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Welcome to my nightmare.Quote:
This one, on the other hand, is 100% sheer idiocy.
Other tech is locking up the server vault the other day.
Melcar: Did you make sure the lights were out?
OT: I couldn't see any light under the door, so they were off.
Melcar: But did you go in and check?
OT: well, no, but I couldn't see light, so they must be off.
OT leaves --- Melcar opens vault door back up; flips the light switch to turn them off. :fishhit:
Took more time to argue about it than it did to check. ROFL.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Server rooms are cold so the light must go off like the fridge right? ;) XDQuote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Customer: So why don't you know about this (industry-wide conference for this profession)?
Me: Because I don't get to go
Help me Melcar Help Me!
My voicemail doesn't work right! People call, but when I check the message there's no message there, just a date & time.
"Yeah, that happens when somebody gets into your voicemail & hangs up before leaving a message".
But but but! Clients, and stuff!
"Fine, I'll look into it".
3 hours later.
"Ok, this one - Telemarketer. Yup, this one too. And this one, oh yeahuh-huh , Yupppers. all from the same number.
We good yet?"
Holy crap I've seen lots of variations of that one in datasets.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
"You promised that xxx would be true, how can you look at these observations and say they're not!"
"I never promise anything before having done a thorough data analysis, and if you look at example x y z, you'll see why I'm stating that your hypothesis is not true".
"BUTBUTBUTBUT" *data crunching and explanation ensues*
*sigh*
Caller: I need your help with this particular program feature
Me: Unfortunately, I'll need to get your contact information, because as I've only ever gotten one call on this feature in the eleven years I've been supporting the product, I'm not comfortable answering any questions about it.
Caller: So you're saying you can't help me?
Me: I'm saying I don't have the ability to answer your question, but I can get someone in contact with you who does
Caller: So you can't help me
Me: I can get the answers for you, but will need to do some research
Caller: You're really not going to help me?
Me: Sir, let me explain this to you in a different way. Would you take a lawn mower to your car's mechanic?
Caller: No
Me: Well sir, I'm the car's mechanic, and you're asking me about the lawn mower. While I understand and recognize that it's part of the same program, I do not know how to help you with this issue. I can get someone in contact with you who does. I will need your name so that I can provide it to (specific person who can handle the problem.)
Caller: Oh, that's who I need to talk to? I'll call him right now!
The caller hangs up, and thirty seconds later I hear the "personal line" ring of the person I was going to ask to help the caller.
Plot twist!Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronaan
She mailed me again and said the function is not there. Her coworker said the same. I asked him to open teamviewer for me so i can have a look (remote site in town).
Him: hold on, now it's there. I swear it wasn't a minute ago.
I have no words.
We have a remote site that connected through an SDSL modem using a single dry pair - gets about 1.5mb per second... Somewhat old prone to losing sync; but nobody wants to spend anymoney to upgrade; Anyways. Remote site has no "internet".Quote:
I have no words.
Finally in the end of troubleshooting, it seems the data connection from their side of the SDSL modem got disconnected & plugged into the console port (also RJ-45).
They swear up and down it's been like that & nobody's touched it.
January: Windows 10 is coming out this year, when are we sending an email?
February: Windows 10 is coming out this year, when are we sending an email?
March: Windows 10 is coming out in July, and the technical preview is now available to users. When are we sending an email?
April is our busy season, so it kind of slipped my mind.
May: Windows 10 Technical Previews are getting available updates, and it's coming out in July. When are we sending an email?
June: Windows 10 is coming out at the end of next month. Here is my draft email for customers. When are we sending it?
July: Windows 10 comes out on the 29th. Here is my draft email. When are we sending it?
July 13th: Windows 10 is coming out in basically two weeks. When are we alerting customers?
Email received from a couple managers today 7/28: Windows 10 comes out tomorrow. Are we sending an email?
*facepalm/headdesk*
Nothing beat the time I had an IT guy with about 6 years of IT experience working remotely. I was on the phone with him. No visuals on site (pre iPhone/facetime) but we had a remote connection to the machine in question over dialup.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Me: Okay, so plug the USB key into the back of the server.
Him: Okay, it's in.
Me: It's not showing up on the server. Try a different port.
Him: There aren't any.
Me: *looks up picture of model* yes there are, on the back about X inches down and over from the top.
Him: Nope, nothing there.
Cue FORTY FIVE minutes of making sure he has the right machine as he gets increasingly frustrated.
Me: Okay, hang up this call, call me back on the landline. Take your cell phone, take a picture of the back of the server, send it to me over e-mail.
Him: *click*
Me: *opens e-mail, sees a half-inch layer of dust on the back plate*
Me: /facepalms
Why yes, I suppose TECHNICALLY speaking, a USB dongle WILL fit sideways in the secondary NIC...quite snugly, in fact.
Him: *calls*
Me: Get some canned air and blow out the back of that machine.
Him: *FFFT FFFFFFT FFFT coughcoughcough a-choo FFFT*
Him: WHOA, I see the ports now, hey, did you know a usb plug fits into a network card?
