fuck me... I actually fixed a server with Duct Tape...
Power switch has gone bad on an IBM server, the thing only stays running as long as the switch is depressed.
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fuck me... I actually fixed a server with Duct Tape...
Power switch has gone bad on an IBM server, the thing only stays running as long as the switch is depressed.
So tell the switch it has cancer. I hear that will depress anyone.
Maybe I just need to take away it's Cymbalta.Quote:
So tell the switch it has cancer. I hear that will depress anyone.
Customer: I'm getting this weird print preview problem
Me: We can't duplicate it with your dataset and your fax wasn't labeled. I want to remotely view the problem. *sets up a remote support session*
Customer: The website's asking me for "name." Is it your name or mine?
Me: ... Yours, please...
Reminds me of the exchange in Star Trek 4.
"Let's start from the top. Name."
"My name?"
"No, my name."
"I do not know your name!"
User just got a new W7 PC, so she has two keyboards, mice, and monitors side-by-side on her desk.
She emails me from her old computer.
"Come see me."
Ugh.
So I go by her desk and she says "Every time I try to scroll on a webpage on my new computer, the letters get bigger and smaller and the page doesn't move.
She had her original keyboard laying on the edge of the new one, holding down the CTRL key.
One of my users is VERY remote - he lives in Arizona, and we're in NJ.
A new laptop was ordered for him since the one we sent him down there with is on its last legs.
He plays phone tag with me this morning, or rather, tried to - he called me no less than 8 times without leaving a voicemail or emailing me that he needed to talk to me.
This is how it played out when I finally got to talk to him:
User: I'm trying to find out if the new laptop has a wireless card
Me: Yes
User: Does the old laptop?
Me: Yes.
User: Cause I'm trying to find out if I need to buy a new wireless card.
Me: No.
User: I need you to tell me what wireless card I need.
Me: You don't need one.
User: Well I'm trying to connect the old laptop, the new laptop, and my existing desktop to the internet, and need a new wireless card for the new laptop.
Me: The new laptop comes with wireless built in. If you are already using wireless on the old laptop (which he should be, I helped him with that ~4 years ago) and using the internet normally and not-wireless on the desktop, you do not need a new wireless card for the new laptop. It is built in.
User: But I need to get a new wireless card to handle the new laptop.
So it went on for a good ten minutes like this until I discovered he was actually trying to find out if he needed a new ROUTER to support the new laptop.
I don't even remember, 5 minutes later, how I hit upon the point that he was trying to ask about a router.
But he already has one. Sigh.
The website's been on a rollercoaster again today.
Shortly after lunch, I discovered that one of the pages' error messages included the site, FTP, and MySQL login information.
I email the development manager that this is a Bad Thing(TM).
He replies, "Why? We need that info."
WTF still doesn't cover it.
I saw that happen on an Apache web server once, the script server had died and the web server had the fucking login info for the script server posted for all to see.
LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
Please tell me that is only on the Intranet pages and not your public internet site for the company, or that is just asking for someone to go in there and fuck around.
I guess the dev manager has not heard of say keeping that info on a piece of paper in his wallet or a note on his blackberry(by emailing himself) rather than on the website.
Christ. Hard-coding credentials? Fucking rookie move.
We've been having non-stop phone problems since a huge, untested change was rolled out this weekend to go live on Monday.
At first, we had awesome functionality where we didn't get bothered by the system every time we wanted to take a leak or log out...
Then we discovered none of the built-in phonebooks worked
And all of the custom personal phonebooks got wiped without them telling us they would
So then after they fixed that yesterday, our phone switches went on the fritz to the point where every 20 seconds our phones would reboot, causing any active calls to be dropped, and any active network connections on the PCs that are daisychained via the phones be lost.
So I just bounced the fuckers, warnings from India and Netops Central be damned.
And whaddya know, they worked for a while.
Then today we start having transfer problems. When transferring, users are getting a voice message, "We are experiencing system problems, we apologize for the inconvenience but please try your call again later."
(Also, I was talking to a customer and the system automatically tried to transfer the call)
But with the primary error, I was instructed to call the Help Desk because I'm not the only one getting it.
Me: Hi, we're getting this error
Tech from India: Really?
Me: Yes, it's preventing us from transferring.
Tech: Why is it preventing you from transferring?
Me: Because the error keeps repeating and the call will not connect.
Tech: Why will it not connect?
Me: ...
Finally he decides "hey this is a problem" and sets up a trouble ticket...
Holy Frankenfuck.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
Whose head is on a platter over THAT?
likely some low level IT guy who did the actual rollout, but not the supervisor or manager who ordered him to against the team's suggestions that it needed more testing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra
No one's head will be rolling. I'm sure no one will even see this as a negative blip on their yearly self-assessment.
This probably doesn't count enough to be a major fuckup, as (supposedly) only one tiny office was affected and then only for 4-6 hours.
Ironically, it was supposed to go live 3 weeks ago, but "in testing" they discovered "a major functionality hiccup", whatever that means, so pushed it back to yesterday.
Obviously without fixing the "major functionality hiccup".
Actually, I heard third-hand that it was because originally, the update was ignoring area codes and dialing all local numbers. :evil:
now that is quite the bug, considering that some areas require the area code just to call across the street.
(OT to tech support ranting, why do company phone systems require one to dial 9911 in an emergency? more of a question is why is the software that drives many PBX systems not smart enough to always know that 911 is emergency and not ask for the extra 9)
Funnily enough, when we did our E911-over-VOIP testing last month I was given the option to decide between the two.Quote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
I picked both, since they could configure both, but when I emailed about the successful tests I indicated that the double-nine was preferred, as it wouldn't go into a "timeout" period and wait for further button presses, as we have a number of people with in-office extensions that start with 911...
Yeah I asked about that, and they won't change that.
/me singsQuote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
oh-one-one-eight-nineninenine-eight-eight-one-nine-nine-nineoneonenine-seven-two-fiiiiive......three.
