to document, and get errors that the ticket has been re-assigned to a third person.

I give that third person a call.

Three: Hi, what?
Me: Um, hi, this is Mileron in Systems, we are both working on the same issue, ticket X3456
Three: I'm not working on that
Me: I can see you've edited it several times in the last minute
Three: What is the issue?
Me: describes the problem
Three: Oh. Well why are you working on it? It's not a systems problem
Me: Because the first rep transferred the customer to me
Three: Why did he do that? It's not a systems problem
Me: You'd have to ask him. I'm just calling because I was about to get this escalated and didn't want to overwrite your efforts
Three: That's what I'm working on
Me: Thank you, I'll let you go
Three: I don't know why this was transferred to systems, it's not a systems problem

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I actually understand 3's exasperation, as well as their correspondence. I've been in similar situations, where
I am working on something, and in comes someone from the fresh that starts working on it, and it is just mind blowing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

I actually understand 3's exasperation, as well as their correspondence. I've been in similar situations, where
I am working on something, and in comes someone from the fresh that starts working on it, and it is just mind blowing.

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She'd said she wasn't working on it, even though she clearly was, then said she was working on it, but also expecting me to use my ESPN to guess why it had been transferred.

Without a doubt, there is dick headed ness afoot, but sometimes when in the middle of one thing, you catch "systems" and not the "symptom" or vice versa, and time everything else out.

Attachment 5722

*time=tune

Caller: Hi, I'm an internal trainer, on location at a new customer. None of the users' computers can access the product. You're on speakerphone. Fix.

Attachment 5724

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Caller: Hi, I'm an internal trainer, on location at a new customer. None of the users' computers can access the product. You're on speakerphone. Fix.

Attachment 5724

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*click*

Got called a klan member today.

That is all.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

Got called a klan member today.

That is all.

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You really need to stop calling yourself a grand wizard outside of Graffe's. It only causes misunderstandings.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Schezar

You really need to stop calling yourself a grand wizard outside of Graffe's. It only causes misunderstandings.

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I use the phrase "elder arcanist."

Like the childhood game of telephone, people fuck up the words on their way through the pipeline.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Schezar

You really need to stop calling yourself a grand wizard outside of Graffe's. It only causes misunderstandings.

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Maybe we should sue the KKK for magic rights infringement. Clearly their wizard is false advertising!