Me: I do now.
:fishhit:Quote:
Him: WHOA, I see the ports now, hey, did you know a usb plug fits into a network card?
Me: I do now.
*makes choking motions at the air*
huh just learned a new Win7 hotkey by accident I hadn't known before...
Win+1 (or 2,3,4,5,) Opens first object pinned to taskbar. Don't see much use for it, but maybe on a system the mouse is out of order on.
FYI if you have't learned this one yet for Win8/10 Win+x is your FRIEND.
Shortcut keys are great for macros.
I (Systems Support) just spent 45 minutes teaching an accountant how to read and how to calculate a tax return.
All because she "didn't believe the woman in the how-to group".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
I really shouldn't be surprised, but my Boss's boss asked me today (Keep in mind, she's been told this before by my boss, who writes up FANTASTIC and easy-to-digest statistics) "This thing here where it says outstanding tickets...what are those?".
...Umm...it means any tickets that haven't been taken care of...
"Oh! Thanks!"
*boggle*
I got about 6 dumb requests today that were all followed up with "Thanks!" afterwards.
I can't tell if she's testing me to see if I have the ability to process knowledge that would be possessed by your average fourth grader.
It's always nice when someone on a gigabit network needs to copy a decent-sized folder from a PC to the server and it'll take 1000 times longer than it needs to.
Attachment 4303
I bet that is mostly due to the shitload of small items. I wonder if they were just backing up if zipping the items would have been better because then it would be one big file.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
And another one.
As part of my duties as "senior" I have been writing a lot of technical documentation for what I support.
And I've been providing them to tech people because in the last few months tech people have become really stupid.
A long time customer (pre-2004) is finally moving off their old 2000 server and jumping right to 2012.
I told the tech that he MUST the programs.
I sent him documentation.
And over a half dozen emails per day for the last week, with the most basic questions which were answered in that documentation.
Spoiler for this-is-me:
I tell the customer's sales rep that I've been handholding them for the better part of two weeks.
Her response:
"So are you saying that you are now qualified to have children or run a daycare?"
Me: I've been doing tech support since 1987.
Her: That's a yes
Must "reinstall".Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
Yay words
Yeah, basically, for every single file, it copies the bytes, then goes back and checks them to make sure they all made it. Possibly twice (once for TCP, once for file CRC Checksum in Windows).Quote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
That's why file copies always get to 99% or 100% and stall out for a while longer.
Simply zipping won't do it either, most things can read inside of plain zip files these days.
So I'm sure folks have seen the news that Pope Francis will be in Philadelphia at the end of September.
My office director sent an email out about 35 minutes ago indicating that our building will be closed from September 24th through the 28th.
Within 45 seconds I started to get emails.
Coworker #1: Does this mean I won't be able to work from home?
Me: Why would it mean you would not be able to?
#1: Because the office is closing.
Me: It's no different than when snow closed the office. You could work from home then, couldn't you?
#1: Yes
Me: Same thing.
#1: But how will everything work if the power is off in the building?
Me: I'm sorry, what?
#1: If they close the building, won't the power be off?
Me: ... No ...
#2: Will email still work?
Me: Yes, why wouldn't it?
#2: Because the office will be closed.
Me: Why would that matter?
#2: Won't the email stop delivering since we're not allowed to go into the office?
Me: ... No ...
#3: What will happen to my phone?
Me: With regards to what?
#3: What if it rings in the office? How will I get my calls?
Me: You were provided with instructions on how to forward it to your home phone.
#3: But I don't want to put my home phone into this system.
Me: You can disable it when you get back into the office.
#3: But I don't want to get my calls at home.
Me: So wait til Tuesday to get the voicemails?
#3: But what if they're important?
Me: Hopefully the person trying to contact you has an alternate method with which to do so.
#3: Like what?
Me: Email?
Attachment 4305
Yea I am happy I do not have to go over any bridges that day hopefully. Philly is going to be a fuckign mess.
https://flic.kr/p/wJgs49
Why we don't do "off-hours" friends tech support.
Tell your friend I charge $1500/hr with a two hour minimum paid up front.
Okay, so I heard this one from a 60+ coworker who is due to retire in a year.
I'm still not sure if he was serious about this happening, but he relayed the following:
Back a number of years ago, windows 2000 era, he had just gotten out of Novell, and the receptionist had computer trouble.
There was a team in charge of group policy, so computers locked after x minutes.
So he goes to the front desk with her and she needs to unlock her computer.
He asks her to do so.
She types her password.
He says he sees:
************************************************** ******
to excessive length.
At this point, He's curious so he asks her "Why is your password so long?"
She says: "It's SleepyDopeyDocSneezyGrumpyHappyBashfulBoise" because you guys say my password has to have seven characters and a capital".
Normally I would consider that level of anecdote to be complete bullshit, but I *have* actually heard people refer to cd trays as cupholders and listened to support call recordings where little old ladies put their mouse on the floor, pumped it like an old treadle sewing machine and subsequently called support because their computer won't "go fast".
Stupidity is so unlimited that Skynet doesn't stand a chance if the internet is involved.
recordings, plural. There were a grand total of two.