I know that one! Funny showQuote:
Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra
Soka
Its because if you make it 911 people dial emergency by accident all the time. Think about it, people are dialing 9-1 constantly to dial out long distance. If they accidentally double hit the 1, now you have an emergency call.Quote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
I wonder how 9 was ever picked for the exit number from an internal phone system. I mean it has been 9 for as long as I have known of internal phone systems when wanting an outside line.(I know it could not be zero as that tends to be operator by default, even in many buildings 0 would call a front desk) but just instead of say 1-8 being one one of the choices.
For the last few employers I had and at several of our customer offices, 0 has been the number to use to get an outside line. But I live in Europe and for our country, the alarm number is 112, which in most cases is nowadays programmed on the phone system as a direct outside line and any other number containing 112 is removed from the adress list, front desk is usually 900.
When you pick up your company phone you're getting dial tone from your local PBX. When you press 9 to get the outside trunk dial tone drops from your local PBX; Then after a moment dial tone comes back on the line -- that 2nd dial tone, is coming from the remote switch (phone company's CO). Now, the Local PBX needs to continue to monitor that trunk if a 1 then a second 1 are pressed, your local PBX needs to grab that call back to internal processing, in order to shove it back to the outside for external processing.Quote:
(OT to tech support ranting, why do company phone systems require one to dial 9911 in an emergency? more of a question is why is the software that drives many PBX systems not smart enough to always know that 911 is emergency and not ask for the extra 9)
Modern switches of course can do it -- it's just a lot of extra programing.
Quite simply -- when they start programing local extensions they usually start at the lower end of the scale. so if they're doing two digi: 10, 11,12 etc. 3 digit, 100, 101, 102 etc... as you say 0 is the operator, what's a convenient single digit at the far end of the scale? #9.Quote:
I wonder how 9 was ever picked for the exit number from an internal phone system.
Me: Hi, thank you for calling System Support, this is Me, how may I help you?
Caller: Yeah, I have a question about my payments.
Me: Unfortunately as system support I'm not able to assist you with that, but I can get you in contact with Sales...
Caller: You mean you're not Sales?
Me: No ma'am, but I can transfer you
Caller: You mean you're not going to help me with my payment question?
Me: No ma'am, but I can transfer you to someone who can
Caller: All I want is this damn question answered about my payment!
Me: Please hold
Received an email
Apparently a user in my office called the Global help desk, who assigned the call to our "overseers" in NYC, who then forwarded the ticket down to me.
Ticket: User is having trouble with Team Explorer in Visual Studio 2010
Assigned tech: We can't support TE in VS, even though all development groups are using it for tickets and tracking, so you need to fix it.
Me: Buh?
So I go over to the guy's desk, see what's going on.
When he opens Visual Studio, then tries to open Team Explorer, it usually prompts him for his username and password.
Instead, it's telling him his password is expired.
User: Oh, yeah, I've been getting emails all day that my password is expired. Could that be the reason?
No.... not at all.
(This is the guy who eats microwave popcorn at his desk and totally gums up his keyboard with butter and popcorn crumbs.)
Have to share this one... It is a nice creative thought process on the part of my users - but I'm sure some of you here will appreciate it.
Scenario is: one department is trying to get a Letterhead into their specialized database program. So, they have word 2007 - the database supports RTF.
So there's the background now on to the creative part. We have word - we need RTF... hey, at home I have a subscription to a web service that can convert from PDF to RTF!
So, we make our letterhead in word - we print it, we go over to our Canon document center scan it in as a PDF, take it home, run it through the subscription service to convert from the PDF to RTF!
As I say, quite clever, ultimately a failed effort because the Canon copier doesn't do OCR.
For the analogy -- we have a Music CD that we want to turn into an MP3 -- so, we play the CD, with a mic in front of the speaker to record using Sound Recorder into a wave file, which then we can convert the WAV into MP3. YIIPPPEEE!!! Only 18 steps when of course we only needed three: Make letterhead - save as RTF. Upload to program.
Can't word just save the file as RTF? I know that Wordpad can and it comes with windows. Could always tell them to use Wordpad its usually found under Start > Programs > Accessories unless thats gone on Enterprise level systems
Yeah :) Ever since oh let me think, Word 6.0 :)Quote:
Can't word just save the file as RTF?
That's the fun part!
Caller: I haven't opened this data file in almost a year, and now when I try to print out the entries I made, I get blank pages.
Me: Did you check your selected date range for the months being printed?
Caller: Oh yeah it's fine.
Me: *tries a few other things, and am about to ask for a copy of the dataset*
Caller: Oh wait, let me doublecheck some settings... The date range for printing seems to be set to start in 9/2011, end in 1/2011! hahahaha (she laughs)
ps:
modern Word can also save straight to PDF...
PDF is a form of Hyper Mark-up language, making it fun to open the .PDF in a textfile editer and edit the textual Mark-up to change certain content when people think it was protected due to it being an PDF.
can you then turn off its protection just by editing its code? I once saw a PDF that did not allow printing... of course they did not disable copy so I just dumped the clip board to text and off to the printer it went.Quote:
Originally Posted by Branaman Starbinder
There are a lot of things one can do when making a PDF. Generally, the text is compressed (like a zip file for each line or paragraph) with only the most primitive PDF generators failing to compress the text stream. When there is a password to the file (there can be up to 2 passwords: one to open the document, and one to change things, if both are the same, you can't change things) it usually encrypts the file to prevent folks from opening the thing up and peeling the insides out. A lot of folks who make PDFs and restrict printing fail to restrict the settings by setting an editing password, so if you have the "for money" version of Acrobat, you can just eliminate the protections by clearing them and saving the file. Many 3rd party readers don't properly follow the document restrictions, so you might find one that does a bad job of handling protections and do what you will with the file. When you copy the text from a PDF to the clip board, many times the spaces at the end of words which are at the end of lines will get cut off, so you may have to add spaces back in manually. Finally, if you make the PDF able to work with reading software for blind (and visibly impaired) readers, you won't be able to protect the document from copying or printing.Quote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
This is after the majority of the troubleshooting has occurred, and all I need to do is rename a file so that I can replace it with a repaired copy:
Me: Well, I can't rename it because it says it's in use, could you call your tech guy?
