Tales from Techsupport

So I get a call mid-week last week from the vendor rep.
VR: So, how is the status?
Me: It still sucked as of our conversation. So on 3/15, I bypassed the company-supplied hardware and connected the laptop directly to my modem. Then I used VPN to get access to the office network.
VR: And?
Me: Turns out the VPN runs more than 10 times faster than the company hardware. Where it would take me 20+ minutes to download a 20MB file while using the CH box, I can get it in under 2 minutes using the VPN.
VR: Really?

Attachment 5717

VR: We have run the tests and cannot determine speed issues with CH. But you say it is that much faster
Me: I can take screenshots and speedtests if you need
VR: hesitates I believe you. I will also follow up because I do not think it will be cost effective to replace your unit unless actual defecture is discovered.
Me: Understood and thank you.
VR: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Me: Yeah, can you PLEASE put a note in the file for troubleshooting to stop occurring during my working hours? I've had several calls disconnected due to the CH and phone spontaneously restarting itself.
VR: I will do so

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

December (2016):
Customer's Project Leader: We're starting a Disaster Recovery scenario soon

---

So I get an email from CPL this morning

CPL: We need someone to be available for this year's Disaster Recovery test at 2am on Sunday, March 25th

Attachment 5718

"re: DRT"
"this is double time hazard pay, right?"

The customer also CC'ed her sales rep. He asked me about it. I told him that if anyone thought it was going to be approved I want triple time. Not only is it a weekend, it's 2 in the fucking morning.

Disaster = hazard. Hazard = triple. Unsched ot = double.

Sounds to me like 6x is in order.

Two weeks ago:

Customer: I keep having problems with my database getting locked
Me: watching while he uses the software via remote session Well I see that, when you close the database, you keep doing Y then X. You need to do X then Y
Customer: Since when?
Me: Since 2010 if not earlier
Customer: Why is it letting me do it then?
Me: You're clicking faster than the program is processing and you need to wait a second or two
Customer: If I had a penny for every time I heard that I needed to work slower, I'd have two to rub together
Me: Just the same, this is the cause of your problem
Customer: Fine, I'll take it under advisement

This week:

Customer: So that problem you helped me with recently, I'm still having it, and now even more of my database files are locked
Me: Okay, did you create a new ticket? They need to be handled as a new issue. This ticket is two weeks old.
Customer: The woman I talked to spoke terrible English, and I don't think she understood me
Me: Let me look up the new ticket. a moment later I see that she escalated the issue to development due to the fact that so many of your databases are getting locked. Did you try accessing them and closing them in the way that I described?
Customer: Do what now?
Me: redescribes what is necessary
Customer: oh.... work slower. Got it. I remember now. So can you fix it?
Me: Give me some time to examine them.

I dig into his databases and find that I'm getting errors due to their being locked. I try a few things and am able to get access to them. I finish the repairs and send an email to the customer to try to access them no later than 10am this morning.

By 2pm I'm going back through my emails and find he'd immediately responded that those databases are working again. I access the newer ticket and the development escalation (which looks like it hasn't been touched in 2 days by anyone in development) and state that I resolved the problem by doing ABC123. Then I send an IM to the originating rep.

Me: Hi, you can close your ticket T12345, because I resolved the problem. See my notes in that ticket.
Rep: Thanks
Rep: You did it wrong
Rep: I emailed client already telling him we need more time to resolve
Rep: I sent this just 20 minutes ago
Me: I sent it two hours ago and just saw the ticket was still open
Rep: No, dev looked at it
Rep: Oh, I see. Thank you

:wtf: holy shit she said thank you

Customer: I need X tax form implemented into your program because I'm too lazy to do the calculations by hand with the version provided by the IRS
Me: Product enhancement requests are examined on several levels and can take months to research, test, and implement. We are not able to report if specific product enhancement requests will in fact be added to the program, or provide a date of release.
Customer: So you'll have it done by April 15th then?

:wtf:

He was being totally serious, too.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: I need X tax form implemented into your program because I'm too lazy to do the calculations by hand with the version provided by the IRS
Me: Product enhancement requests are examined on several levels and can take months to research, test, and implement. We are not able to report if specific product enhancement requests will in fact be added to the program, or provide a date of release.
Customer: So you'll have it done by April 15th then?

:wtf:

He was being totally serious, too.

---

2024? Maybe. Good luck with your taxes this year!

Receive a transfer of a call I shouldn't have
Customer: I am SO tired of being transferred around when you people can't fix my problem
Me: Well sir, I apologize that you are frustrated, but when certain issues occur we need to document everything, duplicate steps if possible, for escalation
Customer: I get that, but the first person duplicated it, so why am I talking to you?
Me: I ... am not sure

I review the ticket, duplicate the issue, and am starting to document, and get errors that the ticket has been re-assigned to a third person.

I give that third person a call.

Three: Hi, what?
Me: Um, hi, this is Mileron in Systems, we are both working on the same issue, ticket X3456
Three: I'm not working on that
Me: I can see you've edited it several times in the last minute
Three: What is the issue?
Me: describes the problem
Three: Oh. Well why are you working on it? It's not a systems problem
Me: Because the first rep transferred the customer to me
Three: Why did he do that? It's not a systems problem
Me: You'd have to ask him. I'm just calling because I was about to get this escalated and didn't want to overwrite your efforts
Three: That's what I'm working on
Me: Thank you, I'll let you go
Three: I don't know why this was transferred to systems, it's not a systems problem

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Receive a transfer of a call I shouldn't have
Customer: I am SO tired of being transferred around when you people can't fix my problem
Me: Well sir, I apologize that you are frustrated, but when certain issues occur we need to document everything, duplicate steps if possible, for escalation
Customer: I get that, but the first person duplicated it, so why am I talking to you?
Me: I ... am not sure

I review the ticket, duplicate the issue, and am starting to document, and get errors that the ticket has been re-assigned to a third person.

I give that third person a call.

Three: Hi, what?
Me: Um, hi, this is Mileron in Systems, we are both working on the same issue, ticket X3456
Three: I'm not working on that
Me: I can see you've edited it several times in the last minute
Three: What is the issue?
Me: describes the problem
Three: Oh. Well why are you working on it? It's not a systems problem
Me: Because the first rep transferred the customer to me
Three: Why did he do that? It's not a systems problem
Me: You'd have to ask him. I'm just calling because I was about to get this escalated and didn't want to overwrite your efforts
Three: That's what I'm working on
Me: Thank you, I'll let you go
Three: I don't know why this was transferred to systems, it's not a systems problem

---

I actually understand 3's exasperation, as well as their correspondence. I've been in similar situations, where
I am working on something, and in comes someone from the fresh that starts working on it, and it is just mind blowing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

I actually understand 3's exasperation, as well as their correspondence. I've been in similar situations, where
I am working on something, and in comes someone from the fresh that starts working on it, and it is just mind blowing.

