Tales from Techsupport

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Originally Posted by Mitebe

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. why would they continue to use that old tired pos. Unless they were developing since before 2008 came out and didn't want to upgrade/port to the new platform.

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That would be the case. They started developing in...2003? and didn't want to overhaul the whole thing, partially, I believe, because releasing an upgrade would require exporting the data from SQL2000E and importing it into 05/08 on live application servers around the world which, given their schema and the talent level of their coders, I wouldn't trust either. (seriously. The app was "enterprise" software in the true DailyWTF sense of the word. It had radio buttons behaving like checkboxes and vice versa. You could also set something in a dialog box, save it, and the setting would take, but upon re-opening the settings dialog box, all settings would be unpopulated if they weren't text fields. They were still SET but you had no way of knowing what they were set TO.)

Reminds me of a startup I was in where the boss wrote the initial code and man was the guy a shitty programmer, it's like he always took the most convoluted and least-useful course possible at every turn. As if he thought he got a cookie every time he made a work-around he didn't really need. I think he was just really daunted by the manuals and would stop reading as soon as he found something that worked even marginally.

My office uses SQL2000 for their Goldmine database...
Back in 2004, before I started, they wanted to upgrade the backend to 2003, but the people they licensed it from refused to provide support for the upgrade, even though we had a contract, so we dropped them.

The last 9 months I've gotten emails every month from our "security audit" group stating I have a SQL2K server which could be a danger... No shit, really? I need it since I can't replace it.

Yesterday, had a server ops guy come down from our NYC office to upgrade an unused SMS server to Win2K8. It mostly went smoothly.
Today, he calls me:
Serverops: Yeah, we're trying to get a ping on the server, but it's not going through
Me: Did you connect to it yet today?
Serverops: Yeah, we were doing Windows Updates.
Me: ... Maybe it's still rebooting and applying updates?
Serverops: No, that can't be it
Me: *runs into the server room. the screen shows "Preparing Windows Updates, do not shut down computer". Return to my desk, tell the serverops guy*
Serverops: Really?

sigh.

And then a few minutes later
Sales: *comes to my desk asking me sales licensing questions dealing with remote access licenses*
Me: You need to talk to your manager
Sales: Is there a workaround?
Me: Kind of, but since it only works 80% of the time, you need to talk to your manager.
Sales: How do you know that?
Me: Because you authorized a similar setup for a customer 3 years ago, and instead of calling us for the problem every 2 months, she calls every three and a half, and you had to go through your manager before to set this up...
Sales: Really?

And then there's the people who we have talked to on a weekly basis who call asking for certain governmental tax forms. I know I've posted in this thread about them before.
Customer: I want the forms
Me: The gov't hasn't released them yet
Customer: Really?

If I had a dollar for every time I heard the word "really?" in a shocked, disbelieving tone, on a daily basis, I wouldn't need a paycheck for a few decades.

Really???

REALLY???!!!???

Really

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

Customer: I want the forms
Me: The gov't hasn't released them yet
Customer: Really?

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Last tax year, the IRS had made some changes on one of the 1099 forms at the last minute. They finalized the form about 2 weeks before the Jan 31 electronic filing deadline (the company I worked at made a desktop software product to fill out and electronically file the 1099/W2 family of forms). So we had a lot of late nights when they finally got it released.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

If I had a dollar for every time I heard the word "really?" in a shocked, disbelieving tone, on a daily basis, I wouldn't need a paycheck for a few decades.

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lol, aint that the damned truth? /facepalm.

I feel your pain!

:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

If I had a dollar for every time I heard the word "really?" in a shocked, disbelieving tone, on a daily basis, I wouldn't need a paycheck for a few decades.

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There's nothing quite like hearing that "really?" out of a customer because the sales person outright LIED to them so when I go to install a server they have 100% incorrect expectations of the capabilities of what they're getting.
It took me 12 months to get the CEO and the Sales Staff on the same page so they'd stop doing that, despite multiple concise and brightly colored printouts detailing what was capable of which tasks in terms even the non-technically-minded person could easily grasp.

They were all shocked when the customer complaints essentially disappeared because they were actually checking in with me before selling something to a client.

>.<

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Originally Posted by Melcar

Really???

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Schezar

REALLY???!!!???

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by aazdazen

Really

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Print this out and point at it when they do that:
http://images.memegenerator.net/inst...0x/9067749.jpg
http://memegenerator.net/instance/9067749

This is just the thread for this:

Mom: I can't get the washing machine to start. I push "start" and it goes "beep beebeebee beep".
Me: We've only had the washer for two years, you can't have killed it already. *walks to the basement, before even looking at it I say* Is the door closed?
Mom: Yes. *a pause, feet shuffling, I hear the door squeak open then the latch of the door shut, then the machine starts up.*

I deployed a new W7/64bit system on a user's desk on Friday. Due to call volume and the sheer amount of crap data she has on her existing system, I didn't get to finish all of the configuration I needed.
Today she comes to me with this:

User: I want all my bits back.
Me: Excuse me?
User: My new computer is 64-bit. With Windows 7. So it's using 7 bits. I want to use all my 64 bits.

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My new computer is 64-bit. With Windows 7. So it's using 7 bits. I want to use all my 64 bits.

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That should be your new sig.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mileron

I deployed a new W7/64bit system on a user's desk on Friday. Due to call volume and the sheer amount of crap data she has on her existing system, I didn't get to finish all of the configuration I needed.
Today she comes to me with this:

User: I want all my bits back.
Me: Excuse me?
User: My new computer is 64-bit. With Windows 7. So it's using 7 bits. I want to use all my 64 bits.

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:rofl:

omg that's as classic as the "cupholder" scenarios of old.

Regardless of what you do, you're probably going to earn this:

http://www.mages-tower.com/images/it...pchondriac.png

Spoiler for and because you're probably going to earn this one while earning that one...:

http://www.mages-tower.com/images/it...lejeopardy.png

I should add that the whole list of achievements is available here for your perusal. I just chucked up a PHP script that displays them all instead of clicking on the directory.

I did not create all of these, they were created by a multitude of people on another forum. Yes, I know that some of them are repeated, I manually downloaded them without noticing whether or not grouped ones were. I'll fix it some day...maybe. :P

Merrick ap'Milandra, those are fucking HYSTERICAL!!! Thank you for sharing lol!

:rofl:

/dumb ON
But Merrick, I don't do drugs, so I can't use your PHP.
/dumb OFF

One of my other problem users has been sending emails to a customer whose company email system apparently doesn't like attachments.
So I keep finding emails in the group box spam folder saying "your email violates security policy due to an attachment, which has been stripped or removed".

I email the user.
Me: Hi, I noticed a bunch of security messages stating that emails you are sending to or receiving from this firm have blocked attachments. Are you sending attachments to someone who has an email address that ends in @lawoffice.com?
User: No, all the ones I send are with names to before the @.. but thanks for checking.

Quote:

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No, all the ones I send are with names to before the @

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:rofl:
That's almost as good as the old lawyer joke:

Lawyer's got the Dr. on the Stand -- So tell me Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
"All of my autopsies are done on dead people".