Tales from Techsupport

So our field crew all log into their laptops with the exact same username and password, and it hasn't changed in at least 10 years. Then when they are logged on the laptop they have a shortcut to terminal server which they log into with their personal account. So this happened yesterday:

Field Guy: When I log into my laptop it's like it has never seen Windows 10 before, I get the screen with Hi on it and all the start menu stuff is there. (We purge all Start menu options for the account they are supposed to use)

Me: What username did you use to get in?

Field Guy: jsmith (not actual account name :p)

Me: That's why, you're using the wrong username. Use the one you always use to get into the computer.

Field Guy: I thought that was it? (At least 10 years I remind you)

Me: No. Use <domain>\<correct account> and the <password> that goes with it.

Field Guy: What's the password?

Me: (I tell him)

Field Guy: It says invalid account.

Me: Tell me what you have in the username field.

Field Guy: <his account>\<domain>\<correct account>

Me: Take out YOUR account.

New Field Guy: I just hit Other Account, let's start over.

So they then finally get it right. 10 fucking years he has been using this. Aggravating.

Very interesting ... but stew-pidd.

AND, you can't fix stew-pidd! :grinno:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Aennyil

Very interesting ... but stew-pidd.

AND, you can't fix stew-pidd! :grinno:

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You can. Then they won't breed.

And yes, this guy is the tech for the company to which I was speaking, because we have call records with him going back more than five years.
Tech: I'm trying to install Program, but nothing happens
Me: What do you mean "nothing happens"? Do you mean, there's no launch of the installer? There's no hourglass/hula hoop of the "please wait" icon?
Tech: I hit "open" and nothing happens
Me: By "Open" you mean you're right-clicking the installer icon and choosing "Open" ?
Tech: sounds unsure Yeeeees?
Me: Okay, let's start fresh. Go back to the website, login, find the file you want to download and click the "Download" button. When prompted, choose "Save".
Tech: Okay I clicked "Open"
Me: I'm sorry, what?
Tech: I clicked Download, then clicked "Open"
Me: No, I want you to click Save
Tech: I don't have that option
Me: What browser are you using?
Tech: IE 6
Me: Um... IE 6 was last released with Server 2003, and if the server were as up to date as possible you should have IE 8 at the lowest. Either way, there should still be a "Save" button.
Tech: Well what am I supposed to do?
Me: How about we download it from a user's workstation, and we talk about how our program isn't supported when running from a 2003 server due to Microsoft ceasing support for Server 2003 over a year ago?
Tech: Why?
Me: um... I'm stumped. Why to which?
Tech: Why did Microsoft stop supporting it?
Me: I'm not sure if I'm being trolled at this point... Because at the time it was over 12 years old and very susceptible to security issues?
Tech: Such as?
Me: I'm sorry, I'm not in a position where I have a full listing of the various issues that caused Microsoft to retire an aging operating system. You can view the information by googling "server 2003 end of life" to get you started.
Tech: Oh, no, I hate that google crap.

That's not a Tech. That's a "tech". Lots of those around.

Back in March, one of our long-tenured program usage reps retired.
Two weeks after that, the next-longest seniority rep transferred to a different division. (Why the manager allowed that, I don't know.)
Two weeks after that, it was discovered that hey, three people in a department that used to have six or seven isn't enough to handle the workload.
So the manager reactivated two reps who'd been part of the team in a backup capacity (if call volume got too high, they'd receive calls automatically) and had me install the programs on their computers.

There were two problems with this:
1 - The manager indicated that the reps would only need the most recent two years of program versions, as well as only need the Federal programs (and not State) "because," quoth I verbatim-like, "they simply won't be getting enough calls for it to matter."
2 - As reps who will be supporting the programs in any capacity, they should have a basic knowledge of how the programs are installed (because it's really not that fucking hard)

So, fine. I did it. And the manager (I keep saying "the manager" like he's a different department, but he's my manager too, it's just that this guy has such a fucking blindspot for the people that are physically visible that he expects them all to walk on water or some shit) was OK with it and set those two sub-reps up to receive calls. And by "physically visible" I mean that my manager, being based in Texas, and me in Philadelphia, hasn't physically seen me face to face in almost three years.

Got an earful from the lead rep in that department (more than one earful over a half dozen times, so maybe 7-8 earsful? not counting, not important) about how these two reps are all but useless and, when they get even a simple usage question call (like "how do I get draft watermarks off my tax forms" you either update the program or uncheck the draft watermark print option) they forward the customer's contact info to the lead rep who then deals with it and complains about how she's getting overwhelmed by useless escalations when she's got shittastic skills at delegation.

So anyway, fast forward to last week. The entire department, including the/my manager, has known that I'd be off the latter half of the week. I even sent an email indicating that I would be out, and set up an autoresponse as well. "If you are contacting Mileron for any internal technical support issues such as program updates, please contact his counterpart".

When I returned on Monday, I see four emails - two from Lead Rep and two from UsageRep.

LR: Hi, I need you to install X Y Z programs on UR's computer. 9:08am Eastern Thursday
LR: Hi, did you get those programs installed for UR? 10:04am Eastern Thursday
UR: Did you get the email from LR? I really need those programs installed. 11:24am Eastern Thursday
UR: (cc to LR) LR, Mileron hasn't yet helped me with getting the programs installed. 1:48pm Eastern Thursday

Yesterday morning when I returned to the office, I sent them both an email asking if the programs still needed to be installed. They definitely do.

First off, they both would have received my autoresponse. Secondly, as mentioned, my autoresponse indicates "contact someone specific".