Caller: No, if you can't rename it, then I need to call my tech guy
Me: ... ... Please
Tech Guy: Hello, what do you need?
Me: I need UNIQUE.DBF data file renamed
Tech Guy: Well I don't have access to do that
Me: Could you get me in contact with someone who can?
Tech Guy: Yes, but he's not going to be able to rename it for you either
Me: Then could you get me in contact with someone who can rename this file for me?
Tech Guy: I don't know anyone else in the office who can do it.
Me: Can you get me in contact with someone who has administrative rights on the server?
Tech Guy: Oh, that's me
Me: Can you rename this file for me?
Tech Guy: No, I don't have access to do that
I used to do this all the time. Just edit pdf2sec.ps in ghostscript and it completely ignores printing security.Quote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
This is me calling my global help desk, during the second of two 4-5 minute full office network outages in my location.
Me: "Hi, this is Mileron from (Southern NJ town), NJ. My entire office just lost external internet connectivity, including IP phones."
Agent: "Have you tried restarting your computer?"
...
So then later she says "So you're based in (Central Texas Town) Texas, right?"
Me: No, I'm in NJ...
Agent: "That's next to (Central Texas Town), right?"
Me: No, I'm in NEW JERSEY.
Maybe your cell phone came from (Central Texas Town)?
So not only cant they figure out this is not a reboot issue... but they do not even know that NJ=New Jersey.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
Tell me Global Help Desk is not US based.
Some of them are in the US, yes.
Others are in India.
I called before the shift switchover, so there's no excuse for that.
Anyway, here's today's nugget:
This call was transferred to me by the other department.
Transfer: This guy keeps getting errors when accessing his client files. Says they're not present.
Me: I accept the transfer. Hello, thanks for holding, this is Me, how can I help you?
Caller: Your program won't let me into my clients, it keeps saying things like "problem accessing P:\(app)\blahblah could not be read or written, code error 540" and "Drive not accessible".
Me: Have you used the program today?
Caller: I used it a half hour ago to print and it worked just fine.
Me: Alright, well let's take a look and do a remote support session.
First thing I try to do is go to his network drive and find the client files. I discover that my company's programs are on a different network drive than the one he's complaining about (drive L:). So I try to right-click on the icon and go Properties - Find Target.
"Windows is searching for EXE."
Uhoh.
So then I go into My Computer and try to go into his L drive... only to have it say "Due to insufficient system resources the requested procedure could not be completed."
Uhoh.
So then the other error from the other app starts overflowing on screen. I try to use Task Manager to kill it but it won't kill.
Task Manager also shows 75%+ processor use and 90%+ memory use.
He then says to me "Yeah I also noticed that my wallpaper disappeared and this new icon on my desktop showed up, "Fix and Repair Windows Problems."
Me: Sir at this point it looks like one option would be for you to restart your computer. However based on what you described to me just now and the fact that your computer is not functioning as expected, I think you should contact your IT professional for a diagnosis. The issues you're experiencing could be evidence of a virus.
Caller: VIRUS? How in the f*ck could I have a virus? I just printed! Then I took a poo! (yes, he said poo!) Now I want to use it again but I can't! I pay for this software!
Me: Yes sir I realize that, however our program does not have any of these functions that you're describing. This is beyond my purview and I'm not able to support you with this issue until you have your computer examined.
Caller: Dammit all to hell, I just wanted to print! I have a client coming in! I can't have a shitty computer!
(it went on like this for 2-3 minutes before he realized I couldn't help him.)
Sigh.
It might have been very important that he left specifically to take a "poo," because it's long been known that leaving to take a piss never causes problems.
I mean, come ON. TMI, Caller! TMI! Just say "I went out of the room for a few minutes." Sheesh.
I was scheduled to work from home again today.
Since I got the domain login problem resolved, I figured I was good to go.
HAHA yeah fucking right.
So I get logged in to the laptop, go to the VPN login, and it says "invalid password, or certificate missing."
I retype my password just to make sure. Same thing.
I go into IE's options and look for my authentication certificate.
It's GONE.
I call the Helpless Desk.
Me: Hi, this is Me from Smalltown, NJ, and my ID number is 12345. I have a work-from-home laptop that I was previously able to connect to the VPN with but now my authentication certificate is missing.
Tech: Is it expired?
Me: No, it was renewed last May, if it was expired it would still be present but be displaying "Expired."
Tech: Did you delete it?
Me: No, I just haven't needed to use it in VPN capacity in several months.
Tech: So it expired.
Me: ... No, I renewed it last May, in 2011, for a 3-year certificate, and installed it at that time, but now when I try to connect it says "invalid password or certificate missing", and since I can log into the actual computer using my domain login information and password, I checked for the presence of any certificate, and it is gone.
Tech: Well, I can see about setting up a new certificate for you, but that takes a minimum of 24 business hours.
Me: That's all fine and good but I won't be needing the VPN certificate for a while after today, and I need to work now, so I'm just going to drive into the office.
Tech: Or, you can go into your Outlook email and look for last year's renewal
Me: Emails get deleted after 90 days, which is why I have PST files, which I can't access unless I'm on the VPN, because my Outlook will not open without the server connection.
Tech: Well, I can put in a 30 minute high priority call, but seeing as how the certificate generation and research people are only M-F they won't get back to you until tomorrow after 9am Central...
Me: Go ahead and put in the 24 hour request, I'm going to drive into the office now. Thanks, have a good day.
*sigh*
It's gotta be me.
