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Star-Demon

Guess I'm just not good enough.

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So, I have to retake my 100 level programming course in order to continue school. I filed the paperwork to ask to do it, If they don't let me, that's just it for me. I can't continue anymore.

I feel like my heart is being ripped out. If I'm not good enough to do the basics of what I want to do then I just don't have anything left in life. I won't be able to continue school, financially or academically.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my life then. I don't have the knowledge, certification, or skills to support myself, or pay back the debt I've already accrued...I can't even take care of myself. There's not much I'm good at anymore, and I look like a stupid idiot and a washed up loser no matter where I go. I don't have a place or a person to go back to, I just don't have anything left. I had to be on my own, and I guess I'm not good enough.
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  1. Sehra's Avatar
    What the fuck. Why are you having to retake intro programming? Did you get below a C in it or something? Did something go wrong with a transfer? This something you can probably deal with by being calm and polite and asking for a WTFsplaination.

    This is exactly the sort of thing that a good undergrad advisor can help with: When I transferred, they tried to make me retake intro as well. I brought my portfolio to my advisor and said "Do I really have to do this?"
  2. Star-Demon's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Sehra
    What the fuck. Why are you having to retake intro programming? Did you get below a C in it or something?
    Yes, I really have to do it.

    Yes, I got a C-. It's humiliating. I feel like an idiot admitting it. I can't even get past this course despite everything I know and the people that have faith in me that I'm better than them at it. I feel so worthless, I feel humiliated and broken. and if my request is denied I have to give up on getting into the major. I won't have anything left.

    I hate myself so much. Why do I know so much but fail? Why can't I just do what everyone else does? I wish I could tear myself apart, but I'm scared of dieing, I'm scared of hurting myself like I used to. I feel so paralyzed and just directionless. It just hurts and it won't stop.

    I don't have any valuable skills, I don't have anywhere or anyone to go to, I can't take care of myself or the others that need me to take care of them in exchange, no one trusts me, and if this goes badly, they'll definitely forget about me for having such a wrecked record in life. I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't.

    I came to the university wanting to someday get an MS, and now I don't even know if I'll be allowed continue or if I'll ever be good enough to finish.

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