So, I did the possibly bitchy thing and called them out on it.

"I was out of the office last week as indicated by my autoresponse. You should have contacted (my counterpart) or someone else in Systems (especially since you have two people from my systems group local to you) instead of waiting 3+ days.
If you want to try it yourself, go to (server location) and run (these files).
If you want help, block out at least thirty minutes with the permission of LR dependent on call volume and I will assist you."

Be interesting to see what the response is. Well, not really. But still.

It seems I have a new problem user.

PU: What does it mean when Outlook asks me for a password?
Me: Did you reset your password recently?
PU: No
Me: Did you get prompted for a password reset recently?
PU: No
Me: Did the help desk help you change or reset or unlock your password recently?
PU: No
Me: Did you contact the help desk for password assistance?
PU: Yes, they changed it for me
Me: Have you rebooted since then?
PU: No
Me: Reboot your computer then
PU: Oh, it's not that important, I can wait til later.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

It seems I have a new problem user.

PU: What does it mean when Outlook asks me for a password?
Me: Did you reset your password recently?
PU: No
Me: Did you get prompted for a password reset recently?
PU: No
Me: Did the help desk help you change or reset or unlock your password recently?
PU: No
Me: Did you contact the help desk for password assistance?
PU: Yes, they changed it for me
Me: Have you rebooted since then?
PU: No
Me: Reboot your computer then
PU: Oh, it's not that important, I can wait til later.

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That's not a problem user, that's flat out an idiot.

Was this user a man or a woman, and were they "white" sounding?

Quote:

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Was this user a man or a woman, and were they "white" sounding?

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WTF Stupidity cross all gender/race boundaries. Why would you even ask this?

Okay, so bigoted forecast says that I picture a white pretentious woman with holier than thou personality was behind this waste of time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

Okay, so bigoted forecast says that I picture a white pretentious woman with holier than thou personality was behind this waste of time.

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double points if she drives an Audi SUV and always takes up no less than two spots at the supermarket.

As opposed to that other white woman, Ada Lovelace, who was pretty much the first person to program a computer? Or that other white woman, Hedy Lamarr, who created Spread Spectrum technology to help beat the Nazis and give you wifi at Starbucks?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

As opposed to that other white woman, Ada Lovelace, who was pretty much the first person to program a computer? Or that other white woman, Hedy Lamarr, who created Spread Spectrum technology to help beat the Nazis and give you wifi at Starbucks?

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Precisely. Neither of those women would call help desk and say No 3 times to the same question followed by us by the same question and then deny their remedy.

*followed by yes to the same question

Nice try you racist sexist shitlord. :p

Passive aggressive problem reporting again:

"Have you received any reports of phone trouble?"

No.

"Oh, well 'worker A' was talking to client; then the client called back and said when they tried to call "other organization & 2nd organization" they couldn't get through."

The client tried to call?

"Yes".

Then how is this a problem with our Phones?

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Was given a laptop today to work on.

Had sticky notes covering the webcam lens. Or would be if this model had a webcam....

Points for effort though?

Supervisor: carbon monoxide is heavier than air
Tinthalas: it is not

Supervisor: it is heavier than oxygen, and it will cause you to suffocate because of all sink and push all of the oxygen to the ceiling while you also.

Tinthalas : the molar mass of breathable oxygen is 44. Co is 28. It will asphyxiate through impediment of hemoglobin to bond with oxygen by permanently causoing a bond between hemoglobin and co which will not displace until the end of that hemoglobin's service life in the blood stream, causing the body's detriment for uptake of oxygen into the bloodstream.

Supervisor : i watched a documentary on carbon monoxide entering a home, dyed to be seen as it sinks to the ground.
Tinthalas : co is odorless and colorless. The source would have to have been a dyed pressurized gas whose source was cooler than the air it was being injected to, and only the dye would be observable, otherwise the co molecule would no longer be Co.

Supervisor : the source was from a burner where the co was going through and not igniting.
Tinthalas : if gas is heated or ignited and circulated through convection currents, it will be hotter than the surrounding air and float to the top and as it cools, eventually dissipate into the air surrounding it.

Supervisor : well, i want you to research this and get back to me when you have a credible source.


WTF.

Supervisor line 1 is supposed to read:

it is heavier than oxygen, and it will cause you to suffocate because it will sink and push all of the oxygen to the ceiling.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

Supervisor: carbon monoxide is heavier than air
Tinthalas: it is not

Supervisor: it is heavier than oxygen, and it will cause you to suffocate because of all sink and push all of the oxygen to the ceiling while you also.

Tinthalas : the molar mass of breathable oxygen is 44. Co is 28. It will asphyxiate through impediment of hemoglobin to bond with oxygen by permanently causoing a bond between hemoglobin and co which will not displace until the end of that hemoglobin's service life in the blood stream, causing the body's detriment for uptake of oxygen into the bloodstream.

Supervisor : i watched a documentary on carbon monoxide entering a home, dyed to be seen as it sinks to the ground.
Tinthalas : co is odorless and colorless. The source would have to have been a dyed pressurized gas whose source was cooler than the air it was being injected to, and only the dye would be observable, otherwise the co molecule would no longer be Co.

Supervisor : the source was from a burner where the co was going through and not igniting.
Tinthalas : if gas is heated or ignited and circulated through convection currents, it will be hotter than the surrounding air and float to the top and as it cools, eventually dissipate into the air surrounding it.

Supervisor : well, i want you to research this and get back to me when you have a credible source.


WTF.

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[emoji33]

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