Make it write-only maybe? I bet some damn ActiveX or Javascript website bullshit caused your certificate to be deleted. As a softening-up measure so you wouldn't be able to use any resources via VPN to combat whatever it is they planned to smite you with next.
I once had someone call into the tech support and wanted help with their cable modem... while it was power cycling and the computer was rebooting... they brought the phone with them and decided that they should take a piss... TMI Live =xQuote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
I like the people that want to eat while trying to talk to you.
They obviously know how to use a phone, so why not mute while doing their personal business?Quote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
Frankly though, if a shared bodily function moment is the worst part of your day you got off easy imho. Ymmv.
Tech guy I just talked to has this history of always having his user on the phone when they call.
I think this is the second time in 7+ years that I've talked to him without her also on conference.
Anyway, back at the end of December, I was asked by the sales rep to send this customer a copy of our programs to handle 1997 and 1998 tax returns.
Told the sales rep that we don't have those programs any more, as they were DOS based, and as such we stopped supporting their use in 2007, and their installation in 2003.
I was off the rest of that week.
Came back on Jan 3rd to several angry emails from the sales rep, "why didn't you send them the 1999-2002 programs to them"
Um, hello, you only asked me about 97-98. When did my job requirements include "telepathy" ?
So I create a CD and ship it to the customer. They get it on 1/5.
I then spend over 12 hours on the phone with them over the next 10 days getting it up and running, because the tech guy has problems following instructions that are higher than #1.
I finally get it working.
Fast forward to today.
I find out that said tech person has been emailing my department repeatedly for over a week requesting the 1997 and 1998 programs again.
I had his emails "on deck" to reply, when he called and got me.
Tech: Yeah hi I need the 1997 and 1998 programs.
Me: As I told you back in January, we no longer have any supported programs for those tax years.
Tech: Well then I need 1999-2002.
Me: I shipped you a CD a month and a half ago and we spent two weeks getting them working.
Tech: Oh, yeah, I threw that CD out. Can you email it to me?
Me: (I hear the user in the background saying "Is this the CD you need?")
Tech: Oh, here's the CD. I'm going to put it on our I drive.
Me: You did that last month. If you're going to have the user in the office use it, just create her shortcuts.
Tech: But she gets an error, "cannot write INI file to Windows System Area"
Me: We covered this last month as well, either create a blank INI file by hand in her Windows\System directory, or copy it over from the other user's computer.
Tech: Oh, yeaaaaahhhh....
I email the sales rep.
Me: Your customer keeps requesting 1997-1998 programs, but we cannot provide these to him, for the same reasons as in December, because they are DOS based programs and we no longer support them.
SR: Why not?
I need to build myself a brick wall with a head-bonking target.
It's just my day.
One of the sales reps walks over to my desk.
SR: My computer won't start back up.
Me: (knowing I'm getting the end of the story) Why did you reboot it?
SR: Well, it froze.
Me: What were you doing?
SR: Entering sales orders.
Me: Okay...
SR: And it froze. So I kicked it.
Me: ...
SR: Then it turned off. So I turned it back on, then it was doing this scan thing. Chuckdiskette.
Me: CHKDSK?
SR: Something like that. Anyway, it stopped at 8% on the second scan.
Me: Oh, that's not good. (I go over and look at it, and sure enough, hard locked during CHKDSK. I power it off for 2 minutes, hoping the drive will self-park, and boot it up, but again it gets stuck at 8%.)
Me: Looks like you crashed your hard drive.
SR: But I was just trying to enter orders!
*head-desk* *head-desk*
"Then it turned off." In the words of George Takei, "Oh MY!"
I got in today for the "late shift", 11:30 to 8pm.
My senior tech compatriot comes to my desk as I'm setting up and says "phones died this morning before 8am. It's a Verizon circuit problem that seems to be affecting the whole state."
Lovely.
Then I find out from the first person who arrived this morning that he called the Helpless Desk and a near-duplicate conversation to the one from three weeks ago occurred, with the SAME REP.
And the phones are still out, five hours later.
Get an email from my manager.
"The sales lines for all groups, and all but one Support group, are down."
Guess which support group is still getting calls?
Uh huh.
So I get a customer who says "I'm trying to call Sales, but I keep getting a message telling me there's a problem with the phone system, try again later."
Me: That's because there's a problem with the phone system, sir. I can't even transfer you at the moment. I can take a message though."
Customer: But I want to be transferred.
Me: Unfortunately sir, the system outage is preventing me from transferring you. May I take a message?
Customer: I just want to be transferred to Sales.
Me: Sales is unavailable, sir, may I take a message for you?
Customer: So you can't get me in touch with Sales?
:banghead: <--If ever there was a post that exemplified this...Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
A few of my prime examples:Quote:
<--If ever there was a post that exemplified this...
"So, is like this email that came from somethingstupid@gmail.com that says click the link to keep your email address open, Did this come from you guys?"
{from multiple people}
"How do I send an email to everybody in the organization?"
Well dumb-ass you click new email, you open the organization email address book, and select the 4th one down - you know the one that Has the name of the freaking organization.
Every couple of months, one of my users comes up to me.
User: The fax machine says "Check Paper."
Me: Did you put paper in it?
User: Yes, but it still says "Check Paper."
Me: *knowing this user, and her history with "Check Paper", I know it doesn't have paper. I walk down to the printer, grab a handful of paper, turn to the fax and put paper in the empty paper tray.* It needed paper.
User: Oh, is that what it means?
Customer's tech calls me on 3/1.
Tech: I need to install this program on a SAN appliance.
Me: We don't support that.
Tech: Why not?
Me: We don't, but if you want to get technical, it's because of permissions, you probably won't be able to set Full Control permissions to the program folder.
Tech: Well it worked on the old one.
Me: You're lucky, most firms don't get it to work, but again, we don't support it, and you need to put it on a file server.
Tech: Okay.
He then calls back 3/9.
Tech: I need to install this program on a SAN appliance.