---

She'd said she wasn't working on it, even though she clearly was, then said she was working on it, but also expecting me to use my ESPN to guess why it had been transferred.

Without a doubt, there is dick headed ness afoot, but sometimes when in the middle of one thing, you catch "systems" and not the "symptom" or vice versa, and time everything else out.

Attachment 5722

*time=tune

Caller: Hi, I'm an internal trainer, on location at a new customer. None of the users' computers can access the product. You're on speakerphone. Fix.

Attachment 5724

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Caller: Hi, I'm an internal trainer, on location at a new customer. None of the users' computers can access the product. You're on speakerphone. Fix.

Attachment 5724

---

*click*

Got called a klan member today.

That is all.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

Got called a klan member today.

That is all.

---

You really need to stop calling yourself a grand wizard outside of Graffe's. It only causes misunderstandings.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Schezar

You really need to stop calling yourself a grand wizard outside of Graffe's. It only causes misunderstandings.

---

I use the phrase "elder arcanist."

Like the childhood game of telephone, people fuck up the words on their way through the pipeline.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Schezar

You really need to stop calling yourself a grand wizard outside of Graffe's. It only causes misunderstandings.

---

Maybe we should sue the KKK for magic rights infringement. Clearly their wizard is false advertising!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

Maybe we should sue the KKK for magic rights infringement. Clearly their wizard is false advertising!

---

They had the wardrobe, but no fappy. And they were clearly too fat to quad kite anything.

Product Manager: We need you to fix an issue with a customer.
Me: OK
PM: It'll require a few remote sessions
Me: OK
PM: Unfortunately we were not able to come to an arrangement with your manager to get you off the phone to do it, so you'll need to do it among your other call volume (in the middle of one of the busiest tax seasons of late)
Me: Um... ok
PM: Here's the license information
Me: Um... they have 152 licenses
PM: All of them are having problems
Me: Wait, you want me to fix 152 computers?
PM: Yes

:wtf:

I don't know whether to use the big wtf dude or the Pakled at this point.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Product Manager: We need you to fix an issue with a customer.
Me: OK
PM: It'll require a few remote sessions
Me: OK
PM: Unfortunately we were not able to come to an arrangement with your manager to get you off the phone to do it, so you'll need to do it among your other call volume (in the middle of one of the busiest tax seasons of late)
Me: Um... ok
PM: Here's the license information
Me: Um... they have 152 licenses
PM: All of them are having problems
Me: Wait, you want me to fix 152 computers?
PM: Yes

:wtf:

I don't know whether to use the big wtf dude or the Pakled at this point.

---

Tell them to fuck off or get it approved through your manager properly?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Product Manager: We need you to fix an issue with a customer.
Me: OK
PM: It'll require a few remote sessions
Me: OK
PM: Unfortunately we were not able to come to an arrangement with your manager to get you off the phone to do it, so you'll need to do it among your other call volume (in the middle of one of the busiest tax seasons of late)
Me: Um... ok
PM: Here's the license information
Me: Um... they have 152 licenses
PM: All of them are having problems
Me: Wait, you want me to fix 152 computers?
PM: Yes

:wtf:

I don't know whether to use the big wtf dude or the Pakled at this point.

---

does the PM have authority to require you to do something? If not id forward that to your manager, Let them know another department is attempting to steal call time from his department.

[b]Manager: you were out 3 days last week/this week, you missed the time sheet submission cut off, you need to fill out a form and submit your timesheet via fax
Me: I don't have a fax machine
Manager: go buy one
Me: You want me to spend a hundred bucks for a fax machine that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year?
Manager: get an e-fax service
Me: You want me to subscribe to an e-fax service for 15 bucks to even open an account, let alone a 7-10 dollar monthly fee, that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year? Sure, I can cancel it but still
Manager: Go out on your lunch break and find a mail store to fax
Me: May I take an extended lunch for this?
Manager: No

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

[b]Manager: you were out 3 days last week/this week, you missed the time sheet submission cut off, you need to fill out a form and submit your timesheet via fax
Me: I don't have a fax machine
Manager: go buy one
Me: You want me to spend a hundred bucks for a fax machine that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year?
Manager: get an e-fax service
Me: You want me to subscribe to an e-fax service for 15 bucks to even open an account, let alone a 7-10 dollar monthly fee, that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year? Sure, I can cancel it but still
Manager: Go out on your lunch break and find a mail store to fax
Me: May I take an extended lunch for this?
Manager: No

---

This is why we have proxies set up for our time sheet system so folks don't get screwed around by the management.

I would go while i was getting paid

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

[b]Manager: you were out 3 days last week/this week, you missed the time sheet submission cut off, you need to fill out a form and submit your timesheet via fax
Me: I don't have a fax machine
Manager: go buy one
Me: You want me to spend a hundred bucks for a fax machine that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year?
Manager: get an e-fax service
Me: You want me to subscribe to an e-fax service for 15 bucks to even open an account, let alone a 7-10 dollar monthly fee, that I'm going to use once, maybe twice a year? Sure, I can cancel it but still
Manager: Go out on your lunch break and find a mail store to fax
Me: May I take an extended lunch for this?
Manager: No

---

Use the company fax on company time. If they expect an employee to fax for work they should provide the fax machine.

On March 28th, I got an email stating that my ticket related to my prior VPN-like problems will be closed as "Resolved" in ten days. I wait a few days (because busy as fuck) but start testing on 4/2 and find out it's actually not.

On 4/5, I reopen the ticket.

I log in this morning and find an email stating that the ticket has been permanently closed.

Oh HELL NAW.

So I call the Help Desk.

