Tales from Techsupport

So someone had a host of issues, one of which was "my desktop wallpaper sometimes only shows up when I'm on the work network or on vpn, but not always, but even when it does, it disappears after reboot".

Level 1 and 2 techs solved all of the other issues with a little consulting from me on what direction to take, but couldn't figure this one out. It wouldn't let them set the wallpaper the someone wanted, but they could pick any other of the builtin ones and it would take just fine, regardless of network or reboots.

The techs ruled out profile corruption, amongst about a dozen other things over the course of two HOURS before escalating the ticket AGAIN, putting it in my hands.

5 minutes after getting ahold of it, I notice that he's setting his wallpaper to a slideshow of a folder containing a SINGLE picture (and other non-picture files) on a UNC path...and NOT with group policy.

/facepalm

...yeah...that might cause your wallpaper to disappear "randomly" when you can't reach the folder it's in on the company network.

One VPN session and a file copy to a local location later and all is good.

*sigh*

Delusional Tech: Logged into switch02 yesterday to change the VLAN access on my spare switch port - in the description somehow it got swapped to "ServerX" so I didn't want to mess with it.

Me: ummm, Ok, that's weird, I am in the middle of upgrading switches, maybe I screwed up somehow. Let me login and look.
ummm, No? Switch02, port g0/35 is "labeled Delusional Tech".

Delusional Tech: It is? Huh, I must have been looking at the wrong switch or port - oh well.

Me: Hey Boss... ServerX isn't listed ANYWHERE as a description in ANY of the switches. ServerX is on Switch01; it's description in the IOS says "old-server name". I have no Idea what delusional Tech could even have been fucking looking at.

So after my last email snafu it was humming along nicely for two weeks.

I'm guessing until the engineer that assisted me started backtracking and cleaning up what he thought were changes that he had made to try to enable my access to the shared mailbox.

Because on June 14th, I suddenly could no longer send "from" that group mailbox.

So I figured it was a fluke, and didn't need to do anything with it on the 15th or 16th (as all my emails went through the call tracking system), and waited until the next Monday (the 19th) til I needed to use the box again. Nope, still couldn't send "from" the group box.

Another call to the Help Desk.

It's been a full week and they don't seem to understand "it worked before the 14th, it worked like this for 12 years, something on your side changed and I need you to put it back the way that it was."

This is a tech support quandary, right here :

Last night, 12 guys at the bar.

One fine ass chick sitting by herself at a table.

No one hit on her the entire night.

She came by herself, she left by herself.

Wtf?

Sounds like you guys are a whole bunch of South American country known for its verdant interior and beach-lined coast.

All the colors of Benaton were present. I'm still trying to get my head around it.

Simple: Uruguay.

Bullshit:

Solenoid valve at the 2nd to end of a line is forced into an on position.

At some point in time, probably a decade ago, landscaping comes in and adds a solenoid valve to the end of the line instead of doing the dirty work and replacing the stuck solenloid valve.

So 2 weeks ago, and anti siphon (aka, an open drain check valve, or diaphragm pressure valve) starts spewing water,right next to the defunct solenoid valve above.

Plumbing construction crew gets called out because the size of this anti siphon valve will require a special order, blah blah blah.

They decide to also replace the defunct solenoid valve, because it is... Defunct. Also forced, by defunct, into an open flow or "on" position.

New solenoid valve is forced into an off position unless there is current to the solenoid.

Did they wire the new solenoid valve? No. Because the electrical had been moved, at some point in time, probably a decade or more ago, to the NEW solenoid valves, 100 meters away.

2 weeks later, the landscaping is turning brown. Questions start getting asked. Who is the only one who can answer them? Me! Why did we do that? Go ask the fucking plumbing construction crew!

Last night, landscaping turned on all irrigation for an open water, FLOODING RETAINING WALLS. they opened the solenoid valve MANUALLY.

Who got the call at midnight to deal with it?

FUCKING ME.

I am going to admit that I am surprised the irrigation system can even be turned on there in Cali. Or did they lift all those restrictions?

But still the irrigation folks have to take full blame here, it was them who created the situation all the way back when they did not replace that original valve properly.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

I am going to admit that I am surprised the irrigation system can even be turned on there in Cali. Or did they lift all those restrictions?

But still the irrigation folks have to take full blame here, it was them who created the situation all the way back when they did not replace that original valve properly.

---

Northern CA restrictions have pretty much been lifted after this very wet winter, but we (I work for a water district) are still telling people to be smart and conserve as much as possible.

Product Manager: Why is it in install a setup file to the network drive from home?

Me: :confused:
Me: I'm sorry?

PM: Why is it in install a setup file to the network drive from home?
Me: Do you mean, how do you?
PM: No. Why is it in install to the network drive, a setup file from home is install?

:wtf:

PM: I wasted so much time yesterday and could never get it to complete. I'm in the office today and it finished in two minutes.
Me: Oh! You're having problems installing the program over VPN to a network drive.
PM: That's what I said.

:ohreally:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

I am going to admit that I am surprised the irrigation system can even be turned on there in Cali. Or did they lift all those restrictions?

But still the irrigation folks have to take full blame here, it was them who created the situation all the way back when they did not replace that original valve properly.

---

They go back and forth in SoCal. They didn't lift the restrictions, but they're no longer enforcing them. so everyone is watering again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Product Manager: Why is it in install a setup file to the network drive from home?

Me: :confused:
Me: I'm sorry?

PM: Why is it in install a setup file to the network drive from home?
Me: Do you mean, how do you?
PM: No. Why is it in install to the network drive, a setup file from home is install?

:wtf:

PM: I wasted so much time yesterday and could never get it to complete. I'm in the office today and it finished in two minutes.
Me: Oh! You're having problems installing the program over VPN to a network drive.
PM: That's what I said.

:ohreally:

---

Next time that PM does that tell them their new name is Butter, because they need to clarify.

Quote:

---

Next time that PM does that tell them their new name is Butter, because they need to clarify.

---

Oh, Ghee...

Sounds a little rough around the margarines.

I would just curd it up to a different whey of thinking.

Be careful when trying to saddle-break a dragon, that Mount'll Kill Ya.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

Sounds a little rough around the margarines.

---

Sometimes you just have to stick with it.

Tech: One of our tax returns has no data
Me: When you open the return is there an error?
Tech: No
Me: Could you send me a zipped copy of the dataset folder?
Tech: No, but I can send you the error we get when opening it

At least they did you the favor of contradiction only after one sentence.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Tech: One of our tax returns has no data
Me: When you open the return is there an error?
Tech: No
Me: Could you send me a zipped copy of the dataset folder?
Tech: No, but I can send you the error we get when opening it

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

At least they did you the favor of contradiction only after one sentence.

---

You would think.

Follow up call:

Tech: So what you're telling me is that without you seeing a copy of the return, you can't tell me whether or not the data exists
Me: Correct. You say that all of the numeric lines are coming up blank. That's impossible. There should at least be zeroes. You say there are no errors. But there must be, because the only time I personally have seen blank numeric lines in the nearly thirteen years I've been supporting this product has been proceeded by at least two, if not three, error messages. And I've described each of them to you. So this can go one of two ways. You can restore the folder of missing data from your last known good backup, which you yourself have discovered is from late March, or you can ask your user to begin re-entering data.
Tech: It's too hard to find the backup. I'll tell her she needs to start over.

:wtf:

Client: {Vendor} told us that in order to send 1,000 e-mails a day, we need a GoDaddy Office365 Outlook Exchange and it's asking us about privacy before we purchase it.