Me: We don't support that.
Tech: Why not?
Me: As I mentioned last week, permissions.
Tech: But I need it on this SAN.
Me: It won't work. Put it on a file server.
Today...
Tech: I installed this program on a SAN, but it doesn't work. Keeps giving me "path not specified" errors and permissions warnings.
Le sigh
Get an email from a customer's tech.
Attached is a PDF.
The PDF is of a screenshot
The screenshot was taken by a user, pasted to Word, printed, faxed to the tech, scanned, then emailed to me.
Didn't we cover something like this a few pages ago? Le sigh.
Yes, yes we did - post #327.Quote:
Didn't we cover something like this a few pages ago? Le sigh.
:)
Quite the creative solution though isn't it?
Our office's antivirus is Trend based.
It used to be housed on the primary file/print server in the office.
This was changed back in November, around the time they changed our Windows Updates solution.
Naturally, they didn't tell us about either change.
So when people started bitching at me in late January about the fact that their Windows installs were freaking out that their Antivirus wasn't working, wasn't updating, and was showing "out of date install, no updates available" I got worried.
I emailed my primary netops server support contact. Got back an autoreply, "I am no longer with Company."
So I email the second on my list. It takes him 2 weeks to get back to me. "OH, yeah, we disabled the AV Host on your server and it should have auto-migrated all your users to this office's server."
Well it didn't.
So I had the dubious honor of going from PC to PC and manually uninstalling, rebooting, and reinstalling the AV from the other office's server. This process, which I found out after the first attempt takes 20-30 minutes, requires two passwords and three network administrator logins.
Thankfully I have them all.
Anyway, there's only a handful of computers to finish by this point (tax season is painfully busy), including a low-use terminal server in the office.
So I send out an email today at 4pm to all of the office users saying, "IF you use this Terminal Server, then BE AWARE you will need to LOG OFF your session before 8AM Friday so that I can reboot it for necessary updates. If you DO NOT know what this computer is, then you DO NOT need to worry about it."
Naturally, I get 3 instant responses, and a further 4 more over the next hour asking "Do I need to worry about this?" from people that wouldn't know a terminal server if it fell out of the sky onto their heads.
Over the last couple of years, several of the departments in my office have been transitioned to laptops for work-from-home capabilities.
All of these laptops are Dell, are shipped with a plethora of accessories, including a keyboard, mouse, carrying case, and a docking station.
So far, 4 of the docking stations have died at different intervals, where the non-built in monitor (when docked) will go black. It still shows that it is on (amber power light) and you can see the screen is "on" - sort of like if the screen saver were set to "blank screen." But you can't do anything to get the screen back.
Today, I call the Dell Enterprise number I was given on the first go-around last year. (#1)
They send me to another number.
That guy (#2) tells me that I need to contact Latitude support (duh) so he gives me another number and transfers me.
The guy (#3) at the third number tells me that I need Gold Large Enterprise support, so he gives me the second number again, and transfers me to dead air.
I call back the second number, and tell the lady (#4) who answers that I've been trying to get in contact with GLE support. I give her my service tag at her request, and she tells me that I need Gold Large Enterprise support. Um, right. So then I ask for a phone number, which she gives me.
She transfers me back to basic support (#5). I tell the guy there that I need GLE support.
He gives me the GLE number (which the previous woman was supposed to transfer me to) and transfers me again.
I get to another clearing desk (#6) who transfers me to the actual correct place. (#7)
Funnily enough, that guy tells me that, even working for Dell, he gets the same runaround if he has to call for support.
That's odd, because all of our laptops and desktops are Dell, and anytime we have an issue I'm the one who calls it in. We have one number to call, for us its Gold Support, and with basically the push of the 2 button I am connected to a technician who asks what the problem is, asks me to run diagnoses software if needed, and then schedules a tech or a parts shipment (if it's something I can do myself like replace a HD). All our laptops are Latitudes, too. Granted we only have a handful of docking stations, but we've never had any issues with them. Here's the number we call: 866-876-3355.
Hell, just last week we had two E6410 Latitude laptops come up with broken bottom case plates, and both times the tech just marked it down as accidental damage and setup a next day repair. Sucks you got the run around like that, I've never been transferred or told I would get a call back, they get me to a tech the first call.
Usually I get helped first time through, as well.
The last time I called, they gave me 888-242-0938. Calling that number started the runaround.
I was also given 800-822-8965, 800-459-3355, and 866-516-3115.
That's the final number the last tech gave me, and it's the one I will be using from now on.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonlainy
You should talk to Jeannie at Dell, she's at 867-5309.
We had an interesting problem happen a couple weeks ago with our Dells and their docking stations. One of the pins was bent in the docking station and it shorted out the motherboards (basically destroyed) any laptops plugged into the station. We bricked 3 laptops before we discovered it.
So one of our other "computer specialists" comes to me... Complaining that her word wrapping doesn't work & asking if mine does - so we go through a demonstration with the basic test phrase "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog". .
Copy paste that 30 times or so, resize the window everything works great.
Quick google search turns up where the exact setting is - I show the tech & get I already did that, it doesn't work....
I finally come over and look the computer.
The test phrase used.
asl;dfjna;kvnaipernba;efnbk;adjfnvio;awjeruofgn ;adfjnvajklsdfnvkasdfvjkasnfvnaklsdfvnaklsdfvbalks dfvblakshbvajklsdfvbhafjkdfvbadksfjvhbakdfvhf;ogiu q9234thgal;kfjvnal aldkfjbnadklfhvbaklshedbf;drvjh230957u4rqwjklrvnas dfaskdrjvnasklvnaskldjvnasaskdjfh234ihltblkasjdbfv klasjfgbalskrejhgbaskljerfhlkasjefbklasejfbaklsjeb nvkljasbndvjknio432qn54tkje5rgnlqeklrjgnalskdjvbkl rjkrjbnvjnfkljasnjklvnrajkluw34h5klq3w4jtnlkjearjn grjaklsrjntgfjaklkrjgnrjalkrjgnasrkjg
note the lack of spaces...