HD: Help Desk tickets close automatically after 3 days. When they are marked as resolved and are automatically closed, they cannot be reopened.
Me: The email states that they automatically close after 10. However, I triggered the "reopen" and apparently it didn't reopen.
HD: You didn't do it within three days.
Me: The email says 10.
HD: You must do it within three days.
Me: Whatever. In any case, this issue isn't resolved.
HD: I'm seeing here you should have received information
Me: Well I didn't. I read him the last six emails I got from anyone related to the ticket on 3/28. Four were automated "this ticket will be closed, here is the last note added"
HD: What was the last note that was added?
Me: Ticket resolved
HD: Is that all it says?
Me: Yes
HD: Oh well that's a problem there
Me: Outside of the fact that the issue's not actually resolved?
HD: Well the last note that I can see indicates that it was suggested by the vendor to replace the hardware you're having a problem with.
Me: Yeah, I can't see that.
HD: You don't have the correct privileges to read the ticket system
Me: Well that's frustrating
HD: So you should be contacting them to receive the new hardware
Me: Contacting whom?
HD: The people in the ticket
Me: The people listed in the ticket that I don't have the permissions to read?
HD: Yes
Me: Would you be able to email that to me?
HD: ... ... Oh.
HD: Hold on, please - this indicates your issue must be troubleshooted separately to determine whether or not you qualify for the replacement hardware.
Me: You mean I need to undergo another two months of troubleshooting? Are you kidding me? This ticket has been open since January 28th.
HD: Since all of the notes are in this original ticket, they may be able to reduce some of the work necessary
Me: You and I both know that probably won't happen
HD: mutters Probably not
Me: Thank you

2am:
Vendor Rep: We need you to run these troubleshooting steps

6am:
Vendor Rep: Are these steps done yet?

I start at 8am. I log in around 7:50 and see the emails.
Me: Due to my business hours being 8am eastern to 5pm, I did not see the initial email 6 hours prior to my start time. As this is the case, I will not be able to troubleshoot until after 5pm Eastern.

3pm:
Vendor rep: Are these steps done yet?
Me: I will endeavor to complete the requested steps as my business requirements allow within my allotted time in the next 3 business days.

I wonder how many more emails I'll get.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

I wonder how many more emails I'll get.

---

Most likely, a bunch!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Bonlainy

Most likely, a bunch!

---

Three, again from 1am to 6am on the 12th. I sent the response with an exact description of the problem and "please see prior ticket for serial number and other troubleshooting done"

The next email, naturally, from 2am Sunday was, "What is the serial number of the device". Three more emails, "we have not received the necessary to do the needful". Also on Monday, before 6am Eastern.

:wtf:

I resent it with a reminder, "prior troubleshooting all present in prior ticket".

-==--==-

Customer: So I'm having this issue. Certain information has disappeared from my return.
Me: Information that critical doesn't just disappear. It had to have been deleted.
Customer: THERE'S NO WAY IT WAS DELETED
Me: Okay, That's fine, we can work on it. Can I remote onto your computer for examination or can you send me a copy of the dataset?
Customer: I really need this today so I can submit it, how long is this going to take?
Me: I don't know what the problem is
Customer: Your program is LOSING DATA, how can you fucking NOT understand that
Me: Because you're the only person reporting the problem since it was released
Customer: FINE. I refuse to do a remote session. How do I send this to you?
Me: walk her through the steps and receive the file I can see here that the dataset was created and is being worked on in an older version of the software. What version are you running?
Customer: reports a version from mid-2016 See!
Me: See... what?
Customer: It's because this version is dated 2016! It has to be a problem with the program!
Me: as I'm continuing to examine her data Actually ma'am, if that were the case, we'd have been having calls about it for the last two years, which has not happened. And thanks to your verifying the version information, that lets me doublecheck something... Ah, yes, here we go. The information was in fact deleted manually.
Customer: Wait, what?
Me: Someone deleted it. Perhaps they didn't like the spelling of the name. Or maybe they didn't like the coding of the data. But speculation aside, it was in fact deleted manually. I can restore it, it'll just take me a few minutes.
Customer: I don't see anything happening...
Me: We're not in the midst of a remote session. All changes I'm making are on my copy of the client data. Please give me a few minutes while I finish this up.
Customer: I still don't see why this was deleted...
Me: As best as I can tell, this exact data that I've restored was re-entered. The original name was misspelled, the data was coded incorrectly, and if the person working on it didn't know they could edit it without affecting everything down the line, they must have deleted the whole thing and started over.
Customer: Why?
Me: You'll have to ask whomever worked on this file back in March 2016
Customer: I'm her replacement
Me: I'm glad we're getting this fixed for you going forward
Customer: Me too!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Three, again from 1am to 6am on the 12th. I sent the response with an exact description of the problem and "please see prior ticket for serial number and other troubleshooting done"

The next email, naturally, from 2am Sunday was, "What is the serial number of the device". Three more emails, "we have not received the necessary to do the needful". Also on Monday, before 6am Eastern.

:wtf:

I resent it with a reminder, "prior troubleshooting all present in prior ticket".

-==--==-

---

So this came to a head last week when I found out one of the people in my department would be leaving for greener pastures.

I mentioned the ongoing problem with the remote device to my manager. He escalated it to his manager, who escalated it to a help desk manager, who escalated it to a vendor manager. :rolleyes:

Tuesday I start getting calls once every other hour to my direct line - always while I'm on a call, no voicemail - from the same number.
A "knowledge transfer" session is scheduled for me with the guy who is leaving (one session. It's not enough.)
Finally late Thursday I get an email from a new vendor guy stating "having trouble reaching you. Can we set something up for Friday"

Ended up having to call out Friday.

This morning when we spoke, I found out that the issues I'm having are an infrastructure limitation that no one in three months has bothered to tell me about.

:hulk:

New VR: Please describe the issue. I see the ticket, I wanted you to describe it.
Me: When accessing websites, they're very slow. When downloading any file, it downloads at less than 50kb/second
NVR: That connection mode has an infrastructure limitation of 5mb
Me: Wait, what?
NVR: Yes
Me: So you mean that, in my complaining about this speed problem for three months, no one thought to mention that this is a systemic limitation so that I could have been investigating better methods to get the functions that I need to use through this device to work correctly, instead of repeatedly reopening new tickets thinking it was a failure of the hardware?
NVR: No one told you that?
Me: I'd remember something as glaringly important as that.