Me: *wince* A what, now?

Client: a GoDaddy Office365 Outlook Exchange.

Me: *twitch* Uhh. You have an on-premises Exchange server. You don't need to buy anything from GoDaddy. We can just set up a relay.

Client: Then why did they tell us we need a GoDaddy Office365 Outlook Exchange?

Me: *Silently praying that they'll stop using those words like that* They just didn't know what your setup is. Don't worry, we'll get this taken care of for you.

I really don't want to know if the vendor used that level of word salad or if the client came up with it, but I just about had an aneurysm.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Tech: It's too hard to find the backup. I'll tell her she needs to start over.

---

Hopefully they're not paying that "tech" very much.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

Hopefully they're not paying that "tech" very much.

---

The next day I got an email from her.

Tech: I've decided to look for the backup, because apparently they've deleted a bunch of additional needed information related to this program but unrelated to my original query.
Me: If they needed it, why did they delete it?
Tech: Due to mismanagement of their data, they had created multiple copies of some of the information, didn't know which was which, and apparently deleted the wrong folders.

So... yeah. More people pitched a fit. Funny how she folded after a fire was lit under her ass.

having to look for a backup also shows bad tech management.

Shouldn't backups be something that is known where they are?

Now admittedly finding which one has the last known good might be a challenge but that could be as simple as asking users when was the last time everything worked normal. I just hope its more of looking through the files of a backup provider and not a milk crate of backup tapes kept over by the air conditioner.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

having to look for a backup also shows bad tech management.

---

This. So much this.
You should always know WHERE your backups are.
Rolling them out to be accessible should also be part of a plan.

Sadly, that is not the case in some organizations. But it should always be abundantly clear which backup is the correct one.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

having to look for a backup also shows bad tech management.

Shouldn't backups be something that is known where they are?

Now admittedly finding which one has the last known good might be a challenge but that could be as simple as asking users when was the last time everything worked normal. I just hope its more of looking through the files of a backup provider and not a milk crate of backup tapes kept over by the air conditioner.

---

I'm in charge of backups and restores, and it sure as hell doesn't take much time at all to pull a file from the backup. This tech (maybe the company?) wasn't very good.

So once again a company I work for uses both ConnectWise and the Continuum NOC (formerly Zenith, formerly something else because lawsuits)

Connectwise, as a ticketing system, has some faults, but it integrates well with continuum. They're the providers of all sorts of shit.

You pay them a few hundred bucks per server and a few dozen bucks per workstation and they will MONITOR ALERTS FOR YOU and with ticketing system integration (that's connectwise in this case) THEY WILL CREATE TICKETS FOR ALL ALERTS.

Disk space, accounts, sql databases running out of room for log files, FAILING HARDWARE LIKE PSU's AND RAID ARRAYS, Backups failing, continuum pretty much alerts on everything by default, and they even call you for the slightest anything based on how you set up alerts per customer, per window, and per event.

Cue coworker as I was leading a meeting about how we're not utilizing what we're paying for because nobody knows how to do this:

"I always put continuum tickets at the bottom of my priority list. I don't care how urgent they say it is, I can just go on site two weeks later for a failure. The only thing I care about is what the client is yelling about."

So I said to him, in nicer terms:, THE CLIENT WOULDN'T YELL AT YOU OR REQUIRE AN ON-SITE IF WE DID PROACTIVE WORK BY ADDRESSING THE ALERTS AS THEY COME IN.

He said "That's lower priority than dealing with client emegencies"

I said: "if you worked on the proactive side of things there WOULDN'T BE CLIENT EMERGENCIES."

Sudden deflection "well, noone else does that, so why should I?

Response from multiple people above my pay grade and he still held to "well, I'm not doing that. That
's not how it works" while everyone else is doing it that way.

FUCK YOU!

PROACTIVE WORK DECREASES TICKET COUNT AND MAKES PEOPLE HAPPIER.

I want to take everyone who hangs towards reactive work as the only option out to lunch, and then trip them so they fall into traffic.

what that tech is saying is like someone at NORAD going "I put the nuclear launch warnings at the bottom, We can just second strike them anyway"

If your boss is aware that your coworker is creating problems that cost your department time and money and is cool with it, then let it go. Your coworker is now a convenient scapegoat for anything that rolls downhill.

Since early June, I've been trying to get a permanent telecommuting setup going. All I needed was a box and a phone. Got the box; needed the phone configured.

I submitted tickets. By the end of July, I'd had four tickets.

Each one had been answered. An email would get sent to me. The contents would read, "Please send information for phone to be configured." I'd send the model number, serial number, MAC address of the phone.

The ticket would be marked as resolved.

Phone still wouldn't work.

Last Monday, I opened a fifth ticket. I include my office number, my home number, my cell number, my working hours (8am to 5pm Eastern) my home hours (7 to 10pm Eastern).
It wasn't addressed (as in, acted upon) until after 5pm Eastern - I leave at 5pm - and the next morning I see an email, timestamped 2:54AM.

Ticket: Due to lack of response, this ticket has been closed

Oh fuck no

I call the Help Desk. I tell the guy to reopen the ticket because HEH LOOOO, my working hours are right there in the ticket, and closing the ticket 5 hours before I even get into the office is inexcusable.

I reply to the last request - send us the model number, serial number, and MAC address of the phone. I get through the day and still... nothing.

I get back in the next day and again, the ticket is closed.

:wtf:

I reopen the ticket again.

123 is the working phone.
456 is the phone that needs to duplicate its settings.

I hear nothing until this Monday.

Ticket: Please provide requested information.

Neither the email nor the ticket state what information is requested.

So I re-add all of the same information (lazily copy-pasted from all the previous entries) and submit it.

Today - two full days later - I get an IM from the guy.

Tech: I have a bit of confusion, could you please tell me what needs to be done to your request?

:wtf: :hammer:

Help me Help me Help me;

My screen is all blue!

Is that what they call the Blue Screen of Death?

"Huh? OK, well, what's the error code".

There's no error code.

"ah, OK, so the screen is just a solid blue? No writing or anything on it?"

Well, it's not solid, the computer still works, it's just Blue!

"OH! Ok, well, that sounds like a problem with your monitor-- The Blue Screen of death would halt the computer and give an error code. I'll come check it out"

"Your monitor cable is loose....."

In tier 1 support that would have to be worded like this

Support "Does the TV on your computer have any wired connected to the box that says Dell on the front"

Yes you have to say TV because monitor confuses users.

Customer: Alright so now it's asking me for my password
Me: Please type that in and hit Login
Customer: What's my password?
Me: It's your password sir, I'm not supposed to know it
Customer: Well if that's not the fucking stupidest thing I've ever heard.

...
You're telling me?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: Alright so now it's asking me for my password
Me: Please type that in and hit Login
Customer: What's my password?
Me: It's your password sir, I'm not supposed to know it
Customer: Well if that's not the fucking stupidest thing I've ever heard.

...
You're telling me?

---

Wow, that is one for the ages!

I'm being crosstrained to support another product. This is being done by throwing me to the wolves.

I have an open ticket where the customer is getting a specific error which is resolved by running a specific Microsoft update.

Me: You need to navigate to X:\Here\There and run What.That to fix that issue
Customer: What.That isn't in There.
Me: Could you please confirm the items present?
Customer: What.This, What.Otherthing, What.The, What.4, and What.5. No What.That.

After letting the customer go with promise of a callback, I send my trainer a message.