/BONK
Shoot me... Shoot me now...
Apparently it's become stupid question week again:
HELP HELP HELP - the computer's stuck on this "press ctrl-alt-delete" screen.
Yeah ok
Well, I press that and it comes up with this other guys name! So, I hit cancel and it just goes back to that ctrl alt delete screen!
HELP HELP HELP - My new emails are showing up in Unread Items but not in my Inbox, but just for today!
See that '+' next to today? Click it. :banghead:
Names change to protect the clueless
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clueless n00b
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me
:banghead:Quote:
Originally Posted by Clueless
What, you mean that that one website isn't THE Internet? There's MORE?!? Next you'll be telling me that there are pictures of naked ladies available!
It's the information super-highway, OF COURSE it's under construction!
Spoiler for nekkid chicks:
A shout out to all my peeps!
One of our apps has the ability to merge datasets together. It's a unique feature to the app (out of our product line) and is not a widely publicized feature due to complications that can arise.
This customer has something like 15 datasets that they merge into a single dataset at the end of every year, because they are inputting so much data it takes hours for reports to generate.
So they call up.
Customer: I'm trying to run a report for 1/1/2011 to 12/31/2011 date range, but it keeps saying " is not a valid boolean value.
Me: Do you have any transactions for that date range?
Customer: Let me get back to you.
Me: If you do have transactions, I need to see a copy of the client dataset.
A week later, I get an email from our training manager who says:
Trainer: I talked to X Customer, and they said you didn't help them with an error they're getting in their dataset.
Me: I told them that if they have transactions in the date range for the report, and are still getting the error, I'd need to see the dataset. Did you ask them for a copy of the file?
Trainer: No
Me: Well, then I can't do anything.
I get back from vacation.
Trainer: Remember that issue with X Customer? Well they provided the client file. They are running reports for a date range of 1/1/2011 to 12/31/2011 but getting errors.
Me: *examines file* There's no transactions for that date. In fact, the version of the dataset they sent us doesn't have transactions for 3 years prior to that date.
Trainer: So it won't print reports then?
... *headbonking*
Finally ended up getting a copy of the previous post's client file.
There's over 114K records, and trying to do (what is usually) the simplest maintenance processes that our Usage department would suggest locks up the computer (i7 with 8GB RAM).
Off to Development it went.
Anyway:
Coworker bought an iPad for school, she got the office wifi password from the trainer (from the previous post) which I had sent him a year or so ago, with the note "all 0s in the password are zeroes and not the letter O".
Naturally that was ignored when she typed it in and she had all sorts of problems getting connected.
Then I get a series of emails from a customer's tech which are data entry related, and that the tech's attorney has spent two days trying to fix the problem.
I tell the tech that I cannot help with a data entry problem and the attorney needs to call our Usage group.
She replies and says "No they are technical related, because the tax calculation isn't right." It's coming up as zero.
Um, last I checked, that's still not a systems issue...
She refuses to have the "attorney who has better ways to spend her time than to waste it on the phone with Support" call the right department, so I try to deal with her problem.
Come to find out that her user's not hitting the "Calculate All" button after doing her entries.
So her billable-time attorney just wasted two days of putzing around where the problem could have been solved with a 3 minute call to Usage.
That sounds.... taxing.
The following has some condensing done; this is currently taking place LIVE! bwahaha and it's taken me almost 10 minutes to do 2 minutes of work due to this guy's terrible communication...
Tech: Our new W7 solution is getting errors when running your program. WinXP still works fine.
Me: We need to troubleshoot W7 by itself. Is anyone using any of the (5 listed products)?
Tech: Yes.
Me: We need everyone out of (5 listed products) in order to be able to troubleshoot.
Tech: (i hear him typing an email to the users)
Me: Okay, let's rename X.DBF file...
Tech: It's telling me it's in use
Me: Is anyone still in the programs?
Tech: Yes, there are users in programs 1,2,3,5
Me: We need people to get out of all five programs
Tech: Okay, let me email again...
Me: Okay, let's rename X.DBF again
Tech: Still saying it's in use. There's users in programs 1,2,4
Me: We need to get all users out of ALL FIVE programs
Tech: Fine, I'll page the manager of that department.
Me: If worse comes to worse, just email them that they will be forcefully kicked in 3 minutes and then just kick them
Tech: But what if they still need to use the programs?
Me: Are we going to troubleshoot this now or later?
Tech: I want to troubleshoot it now
Me: Then we need all the users out of ALL the programs.
Tech: (has me on hold for 5 minutes)
Tech: Oh, while I had you on hold I discovered the difference between the W7 and WinXP solutions, there are differences in the way the apps look at the server they're located on, can't I use both?
Me: No. You have to pick one.
Early 2010 we replaced our aging (dead and roadkill, actually) Sony AIT3 external SCSI tape backup with an external SAS LTO drive.
Every week, we have incrementals on one tape, and every Friday, a full backup is done on a unique tape. Monday the tapes are switched to a new weekly tape, and the process repeats. I take the tapes home over the weekend, and on Mondays, hand them to my counterpart who takes them home.
Every 4th week, we send our full backups to our sister office in a geographically nearby location, where a shipment is overnight, or a 2 hour drive to pick up.
They are supposed to do the same thing.
Last Monday:
Office VP: Have you heard from (other location) about their backup tapes?
Me: No, should I have?
VP: Well apparently they failed their Security audit because they've been overwriting the same backup tape for over a year now.
Me: They're doing what now?
VP: I said the same thing. Anyway, you should be getting tapes from their desktop admin as part of their backup procedures.
Me: I can't remember the last time I saw tapes come in from them. Has to be a good three or four years.
VP: Exactly.
Last Friday:
VP: Did you get those tapes yet?