:wtf: :wtf: :wtf:

Zoinks Scooby

Customer: I'm trying to reach (employee) to get some help with (product)
Me: Unfortunately we no longer support (product).
Customer: Well what about (employee)? He was always a grumpy bitch, but helpful. Can I talk to him?
Me: I'm sorry to say no. He passed over ten years ago.
Customer: silence then laugher That's funny kid. Let me talk to (employee)
Me: I'm very sorry, but he passed away in late 2006.
Customer: silence You're fucking with me.
Me: No, I'm sorry I'm not.
Customer: Well why in the fuck didn't anyone tell us?
Me: I believe an email was sent in late 2006 to that effect.
Customer: Well that sucks. What about the software help I need?
Me: We haven't supported that software since the beginning of 2007.
Customer: Well what am I supposed to do now?
Me: Transition processes were in place starting in 2003. I can send you documentation to get you started.
Customer: What good's that going to do for me?
Me: It puts you on the road to using the software that the environment transition would have enabled you to use starting in 2003.
Customer: Why didn't anyone tell me about that?
Me: Information was mailed and emailed throughout 2002 and 2003, and then a further email was sent in early 2007 indicating support for (product) in (environment) was completely ending.
Customer: How am I supposed to remember that?
Me: Other than providing this documentation, is there anything else I can help you with today?
Customer: thought he was mumbling or under his breath, but I heard it clear as day Yeah, resurrect dead shit.

:wtf:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Me: I'm sorry to say no. He passed over ten years ago.
Customer: silence then laugher That's funny kid. Let me talk to (employee)
Me: I'm very sorry, but he passed away in late 2006.

---

I found myself unable to sleep last night, and was re-reading some of the old posts in this thread for giggles.

Eerily, I found a post from 2014 with (almost verbatim) the same conversation.

Customer: I really really need this fixed
Me: We need to do a remote support session
Customer: This can't take more than 7 minutes
(in the background): Come on GURL it's LUNCHTIME

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: I really really need this fixed
Me: We need to do a remote support session
Customer: This can't take more than 7 minutes
(in the background): Come on GURL it's LUNCHTIME

---

I love it when they tell you how long a repair or assistance is going to take.
Yeah some things are easy fixes and can be done in that time or less.
But most of the time it's very dependent on if they actually told you what was wrong in the first place. If they can follow directions or are competent enough to share screens(if possible).
If nothing unexpected happens.....

For sakes people! .. you don't go to car repair places and tell them to fix your car in 5 mins including diagnosing issues!

I felt like the doctors from Armageddon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFTx...youtu.be&t=156

Customer: When accessing your program, I get dozens upon dozens of "unable to write" errors as well as "file not found" messages
Me: remote session examination ensues Well it seems your local C drive has been hidden
Customer: Oh, yeah
Me: Did you have any errors when installing the program this morning?
Customer: Probably
Me: I'm surprised you didn't call at that time
Customer: I don't have time to waste with support
Me: It turns out that this problem is due to the way your computer is set up. Having a hidden C drive - local disk or hard drive - is really unusual and we'll need to move the programs. This'll take twenty minutes or so to get them reactivated.
Customer: huffs Fine
Me: As I'm testing the last few things to ensure it's working
Customer: Are you quite finished?
Me: Well ma'am, I'm just ensuring that, due to your unusual environment, everything is working as intended. I've never set up these programs like this - not in fourteen years - and it's new territory for me. So other than having your tech people contact us, which would likely remove your ability to access the computer at all while your tech people worked with us to resolve the problem. So please allow me another five minutes to ensure the standard functions like printing are working as expected.
Customer: huffs Fine
Me: three minutes later as I hear her muffledly complaining to a coworker about the issue and "how long this jackass in support is taking" Well I've completed what I can. You will need to access the programs and utilize them as you normally would on a day-to-day basis. I'll send you a followup email and indicate in today's ticket how we worked around this unusual setup and if your tech people have any questions they can call me.
Customer: Is that it?
Me: Yes, I believe so. Enjoy the rest of your night.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

I felt like the doctors from Armageddon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFTx...youtu.be&t=156

Customer: When accessing your program, I get dozens upon dozens of "unable to write" errors as well as "file not found" messages
Me: remote session examination ensues Well it seems your local C drive has been hidden
Customer: Oh, yeah
Me: Did you have any errors when installing the program this morning?
Customer: Probably
Me: I'm surprised you didn't call at that time
Customer: I don't have time to waste with support
Me: It turns out that this problem is due to the way your computer is set up. Having a hidden C drive - local disk or hard drive - is really unusual and we'll need to move the programs. This'll take twenty minutes or so to get them reactivated.
Customer: huffs Fine
Me: As I'm testing the last few things to ensure it's working
Customer: Are you quite finished?
Me: Well ma'am, I'm just ensuring that, due to your unusual environment, everything is working as intended. I've never set up these programs like this - not in fourteen years - and it's new territory for me. So other than having your tech people contact us, which would likely remove your ability to access the computer at all while your tech people worked with us to resolve the problem. So please allow me another five minutes to ensure the standard functions like printing are working as expected.
Customer: huffs Fine
Me: three minutes later as I hear her muffledly complaining to a coworker about the issue and "how long this jackass in support is taking" Well I've completed what I can. You will need to access the programs and utilize them as you normally would on a day-to-day basis. I'll send you a followup email and indicate in today's ticket how we worked around this unusual setup and if your tech people have any questions they can call me.
Customer: Is that it?
Me: Yes, I believe so. Enjoy the rest of your night.

---

See, this is why I could never work as customer support of any kind, I probably would have called her a bitch where you put ma'am. What an idiot.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ChaosL01

I love it when they tell you how long a repair or assistance is going to take.
Yeah some things are easy fixes and can be done in that time or less.
But most of the time it's very dependent on if they actually told you what was wrong in the first place. If they can follow directions or are competent enough to share screens(if possible).
If nothing unexpected happens.....

For sakes people! .. you don't go to car repair places and tell them to fix your car in 5 mins including diagnosing issues!

---

No, people do, and they're just as crazy.

why would someone hide their drive? Did they have a D or E at least?

Filan, exactly. Also, why not get them to unhide the c drive, or permission to do so?

I've only run into hidden or unusual primary OS drives three times in my tenure of this position.

Twice were Citrix environments that the primary OS drive was either hidden, or NOT C: for "security purposes".

The third was this call.

This user was on a local workstation - not even in Citrix - and getting the C drive unhidden for a single application for a single user in an office of multiple hundreds was not going to happen.

Thankfully, they did in fact have a secondary partition/drive that was not hidden, and not a network drive (because for some reason out of the 4 network drives which the user had listed, she had no write permissions to any of them) which is the location to where I ended up moving the application.

I sent her a followup email that stated what was done, and requested she forward it to her tech people. I highly doubt she will have done so, but because it's in my ticketing system now, I have record of it, and my ass is covered.