Me: The customer tells me that the What.That installer isn't present in \There. Where can I get it?
Trainer: It should be
Me: It isn't. I had her read me the whole contents of the folder.
Trainer: They just need to run What.That from the \There folder.
Me: It's not in that folder. Where can I get it to send it to them?
Trainer: You don't need to send it to them. It's in the \There folder.
Me: The What.That install is not in the \There folder. Where can I get it?
Trainer: Just grab it out of the \There folder created by the the installer I sent to you yesterday.
Me: I don't have a What.That executable in \There either. The only installer present will install something her computer already has.
Trainer: Right, the installer is in the \There folder
Me: The What.That installer is NOT PRESENT in the \There folder. The only installer present, if she runs it, is for something her computer already has. Running this particular installer will not install the software which is required to repair the error that the What.That installer will resolve.
Me: Where can I get a fresh copy of What.That?
Trainer: I'm kind of confused by your question
Me: :wtf:
Me: I send her a screenshot of my \There folder, which is missing What.That
Trainer: What.That should be in that folder. If you don't have it, I can send it to you. Our clients all should have it.
Me: This client doesn't. Meanwhile, I grabbed something of the same description from Microsoft's website
Trainer: No, you can't send anything from Microsoft's website, that's illegal
Me: :wtf::confused::wtf:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

I'm being crosstrained to support another product. This is being done by throwing me to the wolves.

I have an open ticket where the customer is getting a specific error which is resolved by running a specific Microsoft update.

Me: You need to navigate to X:\Here\There and run What.That to fix that issue
Customer: What.That isn't in There.
Me: Could you please confirm the items present?
Customer: What.This, What.Otherthing, What.The, What.4, and What.5. No What.That.

After letting the customer go with promise of a callback, I send my trainer a message.

Me: The customer tells me that the What.That installer isn't present in \There. Where can I get it?
Trainer: It should be
Me: It isn't. I had her read me the whole contents of the folder.
Trainer: They just need to run What.That from the \There folder.
Me: It's not in that folder. Where can I get it to send it to them?
Trainer: You don't need to send it to them. It's in the \There folder.
Me: The What.That install is not in the \There folder. Where can I get it?
Trainer: Just grab it out of the \There folder created by the the installer I sent to you yesterday.
Me: I don't have a What.That executable in \There either. The only installer present will install something her computer already has.
Trainer: Right, the installer is in the \There folder
Me: The What.That installer is NOT PRESENT in the \There folder. The only installer present, if she runs it, is for something her computer already has. Running this particular installer will not install the software which is required to repair the error that the What.That installer will resolve.
Me: Where can I get a fresh copy of What.That?
Trainer: I'm kind of confused by your question
Me: :wtf:
Me: I send her a screenshot of my \There folder, which is missing What.That
Trainer: What.That should be in that folder. If you don't have it, I can send it to you. Our clients all should have it.
Me: This client doesn't. Meanwhile, I grabbed something of the same description from Microsoft's website
Trainer: No, you can't send anything from Microsoft's website, that's illegal
Me: :wtf::confused::wtf:

---

This is the reason that i cannot stand people. People in general.

We, as a society, have become so aware of negligence, laziness, exaggeration and ignorance, that we respond, in kind, with negligence, laziness, exaggeration and ignorance.

The last thing about the illegality is just the icing on the damn cake.

Illegal? Just say no. People have to justify everything. And they justify it with bullshit, which is negligent, lazy, exaggerated and ignorant.

"My computer takes way too long to boot up, like...4 minutes."

:rolleyes:

Boss: Here, work this ticket.
Me: "Seriously? Again? It's a laptop on the domain with a platter drive. Kinda like mine...which takes about 4 or 5 minutes to boot up."
Boss: Just work the ticket.
Me: :argue:
Boss: :argue:
Me: :wtf:
Boss: :hammer:
Me: :banghead: Fine.

So I remote into the machine. I've already been on this thing twice before for this same complaint. Standard fare, cut out auto-starting items, remove bloatware, etc. This has all been done.

I find the machine and remote into it, the user has gone home for the day and kindly left the thing on.

On a whim, I check group policy, even though we almost never put much of anything except password restrictions, drive mappings, and screen lock in GPO.

Me: rsop.msc
Me: ...
Me: Yellow triangle on Computer Configuration -> Software Settings -> Software Installation?!? Dafuq?

Huh. It's trying to install software from DC01 that we haven't used in a long time and it's failing. Well, that'll sure slow things down, but I'd expect 10-15 minute boot times with that, not 4. No big deal, just find the Group Policy Object and disable it.

Hop onto DC01, open a command prompt and:

C:\Windows\system32>whoami
DOMAIN\tech

Okay, got the exact domain name, now to make sure this is the Primary Domain Controller.

C:\Windows\system32>nltest /dcname: DOMAIN
NetGetDCName failed: Status = 2453 0x995 NERR_DCNotFound


:confused::confused::confused:

That's not right. That's not right AT ALL.

Okay, let's check the server's role. 5 is primary domain controller, 4 is backup domain controller and...

C:\Windows\system32>wmic computersystem get domainrole
DomainRole
3

WHAT IN THE FIRETRUCK IS THIS CRAPSPACKLE?!?!?!

THREE is an ordinary fucking server with nothing at all special about it.

That's right, someone named an ordinary server DOMAIN CONTROLLER ZERO ONE.

:angry::rlymad:

Okay, fine, whatever, start trying servers until I find the PDC, disable the group policy object, and call it good. One ticket down, that ought to speed things up greatly for this user.

Next ticket.

"Log into the CLIENTNAME SBS server then use the RDP shortcut for their PHONESYSTEM and move extension 131 to the walljack currently being used by extension 149. Extension 149 can go into limbo. Login credentials for PHONESYSTEM are username:password"

Piece of cake. Pull up the remote control panel for the client and there's a server conveniently named "SBSPREMIUM".

Remote in, log in...no shortcut.

Hey...wait a minute, this looks like Server 2012. Windows Small Business Server stopped at 2011...

...YEP, sure enough, this is NOT an SBS Server.

:banghead:

Drop back out to the remote control panel and start looking at OS's down the list of servers.

There it is! SBS 2011. Yippie! That server is named...
...
...
...
NT4SERVER.

:ohreally::soapbox::madcomp::rant::thwak:

I hate people.

Pass the booze already.:drunk:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra

C:\Windows\system32>wmic computersystem get domainrole
DomainRole
3

WHAT IN THE FIRETRUCK IS THIS CRAPSPACKLE?!?!?!

THREE is an ordinary fucking server with nothing at all special about it.

That's right, someone named an ordinary server DOMAIN CONTROLLER ZERO ONE.

:angry::rlymad:

Okay, fine, whatever, start trying servers until I find the PDC, disable the group policy object, and call it good. One ticket down, that ought to speed things up greatly for this user.

---

Is it bad I laughed too hard at this one?

Also, while I don't understand the pain from your side of things, I relate - I work with enough tech people that would take one look at that last result of troubleshooting, and think "oh, this shouldn't be named DC01", and FUCKING RENAME THE SERVER without giving a rat, monkey, or elephant ass as to what might break when they do that.

Quote:

---

Hey...wait a minute, this looks like Server 2012. Windows Small Business Server stopped at 2011...

...YEP, sure enough, this is NOT an SBS Server.

:banghead:

Drop back out to the remote control panel and start looking at OS's down the list of servers.

There it is! SBS 2011. Yippie! That server is named...
...
...
...
NT4SERVER.