Sadly, I was not allowed to keep them (all recordings are property of other people I was working for. Yay go legal department). They were almost five years apart, but...wow.
Oh, and this fucking gem.
The person mentioned in post #1218 in this thread decided to do a FULL audit of our ticketing system and report on all tickets older than a certain period of time.
Picture what a ticketing system looks like when 1500 or so people are putting in tickets of varying priorities all day long every day.
It's not pretty when things get counted out, but tickets get priority assignments and are subject to service level agreements for a reason.
So this person does an audit, and digs up ALL of the "stale" tickets for every internal department. (I use quotes because the metric was arbitrary, not something defined by any manner of process)
Said person then e-mails ALL of the VP's, calling them out based on their team's outstanding ticket count.
Then said person calls a meeting and shoves everyone (including said person's self) in a room with the fucking CIO to ask them to explain why there are so many outstanding tickets. (Not even REMOTELY said person's jurisdiction.)
This causes a right fucking shitstorm of internal politics.
VP's bearing down on department heads, department heads bearing down on managers, managers bearing down on team leads, and then someone on one of those teams (who is a GREAT person and highly intelligent, generally) asks our dispatcher (who relayed this to me):
"We seem to have a lot of tickets in our team's queue from 2014. How did those get there?"
I resisted the urge to say many of the following things:
"You see that date field? That's when someone put in the ticket. It's been there ever since"
"You do know there's a search feature, right?" (with an lmgtfy link to the ticketing system's knowledge base)
"Well, when a mommy ticketing system and a daddy ticketing system love each other VERY VERY MUCH...."
and
"They say moss doesn't grow on a rolling stone. Your team appears to work on the geological scale, so unless someone kicks something, it's unlikely to roll."
Tech 1 to tech 2
"how do I?"
Tech 2: I don't know, ask melcar.
Tech1: but I just want to know.
Tech2: I don't know, you'll have to talk to melcar.
Melcar: It's in the email I sent you last week that you didn't read. fuckhead.
Tech1: I don't like asking melcar.
Melcar: That's because you should already know the answer because I told it to you last week.
---- Tech1 has been with us for well over a year; and STILL has no concept of where anybody is. Send him on a job and it's "Where are they located". draw yourself a fucking map.
Tech1: Couldn't do XXXX because YYYYY.
Really? That's the exact error it gave you?
Tech1: "I didn't memorize the error".
Obviously - didn't even read it. because that's not what it said.
WTF!!!! Error messages mean things?!??!!?
I don't know... I didn't memorize it.Quote:
Error messages mean things?!??!!?
If only most of us carried around cameras that fit in our pockets...Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Someday some genius will build one... Then it will be the golden age of tech support.Quote:
If only most of us carried around cameras that fit in our pockets...
I've been with this company for almost a year and I only know where about 3/4 of the people in this building sit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Granted, we have 230+ people in the building and that remaining 1/4 only needs help about once a year...
...oh yeah, and the teams are split up funny, so someone being on a team doesn't necessarily indicate where they sit.
Ok, but this guy doesn't know where Departments are located.Quote:
I've been with this company for almost a year and I only know where about 3/4 of the people in this building sit.
Called my Helpless desk to work through a coworker's VPN cert issues.
Helpless Desk Rep: Hi, what is your problem?
Me: Hi I'm calling in reference to Document 60054, I got to step 7 but it's not reacting in the way the document indicates. I've searched on the error but nothing is coming up in the database, and it's not linked in the document.
HDR: Well sir, first if you (starts rattling off step 1)
Me: I already did step 1, and 2, all the way up to 7. How can I get past step 7?
HDR: Sir that's no tone to take, I'm just trying to help
Me: You're asking me to reinstall an expired certificate for which I no longer have the installation package for, as they are removed upon initial installation. How can I redo step 1?
HDR: Yes, well, please hold
Almost ten minutes later...
HDR: Yes, sir, please turn your attention to document 60105, this will fix your issue, I will now connect to your computer to make the changes.
Me: That's not necessary, I can do it
HDR: No sir, since you were unable to perform the steps I must do them for you
Me: I was unable to perform the steps that I didn't have?
HDR: Yes sir, that's correct
She logs into the computer (figure I'll make her "earn" her pay). I've got the second document up on the user's second screen.
It gives instructions to go to C:\USERS\userid\AppData\LocalLow\blah\blah\blah
The HDR keeps going Start - Run - C:\userid
"Windows cannot find C:\userid, please check spelling and try again"
She tried this four times.
I grab control of the computer, and type in %appdata%, which opens to C:\USERS\userid\Appdata\Roaming, so then she starts saying
HDR: Sir I cannot proceed with troubleshooting this issue as you appear to have made extensive changes to the APPDATA folder
Me: Say what? Click on the APPDATA folder at the top, THEN go into LocalLow
HDR: Sir how am I expected to know your custom setup?
Me: This is NOT a custom setup! This is default Windows 7 User Appdata folder structure!
HDR: As you claim, sir...
Tech2:
Help Melcar Help!