Customer: I just need my question answered
Me: I am systems, I do not have the knowledge you need. I am creating you a ticket for transfer of this call and will get you to the correct group
Customer: I just need my question answered
Me: I understand that, however I need to get you to another person. Here is your ticket number.
Customer: I just need my question answered
Me: Now that you have your ticket number, I will transfer this call to the correct person.
Customer: hangs up

Saw this just now on reddit, thought you guys would appreciate it.

Quote:

---

[–]RCTID1975

6 points 4 hours ago

It's becoming more and more like spiceworks.

Some good stuff buried in a lot of people arguing that unless you have redundant everything including sneakers, you're wrong and are a complete failure regardless of what the situation is.

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[–]OckhamsChainsaws

Masterbreaker 5 points 3 hours ago

Why would you not have redundant sneakers? That's just day 1 stuff. I actually have highly available pants as well. Pants are way more important

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[–]RCTID1975

3 points 2 hours ago

I've been in the life industry for over 40 years, and let me tell you, the real important piece is the belt.

If the belt fails, your pants and sneakers are useless.

That's why i recommend redundant belts with suspender failovers.

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[–]OckhamsChainsaws

Masterbreaker 2 points 2 hours ago

Suspenders are legacy equipment that have reached eol, so the platform no longer supports it. As far as the belt goes, last time it failed I consulted an expert on the platform, and they told me to do the needful and exercise. Unfortunately the platform automatically goes to sleep any time a maintenance window is scheduled.

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[–]CleaveItToBeaver

3 points 2 hours ago

Yeah, but what's the uptime on those zippers? Do you put 'em back up before they go in the wash, or do you just leave a MASSIVE SECURITY VULN in the crotch so any bad actor can just hop in during the spin cycle?

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[–]OckhamsChainsaws

Masterbreaker 3 points 2 hours ago

No one's up time is 100%, as much as we would like it to be.

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---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

(Issues with remote hardware)

---

So they send me a replacement unit. It's not new (shocker) and they can't tell me how old it is (naturally). I got it last Thursday. My manager hounds me every day to set it up, but when I tell him it would take more than an hour for the help desk to get someone to configure it, he relents. (This is not a complete exaggeration. A help desk call takes 5 minutes. Getting someone from vendor level to configure it... that's a different story.)

I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday (yesterday) and managed to set it up just sitting on my floor.

I get an email from a vendor guy stating "you absolutely cannot set up two of those units connected to the same router, or BIG PROBLEMS will occur." Okay. Yoink the power.
Reply to him, my manager, his manager, and two vendor guys: I have a doctor's appointment at 2pm Eastern, I'll reconnect everything at that time.
2pm email: Everything's connected to the replacement unit. Phone is not getting any power through the unit. Tried multiple network cables.
Vendor: I don't see a phone online. Double-check the cable for the phone and make sure it is in the right port on the back of the phone as well as the unit.

Um...
1 - I didn't need to disconnect the phone end of the cable.
2 - If I reconnect the phone to the original unit, it still powers back on.
3 - Which tells me there's a problem with the replacement unit.

So I do some more peeking at the replacement (I keep typing "new" and having to correct myself) and discover that the power adapter I was sent is a 2.5A plug, where the original is a 5A plug.
:huh:
Hmm, a PoE phone not powering on?
I switch the power adapters but unfortunately the replacement still will not power the phone.

The ports work when a standard ethernet cable is connected, but not this PoE phone.

The kicker?

They (my manager, his manager, the help desk, nor the vendor guys) don't know why the replacement unit I received was surrendered for the person who originally used it to be replaced.

Maybe it's because the PoE board burnt out? :confused:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Maybe it's because the PoE board burnt out? :confused:

---

Vendor Rep: When I was connected to the replacement unit for configuration, there were indications the PoE portion of the unit was non-functional.

:rofl::banghead::doof::stooges::so:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

So they send me a replacement unit.

---

I didn't mention how it came with two extra items in the box - a tax book, and some random cable modem that I can't even use.
I was requested to ship them back - so I did, on my dime because no one responded how I was supposed to get the company to pay for it. I paid ground.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Vendor Rep: When I was connected to the replacement unit for configuration, there were indications the PoE portion of the unit was non-functional.
:so:

---

Mgr: We'll send you the phone power cord.

Today I get the package. It was that exact same random fucking cable modem.

:ohreally:

Wait just a fricking minute.

YOU paid out of pocket to send something back to a client?

Okay, so I'm going to have to be REALLY vague for this, because details can be incriminating.

Basically, someone was sold a product that didn't work as expected after being told by the technicians that it wouldn't work as they were selling it.

The main failure point was the GPS (everything else worked), and the person selling it was a complete "airbubble over my head, lalala, I don't hear you *plugs ears and charges in anyway*" sort.

After weeks of explaining why the feature wouldn't work (can't go into details) the technician responsible for explaining it started taking heat because *gasp* it wouldn't work.

Said person pushing this and the subsequent support was dumber than a box of hair and desperate for information about a technology person knew nothing about right before a BIG client presentation.

Tech decided to screw with said person.

T is the totally exasperated tech due to years of being screwed with and over by said person, P is person.

P: But it's GPS, it should work!
T: It does, in most cases, but GPS stands for Global Positioning System, emphasis on GLOBAL.
P: What do you mean?
T: Well, the planet rotates, right?
P: Huh?
T: The sun rises in the east and sets in the west, it's due to planetary rotation.
P: Oh. Why does that matter?
T: Well, there's a dark side of the moon, that doesn't get any light, because it's tidally locked, right?
P: We're not on the moon.
T: Yes, that was an example, but in the same way, part of the earth is in darkness for about half of the day.
P: What do you mean?
T: Night time, when we sleep.
P: Oh.
T: So GPS doesn't work when it's dark out.
P: I...no, my car has GPS and it works at night!
T: Your car has HEADLIGHTS! That's what makes it work, You know those little blinking lights on the satellites? That works in concert with your headlights and allows the two to find each other.
*cue Person making furious notes for a client meeting*

This goes on for about two more minutes of bullshit before Tech finally says "I'm totally feeding you bullshit, the reason it doesn't work is because the firmware in this model is busted, don't sell them the GPS functionality."

Person was mad at Tech for about a year.

Probably rightfully so, but don't be purposefully mean to your techs. We like the occasional prank. :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra

Wait just a fricking minute.