---

And this is the mirror reverse of the flipside of the coin above. I've also talked to tech people who, in order to NOT break things will try to keep the same server name when replacing one they've decommissioned. This, naturally, does not always work as they intend.

Two for today, and yes, it's only 8:20AM

1
Customer's tech sent in an email where the user is complaining about latency, but includes 3-4 screenshots of errors saying "these are the proof of my speed problems".
I reply to the email and dissect each screenshot where the user is incorrect and that the screenshots are not in fact "speed problems" but instead "stupid problems". I also do include a fix for the speed issue.
The tech latches onto the speed fix and ignores everything else.

2
Get a ticket escalated from one of my "underlings" (as I am their senior/lead) saying "please call this customer back, their program is still locking up since you helped them with the same problem the last time" - and yet, the last ticket I had with the customer was resetting their login password about two weeks ago. Nowhere in the last 9 months (or more) have I ever worked with the customer about "locking up".
I can't even follow up with the originator of the ticket, because he's not in for 2 hours, and that's after when the customer requested the callback. Not a big problem, but still, look at the prior tickets dammit.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Is it bad I laughed too hard at this one?

Also, while I don't understand the pain from your side of things, I relate - I work with enough tech people that would take one look at that last result of troubleshooting, and think "oh, this shouldn't be named DC01", and FUCKING RENAME THE SERVER without giving a rat, monkey, or elephant ass as to what might break when they do that.

---

No. :D

That being said, It's not *that* bloody hard change the group policy for mapped drives.

Heck, in my extremely junior IT days, I was told that since the main file/print server was being replaced, I'd have to go around to 425+ workstations, manually, and delete and re-add their printers.

When I said we could just put the change into a .bat file and chain it into the logon script, I was told we weren't going to do that because it wouldn't retain their default printer.

Not willing to give up, I spent the next 20 minutes writing a vbscript that simply perused the registry, altering the print server name for each printer on a machine, and retained the default printer.

THAT got chained into the logon script for about 90 days and first thing the first morning of the server switch NOBODY NOTICED ANYTHING.

About the only thing that would suck is if some application had an .ini file with a DNS name hard coded into it, and there are ways around THAT, too.

Oh, and scan to file/e-mail if they have a ridiculously large number of printers and are using full UNC instead of mapped drives.

Then again, I go as far as crafting a neat little ASP redirect webpage whenever we decommission an on-premises Exchange server and move people to office 365 at mail.companyname.com/owa that forwards to portal.office.com, so I'm big on coddling morons who can't figure out how to change their ways.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

And this is the mirror reverse of the flipside of the coin above. I've also talked to tech people who, in order to NOT break things will try to keep the same server name when replacing one they've decommissioned. This, naturally, does not always work as they intend.

---

Had I not already seen the OS version on the remote control portal, I would have had a heart attack right then and there.

Windows NT4 ON THE DOMAIN AND EXPOSED TO THE WAN?!?!?! (Did I mention that part? It had full 3389 RDP port forwarding directly to it on the firewall.)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Two for today, and yes, it's only 8:20AM

1
Customer's tech sent in an email where the user is complaining about latency, but includes 3-4 screenshots of errors saying "these are the proof of my speed problems".
I reply to the email and dissect each screenshot where the user is incorrect and that the screenshots are not in fact "speed problems" but instead "stupid problems". I also do include a fix for the speed issue.
The tech latches onto the speed fix and ignores everything else.

2
Get a ticket escalated from one of my "underlings" (as I am their senior/lead) saying "please call this customer back, their program is still locking up since you helped them with the same problem the last time" - and yet, the last ticket I had with the customer was resetting their login password about two weeks ago. Nowhere in the last 9 months (or more) have I ever worked with the customer about "locking up".
I can't even follow up with the originator of the ticket, because he's not in for 2 hours, and that's after when the customer requested the callback. Not a big problem, but still, look at the prior tickets dammit.

---

This sounds like the bullshit in the maintenance job that i just got tired of completely.

It might sound stupid compared to network troubleshooting and help desk for login resets, but truly the only stupid was in my "admins."

Replacing a faucet that was attached to an acrylic glaze because it looked ugly/old. Then the new one (me expressing this to the resident and the manager askinh for the when to be done) not lining up with the missing acrylic surface and stating to the resident that they would need to schedule a reglaze with the manager, and informing the manager as well.

Then two years later, a complaint goes in - yes, two years later saying that i said i would go back to fix the leak. Looking at the work order that had nothing to do with a leak. Getting reamed verbally for it, and then pullling it and putting the original in front of both parties, signed with the info of contact needed between both parties for a reglaze, and then saying, "wwll, i cant remember that."

Bitxhes, just remember to look at your paperwotk that you are supposed to file, just like I am, for exactly this reason.

Office: "Do you need me to explain again how to do this task so that you can understand what it is that needs to be done in a way that is more efficient for you?"

Work site: "I said do it my way."

Office: "Do you need me to explain again how to do this task so that you can understand what it is that needs to be done in a way that is more efficient for you?"

Work site: "I said do it my way."

The following is paraphrased from an email chain from one of my coworkers who is on the usage-side of my support department.
Instead of simply assigning the ticket to the correct Systems queue, she sent this original email, cced to every single person in both departments (and a couple people who weren't.)
I'll play that game.

Coworker:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by coworker

Customer has new ticket 2222. She needs Product 123 download link. For years 2016 and 2017.
Customer is also not getting any emails about product updates.
Send her reply email. Here is her address. (address@place.com)
When will Product 234 be available?

---

I do some digging. Something about this is naggingly familiar.
Me: I send back this reply.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by me

1 - I supplied information about Product 123 download two days ago via ticket 2111.
2 - The Product 123 is NOT required to be used with the 2016 and 2017 product due to part of its functionality being built into those programs.
3 - The Product 234 program has been available as of this writing for exactly 30 days. An email notification was sent. Coworker, if you have not signed up to receive these notifications*, please let me know and I can add you to the list.
4 - The customer's email address is in fact signed up to receive the email notifications however in the last four years she has never once opened up any of the email notifications we've sent her.
5 - Which brings me to this - if she doesn't get our update email notifications, that could be why she called back two days after I'd replied to her original ticket on 9/19 which had the answers to #1 and #2 above (she had not asked #3 at that point). I will contact the customer.

---

* - I did additional digging and found that Coworker, in this case, did not in fact have the correct email subscriptions set up to receive email notifications about the products which she supports.

Coworker: Mileron, I think the customer is looking for to download the Product 123.

:wtf:
Okay, *cracks knuckles* here we go.

Me: Removed unnecessary cc's from this chain as they don't need to be spammed by this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by me

Yes, I understand they need Product 123.
As I already had had a ticket with the customer from Tuesday 9/19, and had sent her a reply email via that ticket, seeing you forward this newer ticket over to Systems I did additional digging to find out that she wasn’t getting our update emails and had not for several years.

All the information was provided to the customer when I spoke to her yesterday. I also explained to the customer on 9/21 when I called her why she doesn’t necessarily “need” it for the 2015-2017 programs because the Product 123 form is built into each of those years of the program. And then I explained it again when I talked to her tech person later in the day on 9/21.

Then after I spoke to the customer, I ended up speaking to her tech person who indicated that yes, they had in fact had problems with allowing our email updates to be delivered, (as well as any email communications from Support) and the tech person ended up creating a special email address through gmail just so that they could receive our email notifications as she did not have confidence that their ISP would be able to resolve the issue (because they have not, after several attempts to have them do so.)

So I gave them additional information from our product email blast company's support page for them to provide information to their ISP to hopefully allow our product update emails to be delivered.