Me: *checks* No, we only received our next month's allotment of tapes that we send HIM from our backup rotation.
Yesterday:
VP: Any tapes?
Me: No.
VP: *practically storms off and I can hear his raised voice through his door about getting then in the mail TODAY*
VP: *comes back to my desk* You should be getting his tape tomorrow.
Me: Tape, singular?
VP: That's what he said.
Me: You might need to tell him he needs to buy more, because two tapes is bad practice.
VP: Tell me about it. Let's wait and see what the SecAudit team says when I tell them all this.
Today:
Me: *emails the VP, the desktop admin, and my counterpart* Yeah we got the tape (yes, singular) and I will be taking it off-site tonight.
Desktop Admin: I need it back, I sent you the one I needed last night...
*boggle*
I just hit a new low last night. Customer called in wanting the security group to 'take websites off her computer'. This wasn't an ISP issue at all. She had two websites she had subscriptions to and wanted them to stop billing her. Mind you she only got to our team after talking to a 'qualified' internet repair tech. If I had the ability to burninate people over the phone I could probably take care of the global overpopulation problem in a few days.
Our CEO if that's what you'd call him mailed me a ZIP file today and told me to archive it. Sent it to my boss as well. Mission accomplished already...
Nevermind every user having network drives on daily backup. If you want to archive something, just put it there. Yes, he's well aware of that I reckon.
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
Our one notebook that's used for presentations and stuff, which is barely 18 months old, got one of the two (2) USB ports ripped out or pushed in after less than 4 weeks. I suspected someone but wasn't really ever sure he really did it.
Today I watched him destroy the other port... pushed the plug in upside down until the little piece of plastic gave way.
Asshole. He doesn't give a shit, he'll just whine when the external mouse doesn't work. Fucking idiot. I want to punch him in the neck.
Fuckin' a, man.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronaan
I've been the defacto support for our programs' installation for two sister offices for years now. Because for some reason the "higher ups" don't want them calling the customer-facing support lines, even though, technically, they're customers of the programs.
Usually, they're very low-key, low-maintenance, and I only would hear from them 2 or 3 times a year.
Except for this past month.
I've been on the phone with the desktop admin for the one office 15 times in 4 days.
I've been playing email and voicemail tag with the lead user of our programs in the other office for two days because one of her users got a new W7/64-bit PC, and she keeps getting errors when printing.
Errors that say "screen print disabled in this application, please ensure print drivers are correctly installed."
Paraphrasing:
Lead User: She's having trouble printing from your program.
Me: What sort of trouble?
LU: Errors that say "screen print disabled."
Me: I've seen that once before, where a printer wasn't installed, and to fix it we had to install printer drivers.
LU: She has a printer installed.
Me: If it's installed, go into Devices & Printers, and just make sure that it's set to the default printer. Also make sure she can print from other programs.
LU: She can print from other programs, and it's the default printer. Call her and fix it.
Now, I didn't set up the PC, and it's really not my job to set up her PC, but since I have built their desktops in the past, okay, we'll play ball.
Me: *remote control of computer*
Me: *tries to print from app*
Me: *no print dialog at all*
Me: *tries to print from outlook, gets error, Printing could not be completed as spooled, error communicating with printer.*
Me: Well, it looks like you have a problem with your printer.
User: But it printed yesterday.
Me: These errors are telling me it didn't.
Then I look into D&P and see a Xerox Workstation set up, so I check properties on it, and find out that even though the printer is "installed" there's no driver language version, no communication port assigned, nothing. I don't know why Windows is even reporting that it's installed.
User: Oh, Xerox? I don't know why that's installed, we don't usually use that for printing. We're supposed to use the HP 4015 on the network instead.
I go back into properties, look at the list of TCP ports, and find the IP for the 4015 printer. Since it's the 4015, and The Company mandates the 4015 be the primary HP printer this hardware cycle, I know exactly what to do. I pull up an Explorer window, run out to my server, drop the W7/64 PCL5 drivers on her desktop, and install it.
Then the user says "So what was the problem?"
...
Somehow I stayed diplomatic and said "The printer you need to use wasn't installed, and now you're good to go."
U: What about the Xerox?
Me: You said you don't print from it, right?
U: Right.
Me: Then don't worry about it.
And this was before 8:30am.
Coworker from a different department is having problems accessing a certain company-created internal educational website.
She decides to call their Web Support, and I'm only hearing half of the conversation, but I feel bad for this tech person:
Coworker: Yeah, hi, I'm having trouble accessing your website.
C: My name is Mary Smith.
C: Well, I'm an employee of Company.
C: No, I'm in the Tax Group.
C: Do you have an entry under Alice Bingham-Johnson?
C: No, well, my name is Alice is my middle name, which for some reason Company decided to enter me into the computer systems as, and Bingham-Johnson was my married name, but now I'm divorced, but my first name is Mary and last name is Smith. They never changed my information.
C: No, I'm logging in with MSmith
C: No, I created using MSmith
C: Yes, MSmith should be listed as MSmith
C: No, I don't know why they didn't change my information
C: What do you mean the two accounts don't exist with any combination of those names?
C: Well you'll just have to recreate them, because I paid for this course under MSmith, got a receipt, and now that I've actually scheduled time to take this course...
C: No, it would be under MSmith
... *bangs head on desk*
I had a good one today, I haven't had one of these in almost a decade:
"I don't know if you can hear this, but I'm getting a funny static noise in my phone."
*/me turns up headset volume*
*/me hears cellphone data transfer over the speaker*
*/me tries not to snicker*
Do you have a cellular phone nearby?
"Yeah, there's one right here in my purse."
Try moving that about ten feet away.
"Oh wow! The noise stopped! Will that work if I just zip my purse shut?"
No, the cell will need to be a fair distance away from your phone or the speaker will pick up the transmission noise.
"Oh. Okay! THANK YOU!"
I really thought everyone had figured that one out by now.