Out at remote site and Pop3 doesn't work out here? Do I have to use Imap?
--- No You use Pop3 there, it should work fine.. what's the problem?
Tech2: Well I put in 465 for Pop3; and
"Ok, let me stop you right there, 465 is for SMTP; Pop3 is 995."
Tech2: oh ok... no I did that and it still doesn't work.
"Ok, what's the error".
Tech2: Something about can't connect to server.
:fishhit: Jackass. What's the error. Tell me exactly.
Tech2: I don't have it up any more, I'll get it back up and call you back and tell you.
3 hours later, tech2 strolls in. teehehehe - The password was wrong.
:fishhit: Why is there never a wet fish at hand?
:wtf:
^You had me at POP3
Don't like POP3?
You should almost always run IMAP. The back end of every server is IMAP or basically IMAP and translates message ID's to POP3, so it's extra overhead. There are multiple problems that can occur with POP3 that cause you to re-download the same message over and over. Not a good idea for a business or usage based connection. Also, if they ever upgrade their server people often have to re-download their POP messages again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Also many companies now make your spam folder available via IMAP, which is a handy bonus.
See but now this is a non-mobile office worker. They go to the same computer every day, login, check email - that's about it. She won't even do much "business" over it. but rather just get "notifications". Duplication won't happen as the emails will be downloaded to the local computer, and deleted from the server. and the connection isn't usage based.
Yes there is the possibility emails could be lost then if that computers hard drive crashes.
I'm not concerned in this case.
Can't stand it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
If no EAS/MAPI then IMAP.
There's nothing wrong with POP as long as you are only checking it from one place.
I was honestly surprised when Comcast started supporting IMAP as its usually consumer ISP that are bastions of pop3
I haven't used POP3 since the mid-90's. Wowzers.
"I gots to make a copy"
Maintenance supervisor as he's walking out the door, past the IT department's Canon Imagerunner.
Today's outlook cascade failure is brought to you by Central IT (who sent an email to over 25 thousand people), the several hundred morons that used "reply all", the number 47, and the letter Ö.
Customer: Since I need to get my administrator/tech, can I have him call you back?
Me: Sure, but I'm in the tech queue, so if I'm unavailable he can either work with whomever answers the phone, or I can call him back.
Customer: Okay what are your hours?
Me: I'm available until 4pm Eastern, but the department is available until 7pm Eastern.
Someone gave the customer's tech our email address. This is bad, partly due to today's Outlook problem. Emails are taking 15-45 minutes to be delivered, and 20-60 minutes to be sent.
Here is the remaining reason why this is bad:
Customer's Tech: I'm available from 8AM PST until 2pm PST.
Me: Except for 11a-12p Eastern (8a-9a Pacific), I'm available until 4pm Eastern/1pm Pacific. I'm in the Eastern time zone.
Tech: Okay well will you be available in 30 minutes PST? (email was sent at 11:10 Eastern, and I didn't receive it until 12:05pm Eastern)
Me: I'm sorry I didn't get your email until after 12:05 Eastern due to email issues we're having. I will be available at 1pm Eastern/10am Pacific. (Sent at 12:10pm Eastern)
Tech: (Sent at 12:25pm Eastern, received by me at 12:45pm Eastern) Okay, please give me a call at 3pm Pacific. That'll be 1pm Eastern for you.
Me: Unfortunately 3pm Pacific is 6pm Eastern. I will not be available. I will ask the latter shift techs to be aware of your call. Please call them when you are able to. Otherwise, I'm in the office M-F 8a to 4p Eastern.
Tech: Okay I'll give you a call tomorrow at 2pm Pacific. That's 5pm Eastern.
If I were a programmer as MS. I'd allow reply all to be controlled by permissions. Such that only a few people could reply all outside their group depending on how IT set it up.
Customer: Hi I'm from one of your biggest clients, and we're having a connection problem from one of our satellite offices
Me: Which one?
Customer: I don't know
Me: How is the program being used?
Customer: I don't know
Me: How many users are being affected?
Customer: I don't know
Me: As there are no outage reports today, it might be best if you are able to gather that information and call us back.
Customer: You mean you can't help me?
Sure, I'll use my ESPN connection.
lol now that is a dumb customer. Sad thing is I bet they are upper management, make a good six figure salary and have at a minimum a 4yr degree.
Sounds like someone who was commanded to "fix this situation, NOW!", and reacted by trying to throw the problem into someone else's basket. :grinyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by FilanFyretracker
Coworker: I'd like to transfer a customer. I need a copy of their dataset.
Me: Okay.
Customer: I don't know why she transferred me to you. I told her I need to talk to MY tech. Not HER tech.
Me: Okay. Here's the ticket number, have your tech call me.
Customer's tech: Oh, it's that easy? Sure, I'll send it right over.
Me: Awesome thanks
Me: Coworker, I've placed the dataset where you can reach it. The original email received from the customer's tech is in my folder.
Coworker: Are you off the email?
Me: I don't have it open if that's what you mean.
Coworker: I'm not receiving it. Are you off the email?