They have been provided all necessary information that Systems Support is able to provide to get them up and running with regards to their two primary product requests – Product 123 and Product 234 – and the remainder – the installation of any programs and the resolution of the email issue – is entirely in the customer’s hands to resolve now.

---

I got a :wtf: style string of emojis from one of my systems coworkers in an IM followed by "why does she need you to re-explain that?", coupled with "you probably should have cc'ed her manager on that..."

C'est la vie.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

* - I did additional digging and found that Coworker, in this case, did not in fact have the correct email subscriptions set up to receive email notifications about the products which she supports.

---

And has supported for approximately 8 years.

Stupidity has no statute of limitations.

Customer: We're getting an error message
Me: Oh, I recognize that. Here's how you fix it - 1, 2, 3, A, B, and C
Customer: We don't like that solution
Me: It's the only one
Customer: We won't use it
Me: You'll continue to get the error
Customer: Fine

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: We're getting an error message
Me: Oh, I recognize that. Here's how you fix it - 1, 2, 3, A, B, and C
Customer: We don't like that solution
Me: It's the only one
Customer: We won't use it
Me: You'll continue to get the error
Customer: Fine

---

I SWEAR, THAT IS BOATLOADS OF MY TIME.

It's even worse with managed services agreements, because people will do stuff like buy pre-purchased hours, refuse to use them, and then raise a HUGE fuss when they're not covered for boatloads of work they refused over time after explaining it would have an impact and something that impacts their business is FINALLY broken.

I can't count the number of times I've had to explain that the reason you're getting the

Quote:

---

"This document enables Reader capabilities that are no longer enabled in this Reader version."

---

error is because the version of acrobat they're using WAS RELEASED IN 2008!

What's worse is how often these issues get escalated to level 3 support (which I am) because a level 1 and a level 2 already looked at the error, re-installed from "this installer I still have, because it's the only one that works" and said "cannot solve, escalating".

Generally speaking, i work with some pretty technically capable people, too.

Our dispatch guy asked me today how to determine how many SQL databases were on the server farm, I showed him how to use SSMS and browse between local (on the sql server) and network (to see everything else that showed up, including workstations running sql express or whatever it's called now) and he got it in one take.

There are times I swear I'm just getting tickets pushed uphill that noone wants to deal with.

Said tickets are not BENEATH me, but when my time in the ticketing portal is booked at >150% on average, it might be time to sort tickets better.

My favorite from this week was getting a "locked-in, must 100% happen at this time" ticket for upgrading an MS Exchange exchange 2010 server from SP1 to SP3 rollup 17.

At 2pm...

On a Monday...

Which then got re-scheduled...

...to after hours...

...on a day I had vacation for...

Nobody reads.

Yeah, because everyone wants me to snapshot their vm and spend a few hours on an exchange server with 4gb of ram and 50 users that's vastly out of date to upgrade them to the barest level of support IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORKDAY.

Oh wait, it's NOT A VM.

So much for those snapshots, hope the backups have been tested.

Oooh, it's not in support anymore either, that ended in january of 2015.

By the way, that's about a 4 hour ticket involving multiple reboots on the EMAIL SERVER.
While it happens, your e-mail will be DOWN.

PERIOD.

Oh, and no rollback, so if it breaks (which it actually might because it's THAT OLD) we have to bare metal restore from backup.

OH, and for the fourth time in a row for a single client, within the last 3 months, I just heard the following:

"Hey, Mail delivery is broken at $ClientSite."

"Did they give their web developer root hosting credentials again instead of just the ftp/shell access we set up?"

"They said there was another update to the website from their contractor."

*Me looks* "Yep, the web developer boned all of the DNS entries. Okay, you1 take MX, you2 check the @, you3 check the A, and talk to one another to make sure everything is communicating back and forth. TEST IT ALL. The SPF is documented, the rest should be thought-free. This is a 20 minute fix at most, excepting replication. I'll double-check the internal stuff in case they gave the webdev access to remote into the network."

Every time it involves support calls from people who can't access things internally because they have bad records cached, but OMG I WAS A WEB DEVELOPER WHEN DREAMWEAVER WAS MX (no 2004) AND I KNEW MORE ABOUT DNS THAN THESE PEOPLE.

Never give full admin credentials to a web developer unless they can explain dns and mailflow.

Heck is there a reason a web developer would ever need full system access aka admin or root?

I mean my vision of web developer is the guy who makes all the pretty shit we click on from home, And the admin is who makes sure all that pretty shit has a system to talk to. Makes sure there are things like up to date apache, php and mysql as examples.

and this
Attachment 5516

Me: I have a meeting on Thurs 9/28 from 12pm to 1pm Eastern and will need time off the phone
Mgr: You can't, your coworker picks her daughter up from school at 2pm Central
Me: 2pm Central is 3pm Eastern
Mgr: No it's not. 2pm Central is 12pm Eastern.
Me: I'm sorry, you're subtracting that incorrectly. Eastern is GMT-5, Central is -6. You are 1 hour behind me. Right now it's 11am Eastern, for you it's 10am Eastern.
Mgr: No it's not
Me: Yes, it is. Further, you already scheduled me for another meeting from 2:30pm to 4:30pm Eastern, which completely overlaps 3pm Eastern.
Mgr: 2:30pm Eastern is 12:30pm Central
Me: No, it's not. 2:30pm Eastern is 1:30pm Central, which runs to 3:30pm Central, which is 4:30pm Eastern, which overlaps 3pm Eastern completely.
Mgr: No, that's not right.

Attachment 5517

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Me: I have a meeting on Thurs 9/28 from 12pm to 1pm Eastern and will need time off the phone
Mgr: You can't, your coworker picks her daughter up from school at 2pm Central
Me: 2pm Central is 3pm Eastern
Mgr: No it's not. 2pm Central is 12pm Eastern.
Me: I'm sorry, you're subtracting that incorrectly. Eastern is GMT-5, Central is -6. You are 1 hour behind me. Right now it's 11am Eastern, for you it's 10am Eastern.
Mgr: No it's not
Me: Yes, it is. Further, you already scheduled me for another meeting from 2:30pm to 4:30pm Eastern, which completely overlaps 3pm Eastern.
Mgr: 2:30pm Eastern is 12:30pm Central
Me: No, it's not. 2:30pm Eastern is 1:30pm Central, which runs to 3:30pm Central, which is 4:30pm Eastern, which overlaps 3pm Eastern completely.
Mgr: No, that's not right.

Attachment 5517

---

Sounds like half of the people I've ever worked with from the west coast.

The other half don't believe there ARE other time zones.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Me: I have a meeting on Thurs 9/28 from 12pm to 1pm Eastern and will need time off the phone
Mgr: You can't, your coworker picks her daughter up from school at 2pm Central
Me: 2pm Central is 3pm Eastern
Mgr: No it's not. 2pm Central is 12pm Eastern.
Me: I'm sorry, you're subtracting that incorrectly. Eastern is GMT-5, Central is -6. You are 1 hour behind me. Right now it's 11am Eastern, for you it's 10am Eastern.
Mgr: No it's not
Me: Yes, it is. Further, you already scheduled me for another meeting from 2:30pm to 4:30pm Eastern, which completely overlaps 3pm Eastern.
Mgr: 2:30pm Eastern is 12:30pm Central
Me: No, it's not. 2:30pm Eastern is 1:30pm Central, which runs to 3:30pm Central, which is 4:30pm Eastern, which overlaps 3pm Eastern completely.
Mgr: No, that's not right.