Are there still people out there who are mystified by the strange popping, pulsing, static noise that occurs in speakers when you have a cell phone nearby?
And desk fans (had one ex-coworker who kept one clipped to the top of his monitor and always bitched when the screen wobbled), stand-alone speakerphone units, headsets, space heaters...Quote:
Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra
Oh yeah. I still get that. Have even had to ask customers to move their cellphones away from the speakerphone when they insist they need to type with two hands.
Quote:
I really thought everyone had figured that one out by now.
Are there still people out there who are mystified by the strange popping, pulsing, static noise that occurs in speakers when you have a cell phone nearby?
Just last year I believe it was I got called up to our board room during a board meeting because of that...
I said it's interference from a cell phone... ...
I took my iphone out of my pocket started Safari & held it near one of the mic's -- dah-dit-dah-dah-dit-dit...bzzzzzzz.....
immediately after said demonstration one board memeber looked me right in the eye and said "I don't know if we accept that explanation"....
I walked out of the room.
I would have been sorely tempted to retort: "It might save some time if you told me the things that you DO know."Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
I just had a user email me to tell me they were going to tape the password to the laptop...
Wow...
HEH! He has the biometric reader and he taped his thumb to the laptop.
"Help help help, I accidentally clicked the history button in <Program> and it usually locks up the program."
Ok, did it?
"no it didn't."
Great, glad I could help.
I think I'm burnt out... People make me cranky...
Get a call from a customer who uses an unsupported platform (Windows 7 via Parallels on Mac):
Caller: Hi, I wiped out my Windows install
Me: So restore your virtual hard drive from your last backup
Caller: I wiped out my backup hard drives as well
Me: Did you have any other backup of your data?
Caller: No
Me: Then you need to start fresh.
Caller: You mean you can't replace the data for me?
Sure, let me just snap my fingers &....Quote:
You mean you can't replace the data for me?
That work?
No-huh? well, that was my last resort... You'll have to start fresh.
Yep, it's quite amazing what people expect out of The Last of the Magicians. Le sigh.
Sent out an email to a portion of the subscriber base today for a product release.
Caller: I got your email
Me: I'm glad to hear it, were you able to install the program?
Caller: Yes
Me: Alright, well then what can I help you with?
Caller: It don't work
Me: Unfortunately you'll need to be more specific
Caller: It says it can't find a specific module (common problem if it's installed wrong)
Me: Well we'll need to reinstall it to the correct path location on your network
Caller: Okay, let me find your email
Me: I can give you the website
Caller: NO! I NEED THE EMAIL, I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID WEBSITE, I WANT TO CLICK IT AND NOT TYPE IT
I want this migraine to go away, and every call just keeps making it worse.
Caller: I restored a client file from backup, but keep getting the same error as before I restored it
Me: What if you restore from a backup prior to the one you had restored from?
Caller: My IT dept won't do that
Me: Well...
Caller: I need you to fix the one I have
Me: Then email me a zipped copy of the file
Caller: I'm trying to get into my C: drive but my computer is frozen. IT does this a lot when I have too many programs open.
Me: How many programs do you have open?
Caller: Just excel
Me: ...
Coworker: My monitor doesn't work
Me: What did you do now?
Coworker: Nothing, I was just cleaning my desk
Me: *I go over to his desk, and find the monitor power cord on the floor, instead of connected to the monitor* Well, your monitor's disconnected.
Coworker: Oh, yeah, I disconnected it, I had too many wires going through the wire hole. Is that why it didn't work?
"Yeah, so I can't get logged in & now it says my account is locked."
Ok, now it's unlocked, try again for me.
"this is weird when I type it puts in more characters then I type".
Ok, restart the computer, let us know if it happens after the reboot.
"yes4 when4 I type4 it puts4 in4 the4 number4 4."
I'll be over to check it out...
- Unplug the USB keyboard, plug it back in - problem persists, and then I notice the sticky spots.
Did you spill something on this?
"what? ummmm, why are you asking?"
well there's sticky stuff...
"well, ok yeah... I did yesterday."
Don't you think if you'd have told me that right off the bat you could have saved a little time... Like the restart & the unplug and plug back in, and 2 phone calls, and now me going back to my office to get a new keyboard?
Get 2 keyboards, the one you bring will just end up wrapped around coworkers head.
I think you just won the thread.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
"My sent items are not going into my sent items folder"
Yes, they are. You're looking at the "Deleted Items" folder. The "Deleted Items" folder is NOT the "Sent Items" folder, which should be fucking apparent due to the fact that it says "Deleted Items" and not "Sent Items".
You are an attorney, you should be able to tell the difference by FUCKING READING THE LABEL.
Yeah, that got my vote.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae
I sent out a laptop to a remote user in October 2011. I get a call from that remote user this morning.
User: So I finally got around to opening the laptop you sent me. I tried to turn it on, and the battery was dead. I think the laptop needs to be replaced. Why did you send me a bad laptop?
Me: Did you plug in the power cord?
User: It has a battery, why would I need to do that?
luser:Hi we're trying to send a audio file over email to a contractor for transcription. and we get this error message.... what does it mean."
Me:well, it means the file size you're sending is to large for the remote server to handle.
luser:But this person handles big files from other people - it MUST be on your end.
Me:Our maximum outbound size is 100MB - far larger then practically everybody else out there; here watch me send a 25mb file to gmail (their max.) see works perfect. I can send your 15MB file out too. It's not my problem.
3 days later:
luser: . I just wanted to let you know I chatted with the gal we e-mail some audio recordings to for her to help us type on the weekends. She says she does the same with other departments and they send very large files and she never has a problem get them from those other departments. So, she does not think that the large file is the problem. She firmly believes it is something on our end because we are the only ones she has problems receiving things from. Just mentioning it so we can see if there is anything else we can check into.
15 seconds with google and <ISP name and max email size> comes back with: "max size 10mb"...
luser: Thanks for the info we'll let her know.