YOU paid out of pocket to send something back to a client?

---

No, back to my manager's manager.

Boy do we ever like to play pranks. At the university,The library severs went down at midnight for maintenance(30 mins). A caller got one of my co-workers and stated they thought they broke the online library. Because they couldn't get in at 12:01 AM. The co worker stated " So it was you that broke it!" He let the caller hang a for a minute then told him about the maintenance. What is even better is that call was picked for a Quality check....

Caller: We're having problems with our program logins; it seems someone changed the password without telling us.
Me: Okay, well your environment is preventing us from doing the remote session necessary to complete the troubleshooting, can I talk to your tech person?
Caller: We'll have to call you back.

Twenty minutes later...
Caller: I have my tech guy.
Tech Guy: What do you need?
Me: Hi, this is Mileron. We need your administrative credentials so that I can remote onto Caller's system to resolve a program login problem.
TG: Can't you do that on your side?
Me: No, this login is not internet-facing
TG: Really? Cool! Sure, let's do it.
Email: while getting logged in, I get three nearly simultaneous IMs and an email from two managers and two coworkers requesting me to do a callback... for a different user at the same company I'm already on the phone with Urgent status. I reply and state that I'm already helping one of their users and that second caller can hang up.
Me: Asking the tech guy Is it possible that Caller2 is on the phone with one of our other reps? He can disconnect because we're handling the issue.
Email: I see an email stating that the second caller refuses to disconnect, and that I should put Caller1 on hold and call Caller2 instead!
Me: So it looks like we already set up your internal ability to administer your own logins a few months ago but the person who handled that may not have shared that information.
TG: Oh. Yeah, I can see that this had been done.
Caller1: Are we done yet? Caller2 won't hang up until we're done.
Me: We've got about 2 minutes of fixes left, and 3-4 minutes of explanations and trying to make sure this doesn't happen again.
Email: 30 seconds later Are you done yet? This customer wants to know why he hasn't gotten a call.
Me: replying to the emails, including the two managers The customer is being assisted via a different caller who called in first.

reminds me of caller who called techsupport asked a complex question, was asked to wait while they researched . Called the support number again conferenced the 2nd tech asked the same question as soon as asked to wait this this a 3 to 5th time. by the time the poor 1st tech got the answer we had a party line of 5 techs all seeking the same answer.

5/1
Manager: We need you to get a company phone because you're being moved to 24/7 on call for critical customers
Me: What's in it for me?
Manager: explains
Me: Hmm... k, I guess
Manager: We'll send you your phone. Go-live is 5/25

5/25
Me: No phone
Manager: On vacation

6/1
Me: Gets phone, can't activate it
Manager: Wait until Monday 6/4

6/4
Me: Can't activate phone
Manager: Call help desk during office hours
Me: Also I haven't gotten the email that tells me what I need
Manager: The help desk can expedite that
Me: Can I get time off my usual call queue to do that?
Manager: No

6/7
Manager: Why haven't you activated your phone?
Me: Well on the lunch that I wasn't getting paid for, I called the help desk and they told me to wait to see if I got the email
Manager: Call them again

Help Desk: Oh, we haven't sent those emails in almost a year. Just turn it on and activate it.
Me: Aren't there special apps I need?
Help Desk: Yes
Me: What are they?
Help Desk: They will automatically download to your phone
Me: And if they don't?
Help Desk: Call us back

Me: to manager It's activated. Here's the number. None of the apps you tell me I need are installed; the Help Desk tells me they should automatically flow through within the next few hours of pushed updates.
Manager: Be nice if they updated the documentation
Me: Ya don't say

Ouch they fucked you over with a batphone? Hopefully pay has been adjusted to compensate.

I dunno what your company calls those phones but when I worked a help desk at a big cable firm they this drop down in the Cisco Phone software and one option was Batphone for REALLY REALLY REALLY important customers. apparently it went to people in power who could always be available.

that said I dunno if I could ever do that simply because I sleep extremely soundly.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

that said I dunno if I could ever do that simply because I sleep extremely soundly.

---

As too do I (except when the cat scratches the bed) however my wife does not. So she's going to be the one shaking the shit out of me to wake up if it ever goes off.

Be me
Be me - the good tech
Be me - the one who writes documentation to try to teach the new techs what's what
Be me who customers contact above all others
Be me who customers contact to bitch at about all others no matter the reason
Be me who customers contact because even if I can't support the problem, I'll either figure it out or get them to someone who won't treat them like utter shit

Be me who had a fucking shitty day, where 7/10 of the calls I got were me being yelled at, including two of the last three which were over an hour long
Be me who needs to send an email to my manager because, due to the above descriptions, my very last call was that of an extremely angry customer who got the runaround for over 40 minutes by one of my coworkers, only to be told at the end "Huh, I guess you were right when you originally asked your question, you can't do what you're asking", wanted someone to vent to, but also wanted someone higher-up to actually contact her while also ensuring that the message would get delivered to said manager
Be me who has a problem with my remote/telecommuting setup where randomly it'll up and drop my network connection, causing all websites to refresh and phone calls to drop. Thankfully, the previous call was over, but I was in the middle of writing the email
Be me who did not realize the ticketing system didn't retain the changes I'd made to the email to be sent to my manager, and instead sent it to the customer

Be me whose face is like
Attachment 5764

Be me who is glad it didn't include anything bad - it was just an informational email, but still.
:mad: :violin::madcomp:

So you had a typically bad day for a tech. Don't worry doesn't sound like they'll fire you you might get a slap on the hand or stern talking to.
Tech is unique everything breaks and were still expected to do our job(several times, everything but the phones broke)

Customer: I'm getting an error when I access my data
Me: That error is usually preceded by a different error, did it come up?
Customer: No, but some other error occurred when I opened the program. I just click OK through it. Is it important?

Seems like the right place to link this. A good reason why computers should not be allowed to operate unchecked. What seems odd is no other management could halt it.

The man who was fired by a machine http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-44561838

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: I'm getting an error when I access my data
Me: That error is usually preceded by a different error, did it come up?
Customer: No, but some other error occurred when I opened the program. I just click OK through it. Is it important?

---

I fucking love this bull shit. This is like people who drive with the engine light on, to me.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

I fucking love this bull shit. This is like people who drive with the engine light on, to me.

---

I had a friend do the CEL thing for awhile, But it was only the gas cap?