---

How the hell is this guy a manag....oh wait, never mind. Does he have pointy hair?

Attachment 5532
This used to be a 6-foot displayport cable.

Now it's a monitor saver. And a piece of garbage.

Coworker was rearranging his desk, the monitor started to tumble, he grabbed the white cable, I heard what sounded like sprung spring bouncing and the thud of him hitting the wall.

I managed to get the connector out of the docking station with some paperclip and pocketknife finesse. We haven't found the cable boot pieces.

Can you imagine if it had been an old CRT monitor? Yikes!

*blink blink*

Quote:

---

Soandso is having issues with his "D". He had the same problem six months ago, but I can't find the ticket.

I did however, find a ticket where one of the ladies in our office was having the same issue with her "O" button.

---

Now, I know for a fact they're referring to faulty keyboard issues, but...

...wow.

D and O problems sounds like a sports issue. ;)

The D refuses to pop back up after being manipulated.

The O refuses to respond no matter how many times it is fingered or otherwise triggered.

I'd start to worry that maybe the A was getting seriously worn out in this motherfucker.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alikat Astrae

I'd start to worry that maybe the A was getting seriously worn out in this motherfucker.

---

The computer was built with sub-standard A holes. They start loosing their grooves after a couple screws. You should tell IT to upgrade them to B holes.

Coworker: I'm trying to update my software
Me: Okay
Coworker: I'm not sure it updated successfully
Me: Okay
Coworker: Could it be because I had the program open when trying to update?
Me: :wtf: Absolutely

Three weeks ago had a major phone system software upgrade.
Yesterday had all sorts of problems where, mid-day, dozens of people were randomly kicked out of their software and couldn't get back in for hours.
The engineers started saying "You can't use your desktop shortcut to access the program, you need to use the Start - Programs - Program Folder - App Shortcut, otherwise the program malfunctions"

That has to be one of the single dumbest fucking things I've heard this quarter.

uh.... the start method is just a shortcut to the same exe.

I smell engineers deflecting their own fuckup.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Three weeks ago had a major phone system software upgrade.
Yesterday had all sorts of problems where, mid-day, dozens of people were randomly kicked out of their software and couldn't get back in for hours.
The engineers started saying "You can't use your desktop shortcut to access the program, you need to use the Start - Programs - Program Folder - App Shortcut, otherwise the program malfunctions"

That has to be one of the single dumbest fucking things I've heard this quarter.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker

uh.... the start method is just a shortcut to the same exe.

I smell engineers deflecting their own fuckup.

---

The only thing I can think of is that the Start shortcut has a command line argument on it that customises something that isn't replicated in the (current) desktop shortcut. Get one of the affected users to create a new shortcut (by right clicking the Start menu one and Send to Desktop (create shortcut))

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Woodja

The only thing I can think of is that the Start shortcut has a command line argument on it that customises something that isn't replicated in the (current) desktop shortcut. Get one of the affected users to create a new shortcut (by right clicking the Start menu one and Send to Desktop (create shortcut))

---

Good thought, but not the case.

Actual ticket:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ticket

Had a client unable to locate the ~ (tilde) key .

Issue: “ "~1C4sFR4" and will expire in two hours

I was just given this temporary password so I can access (website). However, I have 2 questions: I assume that I don't need to include the " " but I also have no way to input the first character, cannot locate that key. Need a different password. “

---

:wtf:

Two things, The Tilde has been in the same place since like typewriters.

Second if its a website there is a good chance they can highlight PW minus the quotes and just copypasta.

Me: Hi, thank you for calling Systems Support, this is Mileron, may I get your account number please?
Customer: I'm driving right now. My only question is what are your hours today?
Me: Sure thing ma'am, we close at 3pm today in observance of the holiday, and are closed until Monday.
Customer: Great, now for my actual question...

Me: Would you happen to have hardware requirements for this install (cpu, mem, disks)? If you have a configuration guide as well, specifically covering how you would like partitions configured (swap, root, boot, etc.).
Vendor: Eremius, I attached a rough document for physical boxes we send and virtual minimum requirements.
Me: What about server install guidelines?
Vendor: 4 virtual processors, 16 gigs of ram, 300 Gigs of hard drive space
Me: ...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Eremius

Me: Would you happen to have hardware requirements for this install (cpu, mem, disks)? If you have a configuration guide as well, specifically covering how you would like partitions configured (swap, root, boot, etc.).
Vendor: Eremius, I attached a rough document for physical boxes we send and virtual minimum requirements.
Me: What about server install guidelines?
Vendor: 4 virtual processors, 16 gigs of ram, 300 Gigs of hard drive space
Me: ...

---

That had better be hosting a full-on non-express version of SQL for at least 20 users.

They're not getting that much.

It's actually for pharmacy order fill software.

So this one's a doozy.

One of our Incompetant techs retired Friday (the "Webmaster" I've complained about previously).

Friday was her last day. We had a party, gave her some cake, took her keys, disabled her windows accounts...

She showed up for work this morning. Our "insane" paranoid schizophrenic tech saw her at the door. and She Said "oh, I had some stuff to finish up, the boss said it was OK if I came in and worked".

(The boss is out for medical leave recovering from surgery).

The Insane tech says "Oh hey, your accounts are disabled, let me just turn those back on for you.".

"Well she said the Boss said it was OK? So I figured it was OK!".



and that's why I drink. A lot...

And that is how data breaches happen.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Melcar

"Well she said the Boss said it was OK? So I figured it was OK!".

---

Holy shit.

That tech needs to be fired.

Quote:

---

That tech needs to be fired.

---

Yes; My boss feels bad for the guy because of his mental illness - so he probably won't. I'd have fired this guy a LONG time ago. This guy is clearly schizophrenic.

He has passed phone calls to me, because "he heard a click on the line and thought he was being recorded, so he could be setup". He complained to other staff that my boss went behind him after he fixed something to break it again just so he'd look bad so he could fire him.

I receive a ticket from one of my coworkers who'd never seen the error before. It's rare, but I've seen it. I call the customer back.

Me: Hi, I'm from (blahblah) trying to reach (Caller)
Caller: Hi, I'm Caller, I'm the tech person for this firm
Me: Okay. I received your ticket but the description wasn't completely clear about when the error occurred.
Caller: I'm getting an error when opening your app. Missing DLL. I've searched the internet and have downloaded a repair utility for it. I was about to run it just before you called.
Me: Wait, you downloaded a repair utility?
Caller: That's right
Me: For my app
Caller: For the missing DLL
Me: panicked It's almost never a good idea to run those missing DLL tools. Sometimes a reinstall of the program might be necessary. In this case though, based on your licensing, we can fix it a lot easier by simply copying the missing file out of a different folder location. We can do a remote session to take care of that.
Caller: Why didn't your coworker know about this?
Me: We don't get this error very often. We haven't had a ticket on this error in over three years.
Caller: Why do you know this error?
Me: I've seen it before, though typically it's caused when someone copies the executable for the program to somewhere, and not a shortcut
Caller: The program hasn't moved
Me: I see that from the screenshot you provided
Caller: How do we fix this?
Me: We can fix it by simply copying the missing file out of a different folder location. We can do a remote session to take care of that.
Caller: How do I know you're not some kind of fly-by-night operation?
Me: :wtf: Ma'am, you called us via our published 800 number. You also replied to an email from our official, published support address to send a screenshot of the error. You have licensed the product for fourteen years. I have supported it for just over thirteen. You and I have had conversations about the programs, though no more recent than two years ago, which tells me either you've gotten other reps in my group (as you did earlier today) or you haven't had any issues with the product. We can fix this issue in about eighteen seconds, once we get connected, or we can hash out whether or not downloading random DLL repair apps is a safe method of troubleshooting and whether I'm an official representative of the company for which I indicated I'm calling.
Caller: Well... if you're sure...