Me: I don't understand your question. I don't have the original email open. I sent you a copy of the original email. The file is in the place I mentioned.
Coworker: You need to be off the email!
Me: Just for you, I'll close my email entirely.
Coworker: I still haven't gotten it.
Me: Well then me having my email closed didn't fix the problem or magically deliver it now did it?
Maybe you need to uninstall the email from your system completely and then reformat your HD just to be sure. Give that a try.
That sounds like a reasonable plan to me, too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Merkus
Today's ticket award winner, from someone who is somewhere between department head and C-level:
...Quote:
My ex-wife is sending multiple harassing e-mails to myself and other employees. Please block the following addresses from sending any mail to the entire company:
The "ex-wife" could have EASILY been replaced with "one particular person" and the ticket wouldn't have been notable at all, but NOPE! Apparently we're airing our dirty laundry in support tickets now.
LOL
I'll just leave this here...Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLdK9zaLaG8
Coworker: Why do the replies to emails I send keep ending up in the group mailbox?
Me: Because you're either originally sending using, or replying to, emails that are in that mailbox.
Coworker: When did they change that?
Me: 1999.
I had to help somebody edit a windows Hosts file today... (so 127.0.0.1 would work instead of ::1) --Quote:
Coworker: Why do the replies to emails I send keep ending up in the group mailbox?
Me: Because you're either originally sending using, or replying to, emails that are in that mailbox.
Coworker: When did they change that?
Me: 1999.
I used my domain admin account & the administrative share, browsed the users c, opened the file in notepad, made the change, saved it.
"Wow! when did they add that!"
That's ALWAYS been there.
"well, I know DOS stuff, I DOn't know this new stuff."....
Did you want to watch me do that in DOS commands? This could have been done command line. If you could have done it command line, why didn't you?
Transcript from an IM session
Coworker: i am WFH tried to log in network but kept telling me the login failed 9:13 AM
(She even sent me a screenshot): Screen capture 9:13 AM
Me: the VPN login? 9:13 AM
Coworker: yes 9:13 AM
Me: Did you change your password recently or get the notification emails? 9:14 AM
Coworker: no same pw when i login every day 9:14 AM
Me: Try restarting? 9:14 AM
Coworker: i did but still not working 9:14 AM
Me: Then unfortunately you might need to call the Help Desk. That password is the same as your regular network password, and if that doesn't work, you shouldn't be able to log into the computer. 9:15 AM
Coworker: i know 9:15 AM.
so weired 9:16 AM. (she called the Help Desk at this point)
for some reason my vpn pw has expired but I didnt get notification email though 9:43 AM
Me: so are they giving you a new certificate or something? 9:43 AM
Coworker: yes they changed it for me now 9:44 AM
Coworker: aren('t) we supposed to get an email to change pw? 9:44 AM
Me: for the VPN? no. Usually that login is based off the VPN certificate on your computer. It automatically "learns" your current password 9:45 AM
Me: You do get an email for the regular network login two weeks before the end of every 90 days. 9:45 AM
Coworker: so since i haven't changed my current password why my VPN password was expired? 9:46 AM
Me: I don't know 9:46 AM
Coworker: is it something i should be concerned about? 9:47 AM
Me: Only if it happens again 9:47 AM
Coworker: now i have to enter my user id and pw (the new one she gave it to me) in order to access network apps 9:48 AM
Me: at least it works 9:50 AM
Coworker: shoot I just saw the email from IT service about my pw is due to expire
...
Frustration with other tech again...
So, an Email comes in stating somebody's name got screwed up in the email Global Address book. (Just the display name) - So I start fixing, and composing an apology letter to the affected person.... Other tech starts talking to the office manager about the problem and about how the problem could have happened.. and OMG! What do we do?
We correct the fucking typo and go back to your regularly scheduled day dipshit.
Oh, how I *LONG* for the days I could fucking do THAT.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Our AD is populated by a bunch of behind-the-scenes scripts that populate from the HR Software's Database.
Nightly.
As in a full push of the database of active employees over-writes Active Directory nightly.
Put someone in a group when HR doesn't have them set to be there?
They get pulled out again at midnight.
Correct the spelling of someone's name?
Reverts at midnight.
Fix a fuck-up HR made by putting the new VP or CEO in entirely the wrong subset of departments?
Reverts at midnight.
This means that when HR messes something up, it STAYS BROKEN until *they* figure it out, THEN we get to wait...
...you guessed it...
...until midnight.
Now, this wouldn't be a HUGE problem, except for the fact that SOMETHING is wrong with 8/10 new hires...
...and HR is so utterly concerned with fixing it that it typically takes the better part of a week on their part.
My favorite was the one where they took a part time temporary employee and hired him on full time.
They "terminated" his temporary employment and created a full time employee labelled username2...and our Exchange farm is set up so that when your employment is terminated, it remote-wipes your cell phone.
So, since we got to add his old e-mail address as an alias for his new one, his phone was getting wiped over...and over...and over...and over...for about a week because he was setting it up with his alias e-mail and the system said "WIPE THAT PHONE!".