Ha did not mean a question mark damn mobile

Coworker: Hello Mileron. Can you set me up for (product A) and (product B) software? I spoke to (manager's manager) and he stated I should have the application.
Me: The emails I sent two weeks ago with the (product B) information have everything you need to get to the website and install the software.
Coworker: Okay, thanks!
Me: However for (product A) it's best if you talk to (other rep). While I can help you with the basic installs, she's really the guru and is better equipped for the full shpiel.
Coworker: Okay, cool
Coworker an hour later: Mileron, I do not see the email
Me: Two emails, (product B) System Training, 6/6
Coworker: Oh okay, will they contact me?
Me: I forwarded two emails with a buttload (technical term) of documents to you
Coworker: Okay cool I have all afternoon
Me: On 6/6
Coworker: Really

Attachment 5774

Customer: I'm not in front of my computer, and I can't tell you exactly what's wrong, but let's try to figure it out anyway

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: I'm not in front of my computer, and I can't tell you exactly what's wrong, but let's try to figure it out anyway

---

I love those . Again back to the car analogy
Customer: my car is not working
Mechanic: let's take a look, where is your car? at home.

I've had people ask me to help then with computer problems while they were driving(you can hear traffic noises car accelerating /decelerating.
or Well I'm at such and such place my computer is at home. fix it
Me : WTH?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

Seems like the right place to link this. A good reason why computers should not be allowed to operate unchecked. What seems odd is no other management could halt it.

The man who was fired by a machine http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-44561838

---

Actually I was half fired from my last job.
Company A acquired Company B. I was with Company A first.
They gave us a manager for company B so we could access there systems( no authority over us) a year later Manager B terminated me in the system. I got locked out of the building during my lunch break. And lost all access to company B resources. I still had company A resources and my Direct manager was not amused I had been "terminated" without her permission.

Took me 4 weeks to get back my access to company B. Fortunately Most of our systems had been integrated enough (or I was able to ask people to do things)I was able to fake assistance with callers from company B.

Coworker#1: I need help with this issue
Me: I'm on a scheduled call
Coworker#1: Okay, I'll grab Coworker#2
Coworker#2: How could you do this to me?
Three hours later
Coworker#1: We don't know why this won't work, so we recorded the remote troubleshooting
Me: reviews the recording. I notice in the first 10 seconds that the program folder structure is missing some important files - the database engine DLLs
Me: calls the Tech who starts rehashing the whole thing Actually, I viewed your recording, and I could see pretty quickly that the folder structure was incomplete
Tech: Incomplete how?
Me: All of the necessary database engine DLLs are missing. They're dated 2007. Did you recently update Antivirus or Antimalware and see that they removed DLLs unexpectedly?
Tech: No
Tech: Wait
Tech: Did you say 2007?
Me: Yes
Tech: I have a script that runs on my server that moves files older than 7 years out to a special repository to allow data storage to not get stale
Me: And that includes DLL files, executables, and all?
Tech: Why wouldn't it?

:wtf:
Me: Well, that script broke this program. You need to reinstall the programs and exempt this folder structure from that script.
Tech: But what if I run low on hard drive space?
Me: My DLLs are 2.3MB total for the three files. While they happen to exist in 3 different places due to being required by three different executables, if you're worried about that 7MB causing problems, then there might be some other file cleanup that might be necessary. In any case, please exclude this folder from your script.
Tech: But what if I run low on hard drive space?

Where's my Pakled when I need him?
Attachment 5778

My last employer and current have me work with internal employee support.

This is a common call for me from both places:

User: My account keep getting locked out!.
Me: *starts to clear saved passwords*
User: Don't you dare delete my saved passwords!
Me: That what is causing your lockouts sir/ma'm. The technical user agreement you signed, stated you would not save passwords to your computer; therefore we wipe all saved passwords.
User: Can't you leave my password alone? <insert favored location here>
Me: Not if you don't want to experience repeat lockouts.
Me: the choice is yours......

I was on the phone with an ISP today for 3.5 hours. The overall issue was known to me due to some shitty cabling work a contractor did today. The result was a coaxial cable that has too much noise to pass a signal to the phone modem in a remote sales office. I just needed the ISP to forward the number to the sales agent's cell phone to get me through the weekend. The insanity is too vivid to recount in all its glory here, but I will summarize some of the points that make this noteworthy.

At one point the escalated supervisor I am speaking with is trying to dump me off the phone and tells me I am not an authorized user on the account to discuss things with (this is after they've already spent 2 hours talking to me about it). We spend the next hour trying to "confirm" the account. Finally a local contact hits up his work email and sees the insanity and contacts both him and me and "adds" me to the account. Come find out there was no information whatsoever tied to the account. No business name, no contact name, phone number, tax ID, nothing. He knew there was nothing there and we spent an hour trying to "confirm" the account when I had no way of doing so. Insane. Get past that and I talk them into an early morning bit tomorrow to fix the whole thing since they apparently can't forward a phone number without the modem being online even though I've done so dozens of times over the past decade of dealing with it (some oddness of residential vs commercial accounts on their end - it is technically a residential account given to us for free by the ISP for reasons - although it has never been issue before).

Now I wish the insanity ended there, but it is me, so that is not really how it plays out. You also have to look at my "Work Crazy" thread in the main forum to understand this week has been a big bag of "fuck you" before this started.....

Anyhow, I get off the phone with the ISP and call the sales agent to let him know the ISP will be out first thing in the morning and they will call him. He tells me thanks for working on it and the phone started working 10 minutes ago......................................(*@#$&%(* @#&%(*@#&)R(%@#*%)(@#^T)(*@#&_^t)_@(#_%^*t&)@!(#*% )(@#*u$)#@!&$(*@#&%(*@#&%)@#*$(@#*_

That one statement rendered my 3.5 hour ordeal meaningless..........

The perfect end to the week. If anyone needs me I'll be recovering from alcohol poisoning for the next month.

Caller: I'm calling you about X ticket I have with you
me: I sent you an email about it last week and hadn't heard back; I was about to close the ticket for lack of response
Caller: oh, that was to my coworker then
me: oh, I'm sorry, you didn't introduce yourself
caller: it's okay, that rat bastard is in Hawaii right now, so no worries

Customer: I'm having install problems
System uptime: 54 days, 23 hours, 57 minutes

Tech: I'm getting smartscreen errors when trying to download your software
Me: Those are false reports. Please disable Smartscreen.
Tech: What else can I do?
Me: Use Firefox or Chrome.
Tech: But I'm getting errors in IE
Me: Use Chrome or Firefox
Tech: How can I use IE?
Me: Disable Smartscreen
Tech: I don't want to do that, can I use Chrome?