Me: :banghead:

3 minute call took sixteen.

9.9/10

I'd give you the last tenth if she called you then questioned your identity.

Quote:

---

downloading random DLL repair apps is a safe method of troubleshooting

---

Of course it is! It's how I fixed my home computer last week!!!!

On 12/21, I submitted an escalation to repair a data file that needed to be exported.
This is unique for four reasons:
1 - The file being exported isn't supposed to be, based on its return type and its year, but because of extenuating tax circumstances (aren't they always) the customer needed it to be exported
2 - I got the same exact error when attempting the export, and usually I don't
3 - I wrote the book on the errors and their fixes (even though I didn't write the export app)
4 - I didn't find out until after submitting the escalation that the developer who did in fact write the app went on vacation until the new year.

The customer called on 1/2 requesting an update - but the developer hadn't come back into the office yet. At this point, my manager is getting antsy and starts branching out to other devs trying to find who can dig through this issue to resolve the problem.
On 1/8 (yesterday) the developer logs onto his computer long enough before I sign out for the day to send me a message that basically says "I got the escalation, I'll look at it". Then he signed out.
This morning I log in to find an email with the exported file with the sole answer of "It worked for me", so I send it off to the customer with an apology for the delay and think nothing more of it.

I get an IM from the Product Manager...
PM: That escalation was resolved
Me: I saw, I sent the resulting file to the customer
PM: Did the dev say what he did to fix it?
Me: No. But I don't have three weeks to wait for a response, so I just sent it over with an apology for the delay.
PM: Send me a copy of the file to examine.
Me: does so
PM: Turns out I get the same error as you
Me: Yeah, weird
PM: fifteen minutes later So the developer tells me he had to rebuild the export EXE to handle new data tables present in the primary tax app from which the export pulls from
Me: So why didn't he say that, instead of responding that he exported with no issue? I could have sent the customer a "cover our butts" kind of response, notwithstanding that he was on vacation for three weeks
PM: That makes too much sense

:wtf::banghead:

Me in December 2017: Never ever ever give access to our users through the default administrative shares on windows. Because if YOU do; You have given them full control over the computer; You have either elevated their privileges to Admin or you have allowed them to masquerade as "one of us IT staff". They can use that connection to piggy back to the server and Connect ANYWAY THEY WANT. They can create their own admin users at that point if you do that. They can format the C: drive, they can do anything.


Tech2 to me: Hey, why can this user delete files in this location?

Me: Remember that thing a month ago I said never to do? Yeah, you did it.

Me: On the left, you'll find (description 1). On the right, you'll find (description 2).
Customer: I HAVE A DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITY AND I FIND YOUR USE OF LATERAL DIRECTIONS INSULTING

:wtf:

What the actual fuck.

Quote:

---

Customer: I HAVE A DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITY AND I FIND YOUR USE OF LATERAL DIRECTIONS INSULTING

---

Response: I HAVE A DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITY! DEALING WITH MORON FUCKING CUSTOMERS TRIGGERS ME AND MAKES ME STAB THEM IN THE FUCKING THROAT!

Newbie Tech takes a phone message for Schizo Tech...(Names/Departments randomized)

"Bob from the Accounting department called for you about program xxxxxx"

Schizo Tech: "Bob doesn't work in Accounting, Bob works in Marketing".

Newbie "Well it was Bob from Accounting"

Schizo "Bob Johnson is in Marketing".

Newbie "Ok, but Bob from accounting...."

Schizo "Bob is in Marketing!!!!"

Me: In our organization of 250+ people we have more then 1 Bob, Yes, Bob Johnson is in Marketing. Bob Smith who called for you is in Accounting."

So I haven't had a car since right after Thanksgiving. Which works out, since I kind of don't have to drive right now.
I've been using my wife's car when I need to, taking her to work and such.
Sunday (yesterday) and today, I needed to be up at 4am to take her to work.
Last night, she popped some melatonin to help her sleep earlier so she could get at least 7 hours. I was already tired enough to be in bed and sleepy by 9:30 because I'd been up since 4am.

At 9:59, my phone rang - just seconds before my automatic timer would have muted the ringer. Needless to say, it woke us both up. In a panic - because who would call us at 9:59pm on a Sunday night - I answered it and hear a voice I really didn't want to.

It was one of my problem users.

PU: Mileron, It's PU#1, is it too late?
Me: meanwhile I'm walking out of the bedroom to my office Yes, and I need to be up at 4am, but I'm already up, what's up?
PU: I can let you go
Me: I'm already up. What. Do. You. Need.
PU: I don't know if you know this but Friday was my last day
Me: Okay...
PU: I've been requested to send my computer hardware back
Me: Okay... did you get a box or a shipping label yet?
PU: No...
Me: So why are you calling me at 10pm on a Sunday?
PU: I got an email that I need to send it back
Me: But they didn't send a box or a shipping label yet.
PU: No. I wanted to take the computer apart so that I can have it ready.
Me: And you needed to do this at 10pm on a Sunday?
PU: I wanted to do it while I still had access to my email
Me: You know if we take your computer apart, you won't anymore
PU: dead silence
Me: You didn't think of that
PU: Well, no, it never occurred to me
Me: Did you print out or write down the address to which you need to ship it?
PU: Yes, it's -
Me: I don't care. Start unplugging things.
PU: What about the speakers?
Me: Those are yours
PU: Oh, yeah. Right. What about this box with 440 on it?
Me: exhausted Send me a picture
PU: took him 8 minutes to send me a no-flash-picture And do I need to send back the surge protector too?
Me: That box is the power pack for the laptop dock. No, you don't need to send back the surge protector.
PU: Why not?
Me: It's twelve years old and they will just throw it out.
PU: Why would I want it then?
Me: Do you have a surge protector?
PU: No
Me: Do you need one?
PU: No
Me: Toss it.
PU: What about...
Me: Just be quiet and listen to me. Spent the next fifteen minutes walking him through totally tearing down the monitor, dock, and laptop connections. Put the laptop in the carrying bag. Put as much stuff in the bag with it as will fit. Don't make it too bulky. When you get the box and label, pack it as good as you can - wrap the monitor in bubble wrap - and send it.
PU: So... all I have left is the surge protector.
Me: Throw it out.
PU: Do you need it?
Me: Dude. Throw. It. Out.
PU: starts to make small talk
Me: Look, man, I'm sorry to see you go, but I need to get up in less than six hours. You've got my number. Give me a jingle sometime soon.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Because on June 14th, I suddenly could no longer send "from" that group mailbox.

So I figured it was a fluke, and didn't need to do anything with it on the 15th or 16th (as all my emails went through the call tracking system), and waited until the next Monday (the 19th) til I needed to use the box again. Nope, still couldn't send "from" the group box.

Another call to the Help Desk.

It's been a full week and they don't seem to understand "it worked before the 14th, it worked like this for 12 years, something on your side changed and I need you to put it back the way that it was."

---

As you can see, it's been a few months since I posted this one. I'd been going back and forth a couple times a month with a rep from the email support group but had mostly petered off as they prepped for Office 2016 rollout. I even got a new computer at the beginning of December, and finally had had it with my inability to send emails in my habitual way - it puts a real crimp in my workflow.