But but but... automation saves time and money!11!
only if you do it right and you don't have a dozen trained monkeys doing the initial input.
That seems like a lot of overhead for little practical benefit to me. But then, my AD is comparatively small - only about 200 users.Quote:
Nightly.
As in a full push of the database of active employees over-writes Active Directory nightly.
10 times that here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Guy calls our dispatcher saying he's locked out of his account.
Dispatcher resets his password to "Company2015". So, "Company 2015 with a capital C".
Spends TWENTY MINUTES on the phone with this guy, trying to get him into his machine.
Can't do it.
Dispatcher escalates the ticket.
He gets in.
Then, unlike your average everyday user, he calls back and says:
"I thought this would make you laugh. I'm a moron. My wife called me an idiot.
I was typing "company2015C". Thanks for being so patient with me."
This guy is now on my "help instantly no matter what" list. :)
Nice.Quote:
I was typing "company2015C". Thanks for being so patient with me."
This guy is now on my "help instantly no matter what" list.
Yeah, scale does change things.Quote:
10 times that here.
Still seems interesting to me that they would take an IT function (User Accounts/Group Memberships/Domain Security) & place that in the hands of Non-IT people, even if it is "automated".
Gah, people like that rile me up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melcar
Shit happens. Mistakes happen. You fix them, look at what went wrong, and move on. VERY RARELY do you need to escalate the issue to managers.
In my experience, the people who treat issues this way are the ones with too much time on their hands. The rest of us are busy actually making things work.
Yes.Quote:
In my experience, the people who treat issues this way are the ones with too much time on their hands. The rest of us are busy actually making things work.
Ha! I had the exact same problem earlier this week.Quote:
Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra
*as the admin
It's so ridiculous it's funny. I mean, it's an honest mistake and the person in question (who was getting it wrong) was getting REALLY irate (but not abusive).Quote:
Originally Posted by Eremius
The thing that really set this caller apart was that he CALLED BACK and admitted his fuckup.
That kind of stuff gets you put to the top of the "gets the fastest help possible" list.
You *will* get put ahead of other tickets.
Callers won't be put on hold or anything, and outages still come first, but when we're to the point where we're choosing which tickets to tackle and there's nothing higher priority looming?
Front of the line.
I definitely tend to help the people who understand they are the problem before people who just drop their problems in my lap because they can't be bothered to try.
I think a good slogan for Google would be "Google, is it really that hard?"
I work for a small company of 20 people. Every damn one of them believes that their password gets changed behind their back. Every. Damn. One.
Some pretty sweeping changes related to the way the program updates its data structures are being tested for one of the products I support.
As a lead, I received an advanced post-alpha pre-beta copy and have been playing around with it.
I've pointed out some changes to the QA manager (the lady who actually packages the installers as well as finalizes testing).
She looks at one of my screenshots and starts to panic.
(I can't include any for various obvious reasons, but...)
And her email (paraphrased)Quote:
Originally Posted by mine
Maybe she needs to change her file compare tool to show KB instead of bytes...Quote:
Originally Posted by her
I'd say. Most people live by the "Storage space cost is a rounding error", but that can be very different in DB installs...Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
Well of course! It's the HAXXORS!Quote:
I work for a small company of 20 people. Every damn one of them believes that their password gets changed behind their back. Every. Damn. One.
Response: 8% of nothing is still nothing.Quote:
The size addition is an 8% increase and if this goes live that will make lots of tech people unhappy!
Okay, so the company I work for is spread out nationwide.
Our CTO creates quarterly meetings that involve every department head to do a presentation.
Okay, fine, mandatory attendance for 2 hours every few months. It's an impediment to actual progress because I can read faster than any of these people speak, but I'll join in. I love my job and the people I work with.
Sometimes they really spare no expense.
We have some wonderful conference room gear at every major location provided by an industry leading vendor. The conference rooms seat about half or more of each major office and it's not like we can force EVERYONE to attend, because we still have to do business during business hours.
But does that become an option?
No.
Because sometimes they get some random technology vendor BURR UP THEIR ASS and decide to not leverage the perfectly working technology we've already purchased.
No, no, let's pay MORE MONEY for the sake of convenience.
It's a pittance, comparatively, so it's hard to be TOO upset, but given what happened, I can picture a few dozen or more ways to spend money more effectively.
Enter the scenario:
CTO provides an external vendor with a dial-in number.
Hundreds of employees, all with VOIP desk phones.
Two major trunks that fail over back and forth (because, HA), with more than enough SIP licenses to handle everyone using their phone all at once internally on the VLAN/LAN system...
...but suddenly every single desk in IT is dialing in to an external number.
..Now, that in and of itself is bad, but then we exceed our outgoing bandwidth through one trunk.
(because how often do 700 people call out on the same set of outgoing lines at the same five minute deadline?)
Then...
...connections start dropping.
Now, you'd think that a professional media conferencing software vendor could handle that, but NO!
The connections weren't closed on the audio/video conferencing vendor's side, they were closed on OUR external side.
So people get disconnected.
They dial back in. (It's a "required attendance conference" after all) and now?