Found this gif on imgur, I would love to see the trouble ticket for this

https://i.imgur.com/H6JmeHw.mp4

The irony is that where this ticket is a problem will not end up with its solution outsourced.

Ticket subjects from the last 24 hours:

• HELP
• PASSWORD
• NOT OPENING
• TAX
• ERROR
• DIAGNOSTIC
• CONTACT ME
• ONE QUESTION (which had 6 inside)
• CONSULT

Coworker had

• HOLDING FOR SUPPORT

My personal favorite

• -

Yes, just a single hyphen as the subject.

Isn't it nice when you can send them all back for being shit tickets?

Are these self-service tickets raised by the user or something that has been entered (I dare say - investigated?) by your first line team?

Either way - Boing! said zebedee

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Woodja

Are these self-service tickets raised by the user or something that has been entered (I dare say - investigated?) by your first line team?

Either way - Boing! said zebedee

---

Email subjects received that still somehow got to me.

Today's:

Customer: I'm having (this problem)
Me: Have you gotten a new computer recently?
Customer: Yes, it's been happening ever since
Me: When was that?
Customer: Six months ago

...

At this point, it's a feature, not a problem

I've been having problems accessing a certain resource through our call tracking system. I called my internal help desk. I verified with the receiving rep that the ticket states "trouble accessing secondary resource through call tracking".

Email followup from HD: User is having problems accessing call tracking system

I call them back and have them update the ticket with the correct information.

Email: User is having problems accessing (secondary resource)

I call them back again and have them update the ticket with the correct information.

Email: User is having problems accessing secondary resource through call tracking

Email from assigned tech: We see you have logged into call tracking today. This ticket will be closed.

...

I call the help desk back.

Me: I need my ticket re-opened because the issue wasn't addressed
HD2: The last update shows that you were able to successfully access your call tracking
Me: Yes, because I wasn't having a problem with that. I was having problems with (secondary resource)
HD2: I see that in the ticket thread
Me: So why was my ticket closed?
HD2: Because you successfully accessed call tracking
Me: The problem wasn't about call tracking! It was about the secondary resource!
HD2: Why didn't you open the ticket and mention that?
Me: I did. If you read the original ticket, that's exactly what it states. The emails I received as followup were wrong.
HD2: I will contact the person who closed your ticket and have him follow up.
Me: Please do

Ticket Owner: You were able to access the call tracking system. This does not need to be reopened.

Attachment 5837

Customer: My computer's really slow
Me: Have you restarted it lately?
Customer: Yes
Me: Your Task Manager shows it's been nearly 27 days since you did
Customer: Maybe it's just really slow updating the timer

Customer: Why don't you offer a combined 32/64 bit installer for (product)?
Me: It's not currently offered
Customer: Can you find out why?

Escalation to development: Customer wants to know why we do not offer a combined 32/64 bit installer for (product)
Development: We do not offer a combined installer

...

Really?

I am honestly amazed people still even need 32bit binaries. I have had x86_64 since 2005, And have run a 64bit OS since Vista(skipped XP64 since it a bug show)

Answer : legacy customers. And those are always the ones that drove progress. The on site tech doesn't get paid for saying "you need to spend more money on new systems."

From the next cube over just now.

Tech: What leads you to believe that power was applied to the ethernet port?

Client: IiiDontThinkThat'sImportant.

I was just looking for a picture of something and I ran across my attempt to telnet a fork-bomb via PJL to a printer.

Attachment 5963

I wanted to see if it would work, after all, the worst it could do would be to require a power cycle.

It just changed the RDYMSG on that particular model.

I was amused and disappointed at the same time.

CFO: I have an issue only you guys (in IT) can handle
Us: OK
CFO: I need a tiny screwdriver to fix my glasses

mailto://dumbass@higherpaidgroup.nut
Subject: Your glasses
https://lmgtfy.com/?q=Glasses+screwdriver&s=g

[signature]

moron: guy needs to drop off a laptop to our office
we send him an email with on-site availability
In that email we also state that his door badge will still allow him access
he goes up to the office, sees the note on the door stating "mail must be dropped in this box, for all other deliveries please call $IT"
he doesn't call
he goes to the end of the hall near the IT room (and I assume knocks for a couple minutes, but gets no answer because no one's in the office)
He leaves the laptop in a box outside our locked door in the elevator vestibule.

Manager: I need you to write documentation
Me: OK but I'm an admin on everything you want me to document. Can I get a non-admin test account temporarily so I can correctly document what people will be seeing, instead of obfuscating what people won't see or specifically drawing attention to what they cannot use?
Manager: no

At 8:30 am, leave voicemail for coworker who's having hardware issues
At 2:15pm, get an email from his manager saying "he's been waiting all day for a call from IT"
Talk to him at 2:30pm.
Me: I left you a voicemail with my name, reason for call, and number, why didn't you call me back?
Him: You didn't identify yourself

User (who still has not yet mastered the concept of "submit a ticket"): I need you to call me regarding my prior issue, 555-555-123
Me: Your phone number is missing a digit
User: No it's not, it's 555-555-123
Me: Your phone number is one number short. It should be 555-555-wxyz. Please submit a ticket.
User: Just call me

that is grade A idiocy, ALL phone numbers in North America are ten digits.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

that is grade A idiocy, ALL phone numbers in North America are ten digits.

---

Better answer: I will definitely call you something.

Wide gulf of responses today in the bi-weekly password reset reminders that I send.

From:
"Third time's the charm. Thank you for your consistent reminders I keep putting this off and I would have forgotten without at least three notices. :) Just changed it"

to:
"OK Dad... LOL"

[Coworker/IT guy]: We've noticed that a manager has a photo in Exchange where the top of his head is cut off. We need you to edit it back in.
Me: You want me to do what?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

[Coworker/IT guy]: We've noticed that a manager has a photo in Exchange where the top of his head is cut off. We need you to edit it back in.
Me: You want me to do what?

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That is priceless! :rofl:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

User (who still has not yet mastered the concept of "submit a ticket"): I need you to call me regarding my prior issue, 555-555-123
Me: Your phone number is missing a digit
User: No it's not, it's 555-555-123
Me: Your phone number is one number short. It should be 555-555-wxyz. Please submit a ticket.
User: Just call me

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The question I still have is, did you try calling it?