So I sent an email to my prior manager.

Me: I'm having this email problem with Mailbox 1. But I have no problems with Mailbox 2. The problem manifests this way too with Mailbox 3 that I occasionally use but is more in your domain right now... any thoughts?

Prior Manager: Oh, I think there's some special settings on Mailbox 3 ... you might want to have the Help Desk or person you're corresponding with compare the problematic mailboxes to one that works.
Me: I'd suggested that, but I'll try again

So I send an email back to the email contact.
Me: Look, I can send emails from Mailbox2, but not Mailbox 1 or 3. What's different from Mailbox 1 and 3 that otherwise allows me to use Mailbox 2?
EmailRep: I will research

It took a few days but I finally get back
ER: It seems Mailboxes 1 and 3 are "hidden". Should I unhide them?
Me: :wtf: No, only unhide Mailbox 1. Mailbox 3 should remain hidden.
ER: It will take overnight to replicate but you should be fixed in the morning.

Finally works again. FFS. 7 months.

Customer: I installed an update on my file server, and now your program doesn't work. Here's a list of what I installed last week. Can you tell me which one would have broken it?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: I installed an update on my file server, and now your program doesn't work. Here's a list of what I installed last week. Can you tell me which one would have broken it?

---

All of them.

Customer: When I try to install my 2018 software, it tells me I can't, because the 2014 software is present and it's not eligible to be upgraded from, and that I need the 2017 software. What does that mean?
Me: That you have the 2014 software on your computer.
Customer: That's not the case.
Me: Let's examine it.
Me: Okay, here according to this log, back in May of last year, someone installed the 2017 software.
Customer: That would have been me
Me: And the line right after that shows that someone in January of this year installed the 2014 software
Customer: That's not possible
Me: And yet, it was done
Customer: That's not possible
Me: Just the same, we can fix it
Customer: That's not possible

...
In my head I'm thinking to myself, "I don't think that means what you think it means"

Thanks to the suggestion in #1586 the verbiage in the addon install guide was changed.

However, I received two calls today from two very confused tech people.

Basically: "I got this spreadsheet with no instructions."

Turns out the rep who sent the spreadsheet over to them had no idea there's now an autopopulate template based on the original instructions.

It didn't help that one was a ticket I'd originally opened, the tech refused to provide his email address, and was intending to process the install "naturally" through IE.

So I send her a message.

Me: The spreadsheet you sent for tickets (xxx) and (xxy) isn't nearly enough information for a tech person to complete the steps necessary to manually install the addons. There's now a template email with the full PDF that includes all of the necessary instructions.
Coworker: I sent it to them
Me: The XLSX doesn't include the actual instructions though. A lot of the tech people with whom we've been speaking recently don't understand what needs to be done. Instead, there's a template with a full PDF with the instructions necessary.
Coworker: Did the customer reply to the email? Why are you contacting me about this?
Me: You left a comment in one of the tickets, which I own, and I got the notification you'd corresponded with the customer.
Coworker: Yeah, he called. I sent the email. That's all I did.
Me: I recognize you assisted him. Thank you. What I'm saying also is that, just sending that spreadsheet isn't helpful because a lot of the techs that it gets sent to don't understand what to do with it. So more discrete and complete instructions were created in the email template folder.
Coworker: So? I sent him what he needed
Me: The information doesn't include instructions on what to do
Coworker: So? I sent him what he needed

:banghead:

Seriously? You have people that talk like that? That's fucking nuts! I have people who will be ignorant, but I've never gotten a baffoon to say "so? I did what i did." jfc. This is why i left the IT prison in the early aughts.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

Seriously? You have people that talk like that? That's fucking nuts! I have people who will be ignorant, but I've never gotten a baffoon to say "so? I did what i did." jfc. This is why i left the IT prison in the early aughts.

---

Tell me when you find that job where you don't have to deal with idiots. I'll drop a resume.

I deal with idiots, but thankfully assholes that shit with non chalance are pretty few and far between.

Sent from my 1+3t

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

I deal with idiots, but thankfully assholes that shit with non chalance are pretty few and far between.

Sent from my 1+3t

---

Don't attribute to malice that which can easily be explained by ignorance (or stupidity).

No, if they disfigured is accurate, then that is non chalance shithole.

Sent from my 1+3t

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tinthalas Tigris

No, if they disfigured is accurate, then that is non chalance shithole.

Sent from my 1+3t

---

*if the dialogue

Sent from my 1+3t

Prior to December 2017: Working from home via VPN on an as-needed basis "works" but downloading files takes a fuck long time. 10MB downloads take 10 minutes.
My internet is 250MB Blast from Comcast.
After December 2017: Working from home permanent telecommuter via company-supplied hardware. Downloading files takes a fuck long time. 10MB downloads takes 10 minutes. There's a couple additional wrinkles: #1 - calling certain external numbers (especially teleconference) results in people sounding like chipmunks. #2 - websites take a LONG time to load.
Comparing my primary home computer: Same exact file takes less than 30 seconds.
January 22 2018: I've had it with the inability to download files while on the phone with customers :banghead: , so I open a ticket with the Help Desk and inform my manager.
January 30 2018: At 7:30am I'm at my desk screwing around waiting for the correct time to log in. I see the company hardware box go dark. :wtf: It takes this thing a solid 30 minutes to get back up and running... so I wait.. and wait... and wait..... until finally I'm able to log in. Once everything connects, I see an email stating "issue resolved, ticket closed."
Except the issue's not resolved... but it's too busy for me to call back at the moment. I email my manager and let him know that I'm getting boned while getting boned.

February 12 2018: I decided I couldn't take it (especially since my manager called me out on letting a customer sit on hold while I downloaded an update) and contacted the Help Desk again, reopening my original ticket. She asked why it took me two weeks to reopen; I told her it's my busy season and I can't set aside the time to wait on hold for the Help Desk. She understood. Also, she happened to find a ticket opened by another person elsewhere in the US with nearly identical problems. This is good news because it means I'm not up shit's creek and in a unique position.
March 7th 2018: Receive an email: "Your ticket is on hold due to vendor/network ops interaction"
March 8th 2018: Throughout the course of the day I see a number of phone calls come in on my second line from an obvious not-US number... but due to being on customer calls I'm not able to answer it.

March 9th 2018: I get another one of those calls but this time I'm able to answer it.

Vendor rep: Hello, I am calling to receive an update on the ticket posted hence
Me: Yes, this ticket is attached to another ticket, opened with the same issue, which is still open and under investigation. That's what the last email I received states
VR: The ticket does not say this
Me: Actually, it does. I email him the ticket number, the chain of emails, and a screenshot of the ticket page stating just that
VR: This is not saying what you think it says
Me: It says "refer to ticket 123456, ticket is pending Network IT/Vendor Status"
VR: That ticket is your ticket too
Me: No sir it is not
VR: Is your name not Mileron?
Me: Yes sir, however my last name is not Blahdeblah
VR: It's not?
Me: No sir
VR: Well that's unusual
Me: Okay
VR: So I can close both tickets?
Me: No, I'm still having the issue, and I'm sure the other Mileron is as well
VR: What is the issue?
Me: I read the issue exactly as described in the ticket
VR: I see that in the ticket
Me: That's the issue
VR: Tell me in your own words
Me: getting annoyed It takes me 10-20 times longer to download files than it should, and people on the phone sound like chipmunks
VR: That is funny!
Me: Not anymore, it isn't :mad:
VR: I get you update on ticket in 24 hours
Me: Send me an email, I'm off tomorrow