They have two sessions.
Add more external connections.
At about 40 minutes in, there were de-doops and be-deeps for disconnects and reconnects happening so often that presenters couldn't speak.
At 60 minutes in, we lost video AND audio.
At 70 minutes in they reset the video, but the audio was still cutting out regularly.
At 80 minutes in it stayed straight silent except for the bleeps.
It also clogged up the phone system so hard that it brought the company down for about 4 1/2 extra hours.
Customers couldn't call in.
Office locations couldn't call each other.
The call logging system was registering calls, but noone could speak.
We brought an entire company's phone system to a halt because the people in charge decided to not use the systems in place.
All I can say is "Thank you Comcast/Dell/TechnologyServiceProvider for setting the bar so low that the company that employs me doesn't stand out as a larger failure."
Wait, why is the VOIP being routed through the vendor's servers?
Customer: I understand you can password protect your program in order to prevent unauthorized access
Me: That's correct. How many people will be using the programs?
Customer: One
Me: Just one?
Customer: Yes, just one.
Me: Most of the customers who use the programs in a single-user environment don't bother setting up passwords or additional users
Customer: But I'm trying to throw off hackers
Me: Pardon?
Customer: I'm trying to throw off hackers.
Me: Um... okay
Customer: So are you going to help me or not?
Me: Of course I'm going to help you. I just wanted to bring to your attention that it wouldn't be necessary.
Customer: It is most certainly necessary! As the primary user of this program I want to lock down as much of it as I can!
Me: As you wish.
42 minutes later...
Customer: This is more involved than I thought. It's only me using the programs, and no one else in the office but the tech guy knows about it. I want to prevent internal and external hackers!
Me: No, ma'am, it's rather quite simple. You are the one who required me to walk you through creating a bunch of fake accounts that will never, ever be used. Further, any hacker that is worth their keystrokes is going to go after your emails, PDFs, and documents, before they even try to find any tiny little niche program like mine. Further, if no one else but the tech guy knows about it, why would you worry about there being "internal hackers" who are going to alter or steal your data? If that's the case, maybe you should lock down your environment more instead of this one program.
Customer: Why would I need to do that?
Me: You need to do that because you are the only user of these programs, no one else who might want to use the programs in the office knows about their existence, and again, any hacker attempting to get your information will either target everything, or very specific things that are NOT this program.
Customer: But I need to be safe from hackers!
Do you want the Red Pill pr the Blue Pill?Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileron
What happens if you take them both at the same time?Quote:
Do you want the Red Pill pr the Blue Pill?
You become the customer.
The purple pill, duh and/or hello.Quote:
Originally Posted by Schezar
Multiple coworkers: We're having problems with the phone system
Manager: Please call the Helpless Desk
Coworker A25: I've called the help desk, but I'm still having problems
Manager: Please provide the service ticket number
Coworker A25: sends an email with a screenshot of the intranet website that shows the Help Desk's 800 number
Coworker: I've gotten two calls and an email from this brand new customer about how they've yet to receive a call from our usage support group to some questions they had last week.
I look up the account information.
Me: They licensed on Thursday 10/29, made their first call at 3pm on 10/30, and they're complaining that they didn't get a call back by Monday at 9am?
Coworker: Yes
Coworker: When can I tell them to expect a response?
Me: As I'm not that department, I cannot begin to guesstimate.
Me: However, given that out of 5 people in that department, there's only two people available, you'll have to tell them something like "it's been unseasonably busy, please be patient and wait for a call back".
Coworker: What do you mean there's only two people available?
Me: One resigned. One's out sick. One's on disability til the end of the year. The fourth is on part time hours.
Coworker: I'm jealous
Me: Don't be, she had to have a heart attack to get that
Coworker: Still, it might be worth it.
:wtf:
Customer: Hi, we need the license activation code for the most recent version of your software.
Me: Which program and year?
Customer: gives the information
Me: Okay, did you send the activation email?
Customer: The what now?
Me: The activation email. You need to send me that email so that I can generate the activation code.
Customer: Oh, we haven't even installed the software yet - we wanted to take care of everything at once instead of drawing out the process with our internal tech group...
Me: Oh. While I certainly understand your wish to consolidate your issues, you need to have the program available before you can take the next step, which is the activation process.
Customer: Really?
Me: Really really.
Attachment 4434
At my sister-in-law's house setting up her new modem, wifi, and wireless printer.
S-i-L: While you're here, there's one other thing I need you to look at
Me: Oh?
S-i-L: Yeah it's in the kitchen. There's a clock I need to fix.
In the kitchen...
Me: What's wrong with it?
S-i-L: It ticks REALLY REALLY loud so I can hear it in my room clear across the house
Me: I take it off the wall, pop out the battery.
She looks at me, looks at the clock, looks at the battery, looks at me, and just starts giggling.
S-i-L: That's IT!?
Me: shrugs
It's been that kind of month.
One of my hats is prepping the notification email when an update to certain programs becomes available.
I've prepped one such email to go out later this week, once the download hits the website.
I sent a test email of the content to the product manager and the analyst manager and immediately get back an IM from the latter.
Analyst Manager: Your content links are showing outdated information
Me: Pardon?
Analyst Manager: All of your content links are showing information from the prior version of the program, dated January
Me: Yes, I know
Analyst Manager: So... Fix it?
Me: It won't show the correct linked information until the actual download hits the website. The email test - as with all other email tests I send in this manner - was strictly for a verbiage review: to make sure I didn't miss any important points.
Analyst Manager: Well, you should make sure the linked content is correct.
Me: The linked content won't be correct until the update is updated. I don't have the ability to change that. I'm just making sure the email has all the information you need to provide.
Analyst Manager: The email looks good, but you really should fix those links.
Sigh.
We work closely with another company that allows our product to access a service of theirs.
This involves importing certain data into the tax returns my program handles.
My product manager shared this email thread with me before involving me in the issue reported by this other company's VP of development whereby they're having problems using our program to import their data:
VP: You see, we're trying to import information as of a certain date, and none of the information comes in correctly for rows 35+
PM: Lots of emails going back and forth with "did you try this" and "did you try that"
VP: Yes, yes. Can't you get a developer to look at it?
At this point, I get involved and look at the issue.
Me: (to PM) The data is provided in a comma-delimited text file. Did you open it in Excel?
PM: Do what now?
Me: renames file extension to .CSV and opens in Excel
Me: Look, there's your problem
PM: What?
Me: Past row 34, you've got over a hundred rows whose entries are offset by one or more columns. If you have a process in the program that's looking at Row 50 Column 10, for example, and Column 10 has a number, the program'll import that number, right?
PM: Right...
Me: But if you're looking at Row 51 Column 10 and it's blank, it's not going to import anything, right?
PM: But the program should know that the value in Column 9 (which should be in Column 10) actually belongs in Column 10
Me: No, it doesn't. It has no idea what Column 9 is, because this program doesn't know that column 9 exists. According to the import spec, Column 9 is supposed to be always empty.
PM: But Column 9 isn't empty.
Me: Right. But again, the program's not looking at column 9. It's looking at column 10.
PM: looking panicked You mean we need to change over 30 programs to alter the way they import this data!?
Me: NO! as nicely as I could You get THEM to change THEIR output so that the data that's supposed to go in the respective columns actually goes there and doesn't get lost in the process!
VP: Why are you looking at the file in Excel? It's not an Excel file!
Sigh...
VP stands for virtually pointless(person) ;)
first thing in the goddamned morning the other day:
"Yeah, my streamed app session is hung in citrix"
"Okay what's your windows username?"
"Capital S first initial, last name oandso"
"Okay, I'm pulling up your sessions, is the problem only with this one application?"
"Yes."
"Okay, I'm going to go ahead and reset your session for that application, if you could wait about 15 seconds before loggi..."
"...Thanks! *click*"
"...ng back in that'd ensure that the....*sigh*"
===2 minutes later===
"Yeah, this is Soandso again and this one streamed application is still hung in Citrix"
"Okay, I'll reset it again, but if you could stay on the line and verify that you can log i..."
*click*
"...n before hanging up the ... pho..n..e.."
-----------------------
Cue several more attempts before I was able to convince the person to stay on the phone long enough to realize that it wasn't that they had wireless and LAN on at the same time (disturbingly common and interrupts session resets and causes app hangs) and that they didn't need to close out of citrix receiver entirely.
They were just impatient and killing it if it didn't launch within 15 seconds.
Final successful launch took about 45 seconds. Worked just fine after reset then.
and another one dealing with vendor we've used for almost a decade.
Us: "We just got a notice from you that we need to renew our support, that shouldn't come up for another year yet."
Vendor: "No you've been out of compliance for a year, you now owe us backpay for that year, a re-instatement fee, and the year going forward"
Us: "That's funny, our licenses are still valid, we're getting support and new downloads of new versions. Care to check your records again?"
Vendor: "Nope, we guarantee you're out of compliance"
Us: "But the dates you're quoting don't make sense. We have Purchase Orders sent to you dating all the way back to the beginning of the relationship. Check these numbers".
Vendor:"You owe us backpay, a re-instatement fee, and the full cost of a new year".
*Okay, these guys are being dicks, let's find another VAR*
*Find multiple other Value added resellers, get quotes from them*
VAR folks: "Yeah, this is a lot cheaper than you can get from them. No fee, no backpay.
Us: "Great, let's do that"
VAR folks: "Oops, sorry, the Vendor won't sell anything to us for you unless you pay the fees first."
Paperwork is ALL IN ORDER.
Vendor can't get their shit together.
I had a call exactly like this Monday.Quote:
Originally Posted by Merrick ap'Milandra
The guy simply wouldn't wait two minutes.
So when he called back, I told him that there seemed to be an issue with the system and would require handwavy wibbly wobbly special stuff, and asked him to hold.
Four minutes later (twice longer than needed) I got back to him, told him to complete the process he'd need to reboot his computer and he'd be good to go.
*knocks wood* Haven't heard back from him yet.